- Event: Refueld XLII
Everybody look the fuck out!
Eric Dane is here, and he’s a grizzled old vet! His beard is nasty and he only fights to fight! He’s a crafty old bitch who loves to complain about how he’s never going to get a proper shot in HOW, cause everyone hates him! And it’s all the Best Alliances fault.
But I’m the cliché, I’m the fuckin’ gimmick. Tread lightly, Eric. This isn’t where you belong. Insert a fucking cry-emoji here.
You old bitch.
Get your shit together and come back about twenty years AGO, when your sorry ass was still relevant. But you missed the boat on that. Like baggy pants, you went out of fashion in early 2002 and now you’re trying to make a comeback. Unfortunately for you, you’ll die of old age before you become relevant again.
You old bitch.
I remember people begging your sorry ass to come to HOW back when you mattered, but that shit fell through every single fucking time. Don’t get it twisted and start touching yourself just yet, not that you could…given the state of that arm courtesy of the Best alliance. They weren’t begging for you to come here based on some kind of imaginary “star power” you may think you once had or because people might think that you would actually bring some kind of competition to HOW. No, that wasn’t it at all. It was so everyone could prove a fucking point and show the world that you could come here and get your fuckin’ ass whooped by…well, shit, Eric…literally anybody.
I’ve got not one iota of respect for your sorry ass, and that shit won’t change…win or lose.
You like taking trips down memory lane? You like bringing up old shit?
You old bitch.
Then let’s take a fucking trip down memory lane, Eric. Last year…almost to the day, you were the leader of an incarnation of The Best Alliance. How long did that shit last, Eric? About as long as it took for me to finish that fuckin sentence. Sad really, considering the benefits of being aligned with the greatest mind wrestling has ever seen. But, that’s what you do, Eric. You squander opportunities and blame everyone else for your failures.
You old bitch.
Eric Dane, what a fuckin’ name. It is quite fitting though, your initials being ED and all, since at your age ED should be a primary concern of yours. But instead you worry about the size of my nuts? What kind of a fuckin’ whack ass, pervert shit is that? Before you start worrying about my cash and prizes, maybe you should make sure you’re fully able to stand at attention and still get the fuckin’ job done without the need for pharmaceutical assistance. Though, I doubt your weak ass heart could handle taking any kind of medication at this point.
You old bitch.
It’s concerning though…that is, your obsession with my past. It’s almost like you had some assclown write you a tell-all. Sounds like something some keyboard, neckbeard would do. The only problem Eric, is that it’s as inaccurate as your aim during your 10th piss in the middle of the night, you old fuck. Fake news, really. Fake as fuck. Claiming that I traded wins with Stevens, is laughable at best. OH WAIT! stOOvinS! I better jump on that trend train, just like my guy Eric Dane. You couldn’t be more original than that? But again, I’m the fucking gimmick. Classic gimmick guy, Eric Dane once said “I’m gonna make an example out of you.” Again, the originality is crazy strong with you Dane. Keep up the good work.
You old bitch.
While you were – heavy on the air quotes here, Eric – fighting in wrestling companies. I was overseas killing fucking terrorists and bad guys, ensuring that your lame duck ass had a nice cozy rest under that warm blanket of freedom; provided by my brothers and I. The bravest you’ve ever been is when you quickly glanced under your bed after you heard a scary noise. Brave isn’t something you can just learn. Brave is something you’re born with. Courage comes from within, and sadly for you…as we’ve seen time and again, you’re neither brave nor do you have courage. Shit, the most courageous thing you’ve done in your life is to accept a match with me. Now it’s time to be brave and actually follow through with the match, Eric. But we’ll see. You only exist here because we let you, can’t you see that? Can’t you see that at any given moment, with the snap of a finger, the Best Alliance could take you out permanently.
You old bitch.
Consider the arm, a gift. The steel steps could have just as easily turned your face to mush…but we thought better of it. Not because you deserve mercy, or that you deserve anything at all, really. But because John Sektor deserves his match against you at The Rock. What has to be tough for you, Eric…is the fact that you are going to get your ass handed to you…straight fuckin’ mollywhopped. Two weeks in a row, by two different members of the Best Alliance.
You old bitch.
And I know that shit stings. It’s got to burn. But you’ll get over it. Maybe. Maybe not? Maybe who gives a fuck? You might not survive Alcatraz, Eric…and that’s if I let you make it there in the first place. Before you get to Sektor, you have to go through me and those who stand with me. So don’t be surprised when you hear the count of three while you’re staring up at the lights, just let the reality sink in.
You old bitch.
It’s time that you’ve been taken out back and shot, old yeller. But before John Sektor can do that, we have to get the prep work done. At Refueled, you’re going to find out, Eric. You’re going to find out that you’re just not good enough anymore. You can’t just take the heat any more. So it’s time to get your ass out the kitchen.
You old bitch.