Sometimes you have to put a stop to the other voices. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you.
Worry about yourself. Focus on you. No one else will save you. No one is coming to help. At the end of the day all you can depend on is you.
Not everyone in life is going to do right for you. At the end of the day we are all looking out for ourselves. It’s when we are helping others we lose focus.
Humans are selfish at heart. Everyone has a motive. Some are just better at hiding their true selves.
That’s why friendships in wrestling are pointless. Every friendship in wrestling is just an enemy who hasn’t stabbed you in the back yet. Loyalty doesn’t exist when your focus is furthering yourself in wrestling. You can’t get ahead if you are busy trying to help people.
But in the end we are who we have always been. We try and hide it with clothes, fake gestures. But in the end we always reveal who we really are.
People don’t always like the truth but it doesn’t change anything. You are who you are and you can’t outrun it. People don’t really change, not fundamentally.
It’s why new years resolutions fail within the first month. Because trying to change, trying to grow, and be a bigger person? It’s shit.
It’s the scorpion and the frog fable. The TLDR is: Of course I will sting you, it’s in my nature, even if that means we both drown…
Her eyes open as she grimaces in pain, her hand goes to her head, wincing as she touches cuts on her forehead. Her surroundings are of a basic cheap hotel room. Looking around feeling as if she had the hell beat out of her, she goes to a mirror to look at herself. The window she can see overcast and rain.
Bobbinette: Did you get us in a bar fight? I have to face Aceldama. This is an important match damn it and you got us into a bar fight?
Bobbinette Reflection: Think again…
She notices this voice is louder than normal. Bobbinette walks past the mirror in her hotel room.
Bobbinette: What are you talking about?
Bobbinette notices she is the reflection. Worry starts to spread across her face.
Bobbinette Reflection: We already had the match against Ace, well I did. You’re welcome.
Bobbinette bows to the mirror with a smirk. The reflection of Bobbinette looks confused.
Bobbinette: What? What do you mean you did? And why would I thank you? Did we win?
Bobbinette’s posture changes as she backs from the mirror a little.
Bobbinette Reflection: Well… Not exactly? He beat me, so he really didn’t beat you. So that’s a win right?
The reflection asks with a nervous smile. Bobbinette looks shocked with annoyance as she watches her reflection not get what the issue is.
Bobbinette: What the shit?! It’s still a loss for me! It’s still my body! How are you still not getting this? Like seriously Scooter! He doesn’t know you’re in here.
Bobbinette’s reflection gestures her whole body at her.
Bobbinette: You lost in my body It doesn’t matter if he beat “me” in the ring in this body, he still beat me in the ring!
Bobbinette Reflection: That sounds really confusing. Maybe you’re confused because he beat me in the ring.
Bobbinette points to herself shaking her head.
Bobbinette: In my body!
Bobbinette Reflection: Yeah, but I had the hockey stick; I had the jersey; I came out to my theme music, how could he not get it? Ripping off my jersey didn’t stop me from being me. He should know better!
Bobbinette: Because you’re dead…
Bobbinette Reflection: Obviously not Carey… I beat the hell out of Ace so I feel more alive than ever.
Bobbinette rolls her eyes glaring at the reflection before looking at her phone across the room. Bobbinette’s reflection smirks.
Bobbinette: Why am I not able to get the phone?
Bobbinette Reflection: Because you’re not in charge anymore.
A look of horror spreads across her face as she realizes she in fact is not in control.
Bobbinette: Wait… what? Scooter, you had your fun. It’s time to switch back…
There’s a sound of worry and urgency in her voice.
Bobbinette Reflection: I don’t think so Carey…
The reflection walks over and picks up the phone.
Bobbinette: Scooter, come on, you made your point!
Bobbinette Reflection: I don’t think I did… but don’t worry, I’ll play mommy to your kids. But I have a match this week. You’ll get to see what it’s been like to be me all this time. Having to hope to get your attention. But thanks for flashing “hass” across the screen. Definitely confused the dumb Ace.
Bobbinette shakes her head in confusion.
Bobbinette: That… wasn’t me. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Her reflection shrugs.
Bobbinette Reflection: Doesn’t matter. I’m going to get you Anti-Christ ready to take on this new punk.
Bobbinette sighs rolling her eyes.
Bobbinette: How about you let me wrestle? I’m actually good at that part.
Bobbinette Reflection: Ha, I’m not letting you out. This Charles guy is going to get a welcome HOW style.
Bobbinette: Wait!! Why are we in a hotel room?
Bobbinette Reflection: All the money you have and you have us sleeping in a cold warehouse? I don’t think so, Carey. We are right across the street from a brewery and a gym.
Bobbinette: So I stay in here and you’re me? Is this the plan? You’re going to destroy people as me so people give me the credit?
Bobbinette Reflection: Charles is some Dandy. He may pull his punches and for that we can take full advantage. Show him what happens when you walk into HO against the hardcore artist.
The reflection in control she walks over to a hockey stick picking it up in her hands she spins it around looking at it.
Bobbinette: Can we study this guy?
Bobbinette Reflection: What’s to study? He’s new we make the fucker bleed, then an Anti-hero IPA after.
Bobbinette picks up an unopened bottle and toasts to her reflection. The mirror image looks on at her as she downs the beer. She throws the empty can into the trash and smirks, nodding to the mirror. Bobbinette notices what she is wearing. Bobbinette is wearing New York rangers leggings with a jersey. Bobbinette looks on in horror.
Bobbinette: Is that a poly blend?! I’m going to break out in a rash. I don’t wear cheap clothes, Scooter!! You’re ruining my brand. You’re not wrestling, you’re doing barbarian shit pretending to be wrestling. Hardcore wrestling isn’t art! It never has been.
The reflection looks offended.
Bobbinette Reflection: Fuckin eh! How many times have I saved your ass? When I was alive and now? You want to act like it’s beneath you? You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my non art. But this is why I have taken over. You don’t appreciate me. I’m dead and you’re an ingrate. I’ve been here for months and you don’t appreciate that I stuck around for you. You waste all the opportunities you get and I’m just supposed to be okay with that? You’re alive and still not being who you should be or living up to the potential of what made you a legend here! When I fought Ace it made me realize I can be who you need to be. You’re not ready to be that person so I took over.
Bobbinette looks shocked as the two stare at each other.
Bobbinette: You can’t just take over people’s bodies. You can’t just decide what I am doing doesn’t work for you. This is my life you’re playing with!
Bobbinette Reflection: It was your life. You wasted it, I’m going to do something with it. Fuck the epic shit, it’s time for hardcore Carey.
Bobbinette looks at her reflection as both cringe.
Bobbinette Reflection: I feel like I need to wash my mouth and eyes out after that. But you fuckin know what I mean Carey. This is my chance to make it to wargames and win. I was on a winning team last year. You’re not going to ‘Carey’ it up for me this year
Bobbinette looks annoyed as she grabs another beer and cracks it open glaring at herself in the mirror.
Bobbinette: I don’t appreciate my name being used like that…
Bobbinette Reflection: Maybe I can find a fuck to give at the bottom of this can.
She finishes the second can of beer.
Bobbinette Reflection: Nope not one there… I know why don’t we call Conor and ask him if he’s got one to spare…
Bobbinette looks annoyed at the reflection.
Bobbinette: Is this jealousy? Cause I got a new friend? Seriously I didn’t expect that level of petty Scooter..
Bobbinette Reflection: No, this is about the damage you do to everyone else. You make “friends”. Only to use them when you need to. It’s why I canceled therapy with Conor. So you don’t “help” him like you helped me against Mike. You only care about Carey. So at least with me doing this it sets him free. How long did you mourn my death? You still wrestled after I died. A great friend you are…
There’s a look of guilt on Bobbinette’s face.
Bobbinette Reflection: Maybe now you’re seeing me taking over as a good thing. Charlie will get to see what HOW really is.
Bobbinette: His name is Charles and you’re calling him Charlie? Leave the nicknames to me, you’re not creative enough for it.
Bobbinette says biting back against the reflection. The reflection rolls her eyes scoffing.
Bobbinette Reflection: Yeah your stupid fucking nicknames stick. I really appreciate being a 40+ year old that people call “scooter.” Thanks for that.
She grabs another beer cracking it. Bobbinette sees her well manicured nails broken and jagged.
Bobbinette: Okay I may have been a crap friend…
Bobbinette Reflection: Understatement of the fuckin year Carey.
Bobbinette: Then let me fix it. Let me be a better friend. We can do this together.
She laughs a little before turning into a loud obnoxious laughter.
Bobbinette Reflection: Carey one of the best things about being in your head, is I know when you’re lying.
Bobbinette closes her eyes taking deep slow cleansing breaths.
Bobbinette: My birthday is next week can you let me out for that?
Bobbinette Reflection: Oh, like I got to celebrate mine? Oh wait, I was here… I’m going to do you a solid by scoring a win, your first of the year against some new kid. Happy fucking birthday Carey!
The reflection toasts again to her before finishing another beer. She goes into the mini fridge to grab another realizing the fridge is empty.
Bobbinette Reflection: We’ll continue this later. I’m going to go workout then restock. Don’t go anywhere Carey you’re not going to want to miss this
She grabs the room key and her phone. She looks around for pockets to put the phone getting frustrated she grabs the top of her shirt and shoves the phone in her bra.
Bobbinette Reflection: Built in pocket right there! Who needs a purse!
She goes to grab the wallet out of the purse and realizes it won’t fit. Her smug smile fades as she grabs the phone out of her cleavage and puts it in her purse. She flips the bird to her reflection. The reflection of the real Bobbinette gives a fake customer service smile back at herself as she leaves the hotel room.
Being a prisoner of my own mind.. you never realize how scary and quiet it is till you’re alone with your own thoughts.
You start to question everything… reflecting on the past… the worry about the future.
The little voice you’ve ignored took over, there’s nothing you can do to stop them. You have entered your own personal hell watching everything happen like a movie. You can’t stop it, you can’t change it. You’re just there… last thing I remembered was national women’s day march 8th… then it’s March 16th and I’m starting back at myself in the mirror, but I’m in the mirror. She…he? It isn’t me! Surely they have to see this! Someone has to figure it out.
Or maybe I have been such a shit person that the change is welcomed. I miss me, is this what it feels like to fade away? To only exist in memories?
Charles De Lacy I’m so sorry I would love to give you a real wrestling match. I’d love nothing more than you to see the caliper of wrestling that HOW does. But instead he is going to make you bleed. You don’t know me so you’re going to think the monster in the ring is who I am. It’s not and I am sorry.
I am not some edge lord who is trying to hold onto a type of “wrestling” that’s been dead and gone for 20 years. I believe in the sport of wrestling, the technical abilities, the genuine love of this business. But you won’t get to see that. It isn’t fair to you at all. And you’ll walk away with scars from this. You’ll blame me for them and I will forever be judged on what happens on Chaos by you.
I only wish that some day you’ll be able to face the real me. But apparently I’m not strong enough to stop him from anything… someone else in charge was never what I wanted. But what is the other option? My friend doesn’t exist if I fight him. Maybe this is repaying a debt, maybe it’s Catholic guilt that has allowed him to take over. But for now Mr De Lacy…. Know that I am sorry. The hardcore artist is the one calling the shots.. for now. But hopefully I am not judged too harshly and can repair all the damage that is being done in my name with my body. Hopefully …