Someone saw it fit to make you the new poster boy for the most controversial website in all of wrestling. If they replaced Brandon Youngblood, the poster boy for the soft as fuck movement, with you…well, what the fuck do you think that says about you?
I couldn’t laugh harder if I wanted to.
Weird what blind loyalty will get you, isn’t it?
Bringing up my past with the Highwaymen and thinking for one solitary second that Lee Best and I didn’t have a plan in motion all along shows me just how naive and fuckin’ stupid you really are.
Here’s a good question to ask yourself: Where is Joe Bergman, Steve Harrison and Clay Byrd now? Where the fuck are they?! I’ll tell you…
They’re fuckin’ gone.
They were erased.
Never to be heard from again.
And where did I end up?
Oh, yeah…the main event. Right where I should have been all along and right where I’ll be as soon as I exterminate you from this company…which, if you haven’t guessed yet, was part of the fucking plan.
You have to be the most dense person I’ve met in all my years of professional wrestling.
Joining up with those NERDs was all part of a bigger picture plan that…well, shit…is still in motion. But again, just like everything I do…that’s way above your pay grade.
And what the fuck is all this “WE” shit all of a sudden? And then bringing up Shawn Kutter in some sideways comment for some weird fuckin’ reason. Golly gee, this sounds awfully familiar to me.
I did the We thing two years ago. Why don’t you just resurrect all five of my bottled personalities and copy the whole thing entirely? That would at least get some heat. Shit, your heat meter is so fuckin’ low, you can’t even pick it up with a thermal camera at this point.
The dual personality shtick is old and tired.
I did it.
Then Carey ripped it off.
And now it looks like you’re the next one up.
This makes perfect fucking sense though. You are the embodiment of someone who would be the last to do something in HOW. To be honest, it’s pretty exciting for me though. Why? Cause I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll fuck this all up and be right back to where you started…at the bottom with nobody paying attention.
What the fuck is this hunger you’re randomly talking about, by the way? Weird bro.
Didn’t you used to pray to some false dork god or some shit? Maybe you should get back to that instead of talking about how you want to eat people…or whatever the fuck you’re doing. It doesn’t make any sense, but neither does your win-loss record and yet here we are.
I know you’re a fucking NERD, but even this is a bit much.
Have you seen the two of us next to each other these days? We couldn’t be more different. My beard is way better than yours. I have veins the size of rattlesnakes running from shoulder to wrist. My muscles have muscles. Your vagina has a vagina.
See the difference?
This is fucking exhausting, I’m not even going to lie. Not because it’s a tough task, but because researching you has been the single most boring thing I’ve ever done in my entire fucking life. You’re like unflavored, sugar-free, rice pudding…flavorless and lumpy. There isn’t one fucking thing interesting about you, is there? I’ve found more interesting things between my teeth than you’ve done in your entire fucking career.
Name one thing of note? I’ll wait. I’ve got time.
And before you fucking do it, I already know what you’re going to say: “I’m the real world champion!”
Predictable and lame. Just like everything else about you.
Look, dick…you should be down on your hands and knees thanking me for everything that’s happening to you right now.
You have to understand – at least I hope you do – that I’m the best thing that’s happened to you in years, Xander. Why? Because I’ve made you relevant for the very first time in your life. Without me, you’d be sitting on your couch with your dick in your hand. Because of me, you’ve found yourself on a pay per view card and because of me, and me alone, your poor ass was invited to GOD’s House.
See you Sunday, dicknips. How’s that for a shot at low hanging fruit?