The Kostoff Method

The Kostoff Method

Posted on November 25, 2022 at 11:29 pm by Jatt Starr

Iron sharpens iron.


That is the phrase is it not?

The gist of it being that from a competitive standpoint, when you face the best it brings out the best in you.


The Ruler of Jattlantis does not see that happening this week.


The Rembrandt of Wrestling has been tasked with taking on the one, the only, the truly pooptastic Clay Turd.


Clay, Clay, Clay……


The Starrabian Knight is not taking this match lightly, no siree bob.  


Your exploits are well known….


Dare I say, legendary.


Your adventures are what minstrels and bards croon about in taverns.   Well, they would if it were the fourteen hundreds and the average lifespan of a healthy male would be forty-three and the bubonic plague would ravage the land.   A time when leprechauns would ride unicorns and trolls hunted dragons for their gold.


Nowadays, something of some import occurs, within seconds some vapid, attention seeking media whore immediately pulls out their phone and begins Twittering or Ticky-Tocking or MySpacing the news to the world whilst adding some commentary that no one wants and no one needs.


Yeah, Clay, the Jattlantic City Idol is fully aware of your history.   You slaughtered Bigfoot.  You saved virginal mermaids from the Kraken.  You swam the English Channel.  You massacred the cannibalistic pygmies of Machu Pichu.  And who could forget when you travelled back in time and singlehandedly put out the Chicago fire of 1919…..


Or was that when Joe Bergman went back in time and paid off White Sox players to throw the World Series?  Just one of the thousands of atrocities attributed to that lying scumbucket.


You two were pals were you not?  Comrades?  Amigos?  Compatriots?

Ironic, isn’t it?  A folk hero such as yourself being friends with a diabolical lowlife scoundrel such as he.   How could you?  We are talking about a man who got his rocks off randomly putting roofies into people’s drinks just so he could follow them into public restrooms to, what is it called, “tea bag” them.   He has a secret room filled with photos.   And…..



Joe Bergman directed pornographic films involving East European men banging drugged mountain goats while a masked man masterbates.   The Champion of Jattanooga believes it was called “Bleat the Meat”.  


And right now, the Thane of Starrkarth senses you are seeking vengeance against the Hero of Jattlanta for ending Joe Bergman’s villainy once and for all.  Why?  You should be worshiping the ground the Baron of Boca Jatton walks on!   The Duke of Jattmandu is a transcendent hero!   Like Batman or Nelson Mandela!

Make no mistake, Turdmaster Flash, if the Sovereign of Starrgenina were the Loch Ness Monster or Bracktor Vyie, King of the Reptilian Cave Monsters of the Himalayas, boots would be shaking and pants would be soiled.


The Jattsylvanian Count knows when it comes to monster hunting, saving buxom blondes from vampiric sex cults, and taming great white sharks, you are the best.   


But inside that ring, the Marquis of MadagaStarr knows what you know.  And now you know that the Marquis of MadagaStarr knows what you know…..


When it comes right down to it…..


In the squared circle you are a disappointment.  Whereas the Grand Overlord of Jatturn, let’s face it, is superior in every way.   


Since ending the career of Joe Bergman, the Earl of GlouStarr defeated both Conor Fuse and Bobbinette Carey singlehandedly and then a week later, conquered over that culty nimrod, Xander Azula.   Jatt Starr equals dominance.


And yeah, I might be in a train station right now in the middle of bum bang nowhere U.S.A. where the Wifi is about as reliable as screen doors on a submarine staring at a drunkard who is smelling his armpits and I cannot help but wonder……


Is this future you?


Is this your destiny after you lose to the Jatti Master this weekend?

The Mayor of ManJattan hopes so.