Your Business is So Legit, it Doesn’t Even Need to Look Real.

Your Business is So Legit, it Doesn’t Even Need to Look Real.

Posted on January 7, 2021 at 10:49 am by High Flyer

Hmmmm… I think I might have used my best material against you last time.

Eh, no one remembers last week, yet alone four months ago.

Let’s go for round 2 with Miracle Enterprises here in 2021’s Denucci Cup. Steve Harrison. It’s a miracle a man with a name as milquetoast as yours was ever able to gather the attention of Lee Best. Your talent in the ring, certainly, is only superseded by your talent with the silver tongue. You got slick words Harry and the Harrisons, slick words that mean nothing. Like every con man I’ve heard spew the hard sell. You even talk about coning the world openly, outright. And I wonder how you’re every going to be able to do that again, after admitting yourself as a fraud on national television.

Then again, you’ve already pulled off the con of the century. I’d say doopin’ Best Senior into a contract is an achievement you’ll gloat about for years!

I mean, look, you’re obviously talented, a man who had multiple runs of success in 2020, but easily distracted. In ways, we’re kindred spirits. But see, here’s where we differ.

I get distracted by shiny objects, and then go chase them.

You get distracted from competing, and actively AVOID, all shiny objects.

Let me go chase that dog with a puffy tail.

Alright. Listen Harry. I just don’t understand your avoidance of all things golden. Everyone tells me, reminds me, every week that the point of being here isn’t just to win, it’s to become champion. And they’re right. There’s no real point being here if you’re not going to strive to etch your name in the record books. The only record you’ve logged is most times talent refused a championship match. What are you, a girl trying to lose her virginity to the perfect guy? The perfect guy is whatever championship you can claim… wrap my dirty grubbing mitts on and clutch to my bosom with no intent to ever release… The perfect championship is whatever opportunity is presented. You take what you can like you’re little Timmy beggin’ for more, cause the opportunities dry up.

I mean, look at my 2020…

Do I think Steve Harrison is talented? Sure. He wouldn’t be here otherwise.

Do I think Steve Harrison is smart? Mostly. You gotta be smart to con people without getting conned yourself.

Do I think Steve Harrison is a professional wrestler? No. Not first and foremost at least. Steve chases the money, not the gold. That’s a fundamental difference between a wrestler, and a guy who wrestles.

Harrison is a guy who wrestles.

I’m a guy who lives, eats, sleeps, fucks and breathes wrestling.

So, go on, hock your wares like you’re the shamwow guy.

You bring shame to the US Olympic Hockey Team. You bring shame to God. You bring shame to OUR God, Mr. Lee Worthington Best. Middle name assumed.

You are no miracle man. It’s a miracle you’re still even here man.

Oh, also, I just remembered because I think this is wholly appropriate and just what you’ve been looking for. Kind sir, I have an absolutely lovely 2021 discounted deal on snow, yes that heavenly fresh flakes that fall from the sky snow. That light cold fluff that closes businesses and schools. I figure, next time you want to avoid a title match, you can use your coupon, make it snow in whatever city you’re in, and tell Lee, “Welp, guess I can’t make it. Bad weather. Maybe next time…”

Then, Lee will finally do what he’s probably wanted to since last year, and can your ass.

But I’ll be here for you Harrison. You can come to me, and we can join forces, start selling things to people in kiosks on the side of the road when I retire. I can get my brother-in-law to sell NADs if you need to remove some stray hairs. Maybe get Conor Fuse to open a Gamestop. Mike Best can set up a booth where he just calls you an asshole for five dollars.

We could have our very own HOW Mall.

Wouldn’t that be fun when I retire, and you get fired?