Swan Song

Swan Song

Posted on December 21, 2021 at 8:42 pm by Bobby Dean

“Welcome to talkSPORT2 presents talkWrestling! I’m your host Alex Shane, and as always here with me is none other than Alex McCarthy.” Alex Shane introduces the duo as I find myself standing outside their studio, looking in through the glass.

“Hey Alex!” Alex McCarthy greets, followed by a “Hey Alex!” from Alex Shane.

“Today we have a busy, busy, busy, day for all of you listening. First we’re going to be talking all things High Octane! From their upcoming ICONIC to the rumored Lee Best Invitational Tag Team Tournament!” Alex Shane explains, as McCarthy sits by nodding along.

“And don’t forget, we have a very special guest today,” McCarthy picks up, “live in studio!”

“That’s right, how could I forget, he’s standing just outside our studio fogging up the glass and writing little hearts. I’d say it’s adorable, but I’m kind of familiar with this man, and trust me, you don’t want him leaving his DNA behind!” Shane calls out, as I am in fact leaving little hearts on the glass.

“Anywho, joining us in a little bit will be none other than “Beautiful” Bobby Dean!” Alex Shane announces followed by a queued track of applause. “But for now let’s talk ICONIC. Alex, how do you like this card? Starting with the World Title match between possibly the greatest Champion in HOW history, Mike Best, and a BUNCH of other people.”

“A bunch might be underselling it, Alex.” McCarthy retorts deadpan. “We’ve got…”

The two proceed to go back and forth over the merits of the match. Talking up the qualities of each individual in the match, but since I’m not in that match, who really gives a fuck what they’ve got to say?

—————-

Have you ever had to sit through people have a conversation that doesn’t center around you? A.K.A. a boring conversation? The two Alex’s, or is it Alexi’s? Well, the two guys behind the mics kept on and on, breaking down the World title match. One Alex has Mike Best retaining, while the other, dumber, Alex picked Clay Byrd to win.

Then they broke the LSD title match. They both agreed on Sektor winning, even though I would put my money on ole Willy Dick instead. Neither of them gave two shits about Mario vs. Carey for the hundredth time. But hey, don’t get mad at me, those aren’t *my* words, it’s theirs!

But now we’ve come to what I’ve been waiting for!

“Next up is “Beautiful” Bobby Dean versus Steve Solex in Match 7 of the Gentleman’s Agreement!” Alex Shane introduces. “And for this one, why don’t we go ahead and bring in our special guest of the day, come on in Bobby.”

Amped up and ready to go I burst into the room as if I was about to walk into an all you can eat chocolate fondue buffet! Full of hungry energy, I rush in and head straight toward my awaiting seat.

“HI!” I scream directly into the microphone, with my lips touching the mic, causing everyone with a headset on to grimace in pain. Some tech looking guy rushes over and moves the mic further from my face, as the sound of my heavy breathing begins to fill the airwaves.

“Welcome to the show Bobby!” Alex Shane greets, as McCarthy waves in my direction.

“Thanks for having me!” I say in return.

“What have you thought of the show so far, Bobbo?” Alex McCarthy wonders.

“Eh…” I stammer, not sure how to explain that I tuned it out after a certain point. “I stopped listening when you guys stopped talking about me.”

Both guys are caught up short, both sharing a look, neither knowing just what to say. “Well sorry to have wasted your time, Bobby,” McCarthy says with a hint of ‘tude in his voice.

“Don’t worry about it.” I answer with a friendly chuckle. “I’ve listened to sooooooo many High Octane Radio shows in my day, so I know how to keep myself entertained.”

“Well, since you’re here now, how about you talk to us about your upcoming Match 7 with Solex?: Alex Shane asks, trying to keep the show from derailing.

“I know in recent weeks I’ve said things along the lines of, “this is the most important match in my career,” and how I “needed”” I threw up my hands for a good ole fashion air quote, “to beat Solex to save my career for just about every match of this Best of 7 series…”

I pause dramatically, before continuing, “Well, come to find out, this match 7 actually did end up being the most important match of my High Octane career, including my ICON title match with Mike Best at last year’s Lethal Lottery. You see, this may very well be my swan song. My last match in a High Octane Wrestling ring.”

“Oh no!” Alex Shane exclaims in shock.

“But why?” Alex McCarthy asks at the same time. “Why would you want to leave High Octane after everything they’ve done for you?”

“Want!? Who said anything about want,” I offer cryptically. “The facts are after ICONIC my contract is up. That’s what it all boils down to. Everyone’s contract came up at the end of ICONIC and I can’t help but think, if I manage to score a victory over Solex in Match 7… Oh man, I’d be the Hottest Free Agent in the business!

“Woah…” the two Alex’s are caught speechless.

“Why do you think Management hasn’t extended a contract offer to you yet?” Alex Shane asks. “I mean, they’ve just re-signed Hortega and Boetcher!”

“As well as Moise and Bare!” Alex McCarthy adds before thrusting the proverbial knife in my heart. “But my question is, regardless of whether you win or lose at ICONIC, what would make you think you’re the hottest free agent? Fattest, most definitely, but hottest? I don’t know, I mean, no offense and all, but you’re still only 7-14 in HOW.”

I look at McCarthy as my bottom lip begins to quiver. It’s not fun having your numerous defeats rubbed in your face. I mean, shit, I haven’t even approached the negotiating table yet and I’m already getting beaten up.

“Look, Bobby, you wanna talk about facts, facts are like this.” McCarthy says twisting that proverbial knife even more. “With Cancer Jiles inking his deal this past weekend, you and Dooze are the last two guys in High Octane yet to have signed.”.

“Wait, what!? How is it Cancer Jiles signs a contract before me?” I demand angrily, as this foreign emotion overwhelms me.

“Well, he did win the World Title…” Alex Shane points out impartially.

“Yeah and then he lost it immediately after, probably to Hollywood too!” I retort, waving my hand dismissively.

“I don’t think it was to Hollywood.” McCarthy answers helpfully, completely missing the point.

“My…” I stop myself, realizing I have more important things to worry about at this point in time. My voice comes out emotionless, much like a robot, “I am happy for Mister Jiles. All I can say is this, come ICONIC I plan on finishing Stephen Solex once and for all. Whatever happens after Match 7 will happen after Match 7.”

“Well, we wish you luck against Steve Solex, this weekend when HOW presents ICONIC!” Alex Shane says, ending our segment. “Oh, before you go, have you heard the rumors circulating that the next Lee Best Invitational will be a Tag Team Tournament?”

“Could this lead to the reuniting of the eGG Bandits?” Alex McCarthy ponders.

Alex Shane nods his head while following up with another question of his own, “Yeah, who will you team with Bobby, you know, if you’re able to re-sign with the company…”

“…” I look between the two with a blank expression on my face, while on the inside, I’m saying to myself “Shhhhhiiiiiiiittttttt!”

“In fact, we’ve received word that former HOW Tag Team Champions the Hollywood Bruvs have opted out of the Invitational.” Alex Shane announces eagerly, before continuing, “This is what the Bruvs had to say about the situation… “

“Listen, yeah! Nine times out of ten the Hollywood Bruvs are there for any Tag Team Tournament, especially when we have to defend our name as former HIGH OCTANE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD… unfortunately the opportunity isn’t coming at a PRIME time for us. Mikey’s schedule in Hollywood is packed, I, JFK have many, many very important commitments as well, and unfortunately it’s just not in the cards this year… maybe next year, balls in HOW’s court! Depends on how fat that check is.“

“Classic response by the former champs!” Alex Shane calls out as the clip ends.

—————————-

Shortly after this I was escorted out of the studio. No hand shakes, no well wishes, just whisked away as the two then began talking about a match that didn’t involve me. So there I was, walking down the streets of London, lost in my head.

How is it I find myself in this position!?

I was just named the #2 on the Top 100! I mean, I know that’s no Top 5, but come on! Can you imagine the number of asses I had to kiss to get that!? Not only that but I got #3 in the Top 50 Tag Teams too!!!

If only Lee gave a shit about lists or popularity contests! Shoot, if only Lee gave a shit about Bobby Dean, period!

I really hate that my career hangs precariously there on a precipice of either, lots of money, bragging rights, and who knows, maybe another title shot for yours truly later on down the line! Or, complete and utter failure. No fame, no fortune, no glory… Fuck, no job!

Lee began dangling that “someone’s gonna lose their job” carrot in front of Solex and I the moment this friendly competition began. As petty as it sounds, I’d rather see Solex out on his ass than be the one Bandit that couldn’t hack it in HOW. Well, besides RICK, no one remembers him. Can you imagine, Doozer and Cancer Jiles holding that over my head! I’d never hear the end of it!

Fact is, a lot of people may not see it, but I’ve changed. I’ve put away the Frosted Flakes. I’ve been busting my ass week after week, whether or not I won or not doesn’t matter. Old Bobbo would have taken a siesta by now. Just you wait and see, High Octane, I’m getting my shit together! Who knows, maybe it’s time for me to start living up to some of these lofty expectations you all have burdened me with!

What will my destiny be, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, come ICONIC…