Snake vs Scorpion

Snake vs Scorpion

Posted on March 12, 2020 at 11:42 pm by Scott Stevens

Location: Humble, Texas: Stevens Household
March 12, 2020  

“Well if that isn’t some shit.”

As the image come into view we see Scott Stevens watching the local news channel and the Texan is in awe with how quickly school districts are closing school for another week.

“First the rodeo shuts down. Then the NBA suspends operations yesterday and today, Major League Baseball, the NHL, the XFL and Major League Soccer cancel their games and suspend operations indefinitely because of the Coronavirus, but good old Lee Best is still having Refueled on Saturday.”

Stevens says with a shake of his head.

“Are you trying to infect me Lee?”

Stevens asks seriously before continuing.

“Apparently you didn’t double check Stevenspedia because if you would have you would know that James Ranger is from England.”

Stevens says as if Lee Best is supposed to know this.

“Forget the bad teeth, the improper use of the English language and their fascination with tea because he could be a carrier having to travel from Europe to the states. Is this what you want Lee?”

Stevens asks in a serious tone.

“You just don’t want to infect me, but you want to infect very employee and fan that steps into that arena Saturday night.”

Stevens says with a shake of his head.

“You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Stevens says sternly as he points towards the camera.

“If anything, James Ranger should be quarantined and I should be awarded the victory by forfeit because of health risks if he was to appear.”

Stevens nods his head.

“But you won’t do that would you?”

Stevens says with a shake of his head.

“That’s fine Lee, because I’m one step ahead of you.”

Stevens says with smirk.

“I’ve already infected myself with the virus.”

Stevens says as his head disappears behind his wooden desk and proceeds to produce two empty six pack bottles onto the desk and his head slowly rises back into view as he produces another six pack with five bottles empty and one full. Stevens reaches into the box and pulls out the full bottle and cracks it open.

“You see, I’ve been proactive because I saw this coming from you so I decided to stock up on all the Coronas I can find at the stores around the house and drink until the alcohol consumed me into unconsciousness.”

Stevens says as sprinkles salt around the top of the bottle.

“However, it hasn’t worked.”

He says before letting out a loud burp.

“Maybe it’s because of all the pissing I’ve done or because I’ve been counteracting the Coronavirus with some Lime Disease….”

Stevens says with a smirk as he produces a lime and places it into his bottle before taking a long sip.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking and why is the Chief Information Officer of HOW doing drinking in the middle of the day and why isn’t he at his cubicle.”

Stevens says before taking another drink of his Corona.

“Well, after my altercation with my co-worker, Adam, Lee thought it would be in everyone’s best interest if I was allowed to work from home this week and let me tell you it’s been fun.”

Stevens says letting out another burp.

“I get up when I want. Drink from sun up to sundown. Most importantly, I don’t have people in my ear constantly telling me what to do, but let’s quit talking about me and move on to more important things like my opponent for Refueled 20, Black Mamba.”

Stevens says as he takes a long sip of his drink before letting out an obnoxious…


Stevens belches afterwards and the Texan hits his chest a few times.

“I know what you’re thinking James, and that is the question everyone has been thinking since I left you high and dry in our tag match against Andy Murray and Perfection and the simple answer is… had it.”

Stevens says as he leans back in his chair.

“Isn’t that what you told me?”

He asks before continuing.

“That is what you said to me knowing full well that I wanted to get my hands on Andy Murray so bad that I could literally imagine hearing his bones cracking in my hands if I was to get my hands on him, but you prevented that from happening. Instead you got embarrassed by Old Man Murray and The Bronze Olympic Medal and you left me high and dry when you wouldn’t tag me in!”

Stevens shouts as he points the finger to the camera.

“I don’t know if you got full of yourself in the tag match against the Bruvs during your brief moment of offense when you took them both on and you thought you could handle those two the same way, but it didn’t work out did it?”

Stevens says shaking his head.

“You call yourself Black Mamba after one of the world’s most deadliest and venomous snakes and everytime I hear the name Black Mamba I think of Kobe Bryant or the scene from Kill Bill where Elle Driver kills Bud.”

Stevens says with a nod as he reaches over on his desk and presses a few buttons on his remote and the scene from Kill Bill pops up with Bud going through a suitcase of money to see a Black Mamba hidden inside and strikes him in the face. As Bud is slowly dying, Elle reaches into her pocket and begins to read off some notes about a Black Mamba.

“The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes.” Now, you should listen to this, ’cause this concerns you. “The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan.” You know, I’ve always liked that word… ‘gargantuan’… so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. “If not treated quickly with antivenom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite.”

Stevens pauses the movie.

“Where was this venom you promised me James when you stopped me from being the shit out of Andy Murray?”

Stevens asks with desire.

“You telling me you had it was supposed to be reassurance to me in your abilities as a wrestler that you could carry yourself in the ring, instead Murray and Perfection de-fanged you to the point of embarrassment and when that happened I knew there was no winning and I pulled myself out of the match.”

Stevens says as he finishes his beer and leans forward in his chair.

“However, now you got what you want. A one on one match against the Texas bad ass.”

Stevens says as he raises his hands.

“In one corner we have Black Mamba and in the other we have The Scorpion.”

Stevens says with a devilish smile.

“Two venomous creatures battling for supremacy, but it won’t matter how much venom we inject into each other that will assure dominance.”

Stevens says with a shake of his head.

“You should know about the Scorpion and Frog fable because even though I don’t want to hurt you it will still happen when I get done with you.”

Stevens says tossing the bottle at the camera and the image goes static.