The Wabid Wabbit – And Jatt’s There Too!

The Wabid Wabbit – And Jatt’s There Too!

Posted on July 5, 2021 at 3:07 pm by Jatt Starr

:::SCENE:  In front of black curtain with the HOW Logo is Jatt Starr who stands next to a towering, muscular figure wearing a bunny mask.::::


JATT STARR:  Ironic, don’t you think?  And I don’t mean it in an Alanis Morrisette way.  The debuts of Sektor’s protege and my newest associate.  Fitting it should happen this way because now, the Ruler of Jattlantis can live this match vicariously through the Chosen Jattlantian Knight.   


The newest STD Champion, no wait, Sektor’s always been the STD Champion.  I meant to say, the newest LSD Champion has hand selected someone douchey little pissant nobody whose name is more boring than a trigonometry exam to go up against the Sultan of SeaJattle’s masked mauler.   


Sektor, apologize to Adam McDullsville right now.  I know it’s tough, because you sure as heck haven’t apologized to me yet!  Apologize to him for ditching me in the ring, watching as Dan Ryan and Conor Fuse to try and end the Hero of Jattlanta’s career.   Apologize to him for allowing the Grapplers to beat us for the HOW Tag Team Championships.  Apologize to him for not visiting me in the hospital.  YOU NEVER EVEN SENT ME A GET WELL CARD!!!!


::::The King of Grapple from the Big Apple winces in pain and rubs his neck.::::


JATT STARR:  Beg for his forgiveness, because in Starrlotte, North Carolina, your little protege’s career will be over before it ever truly had a chance to begin.   What he’s up against is truly unknown.   The Wabid Wabbit, who is he?   Why does he wear a mask?  What’s in his sadistic nature?   Does he wear a bunny mask because he slaughtered bunnies for fun and is now escalating to humans?  A mystery—-


WABID WABBIT:  At no point have I caused pain to a bunny.


JATT STARR:  I know that and you know that, but they don’t need to know that.  I’m trying to hype you up as a brutal monster capable of anything such as possibly hurting a bunny.




JATT STARR:  Adam, as Sektor likes to say, your imminent demise is purely a business decision.  It’s just your crappy luck that ol’ Johnny Sucktor selected you.  You are just another casualty of the poisonous, toxic environment produced by the so-called “Gold Standard”.  More like “Mold Standard”, if you ask me.   Up high!!!!


:::The Thane of Starrkarth goes for a high five, the Wabid Wabbit reciprocates.::::


JATT STARR:   The Starrcelona Icon almost pities you, Adam.  Sektor has, unwittingly, led you on a path to destruction.  A short path,  It’s more like a driveway.  The Wabid Wabbit is going to take the lessons I have given him last Friday afternoon and use those to crush you like the mosquito you are.  As the kids used to say, or maybe they still do, it sucks to be you.  


WABID WABBIT:  May I say something?


JATT STARR:  Of course, just remember what we talked about.


WABID WABBIT:  This John Sektuh, he sounds like a steamin’ pile of dawg shit.  Adam, I don’t know you.  You seem like a pretty awesome dude, but what Jatt here is sayin’ is true.  What happens Saturday night, it’s not just business. 


If I have wearned one thing in my wife, it’s this:  Evewybody on the pwanet are bwothas and sistahs wegardless of wace, cweed, or whatever.  The one thing that links us, it’s pain.  No mattah who it is, evewybody feels pain.  Adam, we wiw be bwothas in pain.  No one wiw give a shit about this match ten yeahs from now.  But wiw because we wiw have wived it.  We wiw be winked by our common bwutawity towahds each—-


JATT STARR:  I can’t listen anymore, stop.  W-squared, I thought we worked on this.  No one is going to take you seriously if you sound like a three year old.


WABID WABBIT:  I towd you, it’s comes when I’m nehvous.


JATT STARR:  Nervous? You have nothing to be nervous about.  You have the support and the knowledge of the Jattlantic City Idol on your side.  You have the most talented wrestler in the history of the HOW giving you pointers on where to focus that deep seeded aggression.  Whereas,  Adam Smellis, he’s got nothing but a selfish, self-absorbed, drunk, coked out junkie with daughter issues backing him.  Trust me, Wabid, old bean, you are going to turn Adam Ellis into a Sektor effigy in the name of Jattlantis.


::::Both men nod and smile as the scene ends.:::