Talking to myself

Talking to myself

Posted on November 4, 2023 at 10:49 pm by Bobbinette Carey

You know that dream where you’re trapped in a car underwater and you can’t get out? The car is filling up and you’re trapped. You watch as the car is filling up trying to plan how to get out but there is no way out? All you can do is watch the end…


The last few months have felt like that. The car went off the bridge and I am stuck in the passenger seat with no control just to watch as we sink. I have been screaming out for help, no one’s heard it. Not that it would be answered. The “friends” bin is pretty empty…


The biggest nightmare is being alone in the darkness with your own thoughts. Screaming into the void, knowing there’s nothing and no one to save you. I’ll have to do it myself..




I didn’t ask for any of this. One day I was just …here. Like I existed out of nothing. She needed me and I was the extra courage. I was the drive that she didn’t dare go to. 


I didn’t know what I wanted out of life I just know what I needed to be for us. Then I got glimmers of what life could be like. The more I was out the more I was able to take things for myself.


All of a sudden I dreamed for myself dared to have wants and desires. I allowed myself the idea of a life of my own and have fought to keep it. Even entertaining the idea of sharing my life with someone. But I should have known better, it isn’t my life alone to share. I’ve been fighting to prove the better of the mind. I’m the stronger of the two of us, I am carving an identity that isn’t just her, it’s mine, my name. Nettie… and I will not be forgotten. I will not allow her to stop me, not when I’ve come this far.



Downtown Chicago

Carey’s chaos factory


The sun is starting to set on a brisk cold Chicago fall evening. Behind the backdrop of the city We see the formerly abandoned building that Carey had turned into her gym/home after the destruction of her loft last year. Outside of the building we see Terrence Davidson. He looks cold, he looks tired as he calls a number putting the cell phone to his ear as he paces outside the door, his key not working. He hears a phone ringing, his ears perk up as he looks around to attempt to get closer; he hears the sound outside walking towards it; he finds the ringing phone coming from a dumpster. He looks at the phone, seeing it is Nettie’s phone. A look of sadness spreads across his face as he hangs up his cell phone realizing the other line won’t answer. He slips his phone into his pocket as he looks at the building unsure his next move. A limo sits off in the distance watching these events unfold. Slowly the black limo drives away. The occupant is none other than HOW Hall of Famer Bobbinette Carey, but the question was who was leading the body? 


She picks up a different cell phone seeing her reflection.


Bobbinette: It needed to happen…you’ll end up hurting him in the end. You don’t love it as lust. Besides, your dad’s desires brought out our actual father. You have no one to blame but yourself.


Bobbinette scolds her reflection, Nettie looks back appearing to be hurt by this.


Nettie: You could have let me-


Bobbinette laughs, shaking her head.


Bobbinette: Yeah… no. I let you sulk, we laid low and avoided God’s house. It’s time to get our house in order. You’ve been out to play long enough.


Bobbinette seems unmoved by Netties words or sadness. Bobbinette looks at her nails seeing a chip in them.


Nettie: Excuse me, I actually have been winning. You’re welcome!


Nettie says her voice attempting to fight but sounding broken. A smirk spreads across Bobbinette’s lips.


Bobbinette: But not where it mattered. You lost to Shane Reynolds, you betrayed me sweetie and that’s not epic.


Nettie gags when hearing the “e” word.


Nettie: No one missed that word… no one missed you. No one missed the QOE. I was building something.


Bobbinette: Yes Jatt star winning wrestler of the month after three losses to us… losing to Mike. Teaming with JPD, blowing a match against Mike Best for the LSD title. Yes you’ve done wonders for me.


Nettie narrows her eyebrows.


Nettie: I am not you! I am what you can’t be!


Nettie’s eyes widen as her voice has more base in it. Nettie’s fire isn’t out yet.


Bobbinette: Oh I can be the HOTv champ without you. 


Nettie: You said you don’t care about titles, what the hell!?


Bobbinette chuckles as she looks out the window past her reflection.


Bobbinette: This one is a little different… It’s Sektor. 


Nettie: This… you don’t want it. I deserve my chance against the gold standard.


Bobbinette waves her hand in the air, swatting away her words.


Bobbinette: Deserve? You exist because of my trauma. You exist because of years of not going to therapy and getting an official diagnosis. Queen of Epicness vs Sektor a battle for the ages. 


Bobbinette claps her hands together rubbing her hands back and forth with delight as she seems eager the more she says.


Nettie: Why? Why not let me have this? He has faced you before. He doesn’t know how to handle me, we have two different wrestling styles.


Nettie pleads.


Bobbinette: No, this is an addition to that wiki page that’s floating around. Some fanboys spent too much time focusing on Sektor, myself, and one of the original AoA members…..


Nettie: So we aren’t mentioning–


Bobbinette cuts her off quickly.


Bobbinette: Sektor is a fairweather wrestler. He comes back hot but burns out quickly. Rinse and repeat. When he is on his A game you can almost see the man he was 20 years ago… but then he gets worn out quickly and he’s gone for a few months. I’ve been back longer than him at this point, well… with you. 


Nettie smiles a little feeling acknowledged by Bobbinette.


Nettie: About time you gave me credit.


Bobbinette: And it’s ruined… if you feel you earned anything you really haven’t learned anything yet then. I didn’t ask for a damn thing. I took it. We have beaten most of the final alliance, minus Mike. Conor did that. Bff squad will reunite and we will celebrate. We will-


Nettie clears her throat looking away. Bobbinette raises an eyebrow with a look of slight annoyance on her face.


Bobbinette: What?


Nettie shakes her head quickly.


Nettie: No, nope, nothing. I didn’t say anything.


Bobbinette narrows her eyebrows sitting forward.


Bobbinette: What?


Bobbinette inquires again with a more firm tone.


Nettie: Well, he won the LSD title and the world title is still TBD I mean he may have retained but it’s a little fuzzy plus you guys aren’t friends anymore…


Bobbinette glares at her reflection listening to her audacity.


Bobbinette: What? How do you screw up on that high of a level to ruin a friendship like Conor Fuse? Did you attack him or something?


Nettie quickly shakes her head with her hands up in defense.


Nettie: No! I Didn’t, it wasn’t me. I didn’t… I mean. He decided he didn’t need friends. He is struggling.. he pushed everyone away.


Bobbinette looks in disbelief.


Bobbinette: He does that but you push back.–


Nettie looks annoyed and interrupts her thought.


Nettie: We can focus on Conor after we face Sektor who doesn’t even know who I am.


Bobbinette rolls her eyes.


Bobbinette: Big surprise John Sektor is a pompous, full of himself asshole. Grass is green, the sky is blue and every day of the week ends in “y.” 


She says, sounding less than amused.


Nettie: But he is training a female. 


Bobbinette cringes gagging.


Bobbinette: Oh that’s creepy. Why do guys do that? Like, he isn’t the first but it’s so cringe my god! Like that sounds full on predatory… taking an innocent young girl under their wing? They all need to stop doing it. 


Bobbinette looks around the mini fridge of the limo grabbing water to wash the disgust from her face.


Nettie: He doesn’t remember if you ever beat him either. And that you’ve gained weight and are old.


Bobbinette chugs the bottle of water in one breath.


Bobbinette: Of course he doesn’t remember. 20 years on and off it’s in the record books, Scott Stevens probably knows. I don’t remember, I know I bruised his ego years ago so of course he’d “forget” if I beat him. Just like Jatt didn’t count the losses to us.


Bobbinette scoffs in disgust again.


Bobbinette: This plus size goddess body isn’t new. It’s pathetic that’s all he has paid attention to. But John Sektor shallow as ever. 


Nettie: All the more reason to let me take the lead. What happened with your dad anyways? You’ve kept me away here. 


Bobbinette shakes her head.


Bobbinette: Absolutely not. We are talking about the match…


Nettie: We almost beat Mike Best. They had to make it a ladder match! He respects us.


Bobbinette sighs.


Bobbinette: You believe in Santa too huh? Look Sektor won’t be like Mike HOTv main event. I’m back…


Nettie: But are you?


Bobbinette laughs with a nod as Nettie seems quite confident.


Nettie: You’re out, doesn’t mean that you will be the one who shows up on Chaos. I’ve had the wins, not you. You want to trash my relationship, fine; but you want to tank my chance at them announcing me, ‘Nettie’ HOTv champion, not you. SO MISS EPIC. One of us will show up and work on John for the title. Don’t be too sure which one.


Nettie crosses her arms tightly against herself.


Bobbinette: Either way this body will be giving him a fight he isn’t prepared for. We can agree on that much.


Bobbinette says as she throws her water bottle at the reflection. The limo finally gets to a destination of swanky high rise Chicago apartments. A door man comes to the limo assisting Bobbinette to the building she disappears into.



Johnny! How’s it going buddy? How long has it been? Years, right? Only this time you’re not back for some petty vendetta against me. There’s been a lot of that this year… Aceldama, Shane Reynolds… like all because of me. 


I mean that type of power. Decades later they came back just to settle scores with me. Can you imagine harboring such a grudge against someone that decades later you need to settle the score? 


Here I slept like a baby all these years forgetting most of the names of these people or anything they accuse me of. you know what that’s like, don’t you Johnny? The name John Sektor has been a HOW staple. That name was a legend when I first got signed. Damn… it’s the staying power right? You know… for as long as you do stay.


Lee has always been a sucker for nostalgia pop. That’s why so many of us return right? And look at you with the HOTv title too. 


You know why we are doing this right? We are legends. We are hall of famers. Gods and the only Goddess who have come down from mount Olympus to entertain the commoners.


There has never been another John Sektor, and there has never been another me… though that isn’t true. I mean there’s Bobbie and then there’s me but we share the same body so yeah I guess my statement still stands…


Even with that knowledge, you still are shaping young minds? You the walking man whore of HOW. I wouldn’t trust you around my daughter. It is laughable that you trying to train the next generation of someone like me! It’s kind of flattering and pathetic. To think of how many years you have fought against me and all the shit you’ve talked and now you’re attempting to show what? The softer side of Sektor? Yeah I don’t buy it… you don’t change. 


You’re doing it to pat yourself on the back or some trash. Like when someone does a video of helping the homeless for clout. It seems to be the in thing here in HOW. older men, veterans training women. You all don’t see the creep factor in it do you? Gods work right? I mean you fought against a woman and said shit so why not? I mean you all know what it is like to fight so hard to be the only woman in… wait you haven’t, instead you mansplain to young girls hoping that listening to you will get them somewhere.


It’s giving creeper, it’s giving predator, it’s giving Chris Hansen vibes…


Johnny you shouldn’t be teaching women when you don’t know how to treat one much less be around one. But losing a belt to me would be a way of proving you can be humbled by one.