Welcome!

Momentum is a bitch.

One day you are riding high on a six-month undefeated streak and then you get injured and miss ANOTHER title shot and then lose two matches in a row when you get back.

New Year: New Streak.

The Miracle Man is always on the look out for new business opportunities though.  You know people to con (cough) I mean help and products to sell to unsuspecting jack holes (cough) I mean wonderful people.  I suppose the DeNucci Cup can be both for me.  I see no reason I cannot sell, sell, and sell…products, while not selling for a bunch of geek wrestlers living out their cosplay fantasies of being bad ass hombres when half of them are currently playing video games or tweeting their thoughts about issues they read up on 4Chan.

What BIGLY thinkers we have in HOW and I would be remiss to not mention that my first-round opponent is a goddamn genius.

High Flyer, everyone—please sit down, there is absolutely no reason to give an applause to someone just because you have heard of him.

Have you seen him lately?

More legend fandom is not needed nor earned any longer for this guy.

It is the equivalent to still dreaming of seeing Meg Ryan as the attractive single girl in a movie—still.  Just STOP, your fandom has made you delirious or maybe you are just stuck in a past where everything felt comfortable and simple.  Ah yes, simpler times when High Flyer actually won wrestling matches and people accepted their lot in life.  Sit booboo sit.

I think HOW has forgotten that I have already beaten this guy.  I honestly believe everyone forgot because it took me longer to shower after that match then it took to defeat him.  That is not an exaggeration, I recommend everyone to go back and watch how quickly I dismantled him and left him clutching his neck in pain.

I will try hard not to make fun of your age.  But the truth is your neck is being held together by gorilla glue and people mentioning IWO, FWO, NFW, PRIME, and EPW.  Any mention gives Jack one more day to live.  Please–I plead with your fans, stop mentioning these overrated federations of the past and let our man and those shitty companies rest in peace.

This isn’t about your age anymore, Jack.  This is about the utter irrelevancy wrestling you means these days.  I had mentioned new business opportunities so starting this coming weekend Miracle Enterprise will be selling the High Flyer/Jack Harmen Welcome Mat.

Do you need a win?

Do you need to get your groove back?

Do you need an introduction to HOW?

Do you just think his face would look better with dog shit on it?

If you have answered yes to any of those questions, please give your friendly Miracle Man a call and I will ship out this one of a kind welcome mat with a face only LindsYAY Troy could love on it: Jack Harmen.

Suffice to say High Flyer is the goddamn HOW Welcome Mat.  The truth is, he doesn’t even give a shit anymore.  He only got a PPV payout because Lee Best holds grudges way past its usual expiration date.

Lost that too—SURPRISE!

I think your masochism has taken over how you think and act.  That is the only thing that can explain why you keep standing back up to take another L.  The DeNucci Cup is not ANOTHER vehicle for you to make some halfhearted come back.  You are facing me, and I hope you enjoy every punch and knee I deliver to you because I am not a FAN and I will not feel sorry for you.

You are now a winless goof running around with the same people you ran around with twenty years ago and doing the same nonsense.  If I wanted to watch a rerun, I would say so and not watch something a bunch of kids thought was hilarious when they were doing lines of coke off each other’s scrotums.   Your IWO trading card is worth less then what Justin Goldman offered to buy IWO back then.  What a negotiation that must have been: a pair of uneducated egomaniacs living off other people’s work trying to see whose micro penis could get hard first.

Just be the welcome mat you are.  Don’t make this hard on yourself because I will not hesitate to make this worse for you.