Posted by Christopher America
Today has been a dumpster fire of a day!
It reminds me of when the “HOW Casino & Arcade” closed down unexpectedly. That too was a day that brought tears to my eyes. People like to throw out, “Bobby is the reason we can’t have nice things,” and I have to point out, “Bobby didn’t do anything!!!!” I cannot put enough exclamations on that statement!
I know HR doesn’t exist anymore now that we’re all Kael-less, but if you would like to file a formal complaint about the recent removal of a very engaging feature, please leave them on the desk of the owner of the company.
As much as I’ve tried, I can’t remove anything in this company. I’ve tried taking the towels, no go. I’ve tried booting Bobbinette Carey SOOOOOOooooo many times, and she’s still fucking here, talking about her bloody vag, or her hoarding habits! Hell, I’ve even tried booting Zion for a weekend, because I wanted a little peace and quiet, but no, I still had to listen to him workshop my next career choice after Lee fires me.
We can’t decide if I should be El Hombre Gordo or Beefy 5 Layer Burrito Man…
Anyway, my point is, I can’t take anything away. I had a lot of fun discussing Top 5’s of various topics, so why not do one today? Right now!
So, question of the day:
Top 5 Lethal Lottery Moments?
5. Dan Ryan and the dude with a pumpkin on his face beating Doozer and Jiles for the War Games Qualifier.
Come on, old man Dan, beating up old man Dooze, for the hundredth millionth time? Never get tired of seeing it! Hey, who knows, maybe we can watch that mean muggin JJR beat up Dooze this weekend at the new Lottery!? That should be just as good, yeah? Either way, Dooze doesn’t stand a chance, and that’s okay! Because at least he isn’t dead like Cancer Jiles.
4. Mike Best and Jace Parker Davidson dominating!
I have watched A LOT of film, preparing for this night… Yeah, you’re right. I accidentally turned on a Lethal Lottery episode from back in the day, fell asleep and now I’ve got like 6 shows in my watch history. Thanks HOTv!
But the truth is, Mike and Jace have the most matches in Lottery history, and I think, the most wins too! It’s going to be interesting to see if they can keep their good luck going!
3. The Lethal Lottery is the most watched night in wrestling, outside of the PPVs.
I don’t have actual evidence to back this up, but I will say, as a fan, and as a competitor the Lethal Lottery provides the most entertaining content. It gives the under dogs of HOW a chance to prove themselves, while also giving the champions an opportunity to show why they are the champ!
This year will be no different, and I for one, cannot wait!
2. Only 1 title has ever been won during a Lethal Lottery!
I know this is mind blowing, but according to the books that the nameless/thankless stooges keep here in High Octane, the only title to actually change hands during a Lethal Lottery was when Jatt Starr beat Acaldema for the ICON title way back in the day! I’m sure even Jatt doesn’t remember that!
So for all of you out there hoping to win a title, good luck! In fact, you might have better luck playing the actual lottery, I believe the odds are better for that!
1. It hasn’t happened yet, but it will, in 2 days! Bobby Dean will win a title match, BY HIMSELF!
Sure, I’ve been a tag team champion countless times. I don’t mean you can’t count them, I mean, I’m too lazy to go count them myself = countless times. So winning a title all on my own, this weekend, would be a dream come true! And to be only the 2nd person to win a title during a Lottery? *Goosebumps*
The last Lottery I was a part of I *almost* won the ICON title off Mike Best. I know, I know, ME? Almost beat Mike Best!? Never gonna happen in a million years! Well, it didn’t happen that night, but guys like Me, Scottywood, Zion, Hansen, Doozer, Byrd, we’ve got to count the “almosts” because counting the actual wins would be easy.
A boy can dream. Some would say, what a pointless dream to have, but if I’m not dreaming of the day I beat Mike Best, I’d be dreaming about the day I fuck Jenna Jameson, or the day Lee Best personally inducts me into the HOW Hall of Fame.
I know, I know, *that* Top 5 isn’t nearly as good as, say, Top 5 Fast Food Places… Or was it Items? But, I thought let’s save the good ones for another day!
I’ll be honest, as much as I’m looking forward to throwing my hat into this whole Lottery thing, I admit to being a bit nervous. I’m a 300+ lbs man, well past his prime, working 2 matches in 1 night!? After spending an entire day pissing off the man above. I think for me, the real lottery will be whether or not I die of a heart attack! You can only snub your nose at GOD for so long before lighting strikes, and judging by all the people quickly scattering away from my general direction, I feel a bolt heading my way!
Then again, you know what they say, no guts, no butts, no coconuts, and well, everyone knows one of my Top 5: Drinks is Coconut Milk, and my Top 5: Female Anatomy is Butts!
Lee, I get it. I understand the joy of Top 5s! I think it should be brought back! Since you’re the one that took it from us, you’re the one that needs to bring it back! I say if we can get 97% of the roster to agree, you should bring it back ASAP!