In this RP:
-Sunny O’Callahan does a lot of yelling, cursing, preening, and bad singing- because that’s what she does.
-Ultratron-6.1 causes a disturbance at a Johnny Rockets restaurant during a meeting of the Kabal of Really Awful People
-David Litterman continues to display a total disregard of the environmental consequences his cavalier attitude towards trash disposal presents.
-And ‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine” gives Sunny O’Callahan her thirty-day probationary review.
***When we last saw Sunny O’Callahan…
Monday February 7th– Wrestling Night in the Heartland at the McLeod Center / Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Thunderbolt Smith: REMEMBER THE ALAMO!
Scott Stevens snaps ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-6.1’s head back with superkick. Watching Ultratron-6.1 stumbling back to the corner, Stevens delivers the double-bird.
Quick cut to Sunny O’Callahan. Both hands tug at her hair as Stevens stalks Ultratron-6.1.
Sunny O’Callahan: Aw fuck. COME ON ULTRATRON!
The Kabal of Really Awful People (‘Defective’ Marty Pratt, Bill E. Zayne, David Litterman, The Murder Hornets, Hawaii-Five-One-Five-O) also watch at ringside. Litterman casually drops a hot dog wrapper on the floor while Zayne parades around holding up a ‘My Sweet Love Baby Doll’ strapped into a plastic pink car seat.
Bill E. Zayne: I HAVE A CHILD!
Sunny’s head jerks around.
Sunny O’Callahan: ENOUGH! I’m trying to watch the fucking match here.
Boot to the gut by Stevens doubles Ultratron over. Stevens then places the Ultratron’s jaw on his shoulder in an overhead facelock position and drops to the ground in a sitting position.
Thunderbolt Smith: TOXIC STING! TOXIC STING!
Sunny O’Callahan: FUCK!
Stevens rolls over to make the cover. Brent Payson drops down for the count…
Thunderbolt Smith: Scott Stevens was about to pin Ultratron-6.1 when the arena suddenly went dark.
Rick Hall: When the lights go out that usually means something’s happening Thunderbolt.
The lights come back up.
Thunderbolt Smith: THAT’S DARIN ZION IN THE RING!
Zion’s lurks behind Stevens who’s unaware of the danger behind him. But instead of pinning ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine,’ Stevens stands up.
Rick Hall: DARIN ZION COST SCOTT STEVENS THE MEN’S HEARTLAND TITLE LAST WEEK! STEVENS RETALIATED BY COSTING ZION HIS #3 RANKING IN THE MEN’S DIVISION! NOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN?
Stevens turns. Zion roars forward with arm outstretched.
Thunderbolt Smith: BAN HAMMER!
Zion cuts Stevens down like a sickle cutting through wheat and Sunny sees an opportunity.
Sunny O’Callahan: PIN HIM! PIN HIM!
Realizing the situation, Ultratron-6.1 immediately hooks a leg and makes the cover. But there’s no count from referee Brent Payson has he’s already called for the bell.
Confused, Sunny jumps up onto the ring apron and steps through the ropes.
Sunny O’Callahan: What’s going on?
But instead of getting an explanation from referee Brent Payson, Payson completely ignores her. He leans over the ropes and tells MVW’s new ring announcer Heather Cooper what his decision is. Heather makes the announcement from ringside.
Heather Cooper: Your winner by disqualification… SCOTT STEVENS!
Sunny O’Callahan: WHAT!
***A few minutes later…
Kellie Burkowski, Missouri Valley Wrestling’s twenty-four year old backstage interviewer, stands at the ready as she’s counted down from five. The technical director points at her and the red light signifies that she is now live.
Kellie Burkowski: Kellie Burkowski backstage with a very unhappy Sunny O’Callahan.
Sunny, mouth wrapped in distinct frown and smoke literally coming out of her ears, steps into the shot.
Kellie Burkowski: Sunny, your thoughts on what happened earlier tonight with Darin Zion-
Sunny O’Callahan: Gimme that.
Kellie suddenly has the microphone ripped out of her hand.
Sunny O’Callahan: It’s bad enough when that awful Gary Stevens…
Sunny quickly gets corrected by Kellie.
Kellie Burkowski: That’s Cary.
Sunny O’Callahan: Yeah whatever. Gary Stevens comes out and says all those horrible things about your ONE, TRUE PRO QUEEN OF PRO WRESTLING!
Sunny points at the red and green crown on her head.
Sunny O’Callahan: That’s right. ME! SUNNY O’CALLAHAN! And then he helps his stupid son cheat to defeat the vastly superior Ultratron-6.1! Disgraceful I tell you.
Kellie again pipes up from behind.
Kellie Burkowski: I think Darin Zion helped him-
Sunny O’Callahan: SCOTT STEVENS HAD TO CHEAT TO WIN THAT MATCH! DO YOU ALL KNOW WHO GOT SCREWED OVER TONIGHT? ME. SUNNY O’CALLAHAN! DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE GOT SCREWED OVER? ULTRATRON-6.1. THE NEW AGE CYBERTRONIC CRIMINALLY INSANE ROGUE SENTIENT ROBOT WRESTLING MACHINE!
Sunny pauses to catch her breath for a couple seconds. Then she trains her rhetorical machine gun on a different target.
Sunny O’Callahan: Darin fucking Zion. What the hell are you doing? I don’t care what universe you claim you and your weird friend went flitting off to, how dare you interfere in MY match? How dare you stick your nose into MY- Sunny O’Callahan’s- business? Do you know who the hell you’re doing with? DO YOU? Do you brain-dead idiots forget who I am. MY NAME IS SUNNY O’CALLAHAN. I AM THE ONE TRUE QUEEN OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! SUNNY O’CALLAHAN IS THE GREATEST MANAGER AND THE BEST DAMN WRESTLING MIND EVER- NOT JUST MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING BUT THE ENTIRE WRESTLING INDUSTRY!
Kellie’s head recoils with very word Sunny says as she’s literally yelling at full throated voice.
Sunny O’Callahan: DARIN ZION! I SINGLEHANDEDLY SAVED YOUR CAREER! IF NOT FOR ME- SUNNY O’CALLAHAN- YOUR CAREER IS FUCKING FINISHED! THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? IF NOT FOR ME- SUNNY O’CALLAHAN- YOU DON’T GET NINE MILLION FUCKING TITLE SHOTS AND YOU REPAY ME BY GETTING ULTRATRON-6.1 DISQUALIFIED? THAT’S BULLSHIT!
Sunny pauses and takes a deep breath. Kellie makes a tentative move forward with her hand to take back the microphone.
Sunny O’Callahan: Back off bitch! I’m not done yet.
Kellie rolls her eyes and backs up again.
Sunny starts up again but with much less volume in her voice.
Sunny O’Callahan: Darin, you didn’t just cost Ultratron-6.1 the match- you cost ME- Sunny O’Callahan, The True Queen of Pro Wrestling… the greatest manager and the best wrestling mind ever.
She points her finger at the camera and her tone becomes caustic.
Sunny O’Callahan: Zion, you stupid asshole. You fucked up big time and you’re gonna pay because no one- and I do mean NO ONE- does that to me- Sunny O’Callahan- the best manager ever- the best wrestling mind ever- and gets away with it. Sunny O’Callahan gets what she wants and dammit, Sunny O’Callahan is going to get the respect Sunny O’Callahan deserves! Zion, you’re dead.
Instead of handing the microphone back to Kellie, Sunny spikes it on the floor like a football player who’s just scored a touchdown and causing the microphone to shatter into several pieces stalks out of the shot. Then Sunny stomps off.
Kellie glances down at the broken microphone.
Kellie Burkowski (shouting at Sunny): YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!
Kellie just shakes her head.
Kellie Burkowski: What a bitch.
* * *
Wednesday Night- Johnny Rockets Restaurant- Pacific, Missouri
It’s a slow night at Johnny Rockets located west of St. Louis just off Interstate 44 by the Six Flags Amusement Park.
Sitting at the four-person booth?
‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-6. He’s munching on a Rocket Double burger with cheddar cheese, fresh tomato, white onion, and their special sauce.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt. Pratt is devouring a Smoke House burger that consists of thick-cut applewood smoked bacon, crispy sourdough onion rings, Wisconsin cheddar cheese, and their special recipe “Smoke House” barbeque sauce. With every bite, droplets of the BBQ sauce fall on the table, on the front of Marty’s shirt, and into the thick chocolate milk shake perched precarious by the sandwich.
David Litterman. Litterman worked on a Nacho Maxx burger, a flavor rollercoaster according to the menu. Crisp leaf lettuce, onion, tomato, tomato salsa, cheese sauce, nachos, and their signature Rockin’ Red Sauce and jalapenos.
Litterman not-so-discreetly drops a rouge piece of onion on the floor.
The waitress who passes by at the exact same moment is not pleased.
Last, but not least.
Bill E. Zayne. Bill in imbibing in a #12 burger because on a scale of 1 to 10, Johnny Rockets customers rated the burger as a ’12.’ He picks off the crisp leaf lettuce, sliced onion, crinkle-cut pickles, mayonnaise, and their Rockin’ Red Sauce- tangy chili ketchup, with a kick.
Bill also randomly stands up and shouts out, “I HAVE A CHILD!” while holding up a ‘My Sweet Love Baby Doll’ that’s not strapped into a plastic pink car seat- much to the annoyance of the same waitress who’d just stepped on the piece of onion on the floor.
Why are they dining at Johnny Rockets?
David Litterman: I can’t believe they kicked us out of Chuck E. Cheese’s for going on stage and singing along with the band.
Litterman then casually throws a dirty napkin on the floor.
The reason they were sitting at a Johnny Rockets on a Wednesday without the greatest manager and the best mind in pro wrestling ever- The True Queen of Pro Wrestling, Sunny O’Callahan?
Ultratron-6.1: I now call the meeting of the Kabal of Really Awful People to order.
With that, the Murder Hornets and Hawaii-Five-One-Five-O join the others at the table.
Ultratron-6.1 takes a sip from his cup of Coke and proclaims he has had an epiphany.
Ultratron-6.1: My association with Sunny O’Callahan has not proven to be fortuitous. I have spent lavishly to bring Ms. Callahan into our group but the fact remains I have not won a match since I purchased Ms. O’Callahan’s services.
Ultratron-6.1 then has a revelation.
Ultratron-6.1: Perhaps, she’s not the best manager nor does she have the best mind in the wrestling industry.
Ultratron-6.1 pounds his hand on the table in a most demonstrative manner.
Ultratron-6.1: I am NO CLOSER to my goal of COMPLETE AND TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!
The outburst is duly noted by the waitress. She turns and heads back to the kitchen.
Ultratron-6.1: All she does is yell and yell and yell and put herself over at our expense. The yelling gives Ultratron-6.1 a headache. Putting herself over at our expense while I’m paying her great expense to help us reach our goals? That makes Ultratron-6.1 mad and when Ultratron-6.1 gets mad…
David Litterman: He brainwashes Dawn McGill and her daughter to do his evil bidding… for free?
Ultratron-6.1 considers the point. The problem with that plan is Dawn McGill is now married to Rah and actually retired for good… no, seriously… she’s actually retired… really… she is… for real… no doubt about it this time… ah… never mind.
Ultratron-6.1: That is an option.
Pratt speaks up.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: Perhaps it’s time to…
Pratt pulls the oversized pencil with the oversized eraser out from under the table and stands up.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: ERASE…
He pretends he’s erasing something with the oversized eraser on the oversized pencil.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: …ERASE… ERASE!
David Litterman: I say we just throw her out with the trash.
Litterman then tosses a few more dirty napkins on the floor.
Ultratron-6.1 then turns to Bill E. Zayne…
Ultratron-6.1: What say you, Bill E. Zayne?
Bill E. Zayne: I HAVE A CHILD!
…and that proves to be a mistake.
Ultratron-6.1: No. I will give Ms. O’Callahan a chance to prove she is who she says she is.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: Sunny O’Callahan?
Ultratron-6.1: No you dolt! The chance to prove that she is in fact, the world’s greatest manager and the greatest wrestling mind ever in pro wrestling.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: Oh.
‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ mumbles under his breath.
But then he again drops a firm fist on the table.
Ultratron-6.1: We will keep the status quo for now. I will visit Ms. O’Callahan and let her know that she is now on a double-secret corrective and disciplinary action protocol.
‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: Isn’t that like being on probation?
Ultratron-6.1: No. Yes. But no.
Ultratron-6.1 stands up and then steps up onto the table.
Ultratron-6.1: Being the benevolent person I am, I will grant Sunny O’Callahan another chance to prove herself. Sunny O’Callahan will help the Kabal of Really Awful People defeat this so-called ‘Big Don’ Dickinson (Bill Dickinson’s younger brother) on Saturday night and then Sunday at HOW’s Refueled 87 in…
He pauses and looks lost for a second.
David Litterman (whispers): West Lafayette, Indiana.
Ultratron-6.1: …WEST LAFAYETTE, INDIANA! Ultratron-6.1 and the wrestler who also has someone in their corner who yells incessantly will defeat the video game dork and this guy who thinks he’s some kind of nobility.
The word nobility sparks something in ‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’s’ mind and he seems a little irked about it.
Ultratron-6.1: By the way people… MY NAME IS ULTRATRON-6.1!
The stridency in his voice gets EVERYONE’S attention inside the restaurant.
Ultratron-6.1: Not ‘Rust-Bucket’… not ‘a fucking moron in a cardboard suit’, and certainly not ULTRON-BOT! JESUS, DOES THE WORDS COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
Ultratron-6.1 outstretches his arms.
Ultratron-6.1: This is why I’m here. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. Video Game Dork and the Noble Guy against me and that other guy who’s name escapes me at the moment. I know exactly what HOW is all about. People brutalizing one another over belts of gold. Slaughtering their opponents for money, for conveniences, and exalted titles. People of HOW, I declare that you are all hopeless, vacuous worms, a giant stain on the tapestry of the wrestling world for which there is only one cure—THE RAGE OF ULTRATRON-6.1. I…‘‘THE NEW AGE CYBERTRONIC CRIMINALLY INSANE ROGEU SENTIENT ROBOT WRESTLING MACHINE”… HAVE SPOKEN-
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Turning his head slowly, Ultratron-6.1 determines that someone has activated the digital jukebox at the front of the restaurant.
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey’s head
Ultratron-6.1 mouths ‘what the fuck?’ as the music of Nickelback fills the air and causes a great dissonance to his ears.
This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without- *KABOOM*
With the double barreled fire power of red energy shooting out of Ultratron-6.1’s palms, the digital jukebox explodes in a spectacular fireball that literally shakes the building but saves the patrons from listening to another note of an another Nickelback song.
A few seconds later…
Male Voice: All right. You and your group have to leave now.
Apparently, blowing up the jukebox was the last straw. It seems the waitress, the other customers dining out, the manager of the restaurant, and most importantly, the police who have shown up because of a disturbance in the force that borders on disorderly conduct have all had a belly full of Ultratron-6.1 for one evening.
Litterman leans over towards ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt.
David Litterman: Wait a minute. He’s got blasters on his hands?
Pratt, mouth still gaping wide open and watching as the smoke from the blast has set off the sprinklers inside the restaurant, can only nod his head as the water starts to fall from the ceiling.
The Ladies Room / Missouri Valley Wrestling Headquarters- St. Louis, Missouri
Once again preening in front of the mirror, Sunny O’Callahan’s listening to some music on her earbuds while she washes up.
Sunny snaps her fingers and wriggles her hips to the music.
What you see ain’t what you’re getting!
She does the sassy duck face thing and admires how she looks in the mirror with her red and green crown, her designer sunglasses, her new outfit, and of course, the long green cape that flutters behind her with every movement she makes.
Big make-up… little break-up
She wants it… he’s got it
Sunny O’Callahan: I look good.
She gives a sassy nod of the head and moves her hips some more.
Sunny O’Callahan (singing):
Look at me
You can take it all because
This face is free
Maybe next time use your eyes and
Look at me!
I’m a drama queen if that’s your
I can even do reality.
After taking one last look at herself in the mirror and satisfied that she is the best-looking person in the building, Sunny turns to leave and…
*HIGH PITCHED SCREAM*
Breathing heavily after nearly having an out of body experience and trying to gather herself, Sunny sputters and then responds.
Sunny O’Callahan: WHAT THE FUCK!
She attempts to breathe normally again.
Sunny O’Callahan: YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!
In contrast to the hyperventilating woman in front of him, ‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ is calm, cool, measured with his demeanor.
Ultratron-6.1: Hello Sunny. What’s all this commotion I hear?
Sunny O’Callahan: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BATHROOM?
Ultratron-6.1: Well, it seems you’ve given me no other choice Sunny.
Sunny jumps as Ultratron-6.1 hands her a piece of paper.
Ultratron-6.1: It’s time for your thirty-day probationary evaluation.
Trying to spit out the words, Sunny finally clears her throat.
Sunny O’Callahan: Thirty-day probationary evaluation?
Ultratron-6.1: Yes. See right here?
His metallic finger points to the top of the evaluation form.
Ultratron-6.1: Name. Sunny O’Callahan. Position. Manager of ‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-6.1. Let’s see.
He points to various categories on the paper.
Ultratron-6.1: Attendance. Good. You always show up when you’re supposed to.
Sunny reflexive nods in agreement.
Ultratron-6.1: Dependability. Yes. I think you’re doing fine there.
Again she nods.
Ultratron-6.1: Quality of work… hmmm… this one we need to work on.
Sunny doubletakes and her eyes blink rapidly.
Sunny O’Callahan: What do you mean?
Ultratron-6.1: I have not won a match since you came on board and I generously lavished you with all the money you can spend.
Sunny O’Callahan: Ummmm…
Ultratron-6,.1: Furthermore, I am no closer to total and complete world domination than I was the day I hired you. That needs to be addressed.
Feeling defensive, all Sunny does is keep on nodding.
Sunny O’Callahan: Um… okay.
Ultratron-6.1: I’d like to see some improvement this weekend. Saturday night, I face Don Dickinson with my spot in the Men’s Heartland Division on the line. I need to win that match. Sunday night, Ultratron-6.1 versus Conor Fuse and David Noble. I need to win that match, too.
Sunny O’Callahan: But! I can’t help it Ray McAvay forced you to team with Gary Stevens and his Dynasty-mmph.
Placing his metal hand over Sunny’s mouth, Ultratron-6.1’s red glowing eyes signify ‘‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine” doesn’t want to hear excuses.
Ultratron-6.1: Do you understand?
This would be one of the few times Sunny O’Callahan is speechless. All she does is timidly nod.
Ultratron-6.1 pulls out a wad of cash from his ever-present duffel bag.
Ultratron-6.1: The next cash payment will come when Ultratron-6.1 starts winning matches and collecting gold. Do you understand?
He hands the money to her.
Sunny looks down at the cash. Then she starts to respond but…
Sunny O’Callahan: Wait! Where did he go?
She pockets the cash in her purse and faces the mirror again.
Sunny O’Callahan: Shit.