WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP, Dot fuck ‘Em Up

WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP, Dot fuck ‘Em Up

Posted on May 29, 2024 at 2:17 pm by Mike Best

How do you keep a moron in suspense? 

I guess you book him in a gauntlet match, don’t tell him who is going to be a part of it, and let him sit and stew waiting to see what the fuck is going to happen. Fine, I’ll bite… it’s me… I’m the moron. 

WHO THE FUCK IS IN THIS MATCH?

Is it fucking Bigfoot? Am I going SQUACHIN’ this week on the Go Home show? I’m starting to thing it’s a bunch of goddamned Sasquatchs, because I’ve heard of these opponents but I’ve never fucking seen them. And I get it. I get that that’s the point. To make me doubt myself, and screw myself into the ground wondering. Maybe it’s a secret return of 24K. Maybe the Group of Death is getting back together and conspiring against me. Maybe it’s an invasion from another company, and I’m gonna face 30 guys back to fucking back who I’ve never wrestled before. 

I get it. 

I admit, it’s effective. 

It was easy to be dismissive of this match when I was certain that I’d have heard from one of these lycra tight wearing jaybrones by now. But it’s Wednesday, and time is running out, so I’m lead to believe at this point that one of two things is happening:

 

  1. Whoever is showing up is such a massive surprise that it’s going to blow the roof off the building and completely overshadow War Games. Great booking. OR: 

 

  1. Lee Best has no fucking clue who is going to be in the match and is winging it, because he thought this match was an awesome idea to get eyes on an otherwise underwhelming Go Home show, but now he doesn’t have an out and he’s just hoping that something works out by Friday. 

 

You think that motherfucker has plans? 

He debuted me against Aceldama in 2009 by having my attack him in a Santa hat, and I didn’t get to actually fight Aceldama for literally a calendar year. Sometimes, I walk into his office about something I saw on the show and ask him where it’s going, and he fucking shrugs at me. Lee Best is a creative genius, but he’s also a fucking insane person who makes impulsive decisions without ever thinking about how they’ll pay off, and just rolls the dice that he’ll figure it out. 

And he always does. 

But where the fuck does that leave me? 

Waiting. It leaves me waiting

I can’t really talk a bunch of shit about the invisible man. Hey brother, you might think you’ve got a master plan, but I can see right through you! Meh. It’s dreck. It’s hack. All I can really say is that I don’t care if it’s Scott Stevens or Vladimir Putin who steps through that curtain on Friday night, I am going to kick every single person who comes for my title directly in the penis and then throw them over the top rope. Cause hey, fuck it, it’s over the top rope rules now. I just decided that. If Lee Best can book me in a gauntlet match against an unknown number of unknown opponents and arbitrarily make it HOFC rules, then I can say it’s over the top rope eliminations. But hey, if any of the other participants in this match have a problem with it, feel free to speak up. All you have to do is reply to me. Do it here, or call me, or send me a text, or drop it in the fucking Discord. Say “Hey, doesn’t work for me, brother, I want you to have to pin me or make me submit”. 

Say something. 

Say anything

This is the dumbest fucking match I’ve ever been booked in, and I once had an entire Mike Best Appreciation Night where I fought nothing but people who washed out of HOW in the past who came back for one night appearances. People watched me squash Adonis Smyth and Professor Keller and then they were never heard from again. And this is dumber than that. You’re either gonna disappoint the entire roster, or overshadow your entire War Games, and I’m gonna be the one that everyone blames. 

Fuck that. 

Let’s make it a banger. 

Somebody fucking come at me. Make yourself known. Step out of the shadows, so that I don’t have to wrestle fucking ghosts. You’ve got like… nine hours.

Do it. 

Say something. 

Talk shit. 

Fuck 24 hour deadline. 

Drop five today

I’ll wait.