- Event: Refueled LXXIII
“I don’t know what came over me, Doc.” Even as the words leave my mouth, they still don’t feel like my own. “He was just doing his job.”
Yep, that’s me. In that couch. Not the 97 red couch I’ve grown comfortable with over my time at High Octane. But the other couch. The one I never thought I’d never lie down on. Still wearing my green jumpsuit, I stare up at the off white ceiling trying to make sense of it all. All while I can feel her probing eyes inspecting me.
“Do you think it had anything to do with losing your last match to him?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the question. I don’t think she appreciated that much, though.
“Doc, if I attacked everyone at High Octane who beat me.” I shake my head recounting all the losses. “Heh… I’d have a whole lot more enemies, at the very least.”
The psychiatrist uncrosses then recrosses her legs. No, not in the sexy, Basic Instinct way.
Calm down, Jace.
“Then to what would you attribute your uncharacteristic reaction to Mr. Capone defeating Mr. Jiles?” Her head tilts to the side, awaiting my response, with a pen in hand ready to jot down any important observations on her little notepad.
I shrug my shoulders.
“I don’t know. I just… I just needed to be the one to beat him, I guess.” I shake my head as I can feel her questioning that last statement. “The more matches he lost since Sutler took the World Title from him, the less it would mean. You know?” I glanced over to her, but her expressionless face made me feel obligated to continue. “I thought if I could be enough of a distraction, and he could win that match, then it’d spark his confidence and send him on a winning streak.”
I chuckle at myself, feeling as stupid as I sound. “I know it’s dumb, but he’s streaky as hell. And it all boils down to confidence with him. Trust me.”
“And?” Clearly my head doctor doesn’t follow.
“And, the only way I can prove to everyone that I’m the better Ban…” I roll my eyes, wincing. “Ex-Bandit…” Now she’s rolling her eyes. “Is if I beat him while he’s at his best. And another loss, nothing against Capone, but to anyone… was just the opposite of what he needed.”
She cleared her throat impatiently.
“What I needed.”
A soft smile grows across her face.
I continued, “So when I saw Capone lock in that submission of his…” I rub my eyes with the pointer finger and thumb of my right hand, ultimately squeezing just above the bridge of my nose. “I saw everything I had planned falling apart. Jiles was so far from any ropes. I saw him tapping before he tapped. I saw Capone celebrating before the bell rang. I saw my moment of glory being taken away. Given to him. So I ran down. Without thinking. Just feeling…”
The doctor’s eyes pierce, staring a hole straight through me.
“You felt… what?”
My eyes dart as I lie on that couch, as if I was searching for the answer in front of me.
“Anger?”
She believed that one about as much as I did.
“I felt… resentful.”
I get an empathetic nod from that one.
“Jealousy. But stronger… deeper.”
She scribbles some more notes. “Closer.”
“It was…” I sigh deeply. “Pure…”
I sit up, finally finding the word.
“Envy.”
~~~
A Different Therapeutic Room
With the Other, Previously Mentioned, Couch
And That Dumb Fucking Fern
Brian Fuckin’ Hollywood.
The man who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Must’ve been nice.
I always remember being so jealous of kids like you when I was growing up. The ones who had everything they could ever want. The coolest shoes as soon as they came out, a brand new beamer as soon as they got their license, all the opportunities only wealth could afford…
Yet here we are, together.
And look at you now. Still stuck fighting the bottom feeders like old Snoozer here.
The only thing you have left worth being jealous of… that Hollywood hairdo, I guess.
Shrug
I guess I wish I could come and go like you. Unscathed, for the most part. Almost as if you never left. Your ability to take a loss and linger on is also pretty commendable. And while I will never understand your relationship with Zion… you two can fight, break up, and make up like no other team I’ve seen.
I guess that’s something. I fucked up and lost one of my best friends for good. Or at least it seems that way. You guys clearly got another level of bond going on. There’s a Sex and Money joke there, but I’ll leave it be. Now’s not the time.
So despite our different paths, and people we’ve met along the way, we arrived at the same destination. Both thrown in Alcatraz. Both booked in the same match on Rumble at the Rock. Both perennial losers who strike gold on the very rare occasion.
It’s funny how fate works, isn’t it? I swear I’ve faced you more than anyone here at High Octane.
And despite taking the win in our last meetup, I remember the losses way more clearly. I remember you and your ever so loyal, little friend Darin stealing the tag titles from Cancer and me like it was yesterday.
Even then, jealousy was never an emotion I felt toward you. Blinded by my ignorant illusions of grandeur, I still felt that I was better than you after the losses. That was a mistake, I’ll freely admit it. However, I can say I’ve learned from that mistake of my past.
Which is more than you can say about yourself.
I’ve been around and seen enough Brian Hollywood to know you fairly well, bud…
Greed has cost you over and over again. Your incessant need for more. You undying attempts to take more than you deserve. It’s always gotten the better of you… And yet, here you go again.
Maybe it works out for you this time, Bri-guy. Maybe it doesn’t.
All I know for sure is, I sure as hell don’t envy you.
Because this Saturday, at Refueled, while you’re busy distracted with all the silly things you think you need. You think you deserve…
I’ll be taking away the one thing all the money in the world can’t get you back.
Pride.
Because regardless of the outcome of this match, I’m going to unleash a world of hurt on you, Hollywood. Everyone will see that you’re no better than me, the Loozer. Don’t take it personally. This was just the luck, or lack thereof, of the draw. You just happened to be the name on the other side of the “vs.” after my plans for Jiles got ruined.
I’m going to tap into those same feelings that fueled my attack on Kevin Capone last weekend. Only this time, it’s your turn to get Doozed and Abused at Refueled…
When Greed meets Envy.