Take Two Tylenol

Take Two Tylenol

Posted on July 29, 2021 at 9:02 pm by Steve Harrison

 

July 17th, 2021

 

‘If it isn’t one thing it is another thing,’ I mumbled to myself as I limped backstage after my second loss to John Sektor.  I could not feel my right leg and with every limp a small pop was heard coming from my knee.  I did not even hear the crowd anymore all I could hear and all I could think about is the damage to my knee and what that could mean for me.  It hasn’t exactly been kittens and rainbows for me the past two months so it would track if my knee was torn up and I would have to have surgery.

SMACK

I turned sharply to see a fan decked out in a Conor Fuse Video Game shirt and The Miracle Enterprise Cancer Jiles T-Shades sitting on top of a vintage Gamecocks hat give me the thumbs up after smacking my back.  I could not hear what he said but it seemed to be encouraging which was the oddest thing I have been through recently and that is saying a lot.  It felt…kind of good I guess in a cringey Conor Fuse playing Super Mario Bros live on twitch type of way.

Nothing else did though.

I finally made it backstage and was met with absolutely nobody from The Best Alliance but was met with the newest local medic of the week.  I suppose it is only right that the last time I saw one of these scabs was when one was trying to put Dan Ryan back together and here, I was in the same predicament.

Almost.

I would say it was karma but that would mean the world didn’t think Dan Ryan of all people should have gotten what he received.  I don’t think I can live in a world where that is reality.

I went into the physician’s room and he pulled out a knee brace before I could even sit down and have him look at my knee.  The room looked like it had been torn apart by a hurricane with bandages on the floor and empty pill bottles rolling around.

I stared at him, sweat still dripping from my body from the match.  “Yea?”

“Lee said this is all you need,” the supposed wrestling doc said to me.

I laughed, “Did Jatt hire you to punk me, is he going to jump out and surprise me laughing like a maniac?”

I walked over to a door inside the doc’s room and grabbed a towel from it and began to dry myself off.  “Seriously man, this joke is horrible.  My knee hurts, I lost a title match, and I am standing here in my wrestling pants without a shirt…so let’s get to the punchline, asshole.”

The medic looked back at me like I was crazy which was infuriating for me but before I could chop him in that weird throat of his he responded, “I do not know who that is, but I was specifically told by Lee Best that in his words, ‘losers don’t get medical attention.’”

“Yea, I am sure most people have forgotten about Jatt…wait…what did you just say?”

He nodded back at me with not an ounce of being insincere.

I rubbed my face with the towel my face becoming hot with anger from this absurd conversation.  I calmed down as well as I could and stared back at me “doesn’t that go against some oath you took or something?”

He shrugged and tossed me the knee brace, “that crazy blind man told me this while on one side of him some guy he called Redrum rubbed his knuckles and on the other side some guy he called 4th Wahl was cracking his neck. Do you really want me to say NO to him?  The dude is literally called Murder,” he finished with fear radiating off him like anyone who is close to Jace when he takes a lighter out of his pocket.

I caught the knee brace and threw my sweaty towel back at him hitting him directly into his cowardly face.  “Do you at least have some fucking crutches you goddamn weakling?”

He shook his head at me and then grabbed a bottle of the pills rolling on the floor and open it up and handed me two.  “I can give you this.”

I stared in my hand and then back at him, “two pills?”

“Two extra strength Tylenol to be exact.”

I gripped the pills in my left hand as hard as I could and felt them begin to crumble.  The rage building in me was exactly what Lee wanted as he always acted as if humiliation and pain was the only way to motivate us lot of dick heads.  I opened my left hand and tossed what was left of the pills back at the medic.  “Whatever you have left here you will need because I am about to put your head through one of the walls.”

I am certain Lee will enjoy this story when the medic complains to him.

Truly he should be complaining because he was not going to get paid regardless now since Lee could just blackmail him.

“Now wait just a minute, Shaun…”

“SHAUN?!?!”

“Sam?”

I reached out for this bastard’s neck, but he remembered that I was hurt and darted backwards from me.  He put his hands up and begged off, “I am sorry there is nothing I can do!”

“Steve…MY NAME IS STEVE HARRISON!”

Yep, I lost it.

Just another loss on July 17th for The Miracle Man.

Before I could commit a crime, the door flew open and Jack Marley walked in and of course did not understand the situation, “Steve, MON!”

I turned towards him, my mouth frothing in anger towards the medic.  Jack looked ridiculous, he had a Positive Vibrations Bob Marley shirt on and his one disgusting dreadlock moving like a broken clock hand back and forth.

Flip flops with socks.

Dirty socks of course.

I couldn’t help but start to laugh at the mere sight of the Miracle Enterprise Jester.  That brief moment was enough time for the spineless medic to run past me and out of the room.  I guess Jack saved the medics face, but he also saved me from doing something unwise.  It was odd to be angry and thankful at the same time, but the way life is going for me these days I was not surprised.  I shook my head and limped with that shitty knee brace in my left hands towards the lackey extraordinaire.  I stopped and looked down to see he was carrying a shirt for me.  I grabbed it from him and looked at it to see it was and I sighed like I had just heard a Darin Zion joke.

“Seriously?” Sitting in my hand was a Cancer Jiles T-Shirt with both the World Title and Tag Title around his waist.  I mean…it was already outdated but come on, Jack.

Jack nodded with a concerned look now on his face as he looked at the knee brace, but he decided to mention anything at that moment and replied, “I came to tell you I ran into Jiles…”

I rolled my eyes, “the shirt now makes complete sense.”

“Yea but, he told me that he had talked to Lee,” Jack responded quickly with way too much energy for someone who smokes a lot of the ganja.

“Yay.”

Jack does not understand sarcasm, so he continued as I stood there ready to fall over from the pain in my knee, “you are going to be a referee next week.”

‘Ugh, for fucks sake, man.  How am I going to do that?”  My right knee throbbed again as I gritted my teeth.

“Clay Byrd verses Cancer Jiles!” Jack exclaimed excitedly towards me.

‘OH, FOR FUCKS SAKE!” I bellowed at the ceiling.

Lee Best is out of his mind I thought angrily to myself. 

 

 

Everyone was talking about ME after my first time being a referee.

No?

Nobody gave a shit?

The people in the match did not even care about me being the ref as both just ignored me and disrespected not just me but The Best Alliance.

Cancer Jiles literally told me as he looked at the lights that I screwed him because I didn’t let him cheat.

Clay Byrd told me to my face he didn’t have the shades he took from me because he broke them, and he also didn’t have fifty dollars.

For real?

I am trying my hardest to keep this group moving forward and if I can set aside my pride to shake the hand of someone who probably tore my knee up then those two fuckers can show me some respect.

Instead, I spent thirty minutes in my dressing room drinking Whiskey while yelling at imaginary people who also weren’t listening to me.  Even people I make up treat me like refuse, I cannot make this nonsense up.

Without an enemy Lee Best is just trying to start drama because that is what gets him hard since he cannot see anything anymore.  Redrum gives him the run down in his scary sexy voice, Lee begins to sweat, and his heart palpitates.  Then he orders the room empty for five minutes.

Shooting dust is something…I guess.

Through it all it would seem I have earned another title shot.  I am starting to feel like Bobby Dean here with all these title shots but at least I am a FOREVER Tag Champion, so it isn’t completely random.

It is just another game for the boss to laugh about.

I am not a playable character for anyone, and I will overcome my knee and the systematic destruction of the trust between the Alliance to carry on as the Suplex Saint I am.

Greatest Referee ever.

Future TV Title Champion.

It goes without saying.

 

 

 

July 27th, 2021

Miracle Enterprise Apartment

 

Going on the second week with a cheaply made knee brace bought from Walmart and I sure was thrilled to be alive.  At this point the brace was just thrown on the floor where annoying trash belongs when you are too lazy or in my case injured to get up and put the damn thing in the trash.  Next to me was an empty bottle of Jack Daniels thanks to Benny’s kindness after my job as referee last week.

I was told several times since then to never touch his ‘Jack,’ and it sounds like the weakest threat I have ever heard but that does not mean I won’t replace this bottle with an even better Whiskey.

Jack walked into the amazingly dire looking Miracle Enterprise living room.  This time it wasn’t because of trash because I had hired a Maid to come by once a week to help us lazy men with cleaning.  It was terrible because the whole place just felt like a reminder to everything that has gone wrong recently.

“You still on hold, mon?”

In my left hand on speaker was my cell phone playing some of the most infuriating hold music I have heard in… well, I don’t know since most of my memories were fake, so I guess in over ten years?  I scratched my chin as I thought about that to myself.

Lame.

This entire situation is lame, like throwing a grown man into a locker and setting it on fire kind of lame.

“No, I just enjoy the tunes of people playing music that makes me want to put nails into my eardrums.”

Jack smiled, “I think you need to get up, stand up, stand up for your rights!”

Someone finally picked up and I took it off speaker, “Hello, Mr. Harrison, we are very sorry but High Octane Wrestling will not cover the medical costs for us to look your knee so you can assume they won’t pay to have it fixed it there is something wrong.”

“Wait…what?”

The woman on the other line cleared her voice, “I am not sure how to say this…but your contract states all medical bills have to be approved by HOW and…”

“Lee Best?”

“Correct.”

I looked over at Jack and he continued his Bob Marley impression, “Get up, stand up. Don’t give up the fight!”

I clenched my mouth in anger and my jaw began to hurt which is all I needed since I obviously don’t have health coverage right now.   I gripped the phone in my left hand, and it started shaking, “WHAT A GODDAMN JOKE!” I yelled and I hung up the phone and tossed it at Jack.

The phone bounced off his shoulder and his smile faded as we realized the phone call did not go my way.  “Uh…want me to wash the knee brace?”

“What I need is that godforsaken TV Title so I can get this damn knee fixed, Jack.” I leaned back in the couch and rubbed my blood-shot eyes. Sleep had not been something I have had a lot of the past few weeks.  I had stayed away from taking any strong medications that you can often find on any street corner because I needed to think clearly, there was too much on the line.

Jack picked the phone up and nodded at me his smile back on his face as he tried to reassure me with his uncanny childhood excitement.  “Medical attention and a Title, mon… nobody can you say you don’t deserve both.”

I stopped rubbing my eyes and grabbed my phone back from Jack and put it down on the walnut black oak coffee table in front of me.  “It is both or me sitting on the sidelines because I cannot walk anymore.  This Saturday I fight not just from all of that but for my future in this business because if I go any longer without getting this knee fixed, I might be sitting across from Dan Ryan and Andy Murray and god forbid that.  I don’t have the patience for that autofellatio Doozer brewed coffee date.”

Jack put his finger to his head and shot it proving to me that even he would consider suicide in that situation and that is really all you need to know because he is a nice guy.  “I believe you, mon, just forget about Rebecca and everything that has been bothering you and take what is rightfully yours.”

I stood up and limped towards Jack and poked him in the chest, “do not mention Rebecca, Jack.”

He put his hands up afraid of the look I was giving him.  “Sorry, mon.  I am just trying to help you keep focus.  We saw what happened when you lost that focus against Sektor.”

I dropped my hand and sat back down on the couch, “get me some water.”

Jack walked away and I sighed to myself.  I was angry because what he said was technically correct and I think him being the voice of reason is something I just could not accept.  The phone call I took the night I got to South Carolina definitely took me off my game against Sektor but I cannot blame that because it is my fault I lost my composure and was ultimately tapped out.

Cancer Jiles might not be returning my calls.

Clay Byrd won’t pay me what he owes me.

This Saturday though I will earn the TV Title and continue to keep The Best Alliance at top even if the man in charge seems to want us to murder each other.

This is going to be an extremely uncomfortable drive to Memphis, but lord knows I am going to kill some barbeque and leave as a Champion.

Praises to The Miracle Man, may Miracle’s land on his beautiful bald…shiny head.

 

 

Jace Parker Davidson.

I know I preach about being The Heart and Soul and trying to keep us together but when it comes to Jace I seem to blackout on those beliefs.

I have probably said two things to him:

One: put the lighter down.

Two: don’t shake my hand you pervert.

Just because I find this guy to be a vile moronic troll it doesn’t mean I don’t respect his wrestling skills.  You cannot accomplish everything he has if you are not a damn good wrestler but that doesn’t mean he has any redeeming qualities.  The Hall of Fame is not the Hall of Good People, so he has a good chance of going in some day.  I mean nobody will clap or show up for him being enshrined, something-something, tree falls in the woods and nobody is there does it make a sound?

Get it?

You can win multiple more titles and people will still just shrug and mouth ‘meh,’ at the sound of your name.  It isn’t because you aren’t talented it is because you are one of the most annoyingly self-serving wrestlers that patrols for drunken underage fans after each show.  Yea– took a while to get to the finish there which I am sure you have heard a lot in your life.

I have been on a journey recently as I rediscover who I am, but I cannot stand doing so without winning a wrestling match.  I wouldn’t say I am in a funk, but I wouldn’t say I have been setting the business on fire with my success.  I have not lost many matches, I have retired Dan Ryan, and I am always a threat but at the same time I feel like I am treading water and not moving anywhere.

I hear the whispers about me not being booked for Bottomline.

I hear the open talk about me not really doing anything these days.

It is all true and I find it funny people think I cannot handle a truth that I am aware of.  They are both correct, but I am not going to react like these hair lip bastards want me to.

I beat JPD and I am certain to be at Bottomline.

As for not doing anything, I would like any of you to put my shoes on and go through everything I have gone through recently.  It takes all my patience to try to keep The Best Alliance from imploding so when someone thinks I am not doing something they should realize I am doing too much.

I should just put my arms up and give up because it doesn’t seem like anyone cares.

That is where Jace comes in because if I can take that title these arrogant friends of mine will start listening to me.

Hah.

Nah, I am not that naïve but let’s just say that when I toss and knee Jace’s neck and hold that title in the air on ONE leg I will not take anyone’s garbage anymore.

You play stupid games, you get a stupid prize, guys.

You disrespect me to your own peril, and you ignore me to your own detriment.  I was not undefeated for six months because of luck and I am going to prove that as often as I can to silence these old heads that think they know better than me.

I expect Jace to go at my knee from the onset in our match.  I would do the same thing and it isn’t like I haven’t put a huge target on it.  While you are concentrating on that I will use my forearm to cave that soft heads of yours.  I will come with the best brace I can get, and I will use every ounce of my energy to throw you off your game.  I have no thoughts of being kind or shaking your hand either after the match is concluded.  Sektor has earned my respect you have just earned a beatdown and I will use all the fury I have right now to silence that loudmouth of yours.

I will put a shine on the dark clouds that are always around when you are nearby because that is the type of generous person I am.

I am the Miracle Man.

I am the money maker of The Best Alliance.

I am the Heart and Soul.

I WILL WIN.

TV Champion.

Choke on that truth you ignorant dickhead.

This will pay for my fucking knee!

Sayonara!