It was a tight game with the score being 3-3 at the end of regulation. Both teams here in Philadelphia had given it there all but there was still an extra period to go. It just so happened that the Capitals were called for a high sticking penalty and that meant the Flyers were on the power play. The Philly crowd roared with approval at the chance of five on four hockey here in the extra period. The Flyers moved the puck around in their zone but from the bench I cheered on our penalty killing efforts.
For some reason here I was the coach of the Washington Capitals.
I had on black suit with a white button down shirt along with a tie. I ran my fingers through my hair as the Flyers took a shot on goal but it was blocked by our PK group. We managed to clear the puck out of our zone as the Philly continued to cheer on their home team. I stared up at the scoreboard counting down the seconds until it was five on five hockey again. The Flyers brought the puck back up the ice. They passed the puck around perfectly and when they saw an opening they took another shot on goal but luckily Samsonov made a glove save and a beauty.
The penalty box opened and once again it was five on five. Our group made a clutch penalty kill and now it was Kuznetsov heading up the ice with the puck. Kuznetsov to Wilson and Wilson with the shot but it was turned away. Kuznetsov recovers and skates behind the net making the pass to Ovechkin who fires from his office.
GOAL! Capitals win 4-3 in overtime!
I jumped into the air as the team celebrated on the ice. The Philly crowd were furious but they weren’t the only ones. The team’s mascot Gritty made his way onto the ice and started to fuck with Alex Ovechkin. The two of them get into a bit of a scuffle until Ovechkin shoves Gritty away. Ovi plays to the angry crowd but doesn’t know that the mascot has taken off the head of his costume. The crowd roars as Gritty reveals himself to be none other than former HOW World Champion Cancer Jiles.
Ovechkin turns around only to get met with a superkick from Jiles.
The crowd goes absolutely wild seeing their mascot and hometown hero nail the captain of the Capitals with Terminal Cancer. The Cool one soaks up the admiration from the crowd but I wasn’t about to let this crime go unpunished. I hopped over the barricade onto the ice and made my way over to Jiles who had both arms spread wide. The crowd was egging the former Bandit on to do it again but I reached into my pocket. I spun Jiles around and hit him with a fireball which garnered a gasp from the crowd.
It was a sight to behold. Gritty on fire here in Philadelphia.
Jiles immediately dropped to the ice trying to put the fire out as one of the ref’s during the hockey game came over and raised my arm in victory. The crowd was livid and began throwing garbage onto the ice.
That’s when I woke up in a shock and blinked a couple of times before surveying my surroundings. I let out a sigh of relief as I realized I was still on the flight to Leeds for Refueled this week. Madison was beside me with her head buried in a magazine and Carmen was listening to music.
I shook my head side to side at the ridiculousness of my dream but this upcoming fight against Cancer Jiles would be the real deal. He would be the latest obstacle I would face on my way to ICONIC against Conor Fuse. I would be a fool to overlook a man that is a former HOW World Champion regardless of the fact he hasn’t been on fire much lately…pun intended. All it would take is one big superkick and my lights would be out. Heading in as the #1 ranked wrestler meant treating Jiles like he was still the man that beat Mike Best. It also meant doing whatever was necessary to defeat CCJ so that JJR wouldn’t overtake me for the #1 spot.
I need a drink.
It was Thanksgiving Day here in Leeds not that anyone from the UK actually cared. However, for us Americans it was a time to celebrate. Or rather as much as you could possibly celebrate inside of a Jurys Inn Leeds hotel room. I sprung for a luxury hotel seeing as how Madison and I would be forced to celebrate the holiday away from Miami. The room was nice and we managed to get Football on the television. Though, what I wasn’t thrilled about was the makeshift Thanksgiving’s dinner we got from the restaurant inside of the building.
Madison didn’t seem to mind it as much and Carmen was out and about taking in the sight of Kirkstall Abbey. I stared down at my plate and pushed around the grossly undercooked green beans. The only thing on my mind was my upcoming match against Cancer Jiles. On paper this should be a slam dunk win for me but there was something nagging me about this match. I just had no idea on which Cancer Jiles I was going to get. Was I going to get the one that showed up at Alcatraz or was I going to get the one that walked into War Games as the HOW World Champion? I shoved my plate to the side as Madison turned to look over at me.
“Something wrong with the food?” Madison asked while scooping another fork full of turkey off of her plate.
“The food is disgusting but that’s to be expected since Thanksgiving isn’t exactly popular here in the UK. I’m just not hungry but that’s not the issue.” I sighed as I glanced over at the television.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Madison offered as she grabbed my plate and pulled it towards her.
“I’m worried about my match this week against Cancer Jiles. Sure, he hasn’t won many matches lately but at any time the guy that was the HOW World Champion could show up and give me the fight of my life.” I admitted which nearly caused Madison to choke on her food.
“You’re kidding me, right? The #19 ranked Cancer Jiles is giving you fits? You think there is a 50/50 shot Jiles returns to Championship form?” Madison tried to swallow her food through laughter. “I think the 50/50 shot of Cancer actually showing up to the match itself is a better bet.”
“Look, I’m not going to be the one that goes and underestimates someone that has managed to win the HOW World Title this era. That’s something that I’ve yet to accomplish myself so if I want to remain ranked #1 I have to take CCJ seriously.” I hissed.
“I get that but let’s come back down to reality here. Cancer Jiles has a 3-11 record and only Doozer is ranked lower than him. You on the other hand are the first superstar this year to reach 10 wins in singles competition. That’s quite the accomplishment and you’ll be the first to 11 wins as long as you do what needs to be done out in the ring.” Madison tried to encourage me.
“Yeah, I thought the same thing against QT Reese and look what happened? I lost the HOTv Championship because the man wrestled the match of his life.” I added.
“And where is QT Reese now?” Madison asked, stretching her arms out wide. “He isn’t even on the roster anymore because he was a flash in the pan. One and done but yet you’re still standing and still ranked #1.”
“QT Reese might be gone but Cancer Jiles is still here in HOW. Just look at Bobby Dean. People used to think he was an automatic win when they faced him and now he’s gone and won back to back matches for the first time in a long time.” I explained.
“Yeah, he’s won back to back matches against Steve Solex. So not exactly top competition if you ask me and wasn’t one of the matches he won against Solex a pillow fight? If this is the standard you’re expecting out of Cancer Jiles then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I mean, you’re not scared of pillows are you?” Madison raised her eyebrow.
“Ugh, okay fine maybe you have a point there but that still doesn’t take away from the fact that Cancer Jiles found a way to step out of that Egg Bandit mold and become HOW World Champion. If you told me last era that Cancer Jiles would one day beat Mike Best and become HOW World Champion I would have laughed in your face. But that shit really happened.” I pleaded my case.
“He fell out of a cage by being knee’d in the skull to win the HOW World Championship belt. Lucky for you this isn’t a cage match so you don’t have to worry about stomping him so hard that you blast him through the cage door. You should stop worrying about Jiles and start thinking about what you’re going to do against Conor Fuse at ICONIC.” Madison lectured.
“Conor has been…well…let’s just say the lights are on but it doesn’t seem like anyone is home. However, I’m not about to go and overlook any opponent I have between now and ICONIC. Especially not Cool Cancer Jiles.” I informed her.
“Just what makes Jiles so Cool anyway?” Madison asked as she took a drink from her glass.
“Fuck if I know, he just calls himself that. He thinks that just because he has blonde hair and sunglasses makes him Cool. I mean he also has it tattooed across his stomach but hell he’s from Philadelphia. He could call himself the Fresh Prince of Bel Air for all I care. That’s not what I’m worried about here.” I replied as I shrugged my shoulders.
“That’s my point! A guy named Cancer shouldn’t be calling himself Cool. He can barely call himself an HOW wrestler. The last match he actually wasn’t even televised, that’s how relevant that Cool Cancer Jiles happens to be in HOW. You need to seriously stop sweating this man because you got this match in the bag.” Madison rolled her eyes.
“You know, as my manager it isn’t really good practice to just act like this is an automatic win for me just because it’s against CCJ. How about a little strategy to employ against a potentially dangerous opponent?” I said in a sarcastic tone.
“You want a strategy?” Madison asked before finishing off another bite. “Avoid the goddamn superkick. Avoid it like it was literally cancer itself. Oh, and don’t let him spit that yellow crap in your face. That can’t be sanitary.”
“Some strategy, thanks. I think I’ll just head down to the gym and put some work in while I still can.” I responded as I got up out of my chair.
I headed out of the hotel room and down to the gym as Madison moved onto my plate of food and wondered just where she would get dessert from.
Cancer Motherfucking Jiles.
I hope you enjoyed Eggsgiving Day with Doozer, Bobby, Zeb and ugh Lindsay Troy. Totally judging you for even being associated with a hag like her but this week it’s you and me, buddy. Now if I listened to Madison or pretty much anyone else then I wouldn’t even need to be wasting my time doing a promo because it’s going to be a squash win for me.
But I think I know you a little better than that.
I’m sure that going from being HOW World Champion to being ranked #19 out of 20 must be rough for you but there is no time like now to make a change. Since I’ve come back to HOW I’ve gotten everyone’s best shot. From RAH to QT Reese to Clay Byrd. I seem to bring the best out in people so am I going to bring out the best in you Jiles? I dreamt that I sat Gritty on fire, only you were in the Gritty outfit at the time. Yet, all I want to do is light a fire under you so that I won’t be completely wasting my time this week. Or else maybe I will just set you on fire for real Jiles and I don’t want to have to do that.
What happened to you, CCJ?
You were HOW World Champion. You beat Mike Best for the title and I know people will try to shame you for your victory saying you lucked out but I think differently. You could have dodged that knee if you wanted to. You knew it was coming but you decided to take the full force of it and burst through that cage door. That was your plan all along and you outsmarted Mike Best and everyone else. That’s the Cancer Jiles that I want to face this week because I need to test myself. I can pound my chest and scream at the top of my lungs about being the #1 ranked wrestler in HOW but still need to prove myself.
I need to know I’m still HOW World Championship material.
I have a big match coming up at ICONIC against Conor Fuse where the winner will main event a PPV in 2022. So, I need you to put your big boy pants on. I need you to slip back on those salt shoes and bring a worthwhile effort. I don’t care if you haven’t won a match since you beat Daytona. A match which no one actually saw. Though I should be really embarrassed losing to Elizabeth Dresden. I’m undefeated against that cunt but that’s neither here nor there. I need that Terminal Cancer of yours to have some ummph behind it. I won’t be able to accomplish anything if you’re not a worthy opponent before I face Conor.
I need real effort here, Jiles.
I’m not talking about the effort you showed out there against the likes of Xander Azula. Christ, Jiles, how could you lose to that guy? I’m not talking about how you were damned determined to get into the Seven Deadly Sins match at Rumble at the Rock. The match where the effort you put in amounted to nothing more than a wet fart. I mean…didn’t you say you were going to find the USS Octane and drive it straight into Alcatraz? You swore up and down you were going to walk out of there as the HOTv Champion then when you lost? You were all like well I survived that match like that was something to be proud of.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But apparently you’ve found your purpose? Only when you said that you went out there and lost again. But that was then and this is now and now Jiles you need to stop being a lazy bitch. I need you to act like you actually care about your spot here in HOW and not just planning an Egg Bandit reunion. So, if that means putting down the Devil’s lettuce for a minute then dammit that’s what is going to happen. I didn’t come all the way here to fucking Leeds to have a shitty Thanksgiving dinner for you just to not bother. If you want all your mindless babble about being Cool to matter again you’ll act like a man in the ring and not a weak little bitch like you have over the last few weeks.
The consequences are going to be bad if you don’t.
If you don’t show up? If you don’t give me a match worthy of being here in Leeds for the holiday? Then I’m going to take your blonde hair and I’m going to rip it out by the root. I’m going to take your precious shades, snap them in half and shove them straight up your ass. I’m going to drop you on your head and stomp on that ‘Cool’ tattoo of yours until it says ‘Cunt’ Jiles. I’ve come way too far after five years away to deal with a man that’s just here to collect a paycheck.
So shape up or ship the fuck out, Jiles.
I want to believe that somewhere down deep past all the bong rips beats the heart of a Champion. However, so far you’ve given me no proof of that opinion and I’ve just about reached my wits end Jiles. Either you step into the ring with me and show me that you still want to be here. That you still want to be someone in HOW or I’m going to send you packing out of HOW never to be seen again. Because if you give me the chance Jiles I’m going to fucking cripple you out in that ring. And then when you’ve got nothing left to live for, I’m going to make you Bend the Knee.
That’ll truly be Cool.