Team MVW-Ultratron-6.1 (feat. Sunny O’Callahan): You Better Work Bitch

Team MVW-Ultratron-6.1 (feat. Sunny O’Callahan): You Better Work Bitch

Posted on January 23, 2022 at 9:32 pm by Drew Mitchell

The Ladies Room / Missouri Valley Wrestling Headquarters- St. Louis, Missouri
Preening in front of the mirror in the bathroom, Sunny O’Callahan checks out the bright red lipstick on her lips and tips her head one way and then the other.  She adjusts the red and green queen’s crown placed delicately on top of her head over her flowing and lengthy blonde hair.  She makes sure her flowing green cape is out of harm’s way before she commences to execute the CDC’s official five step system to ‘Wash Your Hands the Right Way’.

First, she turns on the water and rinses her hands with clean, running water – warm or cold is okay.  Once her hands are sufficiently wet, Sunny turns off the tap and then applies a generous amount of soap.

Next, Sunny creates a white frothy lather by rubbing her soapy hands together, making sure that she thoroughly lathers the back of her hands, bets in between her fingers, and most importantly- under her nails- painted a bright red on this particular day.

Step three- it’s time for the scrubbing.  The CDC recommends humming Happy Birthday from beginning to end twice while vigorously giving your hands a good and thorough scrubbing to eradicate any and all germs that may be present.

Sunny?…

Sunny O’Callahan (sings): You wanna?

…she just sings the lyrics of Britney Spears’ “Work Bitch” as she scrubs her hands.

Sunny O’Callahan: You wanna?

*SCRUBS HANDS*

Sunny O’Callahan: You wanna hot body? 

*MORE SCRUBBING*

Sunny O’Callahan: You want a Bugatti?

Sunny moves her hips and…

*EVEN MORE SCRUBBING*

Sunny O’Callahan: You want a Maseratti?

She watches herself in the mirror doing that little, irritating ‘duck’ thing with her lips followed by…

*YET EVEN MORE SCRUBBING*

Sunny O’Callahan: You better work bitch. 

*MOAR SCRUBBING*

Sunny O’Callahan: You better work bitch.

*SCRUBBING… MOAR SCRUBBING*

Sunny O’Callahan: You better work bitch.

*SCRUB… SCRUB… SCRUB…*

Sunny O’Callahan: You better work bitch. 

*SCRUB A SCRUB-SCRUB, SUNNY’S WASHING HER HANDS BY THE BATHROOM TUB…*

Sunny O’Callahan: Now get to work bitch!

Note: the CDC recommends scrubbing your hands for twenty seconds.  Sunny is being extra safe as the opening verses to Work Bitch take about thirty seconds to sing in the solitude of the women’s restroom.

Step four.  She places her hands under faucet and rinses her hands well under clean, running water.

And then last, but not least, Sunny dries her hand by using the natural ‘air drying’ method.

See?  Washing your hands is easy, and it’s one of the most effective ways to prevent the spread of germs.

Sunny shakes her hands until they are dry and then turns to leave the bathroom when she gets an eyeful of two red glowing metallic eyes seriously breaching the boundaries of her personal space.

She lets out a scream.

CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC!

Sunny O’Callahan: HOLY SHIT!

Sunny falls back against the sink.

Ultratron-6.1: It is I- Ultratron 6.1.

Once the initial shock of seeing the metallic figure of ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ standing in the women’s room wears off, Sunny gathers herself and asks the pressing question.

Sunny O’Callahan: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?

In comparison to Sunny’s shocked and surprised demeaner, Ultratron-6.1 remains calm and calculating.

Ultratron-6.1: I’ve been looking for you.

OH SHIT Sunny thinks to herself.  Now feeling extremely uncomfortable, she tries to play it cool.

Sunny O’Callahan: Your… your eyes look a little red.  Are you okay?

Ultratron-6.1: My eyes collect sensory information and translates it into a usable form. Then a second group is given a series of directions by the primary system do things with that data. In this specific case, that primary system would tell a sub-processor to analyze each human it encountered to find an adequate size match for clothing.

Sunny just stares blankly back.

Ultratron-6.1: I saw you walk into this bathroom.

No change in Sunny’s expression.

Ultratron-6.1: The reason I knew it was you was because the subsystem that it is currently using the eyes to create a model of a particular individual identified you as being THE Sunny O’Callahan- the GREATEST wrestling mind… the GREATEST wrestling manager to ever grace a wrestling ring. That model is then compared to the existing data in order to determine match/no match and then my processers signal back to the primary system of the results of each scan.

Still no change in Sunny’s expression.

Ultratron-6.1: But thanks for asking.

Ultratron-6.1’s cold red eyes bore through Sunny’s psyche and makes her squirm leaving her wondering if she should have agreed to do business with ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine.’  His past record spoke for itself.  In Missouri Valley Wrestling, he’d kidnapped Dawn McGill, Victoria McGill, and Delaney Foster and turned them into brainwashed personal valets to do his bidding.

But she keeps her head together and finally responds to ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine.’

Sunny O’Callahan: Okay.  Is there anything I can do for you?

Ultratron-6.1: Yes.  I wish to secure your services.

Sunny O’Callahan: Heh…

Sunny’s awkward chuckle was designed to defuse the tension.

It does not work.

Sunny O’Callahan: All right.  You wish to secure my services.

Ultratron-6.1: I would like you to secure me a spot in the upcoming High Octane Wrestling Tag Team Tournament.

Sunny’s not quite sure she heard what she thought she heard.

Sunny O’Callahan: You want me to get you into the HOW Maurako Cup Tournament.

Ultratron-6.1: Yes. You see, I’ve taken…

Sunny reactively exhales when ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ suddenly holds up a finger.

Ultratron-6.1: …the first step!

Sunny O’Callahan: The first step?

Ultratron-6.1: Yes.  The first step.  I’ve accumulated a treasure trove of cash because the world knows that money equals power and domination.

Sunny O’Callahan: Okay.

Ultratron-6.1: Participating in and winning the Maurako Cup will be the second step towards world domination!

Leaning towards Sunny and further invading her personal space, she could hear the metallic gears and microprocessors at work inside of Ultratron-6.1’s metallic body.

Ultratron-6.1: I’ve been meaning to give you something.

Oh fuck me, I’m dead.  Sunny manages a weak- and awkward- smile and continues to squirm uncontrollably against the sink.

Ultratron-6.1: Let’s see…

Ultratron-6.1 raises his hand as if he’s about to strike.  Sunny braces for the worst.

Sunny O’Callahan: Oh god…

Ultratron-6.1: Here.

With the other hand, ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ gives Sunny a duffel bag that’s stuffed full of and overflowing in cash.

Sunny O’Callahan: Huh?

Ultratronr-6.1: Here’s the money for your services.

Sunny O’Callahan: Oh…

She exhales a sigh of relief and rifles through the duffel bag.  That’s a crap-ton of cash inside.

Sunny O’Callahan: …right.  The money.

With the other hand, Ultratron-6.1 hands her a sheet of paper.

Sunny O’Callahan: What’s this?

Ultratron-6.1: This sheet of paper is a list of people I wish to bring into my new and glorious army.

Sunny reads the paper.  Her head nods as she scrolls through the names.

Sunny O’Callahan: Okay. You want The Murder Hornets and Hawaii Five-One-Five-O.

She reads some more and brushes a couple stray strands of hair to the side.

Sunny O’Callahan: David Litterman… Bill E. Zayne.

Sunny peers up from the paper.

Sunny O’Callahan: Really?  You want Bill E. Zayne?

Ultratron-6.1: He has a child!

She shakes her head and mumbles ‘oh god’ before returning to reading.

Ultatron-6.1: Once we gather the necessary forces needed, we will take HOW by storm and nothing but ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’s’ eventual TOTAL AND COMPLETE DOMINATION OF THE WORLD will be acceptable!

She eyes widen.

Sunny O’Callahan: Wait a minute.  Really?

The metallic menace nods in the affirmative.

Sunny O’Callahan: You want…

Sunny shows Ultratron-6.1 the name she’s referring on the piece of paper.

Sunny O’Callahan: him?

CUT TO:

Formerly Darin Zion’s Compound- Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri
At the former home of Darin Zion, Sunny, ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-6.1 and the former gardener to Zion- Chester the Gardener- watch the figure of a man arising out from the Lake of Banishment while trying to be as quiet as possible (Darin doesn’t live there anymore and technically they were trespassing on private property).

The first person the man sees?  Sunny O’Callahan.

‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: WHOA!

That’s right, ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt.  The last we saw of ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt, well…

The Definitive Erasure – July 2021
Defective’ Marty Pratt: Dar-een Zyyy-on.  I knew you’d…

Pratt pauses for maximum dramatic effect and to give him time to pull out his script to make sure he stays true and says the correct, non-copyright or intellectual property violating words he’s supposed to say.

‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: show up-OOOOF! 

While Pratt reviewed his script, Zion jumped off the bike while still in motion and launched himself into the ring, jumped up, spun around with arm outstretched and cut Pratt down with a vicious Ban Hammer. 

Kimber Marshall scurries to a corner.  Pratt’s script flies out of the ring at impact and he hits his head hard on the mat.  Zion immediately hooks the legs.  Davey Keels right there to make the count.

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!!!!

Keels calls for the bell and the match is done.

Zion jumps back to his feet and Keels raises his arm in victory. 

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at… SEVEN SECONDS!   DARRRRRR-IN!  ZIIIIIII-ON! 

Which led to this…

Chester the Gardener drags poor Marty Pratt to face his fate.

Marty Pratt: NOOOOO!

Marty Pratt: Not the LAKE OF BANISHMENT!  NOOOOOOO!

Per the script, Marty is overacting in a way that would have made the late, great Alan Rickman (see Robin Hood- Prince of Thieves… the one where Kevin Costner can’t speak with a proper British accent) proud.

Marty Pratt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

Chester the Gardener dumps Pratt into the LAKE OF BANISHMENT and through the miracle of modern video editing, Pratt magically disappears. 

…he’d lost to Darin Zion in seven seconds at the Definitive Erasure and subsequently thrown into the Lake of Banishment as punishment.

Sunny O’Callahan: Welcome back.  Try not to fuck it up this time.

Defective Marty Pratt: Yes.  I will ERASE… ERASE… ERASE…

Putting her hands over her ears, Sunny immediately snaps.

Sunny O’Callahan: MARTY!

Defective Marty Pratt: …what happened last time.

Sunny O’Callahan: All right.  Anything else?

Sunny waits for a response that never comes.

Sunny O’Callahan: Good.  We’ve got work to do.

***

Qwest Arena / Omaha, Nebraska – January 17th, 2022
The MVW camera guy counted Sunny O’Callahan down from five… four… three… two… one.  He signals Sunny to go.

Sunny O’Callahan: Hey bitches!  I’m back!

She motions to the people standing in back of her who now make up Ultratron’s Army.

There’s the Murder Hornets.

Two smaller luchador-ish men wearing plain purple ski masks over their heads and an all-purple wrestling ensemble with ‘MURDER HORNETS’ emblazoned on the front of their shirt.  The Murder Hornets are the attacking arm of Ultratron-6.1’s group.

Hawaii-Five-One-Five-O.

Kahua and Maili.  Two Samoan wrestlers dressed in flashy Hawaiian shirts who also formerly worked in MVW as a tag team.  Now, they are the hired muscle for Ultratron-6.1.

Bill E. Zayne.

Dressed in the fancy clothing circa 1912 of the heir to a Pittsburgh steel fortune- Caledon Hockley as he boarded the Titanic, Bill E. Zayne exudes the same snobby, arrogant, and narcissistic traits of the Hockley character from the epic movie Titanic- Voyage of Doom.

Bill E. Zayne: I HAVE A CHILD!

He holds up ‘My Sweet Love Baby Doll’ complete with pink car set.

Bill E. Zayne: I HAVE A CHILD!

Moving on…

Dave Litterman.

Ordinary looking dude with a total disregard of the consequences to the environment his cavalier attitude towards trash disposal presents.   He wads up the foil wrapper from a cheeseburger he’s just consumed and chucks it to the floor.

‘Defective’ Marty Pratt.

He pretends to ‘erase’ things in the air with his oversized pencil with the oversized eraser.

‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: ERASE!  ERASE!  ERASE!

Sunny steps in front of the group again and looks right into the camera.

Sunny O’Callahan: The name of our new group is…

She sighs and looks back at Ultratron-6.1 as if to ask- do I really have to say this name?  Ultratron-6.1 nods accordingly and punches the palm of his hand with his metal fist.

Sunny rolls her eyes and just gets it over with.

Sunny O’Callahan:  …the Kabal of Really Awful People.  Now, we could just stay right here in MVW and be the big fish slumming it out in a small pond.  But that’s not where the ‘Best Manager ever’ belongs is it?  The ‘Greatest Wrestling Mind in all of Pro Wrestling’ shouldn’t be working at a company that bills itself “Bringing Minor League Wrestling to the American Heartland.’  Hell no.  Where I- Sunny O’Callahan- the best manager ever- the greatest wrestling mind in history, belong is in the big leagues… at the top of the pro wrestling chain.  High Octane Wrestling is where I should be.  High Octane Wrestling is where my destiny… the destiny of ME- Sunny O’Callahan- The Woman of the Moment- the QUEEN OF FUCKIN’ MEAN… lies.

Sunny shakes her head sadly.

Sunny O’Callahan: Unfortunately, no one else in HOW seems to recognize my brilliance despite the fact that I- Sunny O’Callahan- through my own brilliance singlehandedly rescued the careers of Rah, High Flyer, Sutler Reynolds-Kael, Scott Stevens and so on and so on.  Even though I exude inspirational excellence and was courageously and completely unassisted by anyone else in HOW but me- Sunny O’Callahan- who personally created many classic moments in HOW over the past few months, it seems my phone wasn’t ringing off the hook by HOW talent looking for the best person to be in their corner who just happens to be me- Sunny O’Callahan.  Unfortunately, Ultratron-6.1 is the only one who seems to understand what I- Sunny O’Callahan- brings to the table and the only one who’s paid me the price I am worth to secure my services.

Sunny holds out her hand and snaps her fingers.  Ultratron-6.1 pulls out some cash from his duffel bag that’s overflowing with money and gives it to her.

Sunny O’Callahan: No, Sunny O’Callahan intends to take her talent and the…

Again she stops.  This time Sunny shudders and shakes her head sadly.

Sunny O’Callahan: …Kabal of Really Awful People to High Octane Wrestling.  You see, I know for a fact that Ray McAvay is sending a MVW team to HOW to be in their big tag team tournament coming up and…

In a flash, Sunny’s strident attitude returns to the surface.

Sunny O’Callahan: …let’s be brutally fucking honest here- is there any better person to take that team to one of the biggest stages in pro wrestling than Sunny O’Callahan- the best manager and the greatest wrestling mind ever in pro wrestling history?  Hell no.

She points to the camera.

Sunny O’Callahan: You’re welcome!

One hour later, back in the new clubhouse of the Kabal of Real Awful People…

Sunny O’Callahan: WHAT THE FUCK!

Watching on the monitor, she sees Stevens Dynasty Patriarch Cary Stevens talking to Kellie Burkowski and ‘confirming the discussion’ that Bo and George Stevens will be representing MVW at High Octane Wrestling’s Tag Team Tournament.

Sunny jumps out of her chair and yells at the monitor.

Sunny O’Callahan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE STEVENS DYNASTY IS REPRESENTING MVW AT HOW’S TAG TOURNAMENT!  OH NO-NO-NO!

Sunny grips the chair with both hands and channels her inner Bob Knight and heaves the chair across the clubhouse.  The chair smashes into the wall and breaks up into many pieces.

Sunny O’Callahan: SON OF A BITCH!

She whirls around and stomps out of the clubhouse, slamming the door behind her and nearly ripping it off the hinges.

***

The Aftermath
With Ultratron-6.1 standing behind her, his bright red eyes glowering into the camera, standing with one leg up in the air like Captain Morgan, and just trying to look menacing in general, and ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt, David Litterman, Bill E. Zayne, the Murder Hornets, and Hawaii-Five-One-Five-O milling around, Sunny O’Callahan cuts a promo as only she can from the friendly confines of the Clubhouse of the Kabal of Really Awful People.

Sunny O’Callahan: All right bitches.  I’m pissed.  I just had a conversation with Ray McAvay and APPARENTLY instead of Ultratron-6.1 and ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt aka… The Kabal of Really Awful People… McAvay caved in to the Lone Ranger wannabe and removed Marty-

‘Defective’ Marty Pratt: ERASE!  ERASE!  ERAS-

Sunny O’Callahan: Yes, you’ve been erased from the match, Marty.  McAvay caved and now the Stevens Dynasty have shoehorned their way into MY match and we’re stuck with Bo fucking Stevens on MY team.  All I’ve got to say is this- Bo, you better hold up your end of the bargain.  I don’t give a damn where you were before but now you’re playing with the best of the best- me- The Woman of the Moment- the QUEEN FUCKING MEAN- Sunny O’Callahan.  The greatest manager ever and the most brilliant mind to ever grace a pro wrestling show.   This is the big time and Sunny O’Callahan is a big fucking deal.

David Litterman finishes up a can of Pepsi and casually tosses the empty on the floor.

Sunny picks up a remote control and hits a button.  The unyielding beat of a programmed drum blasts out from the speakers followed by the husky vocals one Britney Spears sung with all the inflection of toothpaste being squeezed out of a tube…

You wanna…

You wanna…

You wanna hot body?

You want a Bugatti?

You want a Maseratti?

You better work bitch. 

You better work bitch. 

You better work bitch. 

Sunny O’Callahan: Now get to work, bitch.