What’s a fanfic?

What’s a fanfic?

Posted on June 2, 2022 at 8:57 pm by Bobbinette Carey

I know that Solex and America are having a battle for America…which is offensive. Considering Juneteenth is right around the corner and I’m left out of it! I’m the epitome of what the American dream is. I’m a third generation born here on my mother’s side. They came over from Ellis island. My father’s side were slaves in the south. I’m the product of an interracial couple, and I rose to the top of a predominantly male sport. If my life were a movie all that would be missing is the American flag and some cheesey power ballad. Cause we all had the music montage back in the early 2000s… If I never hear Creed again it will be too soon.

I’m getting off topic…Juneteenth being as important as it is and representation should matter; but this is HOW so of course they don’t even know what the hell it is.

 Lee is back from the dead… so I feel like we all are in some danger. We are going to a place where there is a war… It makes me wonder if he took our life insurance policies on the whole roster and plans to drop a bomb or something… fix his debt issues and also start fresh. Taking us all out being the sole survivor.

Man my mind went dark…Lee wouldn’t do that. NO… he’s done some messed up shit. He’s let even more insane shit happen but… nope. This is about Freedom day not Lee “clearing the roster.” Just in the back of my head….

Juneteenth, the true day of freedom, because when 4th of July happened most of those founding fathers owned people. “All men are created equal.” When they owned men, and women. 

June 19th 1856, was the freedom of slaves. Yet it’s nowhere near as popular as the 4th of July. It, like me, is overlooked. Yet of course I have to scream and raise my voice for people to even give me a bit of credit. So while the men have their battle for America, I am overlooked.

Honestly Lee best should be thanking me, after losing to me David Noble finally did something useful. After months, and months of failure, he signed and became part of the Board’s team after his loss to me. It was so intense that he decided to sell his soul to the Devil himself. You’re welcome! I should be getting praise for that. Instead people are coming at me acting like I don’t deserve it? As usual not receiving the credit I deserve. 

I know how to get under people’s skin so well that Mr. Shit or get off the pot did the deed and is now on the “Best” team. Again where is my credit? Yes everyone is aware I can be annoying, but so annoying to the point it made someone do the unthinkable and put down an HOW Hall of Famer? 

In almost 20 years of being part of HOW, I, unlike half the roster never needed the Best Alliance or the “Board.” Almost twenty fucking years of knowing the Best family and that wrinkly old bastard is going to talk about me? Of course, cause I never was part of that locker room circle jerk. I have never fought for his approval. I’ve always stood on opposing sides. While Simon, Sektor, and even damn Scooter have been at one point seated at the right hand of the father. Well if he’s God, and his son is Christ, and Scooter the antiChrist? Then I could never be Lucifer because he was one of God’s favorite angels and that’s never been me…That would probably be Simon. Hmm good thing my theology is pretty on point. I would be Lillith… first wife of Adam.

I’ve been a first wife, and a second wife, and a third… but she was equal to Adam. She had her own opinions and was not some subservient waif. She used his sperm to make her demons. I used Mario’s sperm cause he was supposed to be dead… Yeah that tracks, I am at an equal level and not willing to be obedient and I get punished for it. How was I punished? Clay Byrd is a War Games Captain! That in itself is a punishment.  

He’s won War Games… wait, no he hasn’t. Well, he’s held the World title… nope, he hasn’t done that either, huh? Hmm.. that can’t be right! Oh wait, free will…if our team should win it will be because of the leadership of Conor Fuse. If our team should lose then it’s definitely Clay’s fault.

Of course, Lee wakes up from a coma and hears part of what people said and thinks I’m talking about the person who drafted me. Even though probably regretted it, he did what others wouldn’t. His brother picked me for the Best team, something he would never do. That wasn’t the team I wanted to be on. Thankfully, I am where I wanted to be. Lee didn’t make the teams, his brother, his son, and the other Captains did. The patriarchy is the Board, it’s the shit stain: his spawn is with his bronies and the bastard 2.0 Jr.! Lee is just a figurehead like the Queen of England while in his coma. He didn’t do anything but the things done in his name is what I’ve been talking about. 

The name Bobbinette is an americanized version of Bogumila. Favored by the Lord or God’s gift. To think my name has been quite fitting. Not HOW’s God, but you can assume that there had to have been some divine grace that has led me down the path I’ve taken in life. For that I am thankful, and to a certain degree I am even thankful for Lee Best. Not the man he is now, the man he was. But that’s why we are still here going strong, isn’t it? Because talent will eventually fade but experience doesn’t. We’ve learned from our mistakes, these kids are still making mistakes of their own.

With age comes wisdom. I once had a dream to bring all the females in HOW together under one banner, the Woke Era…but yet again I am the only female now on the HOW roster. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Because it turns out that no matter how much advancement we’ve made. I’m still the dominant female of HOW, I am still the last one standing, and the Legendary Historical Epic One. But my vagina isn’t what got me here.

I was the last person added to this team, and the rest of the troops seem to like omitting me from their plans. Like somehow I am less.

Harrison did me no favors, though if this was anywhere else I’d talk to management and have him drug screened. They try to play Politics to keep the LSD belt without having to break a sweat. But it appears he’s a feisty one. I went to school with a boy with the same name. He was a tall, lanky ginger, who felt that to get people to like him, that he had to be annoying. He wasn’t funny, he was just obnoxious. He had friends, just a couple of them… but he wasn’t a leader, he was a follower. He did what the other kids told him to do and that worked well for him. Till little Stevie Harrison snapped my bra on the playground. People laughed, I turned around and kicked him square in the junk. Kicked him so hard, he had to have surgery for his dislocated testicle. I didn’t even know that was possible. Stevie didn’t either… but from that day on Stevie nor his buddies ever messed with me again. It’s a bigger playground now, but still the same idiots, just different faces.

———————–

Poland

Warsaw

Hotel Bristol

Paderewski Suite

We see the Queen of Epicness in traditional Polish garb, she looks at herself in the mirror smiling, and is pleased with the aesthetics of her white blouse. There is a vest that is embroidered and beaded on the front and back. A floral full skirt, an apron, a red coral bead necklace, and lace-up boots. Her hair is pulled back into a bun with a white babushka (handkerchief.) on her head.

Bobbinette: Majandra, come on out. 

Majandra: Nope! I refuse! This isn’t happening, I’m not wearing this. 

Bobbinette: It’s part of your heritage, polska! 

Majandra: I don’t care, I’m only like 25%, so no.

she replies. 

Bobbinette: You’re going to come out because we’re going to celebrate this together. 

Majandra: No, I’m a grown ass adult, I’m not doing that. No wrestling contract or chance at a contract is worth this type of humiliation. 

Bobbinette: Fine, just remember how important the Polish heritage was to your grandmother. You remember Grammy Cat.

Majandra: Low blow mom, low blow!

Majandra comes out wearing a similar outfit to her mother but instead of a white head cloth she’s wearing a wreath of flowers. Bobbinette smiles and claps gleefully. 

Bobbinette: There she is! There’s my little Polish princess. We have traditional celebration outfits! 

Majandra: This is insulting and ridiculous…

Bobbinette sighs, shaking her head. 

Bobbinette: Grammy Cat is smiling down on us because she sees us here paying respect to our culture.

Bobbinette says while putting her hands on Majandra’s shoulders as they look in the mirror together.

Majandra: I can’t believe you used grandma to manipulate me! That is really sick that you use her memory just to get me to wear this stupid outfit…

Majandra knocks Bobbinette’s hands off of her and looks at her mother with annoyance.

Majandra: Besides, aren’t we going to Ukraine, like soon? 

Bobbinette bites the side of her mouth, being quiet for a moment.

Bobbinette: Good question… I’m going to Ukraine, you’re going to stay here to make sure that nothing bad happens. But we will totally all celebrate when I win the LSD title. You, me, and Mimi in these outfits.

Majandra’s eyes widen as her cheeks turn red with anger.

Majandra: Are you serious? You didn’t let me go backstage at the Garden. I had to sit in the crowd like a damn fan, and now you’re not letting me go to Ukraine? Why did I even fly here? Oh, just to keep you company!

Majandra throws her flower wreath across the room, then she throws her vest with it.

Bobbinette: No, that’s not it at all! It’s because there is literally a war going on in Ukraine! I don’t want anything to happen to you, and this way you’re close but not In harm’s way.

Bobbinette’s face looks worried.

Bobbinette: I might suck as a mom but I’m not a fully negligent parent. I want you to see War Games but I don’t want you in harm’s way. No, you’re safer here and if something does happen you’re not that far from the airport. The jet pilot has instructions on what to do. 

Bobbinette keeps a serious face but there is a hint of worry, not for herself but for her daughter. Majandra looks at her mother noticing the unease she’s displaying. The daughter sighs loudly yielding.

Majandra: Fine! But I’m getting out of this, this is ridiculous!

Majandra walks into the bathroom and comes out a few minutes later wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Bobbinette sighs and shakes her head a little disappointed as her daughter sets her laptop down on the table in the suite  

Majandra: I did get information on one of your teammates though.

Bobbinette raises an eyebrow.

Majandra: Don’t get too excited… it’s Simon Sparrow.

Bobbinette sighs, smacking herself on the forehead.

Bobbinette: Really? You couldn’t find anything on anyone but Simon? 

Majandra: Oh no, I found stuff…fanfics. A lot of those…

She laughs.

Bobbinette: What’s a fanfic?

A genuine look of confusion comes across her face. 

Majandra: You don’t know what a fanfic is? 

Bobbinette: Not really, is it an action figure mock up? Like I saw videos of people taking Barbies and turning it into a completely different doll. So much talent.

Majandra: No, it’s stories that people write about…you know what? It would be easier just to show you.

Bobbinette walks over to the laptop and sees her name typed in the search bar on to the AOE.(Archive of everything). She sees her name and Scottywood’s.

Bobbinette: Aww people like me and Scooter. There’s a couple pages. Big fans, I love this!

Her daughter stands there smirking at her mother nodding. Bobbinette looks confused at her daughter then clicks on a story.

Bobbinette: They have a story about my jet. What do these letters and stuff mean?

Her daughter shrugs her shoulders as Bobbinette clicks on the story.

Bobbinette: Well it’s obvious they just want to talk about how great of a tag team we are … 

She starts reading through the computer and her jaw drops.

Bobbinette: That’s disgusting, Who would write that? We are just friends! This is not okay!

She starts seeming like she can’t find the right words as her cheeks turn red. 

Bobbinette: Okay next one, “One night of Epicness.” It’s probably when we beat Mike Best… and..

Her smile fades as she looks on in horror.

Bobbinette: That is not what a pearl necklace is! Why would he be wearing a dog collar? Why would they taint a friendship with… what the hell is “shipping”?

Majandra bursts out laughing after holding it back for so long 

Majandra: Oh, there’s a bunch of ships with you.

Bobbinette shakes her head

Bobbinette: I don’t even like boats!

Majandra types “Bobbinette ships” causing Bobbinette to shake her head.

Bobbinette: Why are there so many with Stronk?

She scrolls through them in disbelief.

Majandra: Cause he’s got a weird crush on you. 

Bobbinette: That isn’t a thing.

Bobbinette shakes her head dismissively.

Majandra: I’m surprised you’re not trying to exploit that. 

Bobbinette: Excuse me?

She scoffs.

Majandra: Well, he will be defending the title that night during night one. You know after the opening match with Harrison. He’s closing out the night.

Bobbinette squints at her daughter almost as if a thought appeared.

Bobbinette: The old me would have taken advantage of that. But I honestly just want to beat Harrison and help my team get to the end of the first night. I don’t care if the Highwaymen like me or not. I know they don’t, it’s not rocket science. 

Bobbinette pauses and looks at the computer. She types in the Highwaymen in the AOE search bar. 

Bobbinette: “Milking Harrison”? I feel like I don’t need to click on that. Highwaymen felching… What the hell is felching?

Bobbinette clicks on the link, her eyes scan the screen as she looks horrified. She slams the laptop closed.

Bobbinette: Nope! No! Hell no! The internet’s canceled! Cancel, cancel! That’s disgusting. What is wrong with people?!

She shrieks in horror.

Majandra: I thought you don’t kink shame.

Bobbinette: That is not a kink! That can’t be real!! 

Majandra: You didn’t read the one about the Alabama Hot Pocket.

Bobbinette: Who names these things?! 

Bobbinette seems to be emotionally scarred by this.

Majandra: There is stuff with Lee and Micheal Best.

Bobbinette: That’s father and son! Nope, that website needs to come down. Cancel the site!

Bobbinette says, shaking her head almost trying to shake off the fact that she is thrown off by this.

Majandra: You should be flattered. You’re popular enough.

Bobbinette: Nope, the internet is canceled. That site is canceled. I need a shower. That filth has soured these clothes. 

Bobbinette takes off her babushka and undoes her vest.

Bobbinette: There isn’t enough water or soap to clean my brain. At this point calling Simon Sparrow isn’t the worst thing in the world. 

Majandra: How are you, this traumatized? You work for Lee Best!

She looks confused by her mother shuddering.

Bobbinette: I expect stuff on a disturbing level from Lee. But… the internet… that shipping stuff. Nope… nothing from that site it’s going to help me with War Games.

Majandra: Oh, there was something about War Games. It was a gang ban-

Bobbinette puts up her hands quickly to stop her daughter from continuing.

Bobbinette: Stop! Stop it! Nothing on that site can help me at all.

Bobbinette closes her eyes trying to erase the mental images.

Bobbinette: Harrison…the milkman. We know milk is bland and flavorless. It lacks… uniqueness. It lacks…flavor. You know what isn’t bland? What has some spice to it, though? Milk with some chocolate in it.

Majandra: Really? After all the fanfic kink shaming you’re gonna make me think about you and Harrison doing it?

Majandra makes a gagging sound causing Bobbinette to shake her head quickly.

Bobbinette: NO! GOD NO! NEVER! Plus I wasn’t kink shaming! I was saying… I was making a reference to him being bland and pale and that I’m not.

Majandra: So you were being prejudice.

Bobbinette: No! I was saying… I mean it’s not racist or prejudice! I’m half white, and I’m dressed like a Polish princess right now. This is pretty white! Just not his level of white.

Majandra: Ok fine… but I agree that he’s pretty boring as a person, though he’s a good wrestler. He does have the LSD title, I’ve watched his tapes. If you were younger, I’d say you’d have a chance. But… you could always let me take your place, I’d be an upgrade… even from you in your prime.

Bobbinette rolls her eyes.

Bobbinette: Hot headed, stubborn, and not wanting to listen, and do stupid stuff to get your five minutes in. Yeah I see that. I made mistakes with War Games of the past. I meant that when I said Conor reminds me of Shane Reynolds.

Majandra: The man you screwed over, and took the world title from? That’s a dangerous connection…

Bobbinette: Look, that is one of the mistakes of my past. I’m not saying I broke him, but I know I didn’t help. I see this next generation, all these young kids on this team. I want to parent these children, these people, and help them be great, if not surpass me. 

Majandra: What the hell am I doing here then?

She asks, offended.

Bobbinette: This isn’t about you right now!

Majandra: Well, it should be! You’re talking about wanting to nurture these people. I am your actual daughter, and you’re not even giving me the time of day! Why am I even here?

Bobbinette: To learn the business, to watch, and learn from me. Learn from my victories and also from my mistakes. I can’t change the past. But I definitely can be an actual supportive team member. I want to help Conor’s team win War Games. I want to show it wasn’t a fluke when I won War Games.

Majandra: So, maybe not counting out your teammates?

Bobbinette squints.

Bobbinette: I am not counting out teammates. I am talking about the fact that I have to beat one person to take his spot on the team then get them to accept me. Yeah, just uberly easy.

Majandra: Call Simon.

Bobbinette wrinkles her nose.

Bobbinette: Maybe you could see if you could get the information for any other teammate? Literally, anyone else? Like I sent Conor a message…

Majandra: You said you changed, call Simon.

Bobbinette squints her eyes again.

Bobbinette: Or maybe… we put a pin in that and go get pirohy.

Majandra: Please don’t say perogies like that.

Bobbinette: I am so Polish that I am going to look into dual citizenship! Polskie! 

Majandra facepalms.

Majandra: Weren’t you just on a thing about being black? So are you Polish or black?

Bobbinette: Both! 

Majandra: I am going to go lay down. Call Simon, mom. Build a bridge. Simon can get you to Zion, and Zion can get you to Conor. Be the change… it’s not like they are all getting together and leaving you out. That would be ignorant… as much of a pain in the ass as you are, you still can contribute.

Bobbinette: We are all on the same team. You think maybe one of them would reach out to me and maybe I don’t know? Maybe ask if I’m interested in working with the team?

She has a look of sadness on her face as she takes a deep breath. Majandra exits the room as Bobbinette opens the laptop she types in “the Boys HOW.” and scrolls back through the website. She scans a new story then closes the laptop and looks down at the notepad with Simon Sparrow’s number. She dials the number and walks into the bathroom leaving the cursed laptop.