TeleBRUVnesis

TeleBRUVnesis

Posted on July 16, 2020 at 6:44 pm by Jesse Kendrix

The scene opens inside a modest yet beautiful looking church. By the alter stands Chastity, the strippee carrying Jesse Fredericks Kendrix’s child within her decreasingly stripper like body by the day. A worried look adorns the face of the mother to be as she stands dressed in her wedding dress. Her strippee colleagues, friends and family are seated upon the benches on the Bride’s side of the church, it’s a sell out. It’s in stark contrast to what we see on the groom’s side. In fact, there’s a distinct lack of groom present at the altar.

Fade Out

—————————————————————————————————————————-

Moments Later;

The scene fades quickly back in picking up on none other than Jesse Fredericks Kendrix running at full pelt out of the Church grounds as if his entire life depended on it. Not far behind him is his bestest Bruv in the entire world, Mikey Unlikely within arms reach of his Tag Team partner.

Mikey Unlikely: What are you doing?! Get back here, bruv!

Jesse ignores Mikey’s plea, his eyes focussed on getting his dapper suited self away from a potentially big mistake. Unfortunately for him, Mikey has always been the quicker bruv when it comes to speed.

Thud!

Jesse tries to crawl away from Mikey’s grip having been successfully wrestled to the ground. However, he remembers he’s wearing a rented suit and needs to keep it in good shape in order to get his deposit payment back. He holds his hands up defeated in surrender before Unlikely releases his grip.

Mikey Unlikely: Are you going to behave?!

The two take a moment to catch their breath and rise to their feet. Jesse nods in agreement as the two take a seat by a bench.

Kendrix: Listen, yeah?! I can’t go through with it. I can’t marry the strippee, Mikey. I mean, she’s a strippee. No disrespect to strippees but…you know?

Mikey Unlikely: I know. She’s not even met Mumma Kendrix, right?

Jesse holds his head in his hands.

Kendrix: Exactly! Can you even imagine the humility? “Hi Mother Kendrix, I’d like you to meet the mother of my unborn child, Chastity the strippee.” How did I get myself into this?

Mikey reassuringly pats his bruv on the back as he fixes his tie into position.

Mikey Unlikely: Really bruv? You want me to paint a picture about how you got your strippee girlfriend pregnant?

The Bruvs share a light chuckle as Mikey removes a flask from his suit jacket pocket and hands it to Kendrix who in turn looks at Mikey with suspicion. After all, the man has been trying to get him off the booze ever since the Hollywood Bruvs walked into High Octane Wrestling.

Mikey Unlikely: Go ahead, it’s not every day you marry a strippee.

Jesse takes a swig of ‘Dutch courage’ and carefully scans the outer work of the flask.

Mikey Unlikely: So this is what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna man up, dust yourself up because you look like a mess after you were just outwrestled by the better bruv.

Jesse shakes his head with a wry smile at Mikey’s Bruv banter.

Mikey Unlikely: You’re gonna walk straight into that church and right down that aisle…because, like you said, Jesse…you’re an asshole…but you’re a good asshole. Marrying Chastity is the right thing to do, bruv. 

JFK stands to his feet and begins to dust himself off to make himself more presentable for his big day. He hands the flask back to Mikey who places it back into his jacket pocket but continues to dig around there.

Kendrix: OK fuck it…let’s do this. It’s time to live up to my responsibilities. It’s the right thing to do. Thanks for having my back, Bruv. I’m happy at least that you’re the one who’s gonna marry us. 

Mikey fits a clerical collar around his neck.

Mikey Unlikely: How do I look? 

Kendrix: Like the real deal, Obvs!

Mikey Unlikely: Totally Obvs! You and the rest of the congregation are about to see why I am the greatest actor in the world. This was the best plan to get Chastity off your back with that whole marriage thing.  

Kendrix: Absolutely it was! What better way to get the mother of your unwanted child off of your back by giving into her demands to get married by fake marrying her without her knowing?! 

Mikey claps impressed at the full proof diabolical plan the Bruvs came up with.

Mikey Unlikely: Genius. Even the fake Minister certificate I made worked like a charm. Seems anyone can claim to be a minister these days and people actually believe them. Idiots!

The bruvs make their way back to the church and out of shot leaving the focus on the bench.

Mikey Unlikely OOS: I don’t get why you ran for your life just now, you knew the plan.

Kendrix OOS: Huh…I don’t know, bruv…I guess I got caught up in the moment of the biggest day of my life.

__________________________________________________________________________

Mikey and Jesse, the Co-stars of The Hollywood Bruvs, sit down on a pair of chairs that are side by side. They are in a studio adorned in black and red. Behind them are High Octane Wrestling ™ logos everywhere. There’s another empty chair across from where the lads are sitting. Both members wear their respective Tag Team Championship. 

Eventually we can hear the click clack of heels on the floor. It gets louder as the person presumably wearing the shoes gets closer. Bright lights click on in the room. Mikey and Kendrix do not jump or wince when the lights kick on. They are used to this sort of thing. Blaire Moise pops into the scene and smiles at the Bruvs. She’s got a handful of index cards with questions and cues on them. 

She takes her position in the other chair and looks to the cameraman for a ready signal. Breathing in deep, gets the thumbs up she gets the interview underway. 

Blaire: Hello ladies and gentlemen, My name is Blaire Moise and thank you for joining me for a HOWRESTLING.COM Exclusive interview. Today I’m joined by Mikey and Jesse, the Hollywood Bruvs, current reigning High Octane World Tag Team Champions. Gentlemen thank you so much for joining us today. 

The Hollywood C Lister takes the lead. 

Mikey Unlikely: Absolutely Blaire, it’s a pleasure to be here. Jesse and I couldn’t be more excited to get the opportunity to sit down and talk about what’s been going on. In fact when they told us about this interview we jumped right on our segways, hit the elevator, and came right down from our very manly 24K Suite! 

Kendrix: Don’t let him hide the fact that we were racing Blaire, and yours truly once again won the race. When I get on that segway I’m the fastest Bruv alive. 

Mikey Unlikely: HEY YOU DON’T SAY THAT! My battery was low! 

JFK is having absolutely none of it. He shakes his head, closes his eyes, and plugs his ears. 

Kendrix: LALALALALA 

Mikey forcefully pulls on Kendrix’s arms so he can hear his excuses. Unlikely finally realizes the interview is ongoing and stops. He folds back into his seat agitated. 

Blaire: Gentle…bruvs… You recently became the High Octane Tag Team Champions, effectively putting a target on your back. While you’ve yet to defend those titles, you’ve certainly drawn the attention of many within High Octane Wrestling for some of the “gloating” that 24K is known to do. Your thoughts? 

Kendrix: Listen Yeah? When you’re as good as the Hollywood Bruvs are it’s a little tough not to gloat. We’ve been doing this a long time now Blaire. We’ve had one little tiff in five years. Otherwise it’s been Bruv time all the time!  Working together for half of a decade. Most of the teams we’re going up against, formed half a week ago. Take our opponents at this weeks Refueled. Eric Dane has been here for as long as a Strippee stays once you’ve paid her. He doesn’t know his partner. His partner doesn’t know him. No amount of video and study can replace FIVE YEARS worth of continuous tag acumen. I’ve always said that! 

Ms Moise was going to ask a question but she knows she would be cut off. 

Mikey Unlikely: Yea but I said it first! 

The host needs to redirect the gentlemen before they take over the interview. 

Blaire: We will get to your upcoming match at Refueled with Eric Dane and the Minister. First let’s touch on something that’s been brewing recently. Mikey a few weeks ago you stole CBD the beloved cardboard cutout of the eGG Bandits. How do you defend these actions? 

Unlikely rolls his eyes. 

Mikey Unlikely: You’ve got to be kidding me. STOLE!? That’s a strong accusation. I more or less “came across” the cardboard bruv and decided he would look great with a frapp stash. Just playing a little gag on the boys. You know Doozer, Bobby Dean, and I go waaaaaay back. That’s what friends do, they mess around with one another. JFK and I pull pranks on one another all the time! 

Kendrix: Remember that time it was my birthday and you told me we weren’t having a totally awesome surprise birthday bash, and then you threw me the greatest birthday party ever? YOU GOT ME SO GOOD! 

Unlikely points to his partner and looks at Blaire. 

Mikey Unlikely: Perfect example! 

Kendrix: Don’t even worry about the eGGBois. We’re planning to give them their stupid cut out back. We’re tired of looking at it, honestly. It was funny for a second and then it was just Dan Ryan. 

Mikey Unlikely: My question is how many times do we have to beat these guys? I mean they had a chance at War Games, They had Zeb vs JFK one on one… each and every time The Hollywood Bruvs come out the victors. I’d say they need to show us something before they get a shot at these. 

He points to the tag team belt around his waist. He sits up a little straighter so the camera can see the whole thing. 

Blaire: OK Let’s talk about your match this week when you guys go up against the returning Eric Dane, and The Minister. This is a non title matchup but it’s your first tag team match since winning the championships. How do you feel going in? 

The pair look at one another and then back at Blaire. 

Mikey Unlikely: Confident. 

Kendrix: Damn confident! It’s like we said earlier, Blaire…they are the new team on the block. Despite their 400 combined years of wrestling experience…

Mikey Unlikely: Eric Dane has 390 of those years… 

Kendrix: They are missing one key element that we have. 

Blaire waits for him to continue, when he doesn’t she asks. 

Blaire: …And what is that? 

Kendrix: I’m so glad you asked! We have a Tag Team sixth sense! That’s right! OUR SECRET WEAPON! We have TeleBRUVnesis! We know what each other is thinking all the time! We’re not just cohesive, we’re adhesive…cause we stick together! 

The HOW interviewer stares blankly. 

Kendrix: I know! It’s mind blowing. Eric Dane is a legend in this business. I’d be dumb if I didn’t admit that. He’s been HUGE in wrestling. He had more big moments than I ever could have dreamed of. Wrestlings changed though Blaire. It’s 2020 this is a completely different sport than it once was. Listen to the words I’m using though. “He’s BEEN”… “He’s HAD”… Just like those words, Eric Dane is past tense. We’re in our prime Blaire. We’re not here for a last run. This is our house now. We showed up in High Octane, kicked the door in, and we moved the fuck in. We’re the HOW majority champions! Now we need to show people like Eric Dane this isn’t the place to retire. Unless you want us to retire you quickly.

Mikey butts in on his best Bruv. 

Mikey Unlikely: Not to mention Eric Dane has got to be a bit embarrassed. 

Blaire: How do you mean “Embarrassed”? 

Unlikely adjusts in his seat to get more comfortable. 

Mikey Unlikely: I mean… Eric Dane built an amazing career. The guys in his 50s now. He’s been a champion around the globe. He’s set records and everyone knows his name. He did it all over the span of a thirty year career…. But we’ve already done all of that too and we’re in our thirties. Everything Eric Dane has ever owned is now owned by me. 

JFK snickers. He couldn’t stifle it anymore. 

Mikey Unlikely: Eric Dane built DEFIANCE wrestling with his bare hands. His blood sweat and tears paved the way for the next generation to take the ball and run with it. DEFIANCE was built on monsters. Bloody savagery and violence. Eric Dane, Bronson Box, Team Danger, the OG’S of DEF. A decade goes by and everything changes Blaire. Today, Mikey Unlikely, the World’s Greatest Sports Entertainer, the exact antithesis of Eric Dane…RUNS DEFIANCE! I am the FIST. The holder of the top prize in the company. I am the only man in DEF history to hold every single active title during my tenure. I have broken every record written before my arrival. Even Kendrix here has been the FIST as well. 

Jesse nods along like a proud child.

Mikey Unlikely: Now over time we’re going to do the same thing to High Octane. 

JFK shines up his High Octane Tag Title with his jacket. 

Kendrix: Eric Dane is simply the legend you bring in to excite the crowd. He comes in, has a match or two and disappears, and we all know Eric Dane is a fucking ACE at that! Everytime Eric Dane and I are in the same place it’s short lived, and not because JFK didn’t make it. 

The Hollywood actor turns to the camera. 

Mikey Unlikely: Can you hear us Eric, or have you already left? 

Blaire lets it hang by accident. She didn’t know if they were done or not. 

Blaire: And what are your thoughts on Max Kael, now The Minister?

Kendrix: Well that’s simple. He’s, without a shadow of a doubt, one of a kind. The guy is a mastermind. I know Mikey compared him to a Supervillian recently and while I have to agree it’s mostly because of his weird ugly face, It’s also because the guy is constantly scheming. He’s fought his stablemates no problem at every turn including in the LBI, so we shouldn’t be surprised by his turn on Mike Best. In fact he shouldn’t be trusted by anybody! It’s almost as if Eric Dane only has so many days before The Minister decides he’s done with him. So while it’s two on two at Refueled… Dane’s gotta keep his eyes on both of us, and on Max to keep a knife from slipping into his back. 

Mikey Unlikely: The Minister couldn’t even will his team to victory at War Games! He went in a favorite to win it all and walked out without a Championship to his name. All because he was focussed on something meaningless like trying to kill Mike Best.

Jesse holds his hands out flat in front of him as a sign of open admission.

Kendrix: I mean, who hasn’t thought about killing Mike Best at some point in their lives? We’re only human after all, right? But actually trying to do that instead of doing something meaningful, something that people will actually care about, like winning the biggest prize in our industry today or helping your team to a prestigious War Games victory? The Minister has all the talent in the world and yet he wastes it every week by focussing his attention on misguided emo bullshit that ultimately doesn’t matter. Embarrassing. 

The Unlikely one pulls at his collar.

Mikey Unlikely: I guess Eric might not be the only one embarrassed. OOOPS! I mean Andy Murray couldn’t do EVERYTHING for that team! Even in the Group of Death he was third best? …and that’s before they added Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan! 

JFK scrunches his nose at the very mention of the Troy/Ryan family household before shaking that unpleasantness off with a flick of the wrist.

Kendrix: He’s always been the bridesmaid, never the bride, mate. He’s the man next to the Champion. He’s the guy they use to do the dirty, nasty shit that they don’t want to do and he does it! Just like a little bitch. You know why? Because ultimately the Minister is a lonely, lonely man. The Minister hates being alone! He is simply a man that does not enjoy his own company. He had the eMpire, he had GoD, he now even has the Only Star himself. The guy can’t handle being by himself. That’s why he’s trying to build a congregation, a misguided following. All in a sad, feeble attempt to simply belong. To prove to himself that what’s left of his decrepit existence is justified. 

Jesse wags his finger tellingly in the direction of Blaire.

Kendrix: He’s nothing more than the ultimate wingman… but ultimately, despite all of the effort and all of the success…the wingman ends the night on his own as nothing more than an afterthought.

Blaire gives them the wrap it up signal. Mikey takes over, he’s done this a million times. What a pro! 

Mikey Unlikely: Both of these guys are going to test us. Try to take us out of our comfort zones and try to apply a cruel amount of punishment. Luckily I’ve had enough botox that you could take a chainsaw or sand grinder to this face and not a damn thing will be damaged, hell I probably wouldn’t even feel it! I’m looking forward to it though Blaire. There’s nothing like having our names up in the lights. BeatingThe Minister and Eric Dane is just going to bring more notoriety to the Hollywood Bruvs. 

The camera spins over to Blaire. 

Blaire: There you have it folks. Strong words from the Tag Team Champions regarding this weeks matchup with Eric Dane and The Minister. Thank you for joining us for this HOWRESTLING.COM exclusive interview. I’m Blaire Moise!