Dear Dan Ryan,
Ever since you fucked over Grandpa Lee, he’s been getting these little rage boners about knocking you down a peg or two. Trouble is his blind, broken ass couldn’t beat his own dick in a jerk off contest so he sends his expendables into the forefront. This usually takes the form of Jatt Starr or Steve Harrison, he even got himself a shiny new-old Jace Parker Davidson.
You know, a bunch of guys to get chewed up and beat down for all of Lee’s stupid little games. Expendables.
But Me? Expendable?
Can you imagine?
Well Lee did and does which is why we find ourselves at Refueled where conveniently the rankings worked out where I have to face you haven’t almost a month of not being booked. It’s like Lee was waiting for me to reach high enough to where I’d be forced to face you to advance while you…
..you still don’t have any kind of title shot or championship prospects after Uncle Mikey shut you down. I get it. Happened to my dad too, only he had the smarts to die and not scrap on by in disgrace.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to piss you off Mr. Ryan. The last time we faced each other I threw a strong stand up set at you where I implied that you were what happens when play-dough wishes it were a real boy and where did that get me? Some broken teeth, a concussion and a mild case of PTSD.
Allow me to be blunt, Mr. Ryan, I am not looking forward to facing you. However, even if my Grandfather wants me to be little more than a speed bump for you, I need to win this match. Just as it should be for everybody in High Octane Wrestling my end goal is to have gold around my waist and whether I like it or not that means I have to beat men like you.
The trouble is I haven’t quite figured how how yet.
I’ll c.c. you when I do.
SRK, Pres. Human Resources
The light was hot, hotter than Sutler had remembered it in the past. It never really seemed to bother him before but since all that had happened, all that he had endured, now the light seemed.. Well.. dangerous.
But he stood there in it just the same. He faced the fear that had grown in him and knew what he had to do. This was part of the healing process, part of the way he was making himself better, improving upon who he was. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and said a brief prayer to.. Whatever was willing to listen.
He opened his eyes, took in a breath and began.
“I just finished reading Dan Ryan’s autobiography and I’ve got to say the part where he kills the one-legged boat captain, Ahab, was my favorite.”
An unseen audience offers a friendly snapping of the fingers as Sutler digs a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket.
“Thank you, thank you! Now I know what you’re thinking, another Dan Ryan stand up routine? Come on Sutler, what are you thinking? Didn’t Dan Ryan murder you the last time you did this? You’d be right, he did but you know what?”
Sutler looks down at his notes before staring back up at the camera.
“Fuck you, Dan Ryan is a goofy looking tower of meat and unlike Zion, I know for a fact he has procreated. He’s got two daughters. One of them isn’t very lucky and the other is dead, apparently even Dan isn’t sure which one.”
A picture of Dan Ryan losing to Mike Best as Lee parades a little girl out on stage is shown from Mike and Dan’s World Title Match.
“Ooh nooo who is it!? Who could it be?! Some random dumb bitch, Dan Ryan, which is the same thing everybody was calling you after that match, AYOOOO!”
Canned laughter this time as to add some sense of levity to Sutler’s awful joke. The President of Human Resources even offers a little warm bellied chuckle, patting himself on his stomach before continuing.
“Now I know I shouldn’t be provoking the bear like this, after all the man can crush an entire HomeTown Buffet, but fuck it, if I’m going to get mauled by a wild animal I might as well kick it in the balls before it tears me to pieces, right? I’m pretty sure that’s the strategy that every punk-ass in High Octane Wrestling likes to try to pre-themselves for a big loss right? How am I doing, Hollywood? Have I made you proud yet?”
Now a collective Aw from the crowd which draws a confused reaction from Sutler.
“What? Why the aw sound effect for Brian Hollywood, is he a face? Is it Hip to be Brian now? Hip to be replaced, more like it, amiright? AYOOOOO!”
No reaction from the audience as the joke goes over their head and straight through the 4th Wall.
“So in closing, Dan Ryan, I hope that you’re sick, old and suffering from a debilitating degenerative disease when I see you on Refueled because I really, really, really need to win and climb the rankings. It’s a selfish want, I know, but I think at this point I’ve made it pretty clear I’m a very selfish person. Possibly the most selfish person I know.. Besides you if you don’t let me win. You’ve been beautiful, THANK YOU!”
Sutler waves as the canned laughter returns, cheering him off stage.
Sutler’s eyes fluttered as he snapped out of his daydream to once again stare at the hunk of metal that sat on the desk in front of him. The left ocular section and nearly half the cranium of his Father’s reconstructed skull had been a prize when he had claimed it from the funeral home following his father’s cremation. Now it was little more than a curio that even little Chloe had grown disinterested with.
He reached down and unlocked the uppermost desk drawer, sliding it open before retrieving another relic of his Father, the mechanical eye implant that had once been nestled tightly into the metal ocular bone. He held it in his hand staring down at the lifeless shard of metal and glass before setting it down next to the skull.
Leaning back in his chair Sutler stared down at both items as if he were expecting something to happen. He wasn’t sure but it just seemed to make some kind of sense to him though he couldn’t really explain why. As the seconds slowly drew on into minutes the young Kael let out a sigh, his body relaxing.
“I’m an idiot.”
Shaking away the strange feeling that drove him to put the eye next to the skull fragment Sutler stood up. In his mind he chided himself for wasting time on this kind of silliness, the antics of his Father and his own twisted canon was dead and buried. He was his own man, this was all his story to tell now.
“Whatever you thought this was going to accomplish, it’s just a distraction. You know what you really need to focus on..”
Sutler’s words filled the emptiness of his office as he stood up. He cast another cautious glance down at the scraps of Max before there was a knock at the door. His eyes widened as he stared at he door before he quickly swept the eye into the skull fragment, tossing both beneath his desk before he jumped back down at his desk attempting desperately to appear busy, his cell phone held up against his head.
“Enter!” Sutler barked.
The door opened as a woman in a white suit with a #97red blouse and matching lipstick. Her eyes were a vibrant green while her hair was a fiery red curled up into what is known as a “poodle”. Her appearance catches Sutler extremely off-guard as he sits up a little straighter at his desk.
“..uh..hello?” he manages to force out as the woman easily glides across the room and takes a seat behind the desk. Despite Sutler’s office being sectioned off in what is obviously a closet the woman doesn’t appear to care.
“Yes, good afternoon Mr. Reynolds-Kael.” Her voice was silky smooth as she purred her honey words across the desk.
“Is it Afternoon?” Sutler sputtered as he scratched his head absently fighting the childish urge to stare at her breasts that seemed to have been excellently framed in her low-cut coat and blouse. “I’ve.. been inside all day.. Wait, Jesus Christ, I’ve been inside all day!”
The woman offers a charming titter before reaching into her pocket to retrieve a golden cigarette case, sliding a hand rolled cigarette free.
“You don’t mind if I smoke?” She asks as she begins to pull a golden lighter out of her pocket, not waiting for an answer.
“Technically it’s illegal in the building so I-” Sutler begins however she ignites the lighter and the cigarette taking a deep drag off it. “..you’re going to smoke anyway, okay then. Nice lighter, you a 24K fan?”
He pauses for a moment to stare across the table at him with an incredulous look before a crackle escapes her lips. Sutler stares at her for a moment before nervously joining in on her laughter, not wanting to feel like he was left out of a joke before the woman finally calms, waving the cigarette dismissively.
“Oh that was funny, dear. No, not a 24K fan, not directly anyway.” She said as her ruby lips parted to show perfect white teeth. Sutler noted how, despite her beauty there was a sudden feral, predatory look to her, like a cat smiling down at a cornered mouse. He didn’t like it.
“Okay, so why are you here then?”
She stares at him for a moment and he can feel her studying his face, her cigarette smoldering between her fingers filling the air with tendrils of bitter smelling smoke. After a measured moment she took another drag and expelled the smoke from her nose like a bull.
“You’re facing Dan Ryan and you’re going to lose.” the Woman says confidently, her eyes narrowing.
“Gee, thanks.” Sutler sarcastically snapped back, his arms folding defensively across his chest. As attractive as she was Sutler’s pride was considerably more important to him and she had just wounded it. “I just got done working out a new set to run against him in my head too. Shucks!”
“Sorry, hun, but that’s just how it is given your current arrangement.”
“Arrangement?” Sutler asked, his eyebrow arching. “What arrangement are you talking about?”
She smiled coyly at him before taking another drag.
“I’m sure you’ve noticed that some things are slowly changing in High Octane Wrestling. You’re standard work isn’t going to be enough anymore, not with fight teams and gym sponsorships becoming ever more present. We’re not talking about self-trained wrestlers or Indy hardened talent anymore. The new breed of wrestler is a well oiled machine, Sutler, with multiple trainers and teams to spar against. Not.. well.. Not whatever you are doing here.”
She turns her head and looks around the shabby office tucked away at 6 Time Academy in Chicago.
“Now hold on, you don’t know shit about my training. I don’t go through my Uncle’s program, I know it’s a hack and slash scam, trust me, I’ve seen the shlock who sign up here. My training is through my Aunt and her battery of trainers. Trust me.” Sutler said as he slowly stood up, a smug expression on his face as he looked down at the woman. “I’ve got everything I need to be successful in High Octane Wrestling here.”
The woman once again smiles coyly at him before standing.
“Elenore Kael-Sinclair is bankrolling your training still, I know darling. But she relies on the advice of others to guide her trainers, the person I represent knows everything about what you want to do and they’ve done it. They’ve got the experience, the understanding, the awareness that a thousand different programs that your Aunt throws together never will.”
Taking one last drag from the cigarette she pinches the cherry between her fingers, crushing the light out of it as the smell of burnt flesh hangs in the air. Sutler’s lip twitches slightly in disgust as he stares at her in mild horror. The woman simply smiles back at him with a wink.
“You do you, boo. If you change your mind though.” She says in her silky voice as she slips a card from her pocket, setting it on the desk. “Give us a call.”
He watches her leave before his eyes dart down at the card she left. There was no name, no identifying marks, just a phone number with an area code he didn’t recognize. It then dawned on him that he never asked her name and she never volunteered it, cursing himself quietly once again as he slowly sat back down at his desk.
“..well.. That was fucking weird. I wonder w-”
Sutler’s words were cut short as something caught his attention. Pushing his chair away from his desk he looked down in horror as a red light glowed back up at him.
THE OFFICE OF HIGH OCTANE HUMAN RESOURCES
Storage Room B Human Resources Suite 97
With Saturday on the horizon we know that many of the locker room talent have expressed concern about the President of Human Resources’ ability to defeat Dan Ryan. This is understandable as during the HOFC Tournament it was Dan Ryan who eliminated the Son of Scions. Oh memories.
We here at Human Resources would like to belay any of these concerns. Dan Ryan is a credible opponent and he did in fact defeat the President in a HOFC match. What they shall be engaged in at Refueled will be a WRESTLING match in which the President of Human Resources has no equal save for Bobby Dean who unleashed his full wrestling potential and somehow managed to outshine the Son of Scions.
BUT this isn’t the unstoppable Bobby Dean we’re talking about here, we’re talking about Dan Ryan, the richman’s Scott Stevens. We here at Human Resources have all the confidence in the world that our President will achieve victory and are looking forward to sharing that news on Sunday!
On a side note whoever keeps leaving crushed pills in the bathroom please remember to snort all your drugs and to flush the toilet when you finish.
….epstein didn’t kill himself.