SEX & BOYS

SEX & BOYS

Posted on February 17, 2021 at 6:54 pm by Mikey Unlikely

We open to a very lavish office space. The large window that overlooks the city of Chicago is clean and clear, without a smudge. The tops of the building nearby can be seen indicating we are quite high in the skyscraper we find ourselves in. 

Outside of the office we can hear a loud commotion before finally the double doors fly open. Inside step the Hollywood Bruvs, much to the dismay of the receptionist trying to hold them back. Mikey Unlikely and Jesse Fredricks Kendrix are both dressed in blazers and dress pants. The pair match except for the button up shirts they wear. 

The receptionist pushes through the Bruvs and into the office first and immediately tries to explain herself to the man who we now see behind the large desk. 

Receptionist: Sir, I’m sorry. I told them you have a full schedule and are very busy! I let them know they would have to make an appointment to see you!

Unlikely chuckles out loud. JFK rolls his eyes and points his thumb over at the receptionist. 

Kendrix: Listen Yeah! THAT’S the best part! We knew from the beginning she was razzing us! An Appointment? Can you imagine making an appointment for anything!? Who even does that? What are we…. Poor? 

Unlikely doubles down on the laughter now. 

Mikey Unlikely: Waiting days in advance just to see our attorney. What a riot! Calling ahead of our arrival! That’s wild! Mac, my guy! How are we doing? 

He wipes the tear of laughter from under his eye and tries to compose himself. 

The attorney shakes his head and motions for the receptionist to leave the three to their business. She nods and backs out, closing the doors behind her. When they close we see the name of the firm. Maple, Maple and Pine. 

Mac Maple: Gentlemen! So good to see you! I apologize for any wait. 

They brush off his worries. 

Mikey Unlikely: Mack Daddy! Did you get the chance to reveal the documents I sent you? 

A confused look crosses the face of the attorney. Suddenly a moment of realization. 

Mac Maple: Do you mean the text messages and screen shots? 

Finger guns. 

Mikey Unlikely: You got it chief! I usually don’t even send that much information! We made your job easy.

Kendrix: Heck, you should be paying us, Maccy Mac!

With a shake of the head the legal counsel has to disagree. 

Mac Maple: Michael… It’s hard to…

As if in slow motion, JFK’s expression turns from cocky Londoner to horrified Englishman in an instant. The room turns cold and dark, all the life and love in the room is wiped away in an instant, his eyes are wide, his mouth open in aghast at what was just uttered. It’s at that very moment that the mightiest of gasps echoes around the room as we re-enter real time speed, warmth and lighting of the room to see Mikey stand up defensively. 

Mikey Unlikely: NO ONE CALLS ME MICHAEL, DAMMIT! 

Kendrix calms him down quickly and has him take a seat in the very nice dark leather chairs. 

Mac Maple: I apologize again! Mikey! We’ll just go with that. You see, the problem here is that you didn’t send me ANY of the legal documents I asked you for. Where’s the trademark on the Hollywood Bruvs name? Where’s the Rights transfer from WrestleUTA to you? Where’s the… 

A wave of the hand from Mikey as he pats an apparent trauma recovering Kendrix on the back before getting back to the conversing with the Mac Maple Myster General.

Mikey Unlikely: I sent you what I got, Bruv. 

Mac Maple: You sent me a screenshot of the HOW Card and the words “Can they do this?” 

Unlikely nods as JFK sits forward expectantly. 

Kendrix: WELL…. CAN THEY?! 

The two hold out hope. With a shake of the head all hope seems to be lost however. 

Mac Maple: I’m sorry boys…. 

The bruvs simultaneously look at each other, genuine shocked expressions on their face before simultaneously looking back at their attorney.

Mikey Unlikely: But…but…we’re the Bruvs…THEY’RE THE BOYS! ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION, MAC?

Kendrix bangs his fist on the desk, emphasizing how mad and hungry he is right now.

A loud sigh from the counsel. 

Mac Maple: I don’t know how to tell you this but they were here first. The precedent was set. They were the Hollywood Boys long before The Bruvs ever teamed up! We’re talking late 2000s! 

JFK Yawns in his chair. 

Kendrix: We never asked who came first, Bruv.

Mikey Unlikely: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

Kendrix: HEYOOOOOO, THERE HE IS!

The two share a well deserved Gluefist. Before Kendrix interrupts the attorney’s looking of his watch.

Kendrix: We know they’re older than us, just look at them. The reason for our Q is because we’re BIGGER, BAY BAY! You don’t become International Superstars and share a name! You don’t see the Backstreet Men! Only the boys! I’m sure there’s lots of Paul McCartneys but only one dude can tour with that name! There’s gotta be a certain cut off in our popularity where we say “OK BOYS, enough with the future name stealing, you’re cutting into our style” 

Mikey Unlikely: Haven’t you ever seen Minority Report, Mac? They’ve made an attempt to be relevant in 2021 by committing a future crime by infringing on our naming rights!

Thinking they’ve cracked all that needs to be cracked in this case the Bruvs lean forward in anticipation of their attorney agreeing with them, however, Mac just scrolls through some paperwork.

Mac Maple: They’ve won the HOW tag team titles prior as well. Held them for over 100 days. 

Unlikely looks at his phone, he’s thumbing along when suddenly he stops scrolling. 

Mikey Unlikely: ACTUALLY! When they won the Tag Team Titles they were simply known as “Sex and Money”. It’s a shit name, but it’s not the Hollywood Bruvs! The Hollywood Boys, or any likeness! That has to be our out! That’s how we get them to drop the name! We call up the HOW offices and we tell them “We’re not wrestling them until you call them Sex and Money again!” 

The attorney tosses it around in his noggin. He comes back with another rebuttal. 

Mac Maple: You boys have a deal in your contract with HOW that guarantees you a Tag Team Title match at March to Glory! 

Kendrix: OBVS! That’s how they got us to sign on! 

Mikey Unlikely: TOTALLY OBVS! 

Mac holds his hand out flat to stop the Bruvs in their tracks.

Mac Maple: But all of that is null and void if you go start being insubordinate. 

JFK scrunches up his nose.

Kendrix: PSSSSHHHHHHH. Don’t worry about that. I’ll never be in a sub OR in a mate! 

Even Mikey looks at him confused. They move on. 

Mikey Unlikely: What if…. Hear me out now… What if we lay down a challenge to “Sex and Money” and that way when they accept the marquee will be changed to Bruvs vs Sex. 

Now it’s Kendrix who goes wide eyed. 

Kendrix: Listen Yeah, I’m not against sex! 

Mac Maple: What Marquee? Boys this is a regular non title matchup on TV, you’re probably making way too much out of a simple tag team name.

Unlikely lurches forward extending his ear towards the man. He didn’t hear correctly. 

Mikey Unlikely: Mac, We’re building a Bruv Brand! We’re marketing the shit out of it! You don’t just go burning down Bruv brands, blabbering on about the Boys blues. Know what I mean?

Mac Maple: they are a capable tag team that you should take seriously. They have each been HOW Tag Team Champions both together and separate. These guys know what they are doing. 

Kendrix: …Except when it comes to Bruv Brands… AMIRITE? 

We see a second Gluefist between the lads. 

Kendrix: Nah Mate, we get it. We know we’re in for a fight. But that’s what we do! Last time we were in HOW, Darin and Brian were beating the hell out of each other. Now that they’re a team, working together, they’ve obvs got over their little lovers tiff, ironed out their differences and are on the same page.

Mikey Unlikely: Matthews and Hollywood have been around HOW forever. YEARS AND YEARS and years and years! They’ve each won tag team gold multiple times. We know Matthews is a former 3 time Icon champion, Hollywood has his runs too. We know he nearly pulled the upset of the century in Wargames many moons ago, we know all of that. You know why? Because despite criticisms to the contrary, The Hollywood Bruvs take this very seriously! 

Both Bruvs point their index fingers to their own serious faces on show as the attorney sits back in his chair in thought.

Mac Maple: I will tell you this guys… If you win this match, you’re going to have a better argument to get them to stop using the name. Hell, make it a stipulation in the match! The loser can’t use the name “Hollywood” moving forward. That might help your cause. 

The two hadn’t considered that prior. They mull it over for a few minutes. 

Kendrix: Seems pretty risky! We’ve lost friends, we’ve lost championships, but we’ve never lost our names… 

Mikey mutters something under his breath. 

Mac Maple: What was that? 

Mikey Unlikely: Oh nothing… 

Kendrix: Sex and Money… The Hollywood Boys… Why do they need two names!? You know what I think? I think they should just combine the two and get it over with! “Money and Hollywood!”

Mikey shakes his head, he’s not a fan of the suggestion…

Mikey Unlikely: Nah, I’m the only one in HOW who has made movies and has his own currency. I got it… “Sex and Boys!” ….wait…. 

The pair look at eachother. Then back to Mac trying not to laugh. 

Kendrix: C’mon let’s be serious for a moment. They can’t call themselves that. We all know that the best name for them would be “The Boys Sex Money…”

Mikey waits for Kendrix to elaborate.

Kendrix: You know…

Jesse sheepishly whispers into Mikey’s ear to explain before Unlikely’s eyes light up.

Mikey Unlikely: That’s right, they do pay to have sex!

Mac Maple: If you’re quite done gentlemen… 

A finger rises from the English Bruv. 

Kendrix: Not quite Matt! Not only do they pay for sex but they probably don’t enjoy the smooth irresistable carmel taste of a classic Frapp. Now Matt here? 

He looks to his tag team partner. 

Kendrix: What do you take Matt for? 

Mac about to get upset tries to interject but Mikey cuts him off. 

Mikey Unlikely: Mac is most definitely a chocolate chip cookie dough Frapp. 

Unlikely looks over to his counsel. 

Kendrix: I don’t know… He seems more like a Creme Brule chap! 

Mikey Unlikely: Did we just rhyme!? We always do that. 

Kendrix: I’ve always said that! 

Mikey Unlikely: Yea but I said it first. Bruv, let’s get back to this meeting, but go ahead and order us some Frapps right this moment! You got me thirsty with that Creme Brule suggestion. 

The boys nod and turn back to the lawyer. JFK tries to hide his phone as his opens the Starbucks app. 

Mikey Unlikely: So Mac, are you telling me we’ve exhausted all of our LEGAL options? 

Mr Maple shrugs. 

Mac Maple: Guys, I agree it’s similar but unfortunately they had the name first. I don’t know what we can do unless you have the paperwork I asked you for. 

Unlikely looks at the desk and nods. He’s thinking about it. Finally looking up he asks…

Mikey Unlikely: So what you’re saying is we should explore our ILLEGAL options! 

He slaps the desk and stands up. 

Mac Maple: NO! That is not what I’m saying! I’m saying we can’t sue them, or High Octane about the name as it stands today. 

JFK pushes the phone back into his pocket. He stands as well. 

Kendrix: We read you loud and clear Maple man! “Definately do not do anything illegal to get what you want!” 

He finishes it off with a wink. The attorney shakes his arms and head. 

Mac Maple: Yes but not sarcastically! I’m serious, you should just worry about the match! 

They both wink at him, smile and nod. They turn to walk out of the office. 

Mac Maple: Guys, Seriously…. I can’t advise you to do anything like that as your attorney. 

The American Bruv yells over his shoulder on the way out. 

Mikey Unlikely: But if you weren’t an attorney… YOU WOULD! WE GOT IT! 

The frustrated court man puts his hands on his hips and just shakes his head.