Unnecessary Evil

Unnecessary Evil

Posted on July 10, 2023 at 1:23 pm by Mike Best

Alright, you human vaginal wart. 

Let’s get this over with. 

This first post absolutely won’t be necessary, but I’ve done that bit enough times now that it’s starting to feel like the “Zion vs Hollywood” of first posts, so I may as well earn the 97 DMs I’m gonna get from you about this match and “by golly gee how much fun it is”. This match had been booked for less than an hour before you were in my DMs talking about earning respect and not taking things personally. So let’s just get this out of the way:

This is very, very personal. 

It’s always personal. 

I respect you in the same way I respect the punching bags at TEN-X, you walking monument to mediocrity. I beat your ass constantly, you stand there and take it, and you maintain structural integrity. All I can ask of you, honestly. You exist because if everyone was a main eventer, no one would be a main eventer. Your consistent presence in this company reminds everyone exactly how impressive *I* am. That’s your purpose. You are the rainy day that helps everyone appreciate the Son. And hey, that’s a good line, but let’s forget about good lines for a second. Let’s forget about funny insults and word play and all that shit that I’ll undoubtedly smash you with for the next four promos. Instead, let’s take a moment for some real talk. A non-rhetorical question. One that I’m legit curious about the answer to. 


Why would you request this match?

Put all the bullshit aside, man. Miss me with all the “I’m gonna earn respect” and “this is my passion” and “I’m gonna prove I never quit” nonsense. It’s all just filler. Shit people say because it sounds hard and they’ve watched too many Mighty Ducks movies. I want to know what your real motivation is here. Cause let’s face it, we both know you’re gonna get fucking shit stomped in this match. I’m going to destroy you. Verbally and physically. I am going to utterly and dominantly fuck your shit up, and there is nothing that you can say or do that is going to stop it. I know it. You know it. Everyone on the roster knows it. They’re all gonna be tuned in with their popcorn to watch you get humbled, these are all just facts. 

So why?

I know why I’m agreeing to this match. Booking 101 for me. I get to whoop your ass and don’t even have to describe any trees or have a complicated relationship develop to do it. I get to flex on Conor’s tag partner and remind him what he signed up for at 97 Red. And to top it all off, you’re on the PRIME roster, which is the closest any of those little passive aggressive pussies will ever get to agreeing to HOFC against me. Hi PRIME guys, I know you’re combing over every inch of this promo looking to report back to management. I made it easier to CTRL+F yourselves this time. Yes, I do only like about five of you. Yes, I do think you’re a bunch of whiny, superhero syndrome incels. And yes, I do think Tyler got robbed. Toughen the fuck up already, Jesus actual Christ. Soft fucks. 

But I digress. 

Back to you, Zion. 

Point is, it makes sense for me to take this match. It makes no sense for you, Darin. Zero. I’d talk you out of it, if I for a single second gave a single fuck about your self esteem, mental health, or physical well being. This is not going to help your career. It isn’t going to give you street cred. It isn’t going to make me any more likely to respond to your thirsty ass DMs. So… why? Explain it to me. Make it make sense. Because you have signed up for an extinction level event, Darin. 

And I’m not exaggerating. 

I am going to make an example of you the likes of which has never been seen before in that cage. Not a match. Not a fight. Not even a war. I am going to so thoroughly destroy you that when it’s over, and the EMTs are carting you into a fucking ambulance, it will be evident to you and everyone in attendance that your life has been changed forever. No cheering. No booing. Not a sound from that crowd.

Just the one thing I’ve always wanted from you.