Sweet Home Mother Russia

Sweet Home Mother Russia

Posted on July 14, 2023 at 11:54 pm by Xander Azula

Would I have loved a little more fanfare for our arrival at Chaos 35? Absolutely. Did I think we would get any? Of course not. People mistake me for a fool a lot, but I’m not THAT stupid.

We’re fully aware of the stain we carry upon us going into this tournament. We now represent something people truly hate in light of recent events…and you know what?

We don’t give a fuuuuuuuck.

People can draw their battle lines however they choose, but the Masters of the Moscowverse work on a completely different level. While everyone else seems to wanna talk their shit about each other across the great divide, we’re the ones who dig down deep, who go into the weeds to tackle the tough messes…and oh boy, do we have a mess on our hands.

Taking down a random pairing from SHOOT Project is one thing, but the former HOTv Tag Team Champions? The same guys who currently hold MVW’s own tag gold? Ooooh boy is that a tough nut to crack.

Let’s get crackin’.

Ya see, Alabama Gang, when we took down your fellow MVW pals at PWA-2, we knew damn well what the next step on our path would be. As the winningest tag team in PRIME coming out of that weekend, our eyes were firmly on the prize…the PWA Tag Team Championship. A pair of belts held by HOW’s Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr, sure, but we knew who we needed to go through first to get to the promised land…it was always going to be you.

That’s why we called you out after PWA-2, because we knew you were THE tag team to beat if we wanted a crack at the belts…so when this tournament was announced with the winners going on to face the champs in Australia? Sheeesh, put another shrimp on the barbie for the Masters cause it’s time to take down some MVW chumps!

But we cannot…and will not…lose sight of what’s ahead of us. Before we can even try and get a taste of that sweet, sweet gold, we gotta topple the guys that got upended by Starr and Ryan a few months back. We know you two are chomping at the bit to get those titles, to get some revenge on HOW’s seemingly elite players…but don’t bite too hard, or you might end up swallowing more than just your pride.

Because the Masters of the Moscowverse have some tricks up our sleeve, fellas. Our win in Brazil was just the first step, and now it’s time for the good ol’ boys of Alabama to get a taste of Sweet Home Mother Russia. The road to tag team glory is paved in Soviet red now, boys, and we’ve got just the vehicle to drive on it!

See ya soon. Bring some scuba gear if you must, cause when the shitstorm starts you’re gonna be swimming in it soon enough.

For the Masters…for PRIME…for the Motherland.

~ Randall Schwartz

Capital One Arena
Washington, D.C.

“I’m sorry, you want to do what now?”

We find ourselves outside the arena, hours away from Kenny Freeman’s match against Kohime Mori at ReVival 31, and he alongside Randall Schwartz are standing by with quite the dilemma on their hands. Now, one might be wondering just WHY we’re here of all places, and the answer is simple…sorta. Prior to this night, Kenny had begun making a plot (a scheme, if you will) to send in a substitute Kenny to take his place so that he could, we kid you not, “prepare himself better for the tag tournament in Uruguay.”

It was a good plan, by all accounts…but as he stands in front of a confused, even slightly angry Alexei Ruslan, Kenny is starting to see the folly in such a plan. Alexei just shakes his head at this, grunting slightly before speaking further on the matter.

“No, that won’t do at all Kenny. You’re a good man, a strong one at that…and I feel as though you can handle the extra wear and tear of competing tonight and making your way down to Uruguay for the tournament. You’d be amazed at what you can do when you really put your mind to it, comrade!”

Kenny lets out a small sigh…followed by a slow nod of agreement. Kenny quickly comes to realize that his best laid plans are no match for his need to fall in line…especially against a man as gruff as Ivan Stanislav. With that, Alexei motions to Randall and then to the entrance to the arena with a smile on his face.

“Besides, we have something special for you tonight, and I’d hate to have it ruined by such a silly idea as clones from another world. Let us prepare for a great night for the Red Army!”

Kenny and Randall nod in agreement before heading toward the arena behind Alexei, a look on Kenny’s face suggesting that he is ready to move on as quick as possible from the events that await him tonight. After all, after this it’s full steam ahead to the tournament finals…

I’ve made a huge mistake.

I dunno if I should’ve pushed harder to have Porky Freeman take my place tonight in Washington, or if I should’ve gone a little lighter on the Freeman Special applied on Mori…but I’m in pain. So much pain.


Time to rush my hurt ass onto this private jet, to make the quickest flight I can from Washington to Uruguay. It’s what the Motherland would want, though…hell, it’s what Ivan Stanislav would want, and I sure as hell can’t disappoint the Russian Bear can I?

I don’t wanna get yeeted into oblivion by the leader of my Red Army, y’all. I’ve already been absorbed into the belly of Bobby Dean, that’s enough existential pain for one lifetime. No fuckin’ thank you.

It’s time to turn my focus back to the PWA tag tournament, over to the Alabama Gang, who we’ve been wanting a crack at since PWA-2 in Mexico. As SOON as we took the Kings of the Wild Frontier down, we had our eyes on the Bama Bruisers themselves. R.G. Jenkins and Mark Hendry are two tough cookies that we’ve been wanting to take a bite out of for a while now, and the time has finally come to get our fill.

Not only are they former HOTv Tag Champions, they’ve held the MVW tag gold since last month, which makes them THE tag team to keep an eye on in this tournament…much to our dismay, boys. See, despite all the multiversal shenanigans you may have heard about, the Masters are NO joke…something the Kings of the Wild Frontier found out in Mexico, something the SHOOT contingent found out at Chaos 35, and something YOU are gonna find out when we head into Uruguay.

There have been echoes and whispers about our reputation, especially in the past couple weeks, and after mulling it over we’ve decided to take the high road. Our focus will NOT be on whatever bullshit is happening around us, because we know that Chaos 37 is gonna go one of two ways for us.

One way will be to go in that ring, give it everything we’ve got, and come up just short against the Alabama Gang. Then, we can run on home to PRIME and Russia, and let the haters crack their jokes as we hide in shame.

On second thought…fuck ‘em.’

All those haters, all those doubters? They can kiss our multiversal ass.

We’ll take the second option. We will go into Uruguay, we will take the Alabama Gang from pillar to hot-damn post, and we will WIN at Chaos. We will punch our damn ticket to Australia, where a shot at the PWA Tag Team Championship awaits us…and then we will take that which Jatt Starr and Dan Ryan treasure most.

We will take those PWA tag belts, head on back to PRIME and Sweet Home Mother Russia, and crown ourselves the PWA Tag Team Champions of the Multiverse…and no one will stand in our way. Not the Alabama Gang, not the so-called Final Alliance, not even Lee fuckin’ Best himself…because we will do what the Masters do best. We will persevere, we will overcome, and we will conquer.

For the Masters…for PRIME…for the Motherland.

~ Kenny Freeman