Posted on September 15, 2023 at 7:10 pm by Jatt Starr




Rhesus Monkey.


Bringer of diseas-us.

Pestilence and plague.

Plans that aren’t vague,

Rhys Townsend.

Town’s End.

Society’s infection.

Not falling for your deception.

The fall of Best?

Much like the rest,

You will flounder,

You’ll be beat,

You’ll be rendered…





Rhys Pieces.

Not some candy,

Not so dandy.


Tearing you apart,

At every last joint,

The shoulders, the kness,

You get the point?



Town’s end.

The End.

The End of the Town.

The End of Townsend.


Career’s Ending.

Looking back, 

Not too far,

He’ll regret

Facing Jatt Starr,






Nothing but feces.

A giant turd,

Between you and me,

You’ll always be third.

Jatt Starr, 

The ten out of ten,

Infinitely superior

To Rhys Townsend.


Rhys’s Diseases,

Spread by his feces,

Brought down to his kneesies,

Like a pile of cottage cheesie,

Thanks to the Starrmenian Marcheesie!




The Jattinum Standard rises from the stool in the vapor filled club.  Scents competing with one another – cotton candy, pink lemonade, blue raspberry, banana-kiwi-lime – all with pithy little names like “C-Vape-P-O”, “Walter White Rabbit”, “Bananarama Pudding”, or “The Cheesecake Smacktory”.   The Starrabian Knight really wanted a cigarette as he hopped off the stage.  Sporting his usual 97Red and black checkered suit (only now accessorized with a matching beret, you know, to complete the overall vibe).   He weaves through the crowd of polite applause as he approaches his table in the back of the establishment.  

Bela, dressed to the nines in a red cocktail dress, is passed out, her head on the table.  Ezster claps her hands excitedly for the Duke of Jattmandu as he approaches her.  Her lips may be stitched shut but her eyes, welling with tears, shows an appreciation for Jatt Starr that he has not seen in many people.  Not even his own tag team partner and PWA Co-World Champion, Dan Ryan.  It irked him that his partner, while he showed the Marquis of MadagaStarr respect, there was a lack of appreciation.  If he had appreciated Jatt Starr, he would open up to him but Dan Ryan was closed off tighter than the Pentagon.  

But Ezster?  She has warmed up to Jatt Starr.  He did put her and her narcoleptic cohort up in a modest two bedroom apartment in Chicago, new clothes (for example, the rather chic blazer, designer tee, and jeans), and, of course, there is the money.  A thousand dollars a week.  Money he does not believe his wife should know he is spending.  He is positive that she would assume there is something sordid going on between them.   Nothing is further from the truth.  

The Thane of Starrkarth isn’t doing this for any sexual gratification.  

He had been doing this for Dan Ryan…..but the Danaconda poo-pooed it pretty quick.  Now?  He’s not even sure.  Is it a control thing?  Maybe it’s to satiate his ego, he could be looked at as a hero for what he’s doing.  If that was the case, then why has he not made any attempt to unstitch her mouth?   

The Hero of Jattlanta knows why…..

The truth is, he is afraid.

There was a reason it was stitched in the first place.   

Jatt Starr takes a seat as the next act comes up to the stage – Some hipster type with a curly mustache most magnificent  (yes, even more magnificent than Sektor’s) and a freaky looking wooden dummy named “Sonny”.   The ventriloquist act on stage was of little interest to the Jattinum Standard.

Jatt Starr leans over towards Ezster.


JATT STARR: Are you having a good time?


Ezster nodded and offered a slight smile (probably the biggest smile she could muster considering the seams across her lips).


JATT STARR: Where’s the big man?


By “big man”, the Starrson City Icon is referring to Dan Ryan, who was so generous with his time, he agreed to show up to watch Jatt Starr’s debut as a spoken word poet.  When he cam back to the table, there was a twinge of disappointment that his fellow PWA Co-World Champion was nowhere to be seen.  In response to the Baron of Boca Jatton’s query, Ezster’s face contorts into a look of disgust before shaking her head (clearly still holding a bit of grudge that Dan Ryan’s protege sold her friend, Csilla, to some unknown masked man roughly two weeks ago).


JATT STARR: You don’t like him, I get it, but can you at least be civil.


Ezster’s eyes narrow and her brow furrows as she tilts her head.  


JATT STARR: Come on…..


Ezster clearly wishes to change the ubject so she points towards Jatt Starr’s left hand and then her ring finger.  The Champion of Jattanooga looks at his hand, as the Hipster Ventriloquist makes a comment about how uselessness of a 401K plan to no laughter.  It dawns on Jatt Starr as to what Ezster is asking.


JATT STARR:  My wife is in Toronto.  Even if she were here, I would not have wanted to invite her.  All I hear now is how proud she is of freaking Conor.  Yeah, he won, whoopie!  I don’t hear her talking about my PWA Co-World Championship with the same, what do you call it, “aplomb”.  It was fine for a day but then?  It gets pretty grating.  Dan Ryan and I are on the path of becoming THE greatest Tag Team Champions in the history of the HOW.  Conor’s on a path of dropping that World Championship to Mike Best.   Like we need another Mike Best Title reign.   


Ezster shrugs her shoulders.  Jatt Starr figures she has no clue Mike Best even is.  Rather than go into ancient history, he just lets it go.  No sense in explaining the tumultuous history of Mike Best and Jatt Starr.


JATT STARR:  Don’t worry about it.  The point is, Conor Fuse as a World Champion is bad for me.  Very, very bad.  Personally and professionally.


The Sheriff of Jattingham glances over towards the juice bar to find an animated Dan Ryan speaking (or berating) the barista with a man bun.   


JATT STARR:  Excuse me.


The Scourge of Starrpathia heads towards the bar, as he approaches he can hear Dan Ryan mansplaining that bars should sell alcohol not Kombucha.  Jatt Starr would rather that this evening not end in violence so he calls out to his tag team partner.


JATT STARR:  Dan!  What the hell are you doing?!

DAN RYAN:  Trying to order a  drink but this douche is being a massive douchebag about it.

JATT STARR:  You know they don’t sell alcohol here, right?

DAN RYAN:  Then why am I here?

JATT STARR: To support your PWA Co-Tag Team Champion.

DAN RYAN:  Sober?

JATT STARR:  I’m an alcoholic.

DAN RYAN: I beg to differ. If you were, I’d at least have a beer in my hand.

JATT STARR: I can’t be around alcohol.  Don’t you listen to me?

DAN RYAN:  About seventy percent of the time.


DAN RYAN: I listen to the important stuff.  So I miss something from time to time, so what?


The Ruler of Jattlantis decides that this battle is not worth fighting.  After all, Dan Ryan was his best friend and someone who listens seventy percent of the time is still pretty good.  Besides, he did not approach Dan Ryan to argue, he needed information.


JATT STARR:  Why did you leave the table?

DAN RYAN: Because those chicks are creepy.

JATT STARR: No they aren’t.

DAN RYAN: Ethel constantly stares—


DAN RYAN:  Ethel.  The one with the mouth.  Well, the—

JATT STARR:  Ezster?

DAN RYAN: I knew it was an old lady name.

JATT STARR:  She’s not creepy.

DAN RYAN: She’s super creepy.  Someone stitched her mouth shut!

JATT STARR: She’s had a rough life.

DAN RYAN: Dude, she stares at me as if she wants to gouge my eyes out, put on a strap on, and violate the sockets.

JATT STARR: Did you find out who her friend was sold to?

DAN RYAN:  The Sasquatch?  No,

JATT STARR: Have you even asked about it?


JATT STARR: Why not?

DAN RYAN: I forgot.

JATT STARR: You forgot?

DAN RYAN: I’ve been busy.

JATT STARR: You said you would take care of this.

DAN RYAN: And you said we’d be meeting in a bar.

JATT STARR: This is a bar.

DAN RYAN: If it doesn’t have beer or liquor, it ain’t a bar.  Didn’t they outlaw smoking in public places?  It’s like “The Fog” in here.  I could be getting secondhand smoke.  

JATT STARR: It’s not smoke.  They’re all vaping.

DAN RYAN: Vape Lung, then.  That’s a thing.

JATT STARR: That’s just a myth.

DAN RYAN:  I saw it on a commercial for Dr. Phil.

JATT STARR:  He’s a third rate psychologist.

DAN RYAN:  Which is why I made a mental note of it.  Why does Dr. Phil care about Vape Lung? I didn’t care enough to actually watch the show.  I mean, what kind of loser watches Dr. Phil anymore anyway?

JATT STARR:  One episode!  It was one episode!

DAN RYAN: That I know about.

JATT STARR: It was about divorce and considering your situation, I figured—-

DAN RYAN:  That’s off limits.

JATT STARR: Then we can go back to the table then and you can tell me what you thought of my little set.

DAN RYAN: Doing a set about Rhys Townsend?  It was….something else.  It defies….

JATT STARR: Expectations, am I right?


The Rembrandt of Wrestling straightens up with pride.  He smirks smugly, clearly proud of the art he performed on stage (especially compared to the New Jersey landfill level of trash that is currently being displayed).  Dan Ryan opens his mouth and stutters a bit before answering.


DAN RYAN: It was not expected, that’s for sure.

JATT STARR: What can I say?  Just call me the Prince of Poetry.  


JATT STARR: I was joking.  What was your favorite part?

DAN RYAN: It’s really hard to pick out a favorite.

JATT STARR:  Just pick out one of your favorites.

DAN RYAN: Any time Rhys Townsend is referred to as a disease or a turd is a plus.

JATT STARR: See?  You love it, Ezster loves it.  You two have something in common already.  In fact, we can go back to the table and you can bond over how amazing I am.

DAN RYAN: Not right now.  I’ve got a couple of things to take care of.

JATT STARR: At ten-thirty at night?

DAN RYAN:  It’s personal.

JATT STARR:  Really?  Come on.  What could be so important that you have to—-

DAN RYAN: Off limits.



The Duke of Jattmandu feels a twinge of disappointment in his gut.  This would make the second time that Dan Ryan leaves him due to, what Jatt Starr can only assume, his familial obligations.  In Jatt Starr’s opinion, Dan Ryan’s soon-to-be-ex is a vile skank, not that he would ever tell him that.  Jatt Starr could try to make him feel guilty about it, but Dan did fulfill his obligation by watching him perform so he cannot feel too upset.  Without saying a word, the Grand Overlord of Jatturn nods.  Dan Ryan claps his fellow PWA Tag Team Champion on the shoulder and heads out.  The Baron of Boca Jatton takes a moment before turning around and heading back towards a still passed out Bela and Ezster who looks as bored as a high school tackle during an algebra lesson.  They make eye contact and she raises her eyebrows.


JATT STARR:  Well, ladies, it looks like it is just us three…er, well, you and me Ezster.


The Sultan of SeaJattle heads back to the table, his arms outstretched as if he is going in for a group hug that will never happen.  While disappointed at Dan Ryan’s abrupt departure, he will not allow that to ruin his evening.  He even considers improving another poetic masterpiece about Conor Fuse’s alleged issues with bedwetting as the scene comes to an end.