Rick Rolled Pt 1

Rick Rolled Pt 1

Posted on March 9, 2023 at 11:59 pm by Darin Zion

Outside the Go Home Edition of Chaos—we see a backdrop set up with a monitor.  In the background it’s replaying the ending to Darin Zion’s match at last year’s March 2 Glory.  After a brutal defeat to Sir Simon Sparrow—we see Xander Azula bolt to the ring.  As Zion’s getting back up to his feet—the unthinkable happens.  Azula drives the death nail in the Masters of the Multiverse partnership.  Brutally assaulting Zion to the dismay of the crowd—the sinister Azula laughs at the carnage.

Cutting back now, fellow Podcaster Walker Stewart is standing behind the monitor.  The Master of Ceremonies drops his jaw as he watches Zion reacting to the fiasco.  Adjusting his #97Red collar to his suit and his black bow tie—the dapper Stewart grabs his microphone and proceeds to question his guest.

Walker Stewart:  I think it’s pretty obvious to the crowd here tonight—they understand your feelings about Xander Azula…

REAL LOVE Darin Zion sticks his hand in front of Walker’s mouth.  Darin rolls his eyes—his interest completely piqued.  Clenching his fists together, Zion’s emotions are on full display.  The patented BLOODIED RED ™ face, the PRETTY PINK™ fists.  The vein popping out of his forehead.  Zion did not want to discuss the failed partnership between him and Xander.  The weight on his shoulders conveyed that message.  But Zion rolled his eyes and pressed on—sharing those guarded feelings of his.

Darin Zion:  No one understands my feelings regarding Xander.  I bottled them up last year.  If you want the truth—at that moment—I knew my career hit rock bottom, Walker.  After having a blood feud with this man months before; management had the audacity to partner us together in last year’s Tag Team Tournament.  I’d obliged like good solider ant does.  I held in my true feelings…

For a second, Darin Zion pauses and contemplates his next words.  After all, Darin spent years on the HOW mid card and main event fill-in scene trying to make his name.  REAL LOVE understood how many newcomers needed to work double or triple time to make an impact.  Darin wanted to do better.  But TOUGH LOVE wanted to come out.  Darin’s eyes move towards his January Wrestler of the Month Trophy sitting on the table.  That glimmer in the corner of his eyes burned with intensity.  Deep inside that warm heart—Zion knew what he needed to do to gain a shot at the LSD Championship.

Darin Zion:  Honestly the moment I laid eyes on Xander’s little “spooky” gimmick—I knew that little bastard buried himself six feet under.  Hell—most of the wrestlers on the roster encouraged me to partner and work with Xander and give him a chance.  Xander always seemed eager and willing to put the effort in…

A sinister smile forms on Zion’s face—Darin no longer felt any attachment to that worthless piece of slime Azula.  As he glanced towards the sky—everything thought began to settle in.

Darin Zion:  Every time Xander would come up short.  The kid doesn’t have follow through.  I watched it after we produced things at Rumble at the Rock.  Production built this sadistic evil cult leader vibe with supernatural powers.  The Fighter vanished out of thin air—leaving viewers with the illusion he’s now unleashed his full potential…

Walker Stewart:  And it went over like a wet fart in church?

Darin Zion:  Absolutely fucking right, Walker.  Xander rushed to his next idea—the multiverse.  He couldn’t put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Walker Stewart:  But BAM!  You did…

Darin Zion:  I worked like a fucking fiend to sell my ass off to this stupid, idiotic idea he shared.

Darin Zion adds extra emphasis and pounds his fist into the palm of his hands to drive home the point.  REAL LOVE grows more animated as he’s talking—his passion growing.

Darin Zion: But that fucking shit head betrayed me like all my other friends in this business.  Okay!  Fool me once—shame on you.  Fool me twice—shame on me.  I take full responsibility for not growing a damn spine and leaving HOW the last time to save my career.  I could have stormed into Lee Best’s office and demanded for my release.  I could have shown Lee some gumption.  But this old fool was blinded by being a good soldier and being a perfectionist workaholic.  I did what any wrestler would do when they saw a dumpster fire in their presence.

Walker Stewart:  You walked away?

Darin Zion:  More like ran as far as I fucking could from that dipshit.  I’ll admit that little pest went full HOFC and blossomed.  At one point—I felt like a proud mentor in the background.  Kid started to prove me wrong…

Walker pauses and strokes his brilliant blond mustache.  The Dapper MC looks at Zion with intrigue.  Walker’s bushy eyebrows raise up.

Walker Stewart:  Well, what changed in the course of that year?  Xander climbed the ranks and got a marque match with Mike Best.  Hell no one expected him to perform like he did at ICONIC.  He came within inches of beating one of your biggest rivals…

Darin Zion:  The Green-Eyed Jealousy monster almost made me talk then…it’s no secret Mike and I never truly saw eye to eye in that ring.  I’d have given anything for that match.  Honestly, proud the kid knocked the 10-time World Champion around in the octagon like that.

Darin Zion glares at the screen for a moment.  Flashing back to that night, REAL LOVE clinches his fists tightly together.  Darin’s body almost beings to shake.  Zion cracks his neck with a blank stare on his face.

Darin Zion:  That bastard didn’t even fucking try…

Walker Stewart:  What do you mean?

Darin Zion:  He phoned it in at Lethal Lottery when it mattered the most to me.  I once again fucking gambled and the house bit me in the damn ass.  I’d given my everything in that LSD Title Tournament.  I came up within inches of getting my dream to face the Final Boss to my story—The King of Everything.  I’d mowed down Stevens, Xander…but no.  I got desperate—I pulled my shot out of the hat…

Walker nods while he twirls his mustache.

Walker Stewart:  And there he was…the worst possible scenario…

Darin Zion:  I knew I was fucked the moment I saw that shit head storm down the ring.  I prayed to GOD I’d selected Dan Ryan or Jatt Starr.  NOPE!  XANDER FUCKING AZULA!  The little roach I’d stomped on two weeks prior to punch my ticket to the finals.  I prayed in that moment GOD would give me a win.  I didn’t want the Tag Titles—but I knew what they did for my mentor Jatt’s career.  It elevated him to gain the LSD Championship.  It was my chance to prove something.

Walker Stewart:  You bet everything on getting Jace…

Darin Zion:  I lost everything—the LSD Championship, the two-peat for WOTM—EVERYTHING because that rat bastard took the fall.  After busting my GOD DAMNED ass to earn everything I got.  Lee’s most recent charity case cost me again.  It bit me when Lee tried to reshape the plans I had for the Order.  It nuked me with Xander.

Walker Stewart:  It’s personal for you…more so than when you feuded with Brian Hollywood for a million years.

Darin Zion:  It’s more personal than my rivalry with Mike Best. This little stalker won’t let me go.   It’s his only claim to fame. Seriously, without me the kid has nothing going for him.  I stomp his ass—he comes back, begging for me.  Promising the world, he’ll embarrass me.  He tries to write a mean trash talk game—but can’t share a compelling story worth shit.  The cycle continues.

Darin Zion clears his throat and reaches for a water off screen.  REAL LOVE slowly strolls towards the camera and glares straight into the souls of the audience members at home.

Darin Zion:  Let’s get something straight here, Xylophone Ardvark—I tried giving you a chance to build for this match first.  I begged anyone on this roster to step up and pave the road to opportunity.  I had nothing to offer.  But every damn wrestler needs to build their credibility to their next championship opportunity.  It’s in our GOD DAMN BLOOD.  The need to fight for power is in the fiber of our being.  You sat on your ass, twiddle your thumbs and waited for ME TO CARRY YOUR ASS TO VICTORY.  Just like Brian Hollywood did.

Walker Stewart:  Wait…so…

Darin Zion:  I seized my opportunity like I always do.  Simply business, my good fellow.  I punched MY ticket to another LSD Title Contendership match.  Because that’s what REAL LOVE does.  It never gives up and never deserts it goals.  It never lets you down.  It doesn’t cry—it pounces.  I did exactly what I needed to do to get my chance at the LSD Championship.  I’m down to 14 dates now.  The clock is ticking down slowly.  So it’s now or never Walker.  I had to strike against my archrival.  It HAD to be him to get to Jace.  It’s destiny.

Walker nods as Zion’s eyes get more crazed and possessed.

Darin Zion:  It’s destiny, Walker!  DESTINY!  REAL LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL!  You’ll see!  They’ll see!  LEE WILL SEE!  HAHAHAHA!  I’ll get my shot, Walker.  I’ll punch my ticket to War Games.  HAHAHA!  REAL LOVE’S GOT THIS!  REAL LOVE WILL RESCUE THE LSD Title from Jace’s grasp!  HAHAHAHA!  At all costs—I’ll move mountains—I’ll stomp Xander a million times.  But that LSD Title is MINE!  ALL MINE!

Darin Zion laughs manically, almost possessed as he walks off screen.


Roughly two weeks passed since Zion went back to Thakker Ranch.  Darin had focused all his attention on the media scrums, press releases, extracurricular events of being the WOTM FOREVER ™.  After investing his hard-earned money into a personal trophy to once again get another Lee Best gimmick over—Zion couldn’t catch a break.  The heavy, blood shot eyes on REAL LOVE’s face displayed how far TOUGH LOVE was willing to go to win his LSD Championship.

As he sat in the airport getting ready to support his fellow Love Convoy™ friends at the Houston Center—it was his last appearance before Zion made a trek to the airport and headed straight for England.  While standing in the line for his bags, his iPhone buzzed against his thigh.  Zion’s finger brushed against the screen to reveal an all too familiar face.

Darin Zion:  JACKSON?!  You’re awake?!

Tears streamed down REAL LOVE’S face out of excitement.  After all this time—Darin wondered if Jackson would pull through the experience of having a stroke.  The bright green gown his half-brother wore was an eye sore.  But Zion’s smile hid that fact when Jackson appeared.  Part of Jackson’s face looked limp.  Thakker’s speech seemed to slur more than usual.  The Rowdy Oklahoman shook his wired covered hands.

Jackson Thakker:  How—howdy city slicker.  My bootiful wiiife told me yaaaa got a ELSD contendoors match…

Darin Zion:  Save your energy brother, seriously.  You don’t need to show off your progress to me.  Get some rest man.  I can barely understand what you’re saying as it is.  The connection here in Houston is…

Jackson Thakker:  Nonsense…budda!  I reco—reckon ya ‘bout to train y’er ass off.  Bring dat title ba-ba-back to mah family and me.

Darin Zion:  Yes, Jackson!  I’ll do you proud buddy.  I’ll do you proud.  I’ll kick some ass and leave a trail of blood on British soil like a good ole ‘Murican Boy does.

Jackson Thakker:  Proud of ya!!!

The screen fades and cuts out as Zion wipes the last bits of tears out of his eyes.  In lightning quick motions—Zion quickly turns his attention to the other Love Convoy members walking down the corridors from their flights.  Their bags in tow.  Jonathan-Christopher and Vickie kept displaying a ton of PDA.  For some odd reason—Tristian kept playing with Rocky De Leon’s mask, nuzzling it in weird ways.

Darin Zion:  Vickie—I thought I told you to silence all my incoming calls.  I gave you the password to my phone.

Vickie rolls her eyes at Zion, continuing to make googly eyes with her SNUGGLE BUNNY (probably ™ soon too, couldn’t tell you).

Darin Zion:  VICKIE!  GOD DAMNIT IT!  FOCUS!  VICKIE!  This weekend’s important.

Vickie’s arms flail around, trying to swat away Darin Zion.  All Ms. Hall wants is a piece of Jonathan-Christopher’s beautiful, firm ass.   Vickie couldn’t wait to do unspeakable things to Mr. Hall when they made it to their hotel room.  Zion flashed his phone right into Vickie’s face.  Shocking Vickie back into reality, Darin Zion’s arms remained crossed against his chest.

Darin Zion:  GOD DAMNIT IT VICKIE!  PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION!  We need to put the plans in motion this weekend.  We’re one step away from getting the big match with Jace.

Vickie Hall:  Yeah, yeah, yeah…HOW Love Convoy.  You’re finally on board with the idea.  PRIME TIME INVASION with the PRIME 4EVER TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS™.  The Nuzzle Lord too, boo!   TOUGH LOVE leading the helm to stop it all.  Lee and those fuckers won’t see your secret entourage coming.  We don’t wrestle for those dick heads.  You do all the work.  We get it.

Darin Zion:  Damn straight Vickie.  These bastards cannot see it coming.  We can’t even let Xander know what’s about to hit his ass.  Maybe we’ll knock his ass down so hard—we’ll send him to be apart of the Multiverse C-Team with Kenny Pee Man PRIME.

Jonathan-Christopher’s eyes roll while he wraps his arm around his best buddies shoulder.  Escorting him to their brand new PRETTY PINK EXPRESS™ Jonathan-Christopher chimes in.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  Dare-Bear!  Stop fretting!  All is going according to plan, friendo.  We’re gonna Rick Roll that worthless piece of scum so hard.  But first…let me and Vickie have some alone time.  We can discuss the plans at dinner, bro.  Sound cool?

Darin Zion nods before all four members of the Love Convoy bullshit around with one another.  JCH, TCG, VH, and DZ all laugh and embrace as the scene fades to black.

{To Be Continued}