Sex! Oh yes… We’re going there.

Sex! Oh yes… We’re going there.

Posted on April 19, 2022 at 12:46 pm by Bobbinette Carey

April is stress awareness month. Why is this important? Cause y’all stress the fuck out of me! A bitch can’t get a minute’s peace without something you all find the need to point out.

With it being stress awareness month we’re going to talk about something that’s a stress reliever: Sex. 

Yes we’re going to talk about sex today! What does sex have to do with wrestling? Everything! It’s about movements, it’s about knowing your opponent’s next move and how to counter it. It’s a lot of actions and very few words. It’s dopamine, it’s adrenaline, it’s the greatest feeling ever. Am I talking about wrestling or sex at this point? Why not both? I’m about to ruin sex and wrestling for you in a two for one combo!

Again I did say how wrestling is similar to sex, I’m going to ruin more things for you today so strap in or on: whatever works for you (I don’t kink shame or judge) you’re in for a long night and one that’s probably going to traumatize! You’re welcome! 

Wrestling generally involves two men grabbing one another in holds and submission trying to overpower and strengthen and gain the upper hand against another man. Submissions, dominance… heavy BDSM undertones, which makes sense that we’ve got to enjoy getting the hell beat out of each other. So it’s safe to assume most people are switches, which means they could be dominant or submissive at any given moment. 

With men in wrestling most of the time their bodies are oiled up and glistening as they wear barely anything, grabbing on to another man and trying to get him to submit and overpower him. Yes, from the brute strength and muscles rippling…or in the case of HOW a lot of scrawny ass men, it’s a twink heaven. We’ve even got bears and dad bodys. Eye-candy for all. The homoeroticism is through the roof! Yet most of the wrestlers show signs of homophobia, probably because they’ve had some fleeting thoughts that they feel guilty about… embrace it. Let your freak flags fly!

Then there’s the few females who manage to get into this place. We all have different shapes and bodies are all beautiful in our own rights. 

A woman in wrestling is either a virgin, spinster, or a whore. There’s never a happy medium, She can’t be body positive, she can’t be happy about sex, she can’t even in give the slightest inclination that she enjoys it. That’s not the worst of because if she is romantically involved with a man, any man; she’s obviously had sex with the entire locker room!

Even me, I’m plus size and body positive, apparently is having all sorts of sex. You might find that disgusting, but guess what? I’m not fucking you am I? No, then not your business. The funny thing is people seem to think who’s in my bed is everyone’s business. I don’t question who’s in your bed and still give you the respect you deserve. I have had sex, that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to wrestle. Getting dick doesn’t affect my ability in the ring, it doesn’t stop me from knowing how to hip toss, arm drag, and all the other shit that I’ve learned over my decades of a career.

With HOW, some would think that just because I have sex, I’m dick drunk; and can’t remember how to do a simple task in the ring. These judgements have been so extreme to the point where I’ve even scared myself about being in relationships. All because I don’t want people to think less of me as a wrestler.

If I’m having sex I’m a whore, right? Like being a whore is a bad thing. Let’s talk about whores for a minute, they get paid! Despite you all supporting many of them, you make it sound like it’s degrading to sell your body when you want to insult a female wrestler. But isn’t that what we do in the ring? We put our bodies through physically demanding moves and others watch us touching one another for pleasure. We sell our time, we sell our energy and end up broken and bruised. We sell our bodies every night in that ring. So are we all whores or just the females you want to insult?

Now let’s stay on the topic of sex. I’m not done yet! Fun fact regarding the topic of sex, your mom had it. Uh-oh! Yeah your mom probably had more than one dick in her lifetime too. Oh gosh, that’s not a thought we want! Let’s not stop there, you’re adorable little Memaw and Papaw? Yeah she got dicked down too! But we don’t like thinking about those things because those are women we treasure and hold near and dear in our hearts! Someone had to have some sort of fucking in order for you to exist. So why shame the women who enjoy sex? 

Fuck a rumor. But rumors are just words and words can’t hurt you. Yeah that’s true, but my fist in your face is going to hurt from the words you say so watch your mouth. I have stood up for my femininity. I have stood up for being a black woman. But I didn’t stand up for the hypersexualization that happens here. Because your heteronormativity and misogyny isn’t going to affect me anymore. 

I am reducing stress by losing the weight of your opinions and toxic words. In summation: If you don’t feed me, finance me or fuck me; you can take your opinion and stick it up your ass.

Ta-ta.

 

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Universal Studios in Orlando Florida. 

Wizarding World of Harry Potter

 

Through the crowd we see the Queen of Epicness herself, Bobbinette Carey. Instead of her normal cardigan leggings outfit she’s dressed surprisingly as a Hogwarts student. Yes she’s fully immersed in the Harry Potter universe. She’s wearing a green plaid pleated skirt with the Slytherin logo, she has a white button up blouse tucked into the skirt with the H for Hogwarts on the collar. There is a green and gray tie under the collar perfectly tied. We can see just the collar and the tie because she has a green and gray sweater vest over the blouse. The outfit is finished off with a black Slytherin cloak. She has on a pair of black Mary Janes with knee high socks which have the Slytherin crest on the sides. Her hair is pulled back in a partial up-down style with a Slytherin hair clasp holding the top part of the hair. Looking at Diagon Alley, her face is beaming with joy as she walks out of The Leaky Cauldron with a mug full of butter beer in her hands. This is a side of the Queen of Epicness we are not familiar with. Her phone rings, causing her to put her wand in the breast pocket of her cloak before reaching into a lower cloak pocket to grab her phone.

Bobbinette: Hey Scooter, no… I’m actually in the Wizarding world of Harry Potter right now. I am.. uh shopping for Mimi.

She says trying to not sound as happy as she is when looking up at the sign. 

Bobbinette: I’m probably buying a niffler then heading over to the Jurassic area. Yes I’m aware you’re in Epcot drinking around the world Scooter… I’m sorry about Jace… 

Her face changes to one of disappointment as she drops her shoulders wrinkling up her nose and the side of her mouth squishes together. Her entire mood changed to a solemn and sullen one.

Bobbinette: I have to get a gift for Mimi then I’ll catch up to you and we can talk about it then… and what War Games may look like. I will catch up to you in a bit.

She hangs up the phone and sighs. She slides her phone into her pocket and shakes her head then looks up as she walks towards the magical menagerie and a giddy smile spreads across her face again.

Bobbinette: War Games has four different Captains and Hogwarts has four different houses. Of course Hogwarts was more open minded and had two female heads and not all men… they have the sorting hat, the draft. The similarities…

She trails off as she looks down the alley at each step with wonder and amazement, fully basking the experience.

Bobbinette: I thought for sure I’d be on a team with Conor Fuse, the Gryffindor leader. At the end of the day there are two main houses that matter. Gryffindor and Slytherin… I’m a Slytherin. We’re cunning,  ambitious, resourceful, clever and determined.

She looks through the window at her reflection. She tucks a few fly away strands of hair  behind her ear with a smile.

Bobbinette: Slytherins get a bad rap. It’s prejudice, if you tell someone they are bad enough times they start to believe it. But I had my dream team for war games lined up even with Gryffindors and Ravenclaws and of course Hufflepuffs.. Yes, JPD was one of those people I wanted on my team; as much as he’s a misogynistic douche he beat Scooter to secure his spot at War Games. A versatile team is the team that wins War Games…

She states in a matter of fact tone as she walks into “magical menagerie.” ( A stuffed animal store that has plush forms of the magical creatures of the Harry Potter universe.) She looks through the plushies and stops at the baby nifflers. She gasps loudly as her eyes widen with excitement as she grabs a big niffler and hugs it tightly. She looks around and recomposes herself walking to the cash register.

Bobbinette: Did I think that I was going to be on a team run by a Best? I would have laughed in your face if someone would have said that to me five years ago. I’ve stood against the Best family for almost two solid decades, but that was Lee Best and The Best Alliance.

She pays for her niffler with a tap of her credit card. She’s not paying attention to the cashier at all her eyes remaining fixed on her plushie. She smiles as she bops out of the store almost as if she’s dancing to a song only she can hear. As she exits the store she takes her new stuffed animal out of the bag and looks down at the plushie

Bobbinette: But how the times change don’t they? Simon is on an opposite team of the Best family and I am on the team of the Best family? Simon spent decades loyal to Lee Best… now he seems lost… 

She walks past the other buildings, tinkering with the idea of going into the wand store Ollivanders.

Bobbinette: He isn’t who he was, neither of us are. But Simon… he’s here week after week, because he needs the money. He’s got a reason he keeps going. He still gets paid even if he loses. He needs this job. But his heart hasn’t been here in a while. His heart is laying in a hospital bed. I’m back for purely selfish and self serving reasons. A second War Games victory.

As she exits Diagon Alley her smile fades almost as if she’s leaving an old friend. With a deep sigh she looks down at her niffler then back at Diagon Alley. She puts the niffler back into its bag and walks away saddened with a brisk power walk. 

 

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Universal Studios 

Adventure Island

Jurassic World

 

We see the Queen of Epicness now, still. Dressed in the Hogwarts outfit from earlier staring at the Jurassic World area. She looks on as people take pictures with the velociraptor Blue.

Bobbinette: Simon could probably relate to these Dinosaurs. Should be extinct and doesn’t belong anymore… if I’m being honest we both are…. We are relics of the past who refuse to fade away. Have we done this dance before in the past? Who can remember? I know I can’t really remember the past that well…

She sighs watching people pet the dinosaur puppet. Families are laughing and taking pictures as the dinosaur tamer explains the dangers of getting too close to “Blue.” Bobbinette stands off in the distance observing these families clamoring at puppets.

Bobbinette: But in this era I beat him. He is at the lowest point ever… I don’t need to cross boundaries like Zion did… that’s not needed. There are other ways to break a man than to go for low hanging fruit… I am realistic to know that Anything can happen on any night; it could be your best night or your worst night in HOW.

She looks over and sees people near the Jurassic sign of a little girl with her brother. They look to be around five to six years old, the brother looking older. The parents motion for them to get closer to the sign. The girl does so without hesitation. The little boy looks on nervously not trusting his parents, (and rightfully so) a dinosaur pops from behind the bushes. The little girl starts laughing and clapping as the boy runs screaming with tears running down his eyes to his mom’s leg.

Bobbinette: So it comes down to who’s going to have the better night, me or Simon? Simon sparrow.. he had way better titles with his dead name, there’s nothing as catchy and snappy with Simon Sparrow. To quote Shakespeare a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, the counter to that is you can put perfume on a turd but it’s still a turd. All this means No matter the name Simon is still the man he’s always been. There is no denying he’s going through something and he’s struggling. I acknowledge and see that. But as a mother I understand the material struggle… of a being you grew in your body fed from your own breast struggling. 

She takes a deep breath as her eyes squint her face looking serious and remorseful.

Bobbinette: Someone she brought into the world hanging by a thread. It’s not to say that dad’s don’t have an important part in a child’s life… I’d never be that cruel to suggest that Simon’s suffering is less because he didn’t birth her. That would be ignorant right? I’m not that type of feminist… just an observation is all… he’s been busting his ass to make money and her mother’s been at her bed side. He’s not an absentee father, he’s earning money. He’s doing what is best for them but not being there….

She watches the mother of the boy laugh and pat the child on the back as the little girl high fives other people who are applauding her bravery.

Bobbinette: Simon and I have both been divas in our own rights with our own egos. I’d say the main difference is black don’t crack and he’s got crows feet starting… if I was being petty… Realistically we’re both two old dinosaurs, in a group of younger kids that are coming to replace us. It’s inevitable… evolution… adapt or die… Simon was smart. He knew that when he made friends with the same person I had my sights on, the same team that I wanted to be drafted to, instead he got drafted to Conor Fuse’s team. Here I am on a team run by Michael Oliver Best and Michael Lee Best…and the purely selfish thoughts are I have to beat Simon again. Once I beat Simon then I’ve secured my place on my team winning War Games. 

She seems to be fascinated by the people now mocking the brother for being afraid of the dinosaur. Her cell phone vibrates and she looks down seeing a text from “DW.” She opens it and looks it over. It’s a simple “I’ll be there.” She breaths almost a sigh of relief reading the message. She wrinkles her nose as she slips her phone into her pocket.

Bobbinette: Teaming with people I have never had any intention of ever teaming with. I have to cooperate and get along…I have to do something I’m not used to, I have to go outside of my comfort zone in order to achieve what I want. I have to build bridges and mend fences with people I haven’t had the best relationships with. I know that this is the winning team… this will lead me to my War Games victory that I have predetermined… I have said it, it is written in the stars. It is in my destiny but there’s one little thing in my way, a sparrow.. and that’s the thing about sparrows.

She continues to people watch in quiet reserve as her pocket vibrates. She raises an eyebrow and sighs. It says “Scooter.” She hits silence on the phone call and slips it back into her pocket not wanting her time disturbed. There would be time for dealing with Scooters issues later.

Bobbinette: Sparrow’s they’re so fragile just like Simon is right now. All it takes is one little snap and they’re done. So how do we break Simon? Knowing that he is still undefeated by his nemesis but not undefeated against me. That leaves the sour taste in his mouth… the knowledge I did it once, the fear I can do it again. But knowing that his arch nemesis Darkwing and Scottywood will be there with me… that should help. Because life will out.

 

A devious smile spreads across her face as she exits the island of adventure, as she walks she takes her Harry Potter robe off shoving it into the bag. Her hand goes to her hair, unsnapping the bow and also shoving it into her bag, clearly changing her appearance as she exits the park to her next destination.