Where did it all go wrong?
Why did it all go wrong?
What could have been put in place to prevent it from going wrong?
Who helped or tried to stop it from going wrong ?
When did we start caring about it being wrong as opposed to right?
He blinked as he sat in the therapist office. Now this was the only time that the press left him alone completely because they did not want it to be looked at as if they were making fun of mental health and that was terrible, even that was something that Raziel agreed with. Still these questions that his therapist expected for him to answer were full of bullshit. “I hate the five W’s,” he said though at the moment the therapist was not in the room. “I feel like my therapist only leaves these questions because they want me to feel like I am a pre adolescent child who needs to understand that actions have consequences and that we need to always understand those actions. All ofthis when I have a title match,” he did laugh a little at that. “The same guy who beat my friend at that.” He had hoped for Scott to win but he also knew it was a bit too much as he still looked over the questions.
“It all went wrong when the match was first booked for you see Mr. Solex. Now do not take this as me being cocky but I am sure that you get more matches thrown at you than a hooker paid well to be a lonely man’s escort and still here you are defending a belt that i am sure you think that you have brought honor and prestigue too when the truth of the matter is that you are nothing but HOW’s whooping boy, regardless of if it’s you getting whooped by opponents or if it’s you giving them out. I do hope that you too are in some good therapy because it’s got to be a damn good way in knowing that it helps if I am the one saying it.” Still it seemed almost like child’s play and still even when they should not children learn to play with fire and most quickly get burned. Sad occassion, but with a brim of a lesson learned for life that if it is too hot, all we should do is stand back and look at it and not actually touch it. “I see you Solex, a fire that stands and burns bright and should not be touched for the singe that you will leave behind is too much for almost anyone.”
As for why? Raziel did not know why it went wrong, why this match was even booked but a match was a match and he took every match at least somewhat serious, but for gold? No that was not the case. You see when you came up against a champion even as it were in Raziel’s case where no one knew who you were you still could say “that was me,” “that was me, pushing that champion with his belt, him having to prove to himself that even though I am fresher, newer, and overall better that it is he who should prove the same point that he has over and over again. That must be a hell of a cross to bear.” He sighed as he heard the door open and watched the man come and sit down in front of him. As the therapist scrolled through his usual mumble and jumble Raziel simply shook his head before putting his hand up and rudely cutting the man off. “Look I get it, I should come in more but honestly I feel liek fresh air and all my social needs are met through those kinds of platforms this face to face is a bit old school.”
Harsh! but it was true. The therapist of course disagreed and spoke. “Raziel what you have did is become too wrapped up in what people think of you and your new career venture out into the world proves that. It’s not good to waste talent and not take things seriously. This has been the main point every time that I see you. I do not feel like you have it in you to take anything as it should be taken for the most part.” Raziel looked at him and shook his head. “Doc,” he said as he took a second. “If you take shit seriously do you know what happens? You croak over before you are thirty and I do not need to do that to my followers. Time and time again I took things seriously, wrestling included and got shitted on. Too young to do that now so what everyone gets is just a part of me. Trust me it’s what is the best move for now. Take this opponenent of mine this week, Solex. The guy, I mean where to start. Generic, I am sure he has something to say about how he’s been there done that, bought the t shirt and went back time again. Heard it all before doc.”
It did not matter how it was said the message was the same. “So you see in that, I can only answer two of your five questions. The rest that, I can not predict enough of any outcome to answer them but after the match I can come back and give it a try.” That was as honest as he could be as his mind drited off to a different time, a time where like everyone else, he was just a little bit younger.
**The cool rain nights of 2018 were one he would never forget. His mind had wondered what if as he sat only just now starting out on this social media journey of his. Putting up videos and getting absolutely no responses was not the way to go In all truth he knew he had spent way too much time and simply needed to get off of this for what good could it ever do him.
Everyone had so many followers and with all of the black holes that he had found on the internet it was wonder that he even had dreamed of this but it kept all of the negative at bay, because you see on this he could choose what to read and see and not have it constantly thrown in his face.**
He blinked back into the current day. “Oh, well no, respect for Solex?” He laughed whole heartedly. Not ever going to do that either. You see at the end of the day it’s all business respect can go hand in hand but all I know is that all I want to do is what i can and when I am ready be good. It’s not a contest and even if it was you see all the legacy players that HOW has? I’m not an idiot doctor, just a man who knows how to carefully place out a long term plan of what he wants to do. He shrugged and went on. “I mean I am sure that the longer that I stay around in High Octane Wrestling, well my hope is that my story will flush itself out. I am not a man who expects to accomplish anything because every time that I do, it fails and that
fail is what makes me go out of my mind but I have decided that for the sake of my mind and my sister’s will to “see me do better,” no sweat off my back no matter what happens. It’s the Reynolds way, if that makes sense.”
This was the one answer that seemed to please his doctor at least for a few minutes. “I know that a part of my condition for coming to therapy was to be as honest as I felt and this might be the first time that I can say that I find myself doing that. It might seem a bit unorthodox coming from someone like me but we all need to start somewhere right?” He had no idea if this meant that he was going to do well all the time but he did not want to stress his sister out in the end. “I also am letting you know that I do think that we need to up my sessions, maybe move them to twice a week.”
He felt like if his focus was to be better then he needed to make sure that he could come to his therapist whenever he needed and use that as a way to vent any issues. He could feel himself starting to care about being something, anything perhaps more than just a running joke and that was almost bad, but progress made was always good. The therapist nodded almost as if he understood the need. “Then I suppose,” Raziel continued on. “My sister, her head is all in everything that we do and I do not want her to die lonely. I need to do something about that, perhaps have Scott help me but we will see, however back to the name at hand in Solex.”
Double edged sword in a way but sometimes you did need to bleed just a bit to get the point across. “I am sure he will have everything in the book to throw at me and that is his right but at some point he has to realize that even if it is not me, someone will come along and take that pretty little strap right off of his hands.” It would be a cause for party if it was him but he knew better than to hope for that high because even if it did happen, Raziel did not feel like he had deserved it and the last thing that he needed was to get something that he had not deserved. “Still does not mean that I am not going to show up and show out, as I always do.”
It was most simply put what he loved about being him. He always thought that he would be himself and so far there was nothing that he could see ever changing that. He tipped his head and was shortly after released from his therapy session and that did make him feel good. Now was the time to focus.