The Slambuss

The Slambuss

Posted on August 11, 2022 at 9:48 pm by Bob Grenier

People often dream of becoming rich. However, in the mid-1800s, people really could become rich overnight. The California gold rush brought many men to the area. These prospectors searched for gold. Some became lucky, while others lost everything.

One man in particular was gruff. He was a real man and he didn’t have time for jokes or lollygagging. Cyrus Grenier traversed many plains before finally arriving in Caloma, California in the year 1822. He was a rough man with two teeth a jug of moonshine and big dreams. He had little possessions. His only company, Two whores and a goat.

“By gar’ think we settle here for the evenin’. Looks like a fine plot a land if I ever seen one. We’ll pitch a tent and get a fire roarin’ and get to work in the mornin’.”  He reckons. He spits and strokes his scraggly beard.

“You wenches go fetch the wood!”

He sends the whores into the California desert to gather wood while he ties off Todd to a hitching post. Yes, The donkeys name is Todd.

The whores come back with arm loads of firewood. Cyrus is impressed. Albeit quietly.

Barely audible he mutters to himself that it must be all that “protein I be feedin’ ya.”

“Outstanding work whores.” Cyrus is cold. Not usually a man to offer praise.

“We have names Sir, I’m An..”

He cuts her off and advises her to speak when spoken too.

“I won you wenches in that card game, I don’t need to be sittin’ here listening to sass. Now you bitches best get to work before I send ya back to the cat house in Louisville. Go on now..”

Cyrus takes a pan to a nearby stream and takes his time sifting. He goes a little deeper and makes a startling discovery.

“WHOOO HA NUGGETS, GOLD NUGGEST THE SIZE O’ YER FIST!”  He dances a jig and repeatedly pounds his fist onto his knee.

He continues to dance a jig and takes a monster swig of moonshine. He tells the whores to get naked.

Weeks go by and Cyrus is prospering, The whores are looking plump, Everyone is fed and happy.

That is until The Dark appear on the hillside, A trio of rustlers, Led by the fearless “Deadeye” Porter. He’s a tall lanky man who wears a poncho and an eye patch. He has a thin mustache and rides a horse named Brutus Black. Dark clouds set in and are soon followed by the rain.

“You whores here that? There’s trouble brewin’.. I can feel it in the wind. Grab the shotguns, Load up the gold and we best be movin’ on.”

Cyrus, Todd and The whores always seem to move on at the right time. They are able to escape “Deadeye” Porter and his crew for years.

Eventually every character in this back story died of syphillis.

200 years later his last remaining relative is out here living his best life. Happy and STD free.

Upon arrival in Tombstone he began to dig the graves of the enemy.

Literally.

We fade into the Chihuahuan Desert. Who’re is standing with Bob Grenier. He wears an A.L.F T-shirt that is hardly menacing and bull rope across his shoulders. There is a single 6 x 6 hole dug in the earth below his feet. Behind him is an OCW flag laying limp due to the lack of wind. Parked to the left is “The Slambuss” in all its demented glory.

Who’re: Welcome to the Who’re report live on The “O”.. We are on location in Tombstone, Arizona.

Bob: Listen girl, I’ll take it from here. You just hold the microphone and look pretty.

She giggles at the compliment.

“Put a bullrope in my hands and watch what I do with it Clay. Where I come from, We don’t put on cowboy hats and play dress up, Where I come from I learned to shoot straight and trust me when I tell you my aim is deadly.  Bob Grenier doesn’t fucking miss. I’m going to carve you up so bad not even Knife Man will be able to staple your face back together and trust me, He’s the best in the business.”

All of a sudden the rear doors of The Slambuss fly open. A man wearing a Micheal Myers mask appears. He stands about 7 feet tall and wields a butcher knife. He doesn’t say a word.

“This guy right here has made a career of stitching my wounds, I probably put Knife Man’s kids through college.. Got kids Knifey?”

The ominous Knife Man shows a softer side by pulling out his wallet and showing pictures of his child. Blade Man is six years old and incredibly sharp.

Pun intended.
“I’m not gonna stand here explaining who I am and what I’ve done. None of that matters. I’m not gonna come at a heavy hitter like Clay Byrd with stats and accomplishments because I’m well aware that where I’m headed, None of that matters. However..”

He squeezes the bull rope in his hands.

“I refuse to sit idly by and let some choad shit on the company that has allowed me to live the type of life I wanna live. I’m not gonna sit back and allow Clay Byrd to dump on the place I’ve made my name. I’m a big fish swimming in a small pond over there in OCW and now I’m still a big fish but I’ve graduated to swimming in the ocean and the ocean is infested with sharks, That’s the reality here and though I feel like I’m in way over my head.. I welcome this chance. I welcome the opportunity to walk in the land of the giants and tether myself to a fucking monster.. With that being said,  I think by the end of the night you’ll come to find that Bob Grenier should never be taken lightly.
I’ve come to High Octane Wrestling with a little thing called clout. I have that in spades. You know what else I have? Tell them Knifey!”

The Knife Man doesn’t speak a word.

“I’ve got an unwavering belief in my abilities as a professional wrestler. I’m the best goddamn professional wrestler to ever lace up a pair of boots. Clay, I’m going to grind your bones to make my bread.”

“Who’re.. You know what really gets me hard? You know what really pumps my nads?”

She giggles again.

“Me?” She asks flirtatiously.

Suddenly, Benny The Blunt Roller puts a massive joint in Bob’s outstretched hand. It’s a gagger.

Benny crawls back into The Slambuss with the other miscreants. It’s a magical place where all sorts of debauchery is afoot.

If you are new to Bob Grenier, Marijuana is like 86% percent of his gimmick. 12% of his gimmick is childish name calling. The final 2% is getting his ass handed to him on a regular basis but still waking up every day and pissing excellence.

He lights up and Inhales. He holds it in for a period of time and exhales a mighty cloud.

“Walking into unknown territory as the under dog and punking out guys like Clay Byrd. That shit gets me hard.”

He adjusts his crotch.

“Let it be known, The sun will shine on the dismal side of the iron curtain before anyone ever gets one over on Bob Grenier.”

Who’re: Bob.. The Iron Curtain fell at the end of the Cold War in 1991.

Bob: Are you sure? How on earth do you know that?

Who’re: I’m not all tits and giggles you know.

From the back of The Slambuss emerges Tommy Flamer! He climbs to the top of the van and lights himself on fire. He jumps off the top of the van and lands in the dirt. He rolls around the ground to put himself out. The Knife Man urinates on him in an attempt to extinguish the flames. The Knife Man picks up Tommy Flamer and loads him back into The Slambuss. Probably an attempt to find him some medical care.

#KnifeManCares.

Bob: Hey Who’re.. Did the OCW brass inform you of the programming change tonight?

She looks confused.

Bob: You and Me.. Non Stop Orgasms live on The “O” at 3 am. Who’re, We fornicate at dawn!

Who’re: Is it okay if I brought some friends?

He grabs her by the waist and holds her close. They embrace and climb deep into The Slambuss. There are like 3 other chick’s in there smoking weed and masturbating. Clothes begin to fall off. We are in the midst of an orgy featuring Who’re, Bob, Knife Man, Tommy Flamer and two other woman. Bob closes the back door of the van.