Rumble at the Rock 9

Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen… welcome to Rumble at the Rock 9!!!!

The old familiar voice of Joe Hoffman opens up another HOW Pay Per View as we are inside the general population area of Alcatraz and see some #97Red spotlights flashing around the small crowd of a few hundred fans that have scored tickets for the show.  They surround the ring that sits in the middle of the hallway and line the balconies that go up a few stories. At ringside we see a simple wooden table set up with some monitors and the Hall of Fame announce crew.

Joe Hoffman: It feels great to be back in HOW and it’s awesome to be back at Alcatraz for the ninth installment of HOW’s most unique show of the year.  I am Joe Hoffman and with me newly sober “Big Buff” Benny Newell.

Benny Newell: What in fucking ChristPlow are you fucking talking about!  DRINK fuckers for fucking Alcatraz!

Benny knocks back his HOW shot glass as he pours himself another from his bottle of Jack.

Joe Hoffman: We have six big matches tonight and three titles on the line as the action will be spread all over the island.  From our opening match right here in Gen Pop featuring Brenton Cross and Crash Rodriguez.

Benny Newell: To the guard tower… for the guard tower match… whatever thee fuck that entails for the Tag Team Championships.  The Order’s Darin Zion and Brian Hollywood challenging Lindsay Troy and Eri… fuck, not that fucker, but Dan Ryan.

Joe Hoffman: To The Chapel where Scottywood and Scott Stevens battle in a crucifixion match.

Benny Newell: To solitary confinement where once again… maybe for the final time we will see Christopher America versus Mike Best.

Joe Hoffman: The LSD Title will be defended in the Prison Yard in a triple threat match between champion MJ Flair, “High Flyer” Jack Harmen and the returning Max Kael.

Benny Newell: That is General Max Kael!

Joe Hoffman: Then, in our main event… three men… two titles.  Cecilworth Farthington’s ICON Title, Halitosis’ World Title and the challenging Dan Ryan who is pulling double duty tonight.  Two falls, first for the ICON, second for the World… and it will all take place in the Infirmary.

Benny Newell: Well we have waited long enough for this fucking show… let’s get shit going before we get fucking hacked again.

 

 

Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen… welcome to Rumble at the Rock 9!!!!

The old familiar voice of Joe Hoffman opens up another HOW Pay Per View as we are inside the general population area of Alcatraz and see some #97Red spotlights flashing around the small crowd of a few hundred fans that have scored tickets for the show.  They surround the ring that sits in the middle of the hallway and line the balconies that go up a few stories. At ringside we see a simple wooden table set up with some monitors and the Hall of Fame announce crew.

Joe Hoffman: It feels great to be back in HOW and it’s awesome to be back at Alcatraz for the ninth installment of HOW’s most unique show of the year.  I am Joe Hoffman and with me newly sober “Big Buff” Benny Newell.

Benny Newell: What in fucking ChristPlow are you fucking talking about!  DRINK fuckers for fucking Alcatraz!

Benny knocks back his HOW shot glass as he pours himself another from his bottle of Jack.

Joe Hoffman: We have six big matches tonight and three titles on the line as the action will be spread all over the island.  From our opening match right here in Gen Pop featuring Brenton Cross and Crash Rodriguez.

Benny Newell: To the guard tower… for the guard tower match… whatever thee fuck that entails for the Tag Team Championships.  The Order’s Darin Zion and Brian Hollywood challenging Lindsay Troy and Eri… fuck, not that fucker, but Dan Ryan.

Joe Hoffman: To The Chapel where Scottywood and Scott Stevens battle in a crucifixion match.

Benny Newell: To solitary confinement where once again… maybe for the final time we will see Christopher America versus Mike Best.

Joe Hoffman: The LSD Title will be defended in the Prison Yard in a triple threat match between champion MJ Flair, “High Flyer” Jack Harmen and the returning Max Kael.

Benny Newell: That is General Max Kael!

Joe Hoffman: Then, in our main event… three men… two titles.  Cecilworth Farthington’s ICON Title, Halitosis’ World Title and the challenging Dan Ryan who is pulling double duty tonight.  Two falls, first for the ICON, second for the World… and it will all take place in the Infirmary.

Benny Newell: Well we have waited long enough for this fucking show… let’s get shit going before we get fucking hacked again.

“COCHISE” by Audioslave hits the prison. Brenton Cross walks into the general population area, his eyes fixed on the ring. Acknowledging nobody, he walks, focused down to the ring. He slides in, standing center ring then finally looks up to the crowd and soaks in the amazement.

Bryan McVay: The following match is scheduled for one fall.  There will ne no disqualifications and pinfalls will count anywhere!  Now making his way to the ring from Dallas, Texas… BRNETON CROSS!!!

Joe Hoffman: Cross had quite a unique debut match in HOW on the go-home Chaos…

Benny Newell: Say it Joe… he dragged the fucking corpse of Austin Bishop  to the ring and pinned what was left of him.

Joe Hoffman: Yes… so he will face quite the tougher challenge against the very much alive Crash Rodriguez.

A car crash can be heard as “Heroes and Villains” by Powerman 500 hits and we see Crash storming down the hallway towards the ring which he slides into.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, representing The Order… from Kansas City, Missouri…. Crash Rodriguez!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Crash looking for a break out match here tonight and to start things out strong for The Order.

Benny Newell: Yes… The Order of disorder.

Some of the fans are chanting the word Nine… either for Crash or for the start of the show as Joel Hortega calls for the opening bell at Rumble at the Rock 9.  The two men forgo a traditional lock up as they just start trading blows. Straight rights to the skull as Cross gains the advantage as he ducks one and knees Crash in the gut and throws him through the ropes and to the outside where Crash crashes onto the cold concrete.

Joe Hoffman: It was doubtful we were going to see a lot of wrestling tonight as this brawl has already left the ring.

Benny Newell: Why the fuck they even set that thing up?

Joe Hoffman: Some California law I think.  Otherwise they’d consider this some kind of fight club.

Brenton goes to pick Crash to his feet but Crash now elbows Cross in the gut and throws him into one of the steel doors of a cell that houses a handful of fans who reach out and starts patting Cross.  One reaches for his dog tags, but Cross grabs the fan’s arm and pulls him into the cell door. The distraction allows Crash to launch himself into Crash and crunch Cross between himself and the steel bars of the door.  He then whips Cross back into the ring apron as Cross’ back hits it hard. Reach under the ring, Crash finds himself a barbed wire wrapped steel chair as the crowd roars.

Benny Newell: Another Order member with a barbed wire wrapped item?  Scotty give him this brilliant idea?

Joe Hoffman: Well see how brilliant it is… chair shot connects!

Blood starts pouring from the face of Cross as Crash slams the chair down onto the concrete and hooks Cross in an inverted front face lock.

Joe Hoffman: No… not Twisted Memories on the barbed wire chair…

But Cross starts to fight out of the hold with elbows to the stomach of Crash who is forced to release the hold.  He goes for a quick clothesline to neutralize Cross again, but Cross ducks it and turns around to a superkick straight to the jaw.  Crash stumble backwards as Cross leaps onto the ring apron and takes a few strides before leaping off and connecting with a drop kick that takes Crash down.  He lands on the concrete hard himself too, but Cross is able to grab a leg of Crash’s for a cover.

UNO…..

 

DOS……..

 

Kickout by Crash as Cross nods his head, as if he knew that was going to happen in the timeline.  He throws the ring apron up and pulls out a six foot black bag from under the ring.

Joe Hoffman: He doesn’t have another corpse does he?

Benny Newell: Maybe it’s Dick…

But we see Cross open the bag and pull out a torso… of a crash test dummy.  Brenton takes the dummy and lifts it up over his head before dropping it down on Crash.

Benny Newell: Nothing suddal about that fucking bit… but it’s almost a corpse… so DRINK!

Brenton pulls Crash back to his feet as goes to throw Crash into the ringpost, but at the last second Crash gets his hands up onto the ring post to block it as he quickly grabs Cross’ head and snaps it down onto the concrete for a DDT.  Cross’s blood stains the gray concrete as Crash shoots the half for a cover.

Joe Hoffman: The sick sound of skull on concrete…

Benny Newell: HOW I have fucking missed that!


UNO…..

 

DOS……

 

TRE……

 

Cross just gets the shoulder up just in time as Crash throws his head back, thinking he surely had it there.  Going back to the steel chair he picks it up and slams it on the concrete as Cross pulls himself back to his feet… possibly not knowing where… or when… he is as turns around as Crash swings the steel chair again.

CRACK!!!!

The steel chair bounces off Crash’s skull as somehow Cross connects with another superkick into the steel chair, sending it back into Crash.  Blood is now running down the face of Crash as Cross grabs Crash and slams his head off the ringpost staggering him ever more as he hald collapses onto the announce table.

Benny Newell: Watch my fucking Jack!!!!   Fucker almost spilled some.

Benny, his Jack Daniels bottle and Joe flee the table as Cross pushes the monitors off the table and rolls Crash fully onto the table.  He lays a couple of punches ionto the bloody face of Crash as he looks up at the top turnbuckle of the ring.

Joe Hoffman: he’s not thinking a 450…  from… there….

Cross starts to slide in the ring, but the steel chair catches his eye as he grabs the steel; chair and starts to unwrap the barbed wire from it.  With it all unwrapped he starts wrapping it around Crash and the table.

Joe Hoffman: He is tying Crash to the table with barbed wire….

Benny Newell: And now he is thinking what you thought he was thinking.

Cross slides into the ring and starts scaling the turnbuckles Crash starts to try and move a bit as the barbwire digs into his arms and stomach.  Cross reaches the top as he stares down at Crash while the crowd roars and leaps off spinning 450 degrees before crashing down onto Crash and shattering the table.

Joe Hoffman: Quantum Mechanics from the top rope putting Crash through the barbed wire wrapped table!!!

Crowd: HOLY FUCK!  HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK!

Benny Newell: HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS!  DRINK! FUCKING DRINK!

Hortega slides in to check on both men as Cross clutches his stomach for a moment before having enough awareness to roll back onto Crash and the barbed wire for a cover.

 

UNO……

 

DOS……

 

TRES……….

 

DING DING DING

Bryan McVay: The winner of this match…. BRENTON CROSS!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: What a start to Rumble at the Rock as Brenton Cross defeats Crash Rodriguez with an assist to some barbed wire and one of the craziest 450 splashes I have ever seen.

Benny Newell: That man is one crazy fucker… for the time travel shit… and for what he just did there.

Joe Hoffman: Crash gave it a hell of an effort there, and if it wasn’t for the barbed wire, he may have gotten off that table.

Hortega tries to raise Cross’s arm, but his stomach is in too much pain as Cross pushes Hortega away and makes his way out of the general population area as HOW crew and medics untangle Crash from the barbed wire as he cut away to the first ad spot of the night.

 

New HOTv content coming in November

 

 

 

Joe Hoffman: Here we go, partner! Time for a good old fashioned gang brawl! 

Benny Newell: Great. Who’s the crips, and who’s the bloods? 

Joe Hoffman: At this time you should be seeing on your screen the overhead shot of the indoor recreation area here on The Rock, there’s two doors and two guard tower standing. 

Benny Newell: And somewhere in there, two World Tag Team Championship titles. 

Joe Hoffman: This is one of the more dangerous matches in High Octane Wrestling in general, and at Rumble at the Rock in particular! We’ve got a birds’ eye view of the internal common area, and somewhere in one of those two guard towers are the High Octane Wrestling World Tag Team Championships! 

Benny Newell: I just said that. You wanna expand, or do I have to? 

Joe Hoffman: Don’t be difficult, Benny. Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan will be entering the common area from one side, with Darin Zion and Brian Hollywood entering from the other! Both title belts are hidden inside one of the towers, and this match won’t end until both members of one team have their hands on both championship titles! 

A door on one side of the common area opens, revealing Darin Zion and Brian Hollywood, while the other side shows Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan. 

Joe Hoffman: They don’t waste any time! Troy with a run and a forearm to the face! Zion hits the deck, and Brian Hollywood hooks her, Belly to Back suplex! Dan Ryan with a boot to the head as soon as they land, and he pulls Troy to her feet! 

The Industry takes a minute and looks at both guard towers; clearly they’re doing the math. Zion with a clubbing forearm from behind! Hollywood grabs Ryan’s foot from the floor, and pulls as hard as he can. Ryan grabs Hollywood by the head and pulls him up, but Brian Hollywood was successful in his attempt to keep Ryan from backing up his partner. 

Zion slams Troy on top of one of the tables, making sure to drop her on the edge to hopefully damage her neck to keep her down. Elbowdrop on the face drives the point home! Dan Ryan with a hip toss onto another table, and Hollywood moves it a good foot or so, wedged between the tabletop and attached bench! 

Benny Newell: They do know they need to climb the towers, right?

Joe Hoffman: Not a lot of space in there, it makes sense to try and incapacitate your opponents first, Benny! 

Ryan and Zion lock up, and the overpowering Ego Buster lifts him and drops him backwards on the floor! He climbs on top with a series of right hands – BRIAN HOLLYWOOD WITH A CHAIN AROUND HIS NECK! He’s pulling back, and the veins on Dan Ryan’s arms and forehead bulge out as he tries to pull it off, but he’s steadily forced backwards and off Darin Zion, who lands a series of punches to his midsection. 

Joe Hoffman: Here comes Lindsay Troy! She’s got a ping pong paddle and breaks it over the back of Hollywood’s head! 

Benny Newell: She’s put a wicked backspin on that cue ball! 

Joe Hoffman: No. Just… just no.

Hollywood’s grip slips and Ryan sinks to his knees, sucking in as much oxygen as he can. Troy does not waste time, and before Zion can react, she jabs the splintered end of the paddle handle into his face! Right hand by Troy! 

Benny Newell: They call her mom, ya know. 

Joe Hoffman: I’ve heard that, and it looks like Darin Zion’s getting his ass paddled! 

Benny Newell: …No.

Lindsay helps Ryan to his feet, and they make for the guard tower on the left! It’s slow going as Ryan is still trying to breathe, but they’re making it! Brian Hollywood shakes his head as he rolls to his knees, trying to clear his vision, and Darin Zion’a cheek has been cut open! HOLLYWOOD WITH A RUNNING START! He just hit both Ryan and Troy from behind and knocks them into the side of the tower! 

The camera feed changes to inside the left tower as Hollywood opens the door and he looks up at the circular staircase, the sides lined with various weapons. He picks up a nightstick and a pair of handcuffs and returns to the common room. 

Joe Hoffman: Smart move by Hollywood. We have two guard towers, we could have both belts in one, one belt in each – and this match wouldn’t be over until both he and Zion are in possession of one belt each. Better to arm himself and finish off his opponents before he attempts a blind climb. 

Hollywood steps out, and a nightstick to the side of Ryan’s head! LINDSAY WITH A STRAIGHT RIGHT HAND INTO HIS FACE! He stumbles backwards, back into the staircase and hits the small of his back on the edge of the handrail! 

Collectively, everyone watching just cringes. 

Troy enters the staircase and grabs a brick and a crowbar, and she turns around in time for Hollywood to land a punch of his own, the handcuffs gripped in his fist, and Troy is busted wide open as well! 

Benny Newell: Zion’s up! What’s his play? 

Joe Hoffman: So is Ryan! They sprint for the other tower! 

Benny Newell: Makes sense. Cover both towers. 

It’s a footrace. Zion starts closer to the right tower but Ryan is bigger with longer legs and can cover better distance. It looks like a win for the Industry when Zion stumbles, but as Ryan passes him, he turns his legs around and trips the Ego Buster up, stumbling him into the door and breaking it down! 

Joe Hoffman: A quick look at the second tower feed shows just as many weapons lining the stairs as well! Whoever gets up there is going to have to run a gauntlet! 

Benny Newell: And think about it like this, Joe – the teams have split off, so there’s at least an even money chance that whoever gets up there first will also have to fight their way down! 

Zion steps on Ryan to get over him and into the tower, but the Ego Buster grabs his ankle and pulls! Zion falls on his face on the stairs, and an explosion of blood bursts where he clearly just broke his nose! 

In the other tower, Hollywood has Troy pinned down on the stairs and he’s punching her in the face and neck with his handcuffs-clad right hand! TROY GETS A HAND FREE! BRICK TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD! They’re both down! 

Dan Ryan stands up, wobbly on his feet. He’s clearly had his bell rung, possibly concussed, and he steps over Darin Zion, holding onto the handrail to steady himself as he begins the climb. 

Lindsay Troy feels at her face and head and pulls away a bloody hand, and she returns to Hollywood, laying into his ribs and back with that crowbar! 

Benny Newell: Did you hear a snap? 

Joe Hoffman: Brian Hollywood could very well have some broken ribs! HE JUST STABBED LINDSAY TROY! 

Even as the crowbar was coming down on him, Hollywood reaches up for anything he can find around him and comes off with a shiv, which he’s driven into Troy’s calf! She drops the crowbar and sinks to the step, her face a mask of pain and panic, though she manages to make not a sound. 

Hollywood rises to his feet with the help of the handrail and the wall, and he picks up the crowbar! 

Cutting to the second tower, Dan Ryan is about to make the turn into the guard control room – DARIN ZION SHOOTS HIM WITH A TASER! Ryan falls backwards down the stairs, tumbling to the bottom even as Zion gets out of the way! 

Joe Hoffman: Did you see the way he landed, Benny? 

Benny Newell: Right on the shoulder! Not only did Zion just cost him the World Tag Team Titles but he may have cost him the World Championship later on tonight! 

Joe Hoffman: The Order certainly in control of this one as Zion has just taken Dan Ryan out of the equation and Brian Hollywood has Lindsay Troy down! But now, if you’re Darin Zion do you take the chance at going to the top of the tower, or do you join your partner and take out your other opponent? 

Benny Newell: If I’m Zion, I check the top first. Worst case scenario, zero or one belt is up there and you’ve gotta climb the other anyway. 

Hollywood swings the crowbar, but Troy catches it! They’re struggling over ownership! Zion picks up a nightstick and walks out of the other tower and cracks Ryan in the arm and shoulder with it a few times for good measure, and he returns to his tower! 

Troy looks like she’s winning the battle of the crowbar – HOLLYWOOD LETS GO AND TWISTS THE SHIV! Troy drops the bar and her hand moves to her leg! Hollywood picks it up – TROY HAS THE HANDCUFFS! 

Joe Hoffman: LINDSAY TROY HAS HANDCUFFED BRIAN HOLLYWOOD TO THE HANDRAIL! 

She scrambles up the stairs out of his reach and takes a minute to breathe, while Hollywood works in vain to use the crowbar to free himself. Lindsay pulls the shiv out of her leg and stands up, limping up the stairs. 

Benny Newell: So now it’s a race! 

The feed shows a split screen as Zion reaches the top first, and his eyes widen in terror! 

Joe Hoffman: CHRIS KOSTOFF! 

Benny Newell: And Overkill! 

Joe Hoffman: The first ever High Octane Wrestling World Tag Team Champions are waiting on top of the right tower, and Darin Zion has been beaten up and beaten down, and is facing them by himself! 

Benny Newell: Hey Joe…

Joe Hoffman: Yeah?

Benny Newell: I don’t see any title belts up there.

At that moment, the split screen opens up to Lindsay Troy’s entrance into the guard room, showing both title belts sitting next to the glass. She exhales as she drops to her knees, allowing for the briefest pause.

Zion fires a right hand, but Kostoff steps back and Overkill hook clotheslines Zion around the throat, dropping him down! Both men pick up Zion and send him head-and-shoulders first into the window! 

Across the way, Lindsay Troy actually flinches on impact – she can both see and hear the cracking glass! 

Joe Hoffman: DOUBLE POWERBOMB DOWN THE STAIRS! Darin Zion may be knocked out cold! But it’s immaterial as the Industry has the tag team title belts! 

Benny Newell: It’s not immaterial just yet! The match isn’t over unless Dan Ryan’s holding onto one, and he’s still twitching from the shock of that taser and fall! 

Troy grabs a filthy rag from the floor and, taking a deep breath and looking away in disgust, ties it around the puncture wound in her leg so as to stem the bleeding, and she picks up a two by four, presumably to get around Hollywood! 

The Queen of the Ring limps to the top of the stairs and starts her descent – TASER SHOT! BLOCKED! 

Joe Hoffman: That was close! 

Benny Newell: That was luck! Those hooks bounced off the main title plate, and it looks like Hollywood’s got another one ready to go! 

Backing up into the guard room, Troy looks around frantically. She sees Kostoff and Overkill in the other room, making no move to continue their involvement in the match. Dan Ryan is stirring on the floor below, and Darin Zion has his palms pressed into his head. 

Benny Newell: What now, Joe? She can’t stay there and hope Ryan recovers first. She can’t go down the stairs. She’s out of options—

Even as the words leave Benny’s mouth, Troy starts to pound on the glass with the stick of wood. At first it looks like there’s no progress being made, but after several hard hits, the glass begins to crack, ever so slightly. 

Cutting to the stairway, Brian Hollywood has opted for a new tactic. Instead of trying to pull the handrail off the wall or use the crowbar to pry the handcuff itself open, he’s retrieved the shiv, still glistening with Troy’s blood, and is attempting to open up one of the chain links. His attempt moves from meticulous to frantic the moment he hears the sound of wood – on – glass, however, as he knows he’s quickly running out of time. 

Zion is up, but as he takes a step towards the other tower he moves erratically and falls down towards the side! 

Joe Hoffman: Darin Zion seems to have lost his equilibrium, he could very easily have a ruptured eardrum! 

Dan Ryan rolls over to his side and reaches for Zion, but he pulls his arm back towards his body in pain as he seems unable to extend it. 

In the tower, Troy sees this continue, and, throwing caution to the wind, she picks up one of the three chairs and hurls it through the window, raining broken glass on both Dan Ryan and Darin Zion, though fortunately she avoids hitting either of them with the chair itself. 

Joe Hoffman: What is she doing? 

Troy looks down and takes a breath. She attaches the tag team titles to each other and drapes them around her neck and she sits on the busted out window ledge, swinging one leg over. 

Benny Newell: Don’t tell me.

Joe Hoffman: Brian Hollywood is free! He’s climbing up the stairs and Lindsay Troy is climbing down the side of the tower! 

The concrete block design offers very little in the way of grips but Troy is gingerly making her way down. Since the tower is only about thirty feet up, she estimates making it halfway down would be enough to avoid serious injury. 

Brian Hollywood bursts into the room and surveys – he sees the broken window and rushes for it. He sees Ryan and Zion on the ground, trying to focus their way into standing straight, he sees Kostoff and Overkill in the other guard room and he immediately puts two and two together. He looks down and sees Troy about three feet below the window, all her efforts put into not falling…

Joe Hoffman: Hollywood was smart enough to bring the second taser with him, and he’s taking aim! He’s in the best physical shape in this match right now, he just needs to aim! 

Benny Newell: Troy can’t exactly block him, can she? 

At that moment, Troy looks up. 

HOLLYWOOD FIRES! 

TROY LETS GO! 

Dan Ryan and Darin Zion make one last ditch rush! 

Joe Hoffman: DAN RYAN’S GOT THE OTHER BELT! THE INDUSTRY RETAINS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! 

Benny Newell: But at what cost? Look at Ryan! 

Replay shows Ryan half – catching Troy, further damaging his arm in the impact. In the guard tower, Hollywood drops his forehead to his hands as the spent taser’s wires and hooks hang mid air. Darin Zion is on his knees, and he punches the floor in frustration.

Joe Hoffman: That’s a good point, Benny… Dan Ryan will need a trip to the infirmary before his infirmary match to get himself looked at, but for now at least, The Industry can call themselves the WINdustry! 

Benny Newell: Really, Joe? You call me out for my backspin line and then bust out with ‘Windustry’? Really? 

 


New episode of The #HOR coming soon… #CenturyClub?

 

HOW cameras cut to outside the prison near the loading and unloading dock area damaged a few nights before by Max Kael’s wayward cruise ship and zoom in on a rectangular shaped building just across from the information area of the prison.    

Moving closer to the building, the familiar symbols/sign for men and women can be seen at the entrances identifying the building is a large restroom.  

The camera swings to the north side of the building between the restrooms and the bay.  

Zoom in on a large metal dumpster along the railing by the water – away from the building – that’s illuminated by a portable LED1100 light on the camera.  The dumpster is jam packed full of the debris from the cruise ship incident.

The camera then focuses in closer on what seems to be a plain black t-shirt with a block letter ‘H’ in the middle that draped across the debris. 

Halitosis: If there is one thing that we all can agree on tonight…

Eventually, the light picks up the sight of the current HOW World Champion Halitosis, standing by the dumpster with the title belt slung over his shoulder.  

Halitosis: …Halitosis will not be the HOW World Champion after tonight.  

He pulls out a bottle of listerine and guzzles the entire contents down.    

Halitosis casually tosses the bottle into the dumpster.  It bounces off several pieces of debris before it settles near the front.  

Halitosis: Dan.  Cecilworth.  You don’t get to face Halitosis for the title tonight. 

Slowly, he removes the lucha mask from his head and holds it in his hands, staring at it for a few seconds.  

Halitosis: Nope.  If you two want this title…THE top title in this company…THE belt that signifies that its holder is the best of the best in High Octane Wrestling…

He tosses the mask into the dumpster and it lands on a piece of wood that lays across several other pieces of wood from the accident.  Halitosis disappears off camera for a second and returns holding a container of lighter fluid and matches. He proceeds to soak the mask, the black t-shirt, and then the entire top of the dumpster in lighter fluid.

Halitosis: …you’re going to have to beat me.

He strikes a match and a flame appears.  

Halitosis/Joe: That’s right.  Tonight, you’re going to have to defeat an Ordinary Joe to win the HOW world title.  

He nonchalantly flings the match into the dumpster and walks off just as a loud whoosh sound is followed by the eruption of flames that quickly spread across the top.  

Random voice off camera: Holy shit it’s a dumpster fire!

 

 

 

 

Joe Hoffman: And I’m hearing we are moving right along to things now inside the prison yard where MJ Flair defends her LSD Title she has held since War Games against Jack Harmen aka High Flyer and Max kael.

Benny Newell: General Max Kael… a high honor from the Supreme Leader of…

Joe Hoffman: No…. there is no way I will call that traitor that.  He has betrayed America, HOW and MAXKAEL Jr.

Benny Newell: Does any of that surprise you?  Because what should surprise you is when he literally skins alive with his teeth the crazy fuck bag High Flyer and the teenager to claim the LSD Title.

Joe Hoffman: That is a sickening metal image… one I’m more scared then I should be that it could come true.

“Goodnight” by The Birthday Massacre plays over the speakers in the prison yard as MJ Flair makes her way out first with the LSD Title around her waist.  She spent the past few days on the island, so she feels comfortable walking out into the yard as she surveys things.

Bryan McVay: The following match is for the HOW LSD Title… now making her way into the yard… she is the HOW LSD CHAMPION!!!!! MARIELLA JADE FLURSTEIN!!!!!

MJ shoots Bryan McVay a very dirty look who raises his hands partially as if to say it wasn’t his idea.

Joe Hoffman: Someone playing mind games with MJ Flair here… coming out first as champion and now the full name in her intro. 

Benny Newell: Maybe it was Mister Wooderson.

“Crazy Train” by Ozzy hits next as we see Jack Harmen make his way into the yard as he throws up some devil horns as he looks around at the chaos inside the prison yard.  We see him pick himself up a prison shank as MJ quickly grabs herslf a nearby kendo stick. Not afraid Flyer will attack her… but just in case.

Bryan McVay: And the challenger… from Bethlehem…. Jack Harmen… HIGH FLYER!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: We have weapons littered across the prison yard tonight, plus a giant shipping container with who knows what inside of it.

Benny Newell: Corpse… I’m guessing a corpse again.

Joe Hoffman: That’s disturbing…

Suddenly we hear the North Korean national anthem start to play as we see The Herald make his way out into the prison yard.

The Herald: Ladies and gentlemen… I am pleased to introduce the next HOW LSD Champion… North Korean General… MAXIMILLIAN WILHELM KAEL… FIRST OF HIS NAME!!!!

“Long May He Maim!” Shouts some of the fans from the makeshift metal bleachers that have been set up out in the yard for them to witness the fight.

But we don’t see Max come out into the yard, but instead we start to hear the sound of an engine start up from inside the shipping container.

Joe Hoffman: What in the heck…

MJ, Flyer and Matt Boettcher’s attention turn to the shipping container as we see Max Kael walk out from it, dressed in his new North Korean uniform and holding something…

Benny Newell: LADY MURDERFUCKS!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: We knew that with now Ward out, this could turn into a handicap match… so Max Kael has brought an equalizer.

Benny Newell: He’s brought a fucking chainsaw to a prison yard shank fight.

DING DING DING

Max makes his way out of the container and towards his two opponents as High Flyer ditches the shank and finds himself a lead pipe on the ground which he arms himself with as Max revs the engine and with his sick smile closes the gap between the three.

Joe Hoffman: Max Kael literally looking to maim people here tonight… he’s looking to remove limbs…

Benny Newell: He warned everyone what he was willing to do in this match Joe… why are you fucking surprised he wasn’t lying?

Max swings Lady Murderfucks at Flyer who has stepped in front of MJ Flair and it makes contact with the lead pipe as sparks fly in the air as Max starts laughing.  He swings the chainsaw again, this time down towards Flyer’s legs as he brings the lead pipe down for the block as we see the first bits of blood of the match….

Benny Newell: Did Max cut his leg off?

Joe Hioffman: No… looks like the chain snapped… and it lacerated Max on the arm.

Max is forced to drop lad Murderfucks as the chain has indeed snapped and cut his arm as Flyer takes the lead pipe and drives it into the stomach of Max and then into his back dropping Max to the concrete.

We now see Mj Flair make her way over to Max as she cracks her kendo stick across the back of Max once, twice, three times before throwing it to the ground and rolling Max over to try and make a cover.


Joe Hoffman: Flyer is right there…

 

ONE…

 

TWO……

 

Joe Hoffman: He pulls her off Max!

Benny Newell: Destroy her Flyer!

Flyer shakes his head as if to say he isn’t going to let her win until he impress Harold… MJ gets in his face for a second before she smiles and nods her head as they both turn back to Max.  Flyer pulls Max up off the concrete and walks him over to the shipping container where he throws Max face first into. MJ walks into the container and quickly comes out dragging a table.

Joe Hoffman: We’ve already seen our announce table decimated earlier… Flair setting another up now.

With Max leaned up against the shipping container, Flyer grabs a nearby steel chair as he goes for crush Max’s head between the container, but Max ducks or collapses as Flyer nails the container.  The reverberations cause Flyer to drop the chair as Max quickly grabs Flyer’s head and connects with a DDT onto the chair.

Max turns around and catches a drop kick on the chin from MJ flair that sends him back into the wall of the container.  Grabbing the chair she drives it into the gut of Max as he stumbles away and over to the table which he leans over onto.

CRACK!!!

Steel to the spine of Max and MJ connects with another chair shot.

CRACK!!!

CRACK!!!

CRACK!!!

CRACK!!!

MJ Flair is going crazy as the crowd cheers until she tosses the mangled chair to the side as she looks up at the top of the shipping container.

Joe Hoffman: We saw a 450 earlier… MJ might be looking to top that.

MJ goes to start climbing the built in ladder on the side of the container when High Flyer who has pulled himself back to his feet grabs her arm.  MJ almost nails him with a right thinking somehow it is Max as Flyer pounds chest with his open hand saying that he wants this. MJ hesitates for a second… but heeds to Flyer who starts climbing the container.

Joe Hoffman: Now High Flyer is scaling the shipping container…

MJ grabs a metal food tray and wacks Max across the back a few more times as she lifts him fully up onto the table as he rolls over onto his back.  Flyer reaches the top of the container as he looks down at Max.

Benny Newell: This two on one mugging is bullshit Joe! 

MJ holds Max in places as High Flyer leaps off the top of the near nine foot tall container with a big frog splash.

CRASH!!!!!!!

High Flyer crashes through the table, but Max Kael was able to nail MJ with a quick shot to the face and grab her hair as he rolled off the table, pulling her onto it as High Flyer can’t correct in mid air in time and puts MJ through the table.

Joe Hoffman: Flyer puts MJ through the table by accident!

Benny Newell: Fucking brilliant! 

Flyer holds his ribs in pain as he tries to check on MJ who isn’t moving in the wreckage of the table… but he isn’t able to for long as from behind Max wraps something around the neck of Flyer and starts choking him with it.

Benny Newell: He’s choking him with the chain from lady Murderfucks!!!!

Blood starts to drip down the throat of Flyer as the chain digs into his skin.  Flyer struggles as Max kicks the back of Flyer knee out dropping him to the concrete as he digs his knee into Flyers back to better control him.  Flyer keeps trying to fight out of the choke as he throws an elbow back with connects with Max’s temple, sending The General back for a moment. But still holding onto the chain, Max quickly wraps it around his fight and nails Flyer with a hard shot.  Busting him open, Max then delivers a knee to the crotch of Flyer as he falls to the concrete and Max goes for the cover.

ONE…..

 

 

TWO…….

 

 

TH…..


 

 

Joe Hoffman: MJ with the save!!!!

She has just enough energy to break up the cover as she lay sprawled out across the concrete as Max gets back up to his feet, Lady Murderfucks’ chain still in his hand as he brings it down across the back on MJ Flair as she screams out in pain.  The chain ripping her shirt and skin as you can see the blood start to seep through it immediately.

Benny Newell: Lady Murderfucks is fucking that lady up!


Tossing the chain to the ground, Max grabs MJ by her hair and pulls her up as he walks her over to the shipping container and throws her face first into it.  MJ is dazed as Max backs up a few steps and goes for a running forearm shot to the back of MJ’s head.

Benny Newell: The Gaslighter!!!

Joe Hoffman: Flair ducks it!

Max’s arm slams into the steel container as he winces in pain for just a moment before MJ grabs Max’s head and slams it into the shipping container once… twice… three times until we see Max’s titanium eyepatch fall off his face.

Benny Newell: She can’t do that!!!  Someone pause the match!!!

MJ picks the eye patch up off the ground and starts to dig it into the forehead of Max, slicing his forehead open and dripping blood down onto his North KAELrean uniform.  MJ tosses the eyepatch to the ground as Max staggers for a second before…

CRASH!!!!!!!

The sound of steel on steel can be heard as we see a 20 pound weight fall to the ground against the shipping container near Kael.  The camera pans as we see High Flyer throwing another weight at Max who is able to dodge it. Flair also scatters as Flyer comes charging at Max with another weight in hand as he swings it at MAX who ducks and delivers a throat punch to Flyer who drops the weight.

Benny Newell: He’s trying to fucking decapitate Max with one of those huge weight!!!!

Max turns back to try and find MJ Flair but can’t for a moment until he looks up and sees MJ flying off the top of the shipping container with a big cross body that takes Max right off his feet.

Joe Hoffman: MJ Flair flying off the shipping container!!! Pin attempt to retain!!!

 


ONE……………

 

TWO………………….

 

THREE……………………………

 

Benny Newell: Shoulder up by Max!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Just in time!

Flair rolls away, not believing that wasn’t enough.  She crawls back to Max who is holding his back as you can see the angry start to boil as she takes her thumb and drives it into the empty eye socket of of Max.  Max tries to fight her off as he connects with a hard right that gets her off him. He clutches his face in anger as he gets back to his feet.

Joe Hoffman: MJ Flair snapping a bit there as Flyer comes from behind and chop block! 

Max’s leg give out as he falls to the concrete as FLyer and Flair double team the Hall of Famer with a fury of stomps.  After a good ten each we see Flyer disappear into the container for a moment as pulls Max up to his feet and leads him over towards the random adirondack chair set up in the yard.

Joe Hoffman: Isn’t that Scottywood’s from a few nights ago? 

Benny Newell: How the fuck am I supposed to know or care?

MJ throws Max into the chair as the back breaks and he goes crashing through it.  Max stumbles back to his feet trying to escape as MJ runs at Max who suddenly stops short and catches MJ for a spinebuster….

Joe Hoffman: A spine buster on a pile of broken beer bottles!!!!

Benny Newell: DRINK!!!

MJ screams in pain as we see more blood being spread across the concrete as Max stumbles back to his feet and High Flyer reappears from the container dragging out a ladder wrapped in razor wire.  He’s also thrown a couple empty oil drums out as he has started to create a makeshift table out of the all. Max meets up with him as the two start trading punches and Flyer thumbs Max in the eyehole and slams his head off the razor wire table, slicing Kael up even more.

Joe Hoffman: I have no idea what Flyer has in mind here… but it can’t be good.

Benny Newell: No fucking shit.  That crazy bastard is going to try and kill Max! 

Flyer grabs his head again for another shot but Max throws hiss hands onto the ladder, cutting them up to block as he throws his leg back between the legs of Flyer which drops him to his knees.

Benny Newell: Low Blow to High Sucker!

Joe shakes his head at the bad joke as Max finds Lady Murderfucks chain again and nails Flyer with a few more chain wrapped shots to the head.  Flyer is covered in a crimson mask as Max grabs Flyer by the throat and chokeslams him onto the makeshift razor wire ladder table.

Joe Hoffman: Oh God!  Flyer’s back is shredded by that razor wire.

Benny Newell: Now Max is pointing to the top of the shipping container!

Max starts to climb the side of the shipping container as he looks down at High Flyers and smiles as he pats his elbow.

Joe Hoffman: Is he gonna…

Benny Newell: An elbow drop off the container!  Do it!

Joe Hoffman: Wait… it’s MJ Flair!!!  She is atop the shipping container!!!

With kendo stick in hand she drills Max across the back, almost sending him off the container… but Max keeps his balance as he turns around to another shot across the head from the stick as MJ Flair rages out swinging the kendo stick like crazy.

WHACK!!!

WHACK!!!

WHACK!!!

Joe Hoffman: MJ wearing out that stick on Max!

The stick strikes Max everywhere as he tries to block, but even hitting his arms the shots hurt.

WHACK!!!!

WHACK!!!!

But on the fifth shot across the ribs, Max is able to clamp down on the stick as he’s able to pull MJ towards him and connect with a DDT onto the top of the container.  MJ body almost falls off the side, but it stops just short as Max smiles as he looks back at Flyer still laid out on the table.

Joe Hoffman: Is he gonna try the elbow again? 

Max seems like he’s about to take the leap off the container, but before he can MJ Flair is able to pull herself up and grabs Max’s arm out of desperation to swing him around from the edge.  But as max swings around he grabs a handful of hair and throws MJ by it off the top of the container.

Joe Hoffman: OH MY…..

 

 

 

 

CRASH!!!!!!!!

MJ Flair’s body flys through the air and lands on top of Flyer as the ladder buckles under the impact and the oil drums give way and the makeshift structure implodes.

Joe Hoffman: He may have just killed MJ Flair!!!  She has to be dead!!!!

She is barely moving… but she is on top of High Flyer as Matt Boettcher notices as he rushes to check on the two and starts a count.

ONE……………..



Max notices what is going on as he knows he has no way to get down there







TWO………..






Except to jump………..











THREEEEEE……………………….







Benny Newell: Elbow drop by max off the container!!!!

Joe Hoffman: GEZZZSUS EHH!!!!!!

CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Did MJ get it!!!!

Benny Newell: Did Max get it!!!!!!

 

 

 


Matt Boetcher: TWO!!!!!!

 

 

 




Benny Newell: BOETTCHER!!!!!! 

In the mass carnage of bodies, razor wire and ladder, Boettcher doesn’t see now Max’s near lifeless arm draped across Flyer’s chest.



ONE………………

 

 

TWO………………………………

 

 

Benny Newell: Count you fucker!!! Count!!!

 

 

THREE……………………………………………………….

 

 

Joe Hoffman: Shoulder up!!!!!

Benny Newell: Too late!!! Too fucking late!!!!

 

 

DING DING DING

The bell sounds as Boettcher throws three fingers up

Bryan McVay: The winner of this match…

The Herald cuts in…

Herald: AND YOUR NEW LSD CHAMPION!!!!! THE GENERAL OF NORTH KAELREAN!!!!!! MAXIMILLIAN WILHELM KAEL… FIRST OF HIS NAME!!!!  LONG MAY HE MAIM!!!!!!

Max can barely even move as Boettcher hands Herald the LSD Title and

Joe Hoffman: Unbelievable match Benny… I can’t believe the carnage those three were willing to go through for the LSD Title… and we still have 2 huge matches to go.

Benny Newell: The night is still young and this won’t be the last of the violence… not by a long shot.

Medics attend to the three particpants as Herald lifts the LSD Title high above his head, almost dancing… maybe skipping around the bodies that lay before him as we cut away from the prison yard.

 

Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen we’ve come to our Solitary Confinement Match between two men who are as much a part of the High Octane Wrestling legacy as Jatt Starr, Lee Best and Chris Kostoff. Both men have made their careers in High Octane Wrestling, in some way parallelling each other along the way. Both men have been Management behind the scenes. Both are former ICON Champions. Both are former World Champions. Both have even been Tag Team Champions together.

 

Benny Newell: Wait, what the fuck did you just say?

 

Joe Hoffman: You heard me right, they have both been High Octane Tag Team Champions together. Christopher America and Michael Lee Best, their hatred for each other, Benny, it almost makes saying those names together seem wrong. These two men know each other in the most violent, the most unpleasant, the most visceral way and I can assure you there is no love between them. Maybe respect. Maybe. Their long and bloody history culminates here, at Rumble at the Rock, in the fabled Solitary Confinement Match. 

 

Benny Newell: Not if you don’t shut up about stuff nobody cares about! This is Rumble at the Rock, Hoffman! Blood’n Guts! DRINK!

 

Referee Stevens makes his way into the darkened area of Alcatraz Prison known as the Hole. Solitary Confinement, a place where some of the most awesome scum from around the United States were kept. Down in the bowels of D-Block, cells 9-14 were places of particular importance to the fans of HOWrestling. Almost every Hall of Famer spent time in one of these cells, some up to as long as two weeks. 

 

Christopher America had been here for months. As Referee Stevens approached the two cells the walls of this area of the prison were covered in the scars of bygone years; blood stained sections of the concrete walls paired with rusted iron bars. It was an uncomfortable space, a bad space where bad things happened. 

 

Joe Hoffman: In just a moment folks, Ref Stevens is gonna signal for the doors on this block to open and both Christopher America and Michael Lee Best will be unleashed. The match will continue until someone is pinned, submitted or can not answer a ten count. We have a sixty minute time limit on this match an-

 

Benny Newell: Fuck, Joe, you sure got real chatty all the sudden! Or maybe I’m.. maybe I’m just a little, tinsy, wheensy..itty bitty.. In..heebreathated…

 

There is a slight pause in the commentary before Benny belches loudly into the microphone followed by a series of dry heaves. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Good observation, Benny, and it looks like Stevens is signalling for the cells to be unlocked!

 

Ref Stevens lifts his hand into the air and then motions toward a nearby security camera. The screeching sound of an alarm blaring loudly causes Steven’s to flinch slightly. The crashing of steel doors rolling angrily open echoes down the block like thunder before silence once again fills the blood. 

 

The first to scramble out of his cell is Christopher America, his frame lean, his expression focused, hungry.. Dangerous. His balance is slightly off as he catches himself on the door of his cell, steadying himself as he stretches his legs, his head pivoting in all directions. He sees Stevens and dismisses him before pushing away from the door of his cell, his fists lifted as he stalks forward.

 

Joe Hoffman: It’s important to note, folks, that Christopher America hasn’t been outside that cell in over two months. He hasn’t had access to training facilities. He hasn’t had what you could call a stable diet. He has been surviving in a concrete closet.

 

Benny Newell: His mistake, Hoffman, was picking a fight with the guy who was holding all the cards! That was the first big mistake.. And.. ugh.. One second.. DRINK!

 

The sound of Benny guzzling down some beverage cuts into this thought as America cautiously moves toward the threshold of the next cell..

 

CRACK!

 

America’s head snaps backward as Mike Best bolts out of the cell catching his opponent off guard with his explosive power. While both men had been physical equals at one point it is clear that Chris’s time in prison has left him diminished in mass where as Mike’s body was in near peak condition.

 

Joe Hoffman: And Mike Best with a cheap shot to open this fight up as he catches his opponent with more of an insulting slap then a real strike I’d say. 

 

Benny Newell: Oh call a pig a pig, Joe, that was a bitch slap if ever I saw one! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Regardless of what we call it the result was the same. Now folks, if you aren’t fully caught up on things while Christopher America has spent several months in this hellhole Michael Best has had all the freedoms of the world up until he turned himself in earlier today. Benny, I don’t like America’s chances on a realistic note here. 

 

Benny Newell: I’m half cock fucked right now and I can tell you, Joe, you are absolutely right. The advantage here is what Mike Best does.. He baits you into a match, he stacks the odds against you and then he makes sure he walks in at this absolute best while you’re at, what does that look like to you? Fifty percent? Forty percent? We’re talking liquor store mid-shelf discount here, not bad but far from great!

 

Joe Hoffman: Surprisingly astute observation, Benny!

 

As America scrambles back Mike grabs something out of his prison cell which looks like a small brown paper bag which he holds up menacingly as America charges forward letting out a beastial roar! America collides with Best sending both men hurling back into the corner of the entrance to Mike’s cell driving his back into the steel door! Mike’s face becomes a flash of surprise and pain as he drops the brown bag and slams both hands down hard across America’s back before driving a knee upward into America’s unprotected chest. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Mike Best fights free but who knows what damage America might have managed to inflict on Best’s back but he’s going to want to keep the offensive up to capitalize on this.

 

Benny Newell: He shoulder tackled him into a door, Joe, don’t make it so fucking dramatic!

 

Mike steps forward and attempts to drive his knee into America’s head however Chris manages to turn and spin away, dodging the effort before driving an elbow into the small of Mike’s where he had been driven into the door. Mike stumbles back holding his back in pain as America darts forward lifting both arms as he drives his forearms into Mike’s back knocking him across the cold, wet concrete floor. Letting another roar out America throws himself at Mike sending a series of kicks to Mike’s ribs with a loud thud.

 

Joe Hoffman: America doesn’t need us telling him what he needs to do he clearly knows! He knows the pressure of this kind of match, he knows that his life is very realistically on the line here and he can NOT afford to allow Mike to get any momentum built up!

 

Benny Newell: You think America knows his entire Stable jumped ship and he’s been abandoned here, in the fucking Hole, for Mike Best to kick the living shit out of?

 

Joe Hoffman: I couldn’t answer that and right now I don’t think it really matters Benny, America is fighting for his life against one of the most dangerous men in High Octane Wrestling!

 

Rolling Mike over America kneels down and begins driving forearm after savage forearm down across his opponent’s brow as Referee Stevens slips into position. The sound of America’s wanton violence echoed through the block before Mike is able to cover up his face with his arms sheltering himself from the attacks. Still, America persisted reigning down a storm of strikes trying to break Mike’s defenses!

 

CRACK!

 

With America’s focus on his opponent’s face Mike was able to fire off a startlingly aggressive kick to the side of Christopher’s head dazing him. With his opponent momentarily disabled Mike twists away from America and clamours up to his feet. Shaking lose the cobwebs America turns to charge at Mike only to receive a knee strike directly to his chin that sends him tumbling back!

 

Joe Hoffman: That lightning speed of Mike Best has saved his bacon throughout his historic career in High Octane Wrestling and beyond and that right there is part of the equation that makes him an 8 time High Octane World Champion.

 

Benny Newell: That also means it failed him 8 times as well!

 

Joe Hoffman: Yes but it didn’t fail him for 389 days, longer than anyone else in the companies history!

 

Benny Newell: And yet none of his reigns lasted as long as Christopher America’s 101 days! Wait.. what the fuck am I doing.. Stats?! Shitbiskets I’ve been away too long, DRINK!

 

Mike sends a swift kick to America’s ribs sending him rolling across the unforgiving concrete floor. The Son of Best grabs the brown paper back up off the guard and steps back over to America sending another series of kicks to his face and chest before he mounts his chest holding the bag over his head.

 

Mike Best: I brought.. A gift!

 

He pulls what looks to be a sandwich out of the bag, it looks like it could possibly be a ruben, swiss cheeze and thousand island dressing dripping from the sides. 

 

Mike Best: Pastrami Ruben Motherfucker! 

 

Grabbing America’s head with one hand he drives the sandwich down into America’s face, the prospect of real food in any other situation might have seemed desirable. Instead he finds Mike Best trying his best to shove the sandwich into America’s mouth while he struggles to keep his mouth shut. Both men grunt and twist in this seemingly absurd moment before Mike sends a solid slap across America’s face loosening his jaw enough to shove the sandwich in. 

 

Benny Newell: SANDIBLE CLAW! JOE IT’S A GOD DAMN SANDIBLE CLAW!!

 

Joe Hoffman: Not.. exactly the kind of offensive I was ready for here at Rumble at the Rock with Mike Best apparently bringing a sandwich into his cell with him earlier today. I’m not entirely sure what he hopes to do here, maybe choke America to death?

 

Benny Newell: You know what they say when something is weird and hard to explain? It’s all… Mind Gaaaames.. Now nobody could see that but I was wiggling my fingers in the air when I said that!

 

Joe Hoffman: Sure, mind games, that seems plausible!

 

Mike releases his grip on America’s mouth and stands up, the sound of him chuckling is interrupted by the sound of Christopher choking and coughing up bits of ruben. Mike turns around and looks down at America with disgust, his face darkening considerably. 

 

Mike Best: What?! Is nothing I do for you good enough?! Are not of my gifts good enough for the great Christopher America?! HUH!?

 

Best reaches down and grabs America by his head yanking him upward as he screams into his face. America coughs and then spits a wad of half chewed sandwich into Mike’s face blinding him momentarily! America is quick to action as he leaps up off his feet striking Mike just beneath the chin with an aggressive european uppercut! 

 

Joe Hoffman: I think Mike maybe took too much time to gloat and not enough time focused on defeating his opponent.

 

Benny Newell: Yeah, ya think?! Fuck. Drink!

 

America keeps the pressure up as he grabs Mike by the head and bounces it off the steel cell door, Mike’s eyes fluttered slightly as he stumbles backward into a backstabber by Christopher America! Both men land on the hard concrete floor, America letting out a surprised curse as his back impacts with Mike’s weight on top of him!

 

Joe Hoffman: A miscalculation there by America, I’m not sure who got the worse of that!

 

Benny Newell: Total dumbfuck move! Rank A-Mature porn there, Hoffman! 

 

Despite striking the ground the pain doesn’t seem to slow America down. Instead it seems to breath new life into him as he slams his fists into the ground and jumps back up to his feet. Mike slowly begins to crawl to his feet only to catch an America sized boot to the temple causing his body to slap limply to the ground. America’s face twists into a frenzied rage, his teeth clenched together as his lips peeled back into a furious snarl. 

 

Joe Hoffman: America looking like a man possessed as he has turned this contest right back around again! 

 

Benny Newell: ..I.. I mean I wouldn’t mind seeing Mike Best get his shit pushed in given that he FUCKING FIRED ME.. but I also just called his fuck vintage 8oies granny porn so I’m feeling like a bit of an asshole.. So if you can hear me Christopher America, I’m fucking sorry.. KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER! DRRRIIIINK!

 

Dragging Mike up to his feet America begins to march toward the opened gateway that led into the prison library. Stopping just before the entrance to the library America turned Mike and send a vicious knife edge chop across his chest though it appears like the prison jumpsuit absorbs most of the damage. A slightly coherent Mike lets out a giggle and flips America the bird with a smug look on his face.

 

CRUNCH!

 

Mike’s smug expression becomes a colorful display of various negative emotions. Pain, that’s certainly one of them. Confusion and surprise also dance between the ripples of skin that emanate out from the bridge of his nose where America had just driven the crown of his head. The sound of his nose breaking was lost to Mike as he felt red hot blood burst from his nose and dribble down his lips and chin.

 

Joe Hoffman: Oh God! America scores a first blood with an absolutely disgusting headbutt that struck in the worst possible way for Mike Best! 

 

Benny Newell: As an old fuck who just remembered that prissy fuck fired me I can say confidently that having your nose broken sucks and I hope it sucks extra horribly bad for Mike Best.

 

Joe Hoffman: I’m not usually one to wish harm on another human but I can honestly say I don’t think I’ll be upset if I get to spend the next forty eight minutes watching Mike Best get beat like he cursed in Church!

 

Mike stumbles back as his hands gingerly touch his nose, his eyes wide and unfocused. America charges forward catching Mike dead center spearing him into a heavy wooden bookshelf. The weight of both men causes the whole shelf to collapse backward as Mike and America as buried in a pile of books. Rick Stevens bursts into the room and quickly clamours over the books making sure both men were still conscious. 

 

America is the first to stir, pushing the books off himself as he climbed to his feet. Mike was slower, groaning loudly as he dragged himself across the fallen bookshelf to give himself some distance from America. Chris catches Mike trying to sneak away out of the corner of his eye and snatches up a wooden chair next to him hurling it across the room where it strikes the floor just in front of Best shattering into several pieces! Mike quickly recoils, turning in the direction of America where he begins throwing nearby books.

 

Joe Hoffman: A desperation maneuver by Mike Best throwing books at America whole almost hit him with that wooden chair! Best really lucked out that America’s aim wasn’t completely on the mark!

 

Benny Newell: You know Joe, I could watch Mike Best get beat like Ray Rice’s Wife for the next forty four minutes!

 

The book offensive by Mike Best does little to stop America as he grabs a wooden reading table charging forward with it like a shield. Mike rolls to the side at the last moment as America slams the table down where Mike had just been. Scrambling up to his feet Mike lunges forward sending a wild left hook which America quickly ducked and answered with a series of rights to Mike’s exposed ribs before shoving him away. 

 

Taking a few steps back Mike favors his side as America circles him ready to launch another attack. Blood continues to drip from Mike’s nose though it appears his focus has returned as he keeps his eyes locked on his bitter enemy. Still, despite the damage Mike looks like he’s enjoying himself a strangely masochistic way though it doesn’t appear to shake America’s resolve as the two men slowly measure each other up again. 

 

Joe Hoffman: As this match carries on and as these two men continue to jockey for an advantage the physical toil is going to start to show. These men were doing this seven years ago as much younger men and now? They know they can’t just throw themselves at each other like they used too, they need to use their heads, they need to maximize the effort, the cost benefit of exchanging blows!

 

Benny Newell: Phrasing, Hoffman. But as per usual you’ve made a pretty rudimen.. Rudimen.. You know, an obvious statement.. Fuck me I’m inkneebrieated…

 

Both men charge in at the same time and slam into each other, both reigning blows down on the other hoping to outlast the other. Unfortunately in this exchange, despite the broken nose, Mike slowly edges out America whose strikes become weaker and weaker as Mike presses his strength advantage. As Chris lands a limp forearm across Mike’s chest he answers with a sudden and vicious knee directly to America’s chin, ratting his teeth as his body goes stiff and he falls back hard onto the wooden floor of the Library!

 

Joe Hoffman: A textbook knee from Mike Best as he gets the better of America! That was a much needed strike by Mike as he works to retake the momentum from America as we enter the twenty minute mark in this match.

 

Benny Newell: Fuck, Joe, I could watch Mike Best get beat like Mike Vick owns him for at least fourty more minutes! America better get his shit together!

 

Unfortunately for Benny Mike picks up a book, a thick one bound in an old leather cover and circles America like a savage coyote ready to take advantage of a wounded old dog. As America slowly draws himself up into a standing position Mike charges in and smashes the book into the back of America’s head with a sickening slap of leather and flesh. Mike puts his foot on the back of America’s head and grinds it into the hard wooden panels of the floor relishing every moment of it. 

 

As America screams Mike once again assumes his cocky, sadistic swagger thumbing through the book he had picked up, his bloodied hands leaving crimson stains on several pages. Done taunting America Mike snatches up America and slams him head first into the heavy caged wall of the library causing the entire mental structure to rattle and shake. Mike eyes the cage wall of the library for a moment before he appears to get an idea. Draggin America into a kneeling position he pushes the book against the side of Christopher’s head and..

 

CRACK!

 

He slams his fist into into the book as it sandwiches America’s head against the cage wall. 

 

Joe Hoffman: God damn! Mike might have just fractured America’s skull! This might be.. Oh no..

 

CRACK!

 

Again Mike smashes his fist into the book as America’s body twitches 

 

Joe Hoffman: AGAIN! Damn it Mike, stop it!

 

Benny Newell: This is Rumble at the Rock, Hoffman, you know that! And while I would love to watch Mike Best get beat like Rodney King at a policeman’s ball for the next thirty six minutes but this might be it!

 

CRACK!!

 

A third time and America’s body crumbled to the ground, fresh blood visible on the cruel metal of the cage his head had just been repeatedly crushed with. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Mike Best puts the frosting on the cake and at this point it might just very well be elementary.

 

Mike tossed the book away and dropped down into a lackadaisical pin. Rick Stevens drops down for the count!

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Joe Hoffman: America throws his arm up well before the three! I don’t know how he did it but he managed to stay in the game! Folks we are twenty five minutes into this war and we have our first pinfall attempt! Both men are bleeding but right now, right here, Mike Best is still in control!

 

Benny Newell: Get the fuck up America! That man fired me and cost me my insurance! DADDY NEEDS PILLS!

 

Mike climbs up to his feet and puts the boots to America before he pulls him up to his feet and proceeds to drag him out of the Library back into D Block. Mike smashes America’s face into one of the blocks open cell doors and allows his dead weight to fall to the ground. Takes a moment to catch his breath as he blows his nose sending bloody snot across his chin and over his orange prison jumpsuit. 

 

He licks the blood off his lips as he puts on a sadistic smile stepping into the cell. The camera rushes to get a better view of what is in the cell only to reveal a stash of tables which Mike begins to grab. Sliding three tables out of the cell he begins setting them up, occasionally breaking off to attack America with a flurry of kicks and punches. 

 

Joe Hoffman: It looks like Mike somehow managed to get the unused cells filled with weapons and other goodies he could use to inflict violence upon his opponent. 

 

Benny Newell: Oh boy, glad to see we’re keeping the pine table industry well funded! That was shitty sarcasm Joe, DRINK!

 

With all three tables set up Mike grabs America and leads him to a set of metal stairs that lead to the second level of the prison block. Mike quickly attempts to smash America’s face into the stairs only for Christopher to throw his foot up at the last moment, blocking the attempt. Sending a sharp elbow into Mike’s ribs America frees himself and then immediately sends Mike into the metal steps! He keeps up the pressure dragging Mike up in a headlock firing off close fisted punches to Mike’s forehead as both ascend. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Both men moving into the preverbal High Rent District as they reach the second level of the D Block! Mike might have set those tables up but it might all just backfire here! 

 

Benny Newell: For America! For America! DO IT GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

 

Reaching the side railing America hammers Mike across the face as his body slowly dangles precariously back. Mike raises his fists up shadow boxing someone who isn’t there, his eyes staring off in the distance as America backs up.

 

Letting loose a blood curdling scream America charges forward and SPEARS MIKE OFF THE SECOND STORY! 

 

CRASH!!

 

Mike is the first to impact the tables which crack and then explode into a spray of wood and metal! America crumbles over top of Mike as both men are wrapped up in the metal rimming of two tables! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Oh God! Oh Jesus! America and Mike Best just went over the edge of the railing! Dear god they just fell fifteen feet through three god damn tables!

 

Benny Newell: You know if they both die I’m still ok with that! And I could watch Mike Best get dropped through tables for at least twenty nine more minutes!

 

Both men’s orange prison jumpers are ripped and shredded, blood stains slowly spreading like ink in water across the fabric’s surface. America’s body is the first to move as he drags himself over Mike Best’s broken body. Stevens moves into position!

 

ONE!…

 

TWO!!!….

 

THR-

 

MIKE KICKS OUT!

 

Joe Hoffman: I thought that was it! I thought America had him! What a story that would be! After being locked in prison for months Christopher America overcomes the odds, overcomes all of Mike Best’s power, all of Mike Best’s tricks! 

 

Benny Newell: Are we sure that wasn’t a three?! Rick Stevens is a Mike Best guy! THIS IS A SHAM! CHRISTOPHER AMERICA BEAT HIM! WHAT KIND OF CALIFORNIA GRADE HORSE SHIT IS THIS?!

 

America’s expression is that of resolve as he grits his teeth and pulls himself up to his knees, his breathing labored, blood oozing from the side of his head and from a series of gashes that cover his chest and arms. He slowly rises to his feet and stumbles toward a nearby cell now aware that Mike might have goodies stored away elsewhere. He spots something in one of the cells and enters before he exits with a spool a barbed quire. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Barbed wire?! What are these men willing to do to each other!? What was Mike hoping to do with all of these weapons?! 

 

Benny Newell: Whatever it was it looks like it’s firmly in America’s control right now and he needs to act fast! Wrapped that bitch up in barbed quire and make him tap out! Did I mention how he fucking fired me!? DRIIIINK!

 

America lifts the spool of barbed wire over his head before he slams it down across the still motionless Mike Best who suddenly springs to life with a series of ear piercing screams while new tears and rips appear in his ruined jump suit. He does his best to roll away from Christopher America only to have the barbed wire thrown into the small of his back cliding with tremendous force!

 

Writhing in agony Mike rolls over onto his back and lets out another loud howling scream. America grabs the spool of barbed wire again and lifts it over his head ready to drive it down into Mike’s chest.

 

There is a sudden and sickening sound of wood being driving into flesh as Mike snatches up a sharp piece of broken table and jams it into America’s foot! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Mike Best just drove what looks to be at least a six inch long shard of one of those broken tables into America’s foot! 

 

Benny Newell: I once had a splinter in my thumb, Hoffman, and I can tell you it is NOT a pleasant feeling! American can’t afford to let this slow him down though and he needs to just ignore his foot cause I’d be happy to watch Mike Best get beat like a Hooker with a pain addiction for at least another twenty four minutes! 

 

America screams in pain as he drops the barbed wire to the side. A bloodied Mike rolls back onto his stomach and scrambles across the broken debris, clamouring to his feet as he stumbles back into his own cell. Meanwhile Christopher America reaches down and pulls the wood from his foot with a grunt, wiping some blood from his eyes; whether it’s his or Mikes he doesn’t know or care at this moment.

 

Joe Hoffman: Well it appears Mike has managed to escape back into his cell but there’s no where to go from there and, well, at least for a moment it appears Mike might be cornered but American has GOT to push through his pain and track the Ultimate One Percenter down!

 

Benny Newell: FUCK we’ve been doing this for almost forty minutes! Butcher fuck I’m so fucking drunk..

 

Mike reappears holding what looks like a large black sack with something heavy inside of it. He looks up to see America slowly hobbling toward him causing him to stumble back away from his cell goading America to follow him. 

 

Joe Hoffman: What’s Mike’s game here? What’s in the sack?! 

 

Benny Newell:…you’re asking me what Mike Best has in his sack? Those rumors are all FAKE NEWS! FAKE!…er.. DRINK!

 

Joe Hoffman: I’ll be honest I have no idea what you are talking about Benny but right now we have two very hurt men, bloodied, bleeding and reading to do more to each other!

 

Chris gains some more momentum as he hobbles gingerly forward as each step with his wounded food leaves a bloody shoe print. Mike swings the bag over his head as though seeking to smash it down on America’s head only to get caught with a shoulder check that takes him off his feet and down hard into Christopher America’s own cell, the very same cell that Mike himself had spent time in a bygone era. 

 

Mike’s back drags across what remains of broken glass from a Jack Daniels bottle that had been shattered some time in the last week. His body goes limp as the pain finally seems to overtake him, his breathing shallow as his eyes flickered close. 

 

Joe Hoffman: America has the advantage now and he has him in the very cell that Mike had him locked up for so long! A room filled with mental anguish and suffering, the whole world as far as Christopher America was concerned and now Mike Best is finally in that hell! 

 

Benny Newell: Finish him! THAT GUY FIRED ME! DDRRRRIIIIINK!

 

America grabs Mike by the neck with one hand and begins firing white knuckled punches directly into Mike’s face, one after another as those white knuckles turned #97red with Mike’s own blood! Dark rings start to appear around Mike’s eyes where his nose was broken and his jaw starts to slack. With one last strike America expends the last spit of brutal energy and collapses over Mike’s chest.

 

Joe Hoffman: America has Mike in a pinning predicament! 

Benny Newell: HERE IT COMES!

 

Referee Rick “Even” Stevens slips slips into the narrow cell..

 

ONE….

 

TWO……

 

THREE!!!!!!

 

NO! NO! Mike spits a glob of blood in Steven’s face stopping him from being able to make the count!

 

Joe Hoffman: America very well might have just won this match if Mike hadn’t managed to blind Rick Stevens! 

 

Benny Newell: This is a travesty! A Crime! A God Damn Robbery! I’ve been known to spit a few times but it has NEVER resulted in me not losing a match! 

 

America’s face, bloodied and exhausted, stares off into the distance as a slow glaze washes over his face. He’s tired, he’s spent and he’s not sure how much he has in the tank but whatever is left can be seen focused into a determined expression. As Stevens cleans the blood from his face America drags himself up, his hand still tightly around Mike’s neck. Blood gurgles between Mike’s lips as his left eye starts to swell closed. 

 

With a deep breath America drags Mike to his feet and spins him around, hooking his head beneath his arm preparing for something special..

 

Joe Hoffman: What’s this? What’s America going for here!? Could it be the rumored For America 2.0?!

 

Benny Newell:…the fuck are you on about!?

 

Joe Hoffman: Just trust me, I have good sources on this!

 

Taking another deep breath America lets out one rage filled, defiant roar before he tightens his hold on Mike’s neck..

 

CRACK!

 

America’s head snaps back as Mike swings the black back upward striking his opponent directly in the face! America releases the hold and remains standing in a stunned daze. Two lines of blood drip from his nose as he uses his hand to smear it away, stuck in a state of shock. 

 

CRACK!

 

Mike swings the bag against America’s head once again, this time taking him down to his knees as he glares definitely at Mike. Mike climbed up to his feet on wobbly legs staring down at Christopher America with one good eye, the other swollen shut. He offers a short nod to America as he lifts the bag above his head which had now grown slick with Christopher’s blood.

 

CRACK!

 

CRACK!

 

CRUNCH!

 

The final blow against America’s defiance ended with a sickening sound, like bone and muscle being dislodged. A fine spray of blood jetted from the side of America’s face as his body fell limp to the ground. 

 

Joe Hoffman: That’s enough! Damn it, that’s god damn enough!

 

Benny Newell: Well we all know America can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetary now cause he just got tattooed by whatever that piece of shit Mike “I fired Benny Newell” Best..

 

Mike collapses across America’s body as Stevens checks the shoulders..

 

ONE..

 

TWO…

 

THREE!!!

 

WINNER: MIKE BEST VIA PINFALL IN 42 MINUTES

 

Joe Hoffman: And there he’s done it. Mike Best defeats Christopher America in this years Solitary Confinement watch and what a war it was.. Today Mike Best was the better man.. 

 

Mike slumps off Christopher America, his one good eye looking up at Stevens as his arm is raised. Mike, in disgust, pulls his arm back and stares down at America whose whole head was a bloody mess. Reaching down Mike grabs America’s unconscious body and pushes it against the wall of the small prison cell they both shared. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Now what the hell is going on here?! What’s Mike doing, he’s won the match, is he just trying to add insult to injury?!

 

Reaching into the blood soaked black cloth bag Mike had used as a weapon and pulls something out. Turning to the wall between him and America he smashes something hard and metallic against it making a loud clanking noise. Pulling it away the faceplate of the HOFC Title is stained into the dirty concrete wall inked in Christopher America’s own blood. 

 

Joe Hoffman: That’s the HOFC Championship! Did.. Yes he did! Mike Best snuck the damn HOFC Title into Alcatraz and just used it to great effect to win his match at Rumble at the Rock.. but.. But what does this mean!? Is the HOFC Title back!? 

 

Benny Newell: No it’s not! Nobody has signed off on this! Nobody has even talked about this! You fucked up now Mike, Lee Best ISN’T going to stand for this! 

 

Mike slides down opposite of America as he clutches the HOFC title against his chest! A single visible eye peers at the camera as his pearly white teeth glimmer from between bruised and bloodied lips as he offers a sadistic smile. 

 

 

 

Joe Hoffman: Folks, I’ve already mentioned that it’s great to be back, but no moment feels better than this one right here— the main event of Rumble at the Rock. I have been proud to call every HOW pay-per-view main event from the inception of HOW, and tonight’s is legitimately one of the most exciting matches I’ve ever had the privilege to call. There will be blood. There will be mayhem. There will be violence. And while there are two championships on the line here tonight, by the end of this match there may very well only be ONE champion. 

 

Benny Newell: Very sentimental, dick. Save some of those tears, because when MAH BOY Cecilworth Farthington walks out of here with enough gold to force the Chinese into building another railroad system, you’re gonna be crying like a FUCKING BABY. 

 

Joe Hoffman: That’s maybe the most highbrow racist joke you’ve ever made, Benny. But if “your boy” Cecilworth Farthington intends to walk out of here with both the ICON and World Championships, he’s going to have to make it through two men with very similar intentions.

 

Benny Newell: Psh. Name one

 

Joe Hoffman: I… I can name two, Benny. The other two men in this match. Dan Ryan has been on a nearly unstoppable path since debuting in High Octane Wrestling, a ring general so decorated in pro wrestling that he’s legally allowed to celebrate Veteran’s Day. Earlier tonight, he wrestled his first of TWO matches tonight, assisting Lindsay Troy in retaining the HOW Tag Team Campionships And Halito— I’m sorry, Joe Bergman, known as Halitosis until literally earlier tonight, is the only two-time HOW World Champion of this era. 

 

Benny Newell: Yeah, and he lucked into it both times. Max Kael may as well have wrestled him with one butt cheek, cause his effort was HALF FUCKING ASSED. And John Sektor must have been back on the heroin, cause he was so nodded out in the ring he may as well have not shown up at all! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Joe Bergman is out here tonight to prove he’s no fluke, Benny, and that attitude is exactly the thing he’s looking to change. Halitosis has been very active in the media this week, outspokenly and unapologetically making it clear that any man who wants his championship is going to have to pry it from his cold, dead hands. The Vegas odds are dead even in this one tonight, and it’s anyone’s ballgame… a ballgame that begins NOW. 

 

In the main spectating area of the island, the HOV lights up, bringing about a buzz amongst the crowd as they get their first view of Alcatraz’s infirmary ward. 

 

There is one large open room, the main fighting space within the infirmary, which is surrounded on three sides by small cells with barred doors– this room was used to take care of sick and injured inmates while Alcatraz was a functioning prison, and likewise is being used as emergency triage for tonight’s show. As such, the room is filled in nearly equal parts with modern day medical equipment and ancient, decommissioned artifacts of the barbaric way that this institution used to “treat” its residents.

 

Joe Hoffman: For those who are new to the Infirmary Match, the equipment found in the infirmary tonight is going to span a period of over eighty years in medical science. Syringes, electrodes, and more litter this room, and it will ALL be fair game to the three men competing here tonight. Matt Boettcher will be with us momentarily to explain the rules of tonight’s contest, which will see both the ICON and World Championships decided over two falls.

 

Benny Newell: And to FUCKIN’ THINK I almost had to watch this match drunk from my couch tonight, Joe. Instead, I get to watch it drunk and live in person! This one is gonna be a MOTHERFUCKING SHIT SHOW, FOLKS! But what else do you expect from a shitty dumpster fire like High Octane Wrestling?

 

Referee Matt Boettcher pulls down the large protective grate on the main entrance to the infirmary, locking it tight and tucking the key into the pocket of his pants as he makes his way toward the center of the room. Slowly, the participants in tonight’s match begin to make their way out of the smaller, unlocked sub-cells, one by one. 

 

Dan Ryan steps out first, and he’s a sight to be seen. Instead of his wrestling attire, Dan has opted to wear a neck to toe set of spec ops battle gear, kevlar vest and all. A dozen or so tactical pockets hold God-only-knows what, and he looks ready to teabag a thirteen year old who talked shit after corner camping him in a game of Call of Duty. Make no mistake about it, though, this does not look like a man you want to fuck with. 

 

As Dan dusts off his combat boots, looking intent and focused, the HOW ICON Champion makes his way out of the next unlocked cell. He’s wearing a set of very expensive looking Gucci prison scrubs, hand tailored in gold and not that awful pleb orange that might be expected in a place like Alcatraz. He hands the HOW ICON Championship off to Matt Boettcher, making it very clear to the Senior HOW referee that he’ll be wanting that back in relatively short order. 

 

Joe Hoffman: These two men have a well of history in professional wrestling that may never run dry. Dan Ryan is the man who arguably discovered Cecilworth Farthington, albeit a much different Cecilworth than the man we know today. Tonight is the third meeting of these two behemoths of wrestling, and many speculate perhaps the final meeting. 

 

Benny Newell: I don’t even understand the debate. Cecilworth is 2-0 against this Seal Team Six Diaper Terminator, and hasn’t lost a match since literally the first show of this era. He’s the ICON, baby, the only champion that matters! 

 

Joe Hoffman: While CMF has retained his championship twice against Dan Ryan, don’t forget that the first match was a draw due to double count out. And since the second victory was by escaping a steel cage, it’s very much a fact that Dan Ryan has never been pinned or decisively defeated Cecilworth Farthington. 

 

Benny Newell: Well that’s just like, your opinion, man. 

 

Farthington steps out grinning, but the usual silly boy charm has been replaced with a lightning focus and a glint of evil intensity in his eyes. He narrows his glare at Dan Ryan, the smile on his face clearly darker than what we’re used to seeing. Dan seems more than happy to welcome this new side of his “protege”, and he motions for the ICON Champion to “come on and get some, then”. 

 

Cecilworth begins to step forward to do just that, but referee Matt Boettcher steps between them with his arms out, telling them to keep it at bay until the match begins. 

 

From the final unlocked cell, the man formerly known as Halitosis steps out with the HOW World Championship around his waist— the mask is gone now, and the lack of a scowl on the referee’s face makes clear that Joe Bergman’s breath is minty fresh on this particular occasion. Bergman makes his way out of the cell with a kendo stick in hand, ready to tear shit up and prove that he’s the rightful HOW World Champion. 

 

Joe Hoffman: While Halitosis has seemed perturbed for the last several weeks about his seemingly being overlooked in this title match, it’s beginning to look like it might serve to his advantage. Dan Ryan and Cecilworth Farthington appear to be so preoccupied with one another that Joe Bergman may be wise to keep letting them overlook him here tonight. 

 

Benny Newell: Spoken like a true warrior, Joe. HEY HAL JUST BE A PUSSY AND HIDE IN YOUR CELL UNTIL THE TIME COMES, THAT’LL PROVE YOU’RE THE CHAMP. Fucking idiot, Hoffman. He’s got a kendo stick. USE IT. 

 

Boettcher takes the belt from around the champion’s waist, before stopping to explain the rules. 

 

Matt Boettcher: Gentlemen, the following match will be decided in two falls. The first fall is for the HOW ICON Championship, and will be fought under traditional Infirmary Match rules. The first man to drag his opponent out of the infirmary, or otherwise cause him to cross the red tape at the end of the hall, WILL be crowned the HOW ICON Champion. 

 

The three combatants look each other over— this detail hadn’t previously been announced, and none of these men had been a part of the roster the last time these infirmary match rules had been invoked. Was it a special surprise, or a complete oversight by management? LET’S GO WITH THE FIRST ONE. 

 

Matt Boettcher: The second fall will be fought under Falls Count Anywhere rules— that is to say, there are basically no rules. The winner of the second and final fall will walk away with the HOW World Championship— per Lee Best, I am required to inform you that it is THE TOP TITLE IN HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING. Are the rules clear? 

 

One by one, the competitors in tonight’s match nod and sign off that they know the deal. Once Boettcher double checks that the infirmary room key is still safe in his pocket, ensuring no premature tricks to try and steal a first fall victory, he steps back a few paces and signals for the match to begin. 

 

From one of the locked cells within the infirmary, the sound of a bell ringing makes it official.

 

DING DING DING

 

Jumping the bell by one solid “ding”, Cecilworth Farthington takes a running slide and baseball slides into the knees of Dan Ryan, trying to take him off his feet literally the second it is legal to do so. Dan stumbles, but the extra padding from his military-grade SWAT gear helps him absorb the blow. Dan throws a wild kick with the affected leg, kicking CMF directly in the fucking head and bouncing his skull gingerly off the concrete floor! 

 

Joe Hoffman: A big gamble by the ICON Champion right out of the gates, but it backfires— Farthington rolls snake eyes and takes a stiff boot that rings his bell about the same time the bell is being rung! 

 

Benny Newell: I’ve got more liquor in me than a $100 bottle of sake right now, so I don’t understand your stupid fucking word play. Can’t you just say “DAN RYAN WITH A BRUTAL KICK TO THE HEAD!” like a normal, generic play-by-play guy? 

 

Joe Hoffman: …Dan Ryan, with a brutal kick to the head.

 

Farthington grabs his head, covering up from the inevitable follow up assault, as Dan Ryan lifts his leg to drop another hard kick. 

 

*THWACK!*

 

Before Dan can follow up, though, the distinct sound of a kendo stick resonates through the echoing infirmary, as his unprotected head is hammered by a huge swing from Halitosis! Dan staggers forward, his ears ringing from the surprise attack, but Bergman isn’t done yet! 

 

*THWACK!*

 

*THWACK!*

 

*THWACK!*

 

Three more blows rain down on the head of the number one contender, as he stumbles into the wall of the infirmary and covers up, trying to shake it off. Halitosis continues the assault though, trying to batter Dan Ryan into oblivion! 

 

*THWACK!*

 

*THWA—?*

 

Halitosis barrages Dan with the kendo stick, but the effectiveness seems to be dwindling. He swings one more time, and this one is shrugged off completely. 

 

*TH—?*

 

Joe Hoffman: The man is wearing a Spec Ops suit and kevlar! Get out of there Halitosis!

 

Benny Newell: HAAAAAA! What a fucking moron! Not so easy when the back of his head isn’t exposed, huh you bad breath fucking dummy?! 

 

Halitosis looks at the kendo stick, and then at Dan Ryan’s literal suit of armor, and then back at the kendo stick. Dan reaches out and grabs hold of the kendo stick, trying to rip it away from Bergman and neutralize the threat, but Halitosis throws a boot into the slightly less protected gut of Dan in defense! 

 

The two are locked into a tug of war over the weapon, but suddenly Halitosis is sent careening forehead first into the bridge of Dan Ryan’s nose, impacting with a sickening crack as Cecilworth Farthington drives a nasty looking running elbow into the back of Bergman’s head! The kendo stick falls harmlessly away from all three men, as CMF follows up with a barrage of forearms to the back of Halitosis’ head, keeping Dan trapped against the wall as the onslaught continues! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Farthington is on his feet and firing on all cylinders! A triple threat match is just as much about situational awareness as it is about physical punishment— if you get tunnel vision, you’re gonna have a bad time. 

 

Benny Newell: ATTABOY FARTHINGTON! The one true champion there, folks. That’s how you fucking do it! 

 

Dan Ryan doesn’t appreciate being the other slice of bread in a violent sandwich, and he shoves Halitosis backward, tumbling a swinging CMF backward onto his ass. Farthington quickly scurries back to his feet though, as Dan begins charging toward him. 

 

Halitosis rolls away from the chaos, looking to catch his breath and let the two warring faction members have it out. Dan is favoring his left arm, having injured his right arm earlier in the evening in the Guard Tower match, and Farthington definitely takes notice— Dan starts throwing hard lefts at CMF, but Farthington keeps dodging to the right, trying to force his HOW rival into throwing punches with his right side. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Dan took a big beating to that right arm earlier tonight at the hands of Hollywood and Zion, and it looks like he’s trying to protect that injury from getting worse here tonight. Not good news, up against a man who spent his week training to break arms. 

 

Benny Newell: Pretend you’re Eric Dane and Dan Ryan’s arm is your HOW contract, Farthington! BREAK THAT MOTHERFUCKER!

 

CMF shoots in for the injured arm of Dan Ryan, who winces as his arm is forcibly yanked on by the ICON Champion. But instead of going on defense, Dan says FUCK IT and wraps both arms around Cecilworth with his monstrous grip, tossing him over his head with a vicious belly-to-belly suplex that sends Farthington impacting and skidding across the concrete floor!

 

Dan drops to a knee, holding onto his arm and trying to regain his composure, but Halitosis rushes in from behind and grabs hold of the injured arm, tugging on it in a standing arm wrench. Dan cries out from the pain, feeling the fibers in his arm giving way, but Bergman clamps down on the hold even tighter. 

 

Farthington begins to climb to his feet, but doesn’t appear to be in a hurry to stop the torture of Dan Ryan going on before his eyes. 

 

Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan is in trouble again— both of his opponents are wise to that injured arm, and neither of them want to relent. Good guys, bad guys, none of that matters in the infirmary. Not with HOW’s top two prizes on the line. 

 

Benny Newell: If someone doesn’t snap his fucking arm like raw pasta soon, I’m gonna get bored. 

 

Hobbling back toward the action, Cecilworth Farthington reaches into the front of his Gucci prison attire, fishing around near an area that is definitely penis adjacent. He pulls out a fancy looking cashmere sock, stuffed with something heavy, and charges toward Dan Ryan with it, rearing back and going for the head! 

 

BUT DAN RYAN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!

 

Ducking with the arm wrench to protect his arm, Dan Ryan gets away at the last second! The cashmere sock explodes solar plexus of Halitosis, bending him over at the waist as the wind is sucked out of him. Farthington shrugs, bring it into the air again, the fanciest old school prison weapon in existence clobbering the HOW World Champion in the back of the head and knocking him to the concrete! 

 

Joe Hoffman: …is that… is that a bar of soap inside of a sock?!

 

Benny Newell: PRISON JUSTICE MOTHERFUCKER! 

 

Farthington brings down the loaded sock again, impacting Halitosis hard on the back of his unmasked head. 

 

*CRACK!*

 

CMF: EARN!

 

*CRACK!*

 

CMF: YOUR!

 

*CRACK!*

 

CMF: FUCKING!

 

*CRACK!*

 

CMF: RESPECT! 

 

He raises the sock again, but the bottom rips out of the cashmere and sends the contents of the sock spilling out all over the infirmary floor. A hundred or so large gold coins go flying like Sonic the Hedgehog just lost his rings, and the shiny loss of money is enough to distract Farthington from the very angry Dan Ryan standing right next to him, ready to strike. 

 

A big left forearm collides with the side of Farthington’s skull, sending him skittering sideways, and now it’s time for Dan Ryan to take control. He hammers the ICON Champion with big left hands, finally throwing a knee into CMF’s chest and doubling him over— Dan hops slightly off his feet, hooking Farthing’s head and driving him into the concrete with a jumping DDT! 

 

Joe Hoffman: WHOA! Dan Ryan is back in this match, and with both of his opponents incapacitated! It looks like he’s going to try for the first fall! 

 

Benny Newell: YOU STAY AWAY FROM THE ICON TITLE YOU GODLESS WHORE FOR FASHIONABLE EYEWEAR!

 

Dan Ryan grabs Halitosis by the back of his shirt, hauling the luchador up off the floor and literally throwing him over his good shoulder. He marches over to Boettcher, ordering him to open the infirmary door. 

 

Boettcher runs to the infirmary door, fumbling into his pocket for the key, but it falls out of his hands and tumbles to the concrete below. Halitosis is beginning to struggle to get free, still probably concussed from the cashmere calamity just moments before. 

 

Dan Ryan: Damnit, hurry up! 

 

Looking nervous now, Matt Boettcher fumbles the key one more time before picking it up and awkwardly stuffing it into the padlock. He turns the key, and begins to open the grate to the infirmary… but it sticks halfway! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Oh come on! Dan Ryan is about to become the ICON Champion, can we not get some WD-40 out here?

 

Benny Newell: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU. 

 

Growing impatient, Dan shoves Boettcher out of the way with his bad arm, wincing as he extends it. He tries to haul the door open with one arm, but his injury just makes his scream out in pain as he pulls the door up at half strength. He can’t make it move! 

 

Dan takes one final heave, and this time the door gives way, moving back up into the ceiling like a garage door. But in the struggle, Halitosis wriggles free from the shoulder of the number one contender, and drops down behind Dan Ryan! He throws a dropkick, and sends Dan Ryan careening forward through the door toward the red tape! 

 

Joe Hoffman: Halitosis has done it! JOE BERGMAN IS THE ICON CHAMPION!

 

Benny Newell: ….no he fucking isn’t! HA! FUCK YOU, YOU BAD BREATHED WEIRDO!

 

Sadly, Benny is right! Dan Ryan stops just short of the red line, keeping his balance like a wide receiver keeping himself in bounds. Bergman can’t risk sending himself over the line by following up, so he begins to back up to reset the fight after nearly winning the first fall of this matchup. 

 

Unfortunately, he backs up too much, and finds himself spun around by Cecilworth Farthington! Farthington lays into Bergman with a series of repeated open hands to the face! Halitosis battles back with right hands of his own, as the two trade blows, and then Dan Ryan joins the fray! He starts laying punches into the back of Bergman’s head, and now Dan Ryan and CMF are accidentally working together to take down the reigning HOW World Champion! 

 

Dan grabs the back of Halitosis’ collar, dragging him toward one of the sealed cells in the infirmary— the one used for the active medical equipment for tonight’s show. Dan reaches into one of the “tactical pockets” of his vest, pulling out… the door key! He took it from the lock on his way back into the fight! Throwing Halitosis into the cell door, he watches as the champion collapses into a heap. 

 

Unceremoniously, Dan Ryan jams the key into the lock on the cell door, giving it a twist and sliding the mechanism open. He tears into the cell, tossing aside various expensive looking implements until he finds one that he finds permissable– a two inch long hypodermic needle! He empties out the liquid inside, tossing the plunger down onto the floor as he makes his way back outside of the cell… eyeing his old friend Cecilworth. 

 

Cecilworth backs away slowly, seeing Dan approach with the implement of death in his fingertips. Looking to the left and the right, he doesn’t see an obvious way out, and suddenly Dan charges forward with the syringe in hand! Farthington doesn’t have time to get away as Dan Ryan lunges the needle forward like a knife, but he barely catches the arm of his opponent as he brings the needle down! Farthington catches it the bulk of it, locking the two in a deadly test of strength!

 

Joe Hoffman: I know there are no rules, but this is ridiculous! That needle could actually kill Cecilworth Farthington!

 

Benny Newell: FUCK! Don’t you dare fucking kill our beautiful boy, you piece of shit! I swear to God I will fucking smash this bottle of Jack and stab you with handle! 

 

Farthington manages to get the upper hand, turning Dan’s own wrist around and pushing the needle back toward his face, a millimeter at a time. Dan struggles against Farthington’s leverage, but to little avail. Cecilworth stops just short of Ryan’s left eye, still trying to push forward, as Dan begins to lose his ability to fight back.

 

Suddenly, Farthington is blasted sideways, hitting the concrete with a sickening thump as a result of a large, metallic clang. Standing over him is Joe fucking Bergman, and he looks pissed! He holds in his hands an IV stand left over from a year when movies were still known as ‘moving pictures’, it’s rusted top the source of Cecil’s new head injury. He tosses the IV stand aside, dropping to the floor and picking up the large hypodermic needle. He raises it high overhead, bringing it down hard toward the body of Cecilworth Farthington! 

 

BUT DAN FUCKING RYAN MAKES THE SAVE!

 

Probably not for Cecilworth’s sake, but goddamnit, he wants to become the ICON Champion! Dan crashes into the back of the current World Champion with a rolling stretcher pulled out of the medical cell, tumbling him over, and then he follows up with a series of stomps, keeping the champion down with kicks to the head! 

 

Joe Hoffman: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!

 

Benny Newell: It’s like God JUST remembered that there are fucking WEAPONS in the infirmary! PRAISE JESUS!

 

Cecilworth uses the stretcher to pull himself to his feet, and he looks at it with evil in his eyes. Quickly, rolls a second stretcher out of the cell, letting it fly haphazardly into the infirmary behind him. 

 

CMF lays a hard boot into the back of Dan Ryan’s knee, taking him down to a kneeling position before targeting a dropkick down directly into his injured right arm! Dan is writhing in pain, as he crashes anticlimactically to the hard stone floor of Alcatraz. 

 

Dan rolls over to his knees, climbing up to his feet while trying to catch his bearings. He stumbles toward CMF, only to eat a second dropkick, this time to the face, from the ICON Champion! Dan falls backward into the stretcher, which rolls as he connects, but CMF grabs Dan quickly and stuffs him up onto the device, strapping Ryan in tightly and trying to keep him from being able to escape. Dan screams to be let go, but Farthington seems to have no inclination of doing so. He starts to roll the stretcher toward the door of the infirmary…

 

Joe Hoffman: Oh God, I see what he’s… no, not like this! 

 

Benny Newell: YES! ROLL HIM THE FUCK OUT! RETAIN THE TITLE, YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER!

 

Halitosis is now to his feet, and he can see what’s about to happen. He knows it’s too late to stop Cecilworth Farthington, but he runs toward the wall, springboarding off of a piece of the light rigging and sails toward the duo…

 

THE MOTHERFUCKING HIGH ANGLE SENTON BOMB THROUGH A STRETCHER!

 

Joe Hoffman: OH MY ACTUAL GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

 

Benny Newell: A high angle senton bomb through a stretcher, Mr. Play By Play. DRINK!

 

Both competitors crash through the stretcher, which is now a mess of twisted metal. Matt Boettcher looks on in horror, seeing the wreckage and bleeding bodies wrapped up in it. It’s Bergman that crawls free from the mess, though, as Dan’s body armor absorbed a great deal of the impact for him as they crashed to the hard, unforgiving floor. 

 

Slowly, and painfully, Halitosis grabs the other stretcher from nearby, rolling it over to the mess that he’s just made in the infirmary. He rips the straps free from Dan’s mangled body, rolling him out of the twisted wreckage. 

 

Tired of the extra armor, Halitosis unstraps the Kevlar from Dan Ryan and rips it off, throwing it to the side. Immediately, he returns his attention to Dan and begins picking him up… with the help of Cecilworth Farthington! They lift Dan off the ground, dropping him lifelessly onto the the undamaged stretcher. Halitosis and Farthington strap Dan in, even tighter this time.

 

Joe Hoffman: They can’t both win like this… this partnership has to be short lived, but right now Dan Ryan is helpless! He’s trapped! 

 

Benny Newell: Now’s your chance, CEE EM EFF! Turn on that generic motherfucker and take your title! 

 

It’s as if Benny’s voice travelled across the entire island, because that is precisely what Cecilworth does. He turns and boots Halitosis in the stomach, lifting him high overhead and bringing him down to the concrete with WORTHLESS! There is a crunch as Halitosis lands on the wreckage of the previous stretcher, and Farthington quickly scurries back to his feet, hoping he still has time. 

 

Farthington slowly pushes the stretcher toward the still open infirmary doors, but Dan Ryan is beginning to stir, trying to flail the stretcher over so that he can escape. Farthington says a prayer to the Father, the Son, and the Holy ChristPlow, closing his eyes as he shoves the stretcher toward the open doors, it’s wheels spinning as Dan tries desperately to get free of the straps. He finally wriggles free, literally breaking the fucking straps, and the whole stretcher swerves sideways, flipping over and crashing into a heap of a wreck on the concrete….

 

…BUT IT’S OVER THE LINE!

 

DING DING DING

 

The voice of Bryan McVay is played over the speakers, and for the fans in attendance, as Farthington falls to his knees.

 

Joe Hoffman: I can’t believe this… he did it again. He actually did it again! Two straight pay-per-views, and Cecilworth Farthing is STILL the HOW ICON Champion! 

 

Benny Newell: It ain’t over yet, Hoffman. He’s leaving with both fucking belts. BET ME FIVE DOLLARS, BITCH!

 

There are actual tears in the retaining champion’s eyes as he hears the bell ring for the first fall of the match. 

 

McVay: The winner of the first fall…. AND STILL HOW ICON CHAMPION…. Cecilworth…. M…. …. FAAAAAAARTHINGTON.  

 

Farthington doesn’t have much time to celebrate, though. Halitosis, still weak from the ongoing damage, brings a big, meaty hammer blow onto the back of Cecilworth Farthington. CMF doubles forward, stumbling toward the wall, both men beginning to show their pure physical exhaustion.

 

Bergman charges forward, getting his bearings, as he hammers into Farthington with a heavy forearm to the head. CMF doesn’t go down though, instead countering with a big forearm of his own, and soon the two men are trading blows once again, running on something other than oxygen as the match continues. Farthington runs a knee into the groin of Halitosis, knocking him off balance and sending pain through the World Champion’s nervous system, buying him enough time to take a step back– he charges straight into Bergman and knocks him straight back into one of the empty cells with a vicious spear! Both men drop into a heap, still fighting for position, as CMF rolls Bergman over, punching him in the head about as hard as a man can be punched in the head.

 

Halitosis tries to cover up, but Farthington has the advantage. He steps out of the mount, grabbing a hold of Joe’s recently discovered hair and slamming him face first into the heavy toilet of the empty cell. Bergman’s face impacts like a freight train, his face immediately beginning to pour blood from the nose and mouth. Cecilworth doesn’t stop there, though, ramming his opponent’s head into the toilet again. And again. And again.

 

Joe Hoffman: My God, this is a bloodbath! Someone needs to stop this, the match is over!

 

Benny Newell: Shut up, you pussy! It’s just getting good! It ain’t over till someone fucking counts to three!

 

From the wreckage of the overturned stretcher, Dan Ryan is looking worse for the wear. A huge gash on his forehead marks the place where the twisted metal cut him up, and he is finally beginning to free himself from the broken mess he’s trapped inside. He rips the last of the straps off, crawling slowly out of the scrap heap. 

 

Meanwhile, Farthington continues the assault, slamming Bergman’s face into the toilet time and time again, each time the champion becoming more and more helpless. Matt Boettcher finishes checking on Dan Ryan, and he slowly makes his way to where both men are fighting. When he sees what is going on, his eyes grow wide and he begins running for the cell.

 

Joe Hoffman: STOP HIM! Jesus Christ, stop Cecilworth Farthington! What the hell is he doing?

 

Benny Newell: Becoming a FUCKING CHAMPION, Joe. You think it’s all fun and games now? You think he’s a fucking joke now, Joe? 

 

Farthington picks up pace, slamming Halitosis’ head against the toilet one last time. Stepping in, Matt Boettcher tries to pull Farthington of off of his opponent. CMF roughly pulls away from the referee, as Dan Ryan gets to his feet, shambling back toward the infirmary door and trying to hurry his pace. 

 

CMF: IT’S NOT FUCKING OVER YET. 

 

Unceremoniously, Cecilworth Farthington maneuvers the mostly unconscious body of Halitosis into position, “locking in” the Article 50. Matt Boettcher looks disgusted, as Farthington locks back on the hold, clearly trying to break Joe Bergman’s arm. Dan Ryan spots the legs of Boettcher hanging out of the open cell, and ups his jog to a sprint so that he can break up the hold….. 

 

But it’s too late! 

 

Boettcher calls for the bell, with no other choice but to protect the safety of Halitosis, who is no longer conscious. He drops the now former champion’s hand, shaking his head as he calls for the bell. 

 

DING DING DING

 

Cecilworth M. Farthington collapses into the wall of the cell, slumping toward the ground with his head in his hands. Referee Matt Boettcher looks disgusted with him, but brings CMF the ICON and World Championships, setting them at his side as the exhausted champion tries to pull himself together in the final seconds after victory. 

 

Bryan McVay: The winner of the second fall, by submission… and NEW HOW WORLD CHAMPION… CECILWORTH…. M…. FAAAAARTHINGTON!

 

Exhausted, but accomplished, Cecilworth climbs to his feet, his chest heaving. He carries both belts out of the cell, running directly into the face of Dan Ryan. 

 

Dan gets into the face of Cecilworth Farthington, clearly not happy with the result of this match and feeling like he got screwed. He looks ready to attack the new double champion, but suddenly he takes a protective step backward. 

 

Because Cecilworth has company. 

 

Stepping into the infirmary of Alcatraz, Michael Lee Best and Maximilian Kael saunter in through the wide open door. Dan looks over the odds, before nodding and intelligently giving Cecilworth a slap on the shoulder and making his way out of the infirmary. It isn’t over, but it is for tonight. 

 

And there they stand, the eMpire officially together for the first time in this era of HOW. Michael Best, carrying the HOFC Championship he used to defeat Christopher America earlier tonight. Maximilian Kael, the LSD Champion. 

 

And Cecilworth Farthington. 

 

The World and ICON Champion. 

 

The three men stand tall, as Rumble at the Rock officially comes to an end. 

 

Roleplay Countdown

RELATED BY

X
X