You Spin Me Round (Like A Broken Record)

You Spin Me Round (Like A Broken Record)

Posted on February 4, 2021 at 11:35 pm by Xander Azula

Christ on a bike, Steve…do you ever go back and listen to yourself?

Imagine calling someone out for living in a fantasy world, and constantly dropping movie references to show that you’re the cool dad in the group.

Imagine accusing someone of LARPing while playing the role of alpha male…a social construct invented purely as an excuse for men to think with their dick instead of their brain.

All while saying the same shit over and over again, like a broken record, changing the tune ever so slightly so you sound more profound than you really are.

And yet I’m the idiot for repeating myself, right?

Calling yourself something over and over doesn’t make it magically true. If it did, I’d be a millionaire by now.

What’s worse is, you’re not just repeating yourself…you’re even starting to repeat what others have been saying, or so it seems.

Seriously…time travel? What the fuck, Steve? Simon Loveless felt a need to talk about traveling to the end of time, and now you’re dropping this Back to the Future bullshit on me…live in the now, Steve.

But I guess that’s what alpha males do, right? They say stupid shit and then they KEEP saying it, expecting to sound cool and impress their friends.

I get it…you think all these outsiders are the same, and nothing I say will change your mind.

I get it…you think I’m spouting bullshit, even though you’re doing everything you’re telling me NOT to do.

You’ve been bragging about how great a fighter you are this whole time, but now that you’re caught in the corner on the Best Alliance issue, you talk about being a team player?

Steven, your pals aren’t helping you inside the cage this weekend. I don’t give a shit about your collective good…when that bell rings, it’s just you and me.

You DID boast about your own success, you literally said “I was number one in the rankings this past year” like that matters to me here, now, in the present.

I’ve been trying not to sink to the old man jokes, Steve, but you’re making it harder and harder with every second. You’re being forgetful, you’re missing the point of what I’m saying…you’re not even finishing your sentences properly.

Glasses and a what, Steven? Were you staring off into space, trying to remember the other movie reference you were trying to squeeze into your rant?

Who’s the one living in a fantasy world now?

Fine, let’s play that game. Let’s drop a movie reference in here, just for you…let’s talk about Old Yeller.

That’s right, you know where this is heading.

If you’re gonna lean into the routine of being the resident “old man” of this company, then we need to skip to the end and take you behind the woodshed.

I know, I know…it’s cliche as all hell, but so is about two-thirds of the bullshit you’ve spewed this week.

Since you’re struggling to comprehend basic communication, let me lay this out plainly for you…when the cage door closes and the bell rings, I’m putting you out of your misery.

I’ll do it one of two ways, just like I did with Simon Loveless…I’ll either cut you down within five minutes and be done with it, or I’ll make an example out of you in whatever time I need.

When all is said and done, my goddess will get another sacrifice and she will be pleased. And then, you can climb back into that DeLorean of yours and drive off to some other point in time and try to fix your mistakes.

Do me a favor, Steve-O…don’t bother coming back to February 6, 2021. This is a fixed point in time, as far as I’m concerned. Maybe try your luck with January 17, 2014…go try to win that LSD Championship…and maybe then you’ll actually be relevant in my eyes.

And when I’m done, I want the Best Alliance to take a look at this and conduct a thorough performance review. I need them to take one look at you, realize you couldn’t even beat an outsider, and reconsider your position within the group.

You sure as hell don’t deserve their friendship, their association, or even their acknowledgement.

All roads lead back home for you, Steve Solex…maybe if you’d stop trying to be an alpha male, you’d realize that by now.

I already tried retirement once. Didn’t like it. I have too much left to do before I’m through.

Too bad you can’t say the same.