I don’t wanna hear a word about LT’s vagina.
I’m serious. Talking to you, Kneed So Hard That He Won My Belt. Looking at you too, Pinned By Zion. Lee paired you up with the GOD OF HOFC for a reason, and it’s because y’all were embarrassing last week. It’s because you need me. In fact, why don’t you leave Troy to me entirely. See, she and I have a… special relationship. I’m not talking about the fact that I busted into her so hard that I nicknamed my dong “No Knock Warrant”, either. Nah, the low hanging fruit isn’t as juicy, boys. Be better. Women have sex. Get used to it.
Lindsay Troy is a strong, independent woman.
Jiles, I want you on Zeb like Lindsay Troy on whatever hot new stable is gonna carry her to her next meltdown over a big loss. You guys used to throw eggs together. At some point you must have gotten a peek at what makes that sentient trucker hat tick, right? Jace, you’re twelve years old at heart— you take Fred Savage and beat him to death with his own Power Glove. He’s gonna call me EA Mike again, because he thinks it’s really clever. I already kneed that one, and I’m bored of it. Or shit, trade off and switch it up like Lindsay Troy watching tape instead of doing some generic match training— it’s all Greek to me as long as when Troy falls, I’m the horse not wearing a Trojan.
Cause I’m the one who knows how to break her.
Lindsay Troy doesn’t know how to be single.
Best Alliance to Industry. Industry to GOD, GOD to Bandit, Bandit to 214. The only thing stable about her is the fact that she’s always in one. So much for strong and independent… guess she’s just a woman these days? Fire up those angry DMs, Troy simps— someone has to say it and it’s gonna be me. Lindsay Troy has abandoned everything that ever made her an admirable role model to women, because she’s so insecure about not being at the top of the card that she’s compromised everything that ever made her an icon. It was supposed to be such a big goddamned deal that LT signed with HOW. She was Lee’s “one who got away”. Now? She’s just the one everyone wishes would actually go away.
It’s getting embarrassing, Lindsay.
You’re not the Queen of the Ring, you’re the Queen of France. Constantly being bailed out by whatever mega powers you’ve aligned yourself with, because when the blitzkrieg comes, you’ve literally never been able to hold it off on your own. Grapplers 214 isn’t here to save HOW from the Best Alliance— it’s here to save Lindsay Troy from being left off the War Games card. It’s here to give her something to make a meticulous little spreadsheet about, so she can order her pawns around and ruin a whole fucking Lethal Lottery show. Pretend that reality is a hot new stable for you to glom onto and get a grip on it, Ms. Troy, because you are not the Titan of industry that you used to be.
Quit crying about your spot and earn a better one.
Johnson and Johnson, sweetheart, no more tears.
You haven’t been screwed or ripped off. No one has it out for you. You’re losing matches because you’re being outperformed. If you’re offended that everyone is calling you a slut, then do something about it. Don’t be “sick” of cutting promos— just get better at it, because no one gives a fuck how many years you’ve been doing this, we all have room to improve. Are you the World Champion yet? Have you realistically been even close? No?
Then get better or quit.
It’s not a fucking conspiracy.
The first ever HOFC six man tag is here, and I wanna win it. Jace and Jiles, if one of you takes the L, I’ll knee you in the fucking face myself. I don’t give a fuck about your hokey little stable wars. I’m a prizefighter and a HOFC God, and I don’t care what history any of us have on Saturday night. Get in there, throw some fucking hands, and win. I’m sick of all this crybaby bullshit in HOW. Fight, talk shit, and shut the fuck up.
And Lindz? If my words hurt your feelings?
Grow up and cut a fucking promo.
My DMs ain’t open.