“What a show! I can’t believe we got to see that!”
The pair of Hollywood Bruvs couldn’t possibly be more amped up. Mikey is sweating and smiling as he’s walking away from the Arena in the background. Jesse Fredricks Kendrix beside him is playing the air guitar as he walks. Suddenly breaking out in song JFK tries out his impression.
“..The Glass went SMACK, there was no use turning back, ‘Cause I just had to see, was a spider watching me?, In the mist the licorice twists, Was all this swell, or just some kind of hell?”
Unlikely sings the last line with him. Their singing ability is worse than awful. Mikey tries to touch his ear and raise his voice to hit the high notes. Finally they rock out with their fake instruments before reaching the limousine parked in the VIP section of the parking lot.
Mikey Unlikely: Even after 23 years Metallico still has it! I saw one of their shows back in the 90’s and man, it’s gotten even better with time! The lights, the pyrotechnics, the FEEEEEEL of the concert. It’s amazing.
Kendrix: I’m so juiced up Bruv! Feel like I could beat anyone right now! Going to have to add ol Metallico to the pre match playlist. OBVS!
Mikey Unlikely: Totally Obvs!
JFK pulls out his cell phone as he ducks his head into the vehicle. By now the driver has opened the door for the boys. JFK glides his finger over to his Spotify and types Metallico into the search bar. Eventually he finds the song he wants “Exit Sleepyman” and adds it to his “GeT JaCkEd” playlist.
Kendrix moves to his elective seat and his tag partner slides into the vehicle as well. The door slams shut and the driver races back to his seat. He’s eager to get the car out before the enormous swath of fans hit the streets and start banging on random windows. Especially here at a rock concert. Not the typical style of the Bruvs. Very often the driver is used to passing a huge amount of teenage girls following a Katy Perry or Drake concert.
Kendrix: All these guys in this band are closing in on 50 years old, yet they still rock out every night! I hope when we’re 50 years old we still have the same pep in our step Bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: I don’t want to think about being Dan Ryan’s age! Not now, not ever! I will say this though, we’re going to look better than that crusty old “ring vet”.
Using his air quotes, Mikey laughs. He loves to get a good rip in on Ryan.
Mikey Unlikely: Unfortunately this business is a little harder on the body than Rock N Roll. We’ve got a rough future ahead but that’s alright! It’s brought us Strippees, Frapps, and most importantly… LOTS of Mikey Money!
They pair let out a hearty “HEYOOOOOO”
The Hollywood C Lister bangs on the plexiglass partition between him and the driver. The window slides down slightly.
Mikey Unlikely: Emilio, please take us to the nearest Starry B for some fine refreshments and then off to 24Kondo!
Emilio: You got it boss!
The window slides back up and Kendrix starts messing with the stereo system from his seat. Trying to connect the phone’s bluetooth setup.
Mikey Unlikely: You know it kind of reminds you of the Egg Bois doesn’t it?
JFK looks at Mikey with that adorable yet dopey look that screams, “what the hell are you talking about?”
A quick nod from one half of the tag team champions.
Mikey Unlikely: Yeah of course! I mean think about it, they had a COUPLE of hits back in the day. They were all over the place. Long before Dynasty and the Hollywood Bruvs, The Egg Banjos were touring the country, living it up, being the best “group” around. Oddly enough Bobby Dean even changed his theme music to “the best around”.
JFK nods to himself, or dances to the beat of “The Best Around” in his head. It’s hard to tell. Assumingly however he has jumped on Mikey’s train of thought.
Kendrix: Listen, Yeah!? They are way past their prime, they do have some name recognition from way back in the day. I can see the similarities for sure. Here’s the question I have though… How did they build the reputation they have? They lose ALL THE TIME! I don’t get it.
Unlikely bites his cheek thinking hard. He hates to admit it, but he has to if he’s being honest.
Mikey Unlikely: …Because they’re great entertainers!
He immediately rolls the window down in the backseat and stretches his head outside.He coughs violently even gagging a few times like he’s going to throw up.
Kendrix: Breathe Bruv Breathe! That was pretty nasty, what just came out of your mouth… No one entertains the faithful fans of HOW like Mikey Unlikely and Jay Eff Kay BAAABY!
After he’s sure he isn’t going to vomit, Unlikely pulls his head back in.
Mikey Unlikely: It’s true Bruv. Long before we perfected the art of Sports Entertainment the Bandidos were making a mucky muck of all the major wrestling groups. They would come in, entertain the people with their egg jokes, lose everything they competed in and then just laugh it off. The audacity to do that… it’s unreal! Can you imagine pretending something didn’t happen that everyone saw with their own eyes?
Kendrix: Nope, only LOSERS would do that!
Mikey Unlikely: So here we are some many years later. All three of the original eGG Bois are milk toast. Soggy versions of their former selves. Bobby Dean lost the weight by hook or by crook and still can’t win a match to save his life. Not to mention all that flappy skin is hard to look at.
JFK lights up with recollection.
Kendrix: Bruv! He was facing Mike Best and everytime he threw a punch his arm flap was flopping right behind him. So hard to watch!
Now it’s JFK who feigns the gagging.
Mikey Unlikely: Well the good news is, we can count on Bobby Dean to be in our corner.
A look of confusion from the English bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: He was in WTFC and the eGG Bois. The guy loves me! He thinks we’re best friends despite my every attempt to change my number, book separate hotels, and generally avoid the guy, he ALWAYS tracks me down. It’s frustratingly insane! What i’m saying is we can at least expect him to be bipartisan.
JFK throws his hands up in submission.
Kendrix: Bruv, I’m not here to judge. I don’t care what he’s into!
Shaking his head Unlikely explains bipartisanship to Kendrix who acts like he knew the whole time what it meant.
Mikey Unlikely: Totally Obvs! Inclusion is so great! Acceptance too!
Kendrix: I’ve always said we should accept everyone for who they are!
Mikey Unlikely: Yea but I said it first.
The pair of Bruvs appear ready to face off in a battle of pure social justiceness. Luckily they are able to get back on track.
Mikey Unlikely: Just like the Egg bois have to accept the fact that they are about to get wrecked! I mean we’re the High Octane Tag Team Champions! That’s no small feat. I don’t care who you are.
Kendrix: You know what he’s going to say Mikey! ‘Well I just won a title from Cecilworth, now I’m coming for your tag team titles!”
They nod and smirk together. Mikey puts his hands on his hips, bends forward and talks funny.
Mikey Unlikely: YuOr SiNgLeS TiTlEs DoNt MeAn ShIt In A tAg TeAm MaTcH!
JFK laughs hysterically.
Kendrix: Tell em S-Bob!
Mikey Unlikely: You know it K Cup! We’ve been a tag team for over 5 years now. We’ve been together nearly the entire time. I know what you had for breakfast this morning, I mean… only because I ordered it on the app… Obvs!
JFK doesn’t know if he likes that fact but drops the line anyway.
Kendrix: Totally Obvs!
Mikey Unlikely: The last time the eGG Bandits were all together before this High Octane Run, was WAYYYYYY Back before the Utah days. The days when the Bruvs were formed.
Kendrix: The Glory Years?
Mikey Unlikely: Bruv, we’re still in em!
Kendrix: Heyo! There he is! You’re right though. I hadn’t thought about that. Are you really a team after a five year break? Are you really still cohesive enough to take on the top talent in the world? Are you good enough to face tag team royalty?
Unlikely is thumbing through his phone. Looking at HOWRESTLING.com.
Mikey Unlikely: Based on their tag rankings…. NOT EVEN CLOSE!
Kendrix: So why are we facing them?
Unlikely points to his head.
Mikey Unlikely: Because we’ve already beat everyone else they have! G.o.D. Beat ’em! Red and Ted, Beat em! Murrr and Perfecto… Beat Em! The only team we didn’t beat was MJ Flair and Highflyer, but that’s because everyone else was beating them for us!
Kendrix: Ugh! I hate sloppy seconds!
Mikey Unlikely: I know Bruv, it’s damn awful! You hate to see it! I get it though. High Octane is just getting what they can out of the eGG Bandits. Milk them for all their name value is worth. They were popular 10 years ago, now they get the “reunion tour” like Metallico! They come out, dance and make jokes, the fans laugh, then they get their asses kicked. It’s just our turn to kick that ass.
Kendrix: You would think they would have continued on their 3 man legacy, but since then they’ve added like 40 new eggs.
Mikey Unlikely: Desperate times call for desperate measures my Bruv! They looked for the Lindsay Troys and Max Kaels of the world, but settled for Jeb and Rick. That’s like aiming for the moon and landing in the ocean.
With his tongue in his cheek….
Kendrix: That’s like aiming for London and landing in Ontario! AMIRITE!?
They burst out laughing.
Mikey Unlikely: You’re so right! I have something to tell you tho Bruv, and you have to promise not to get mad!
Kendrix’s eyes snap up from his phone to Mikey then squint.
Kendrix: What did you do!
Defensively Unlikely has his hands up.
Mikey Unlikely: Whoa whoa… I didn’t do it! I was OFFERED!
Kendrix: What did I tell you about when someone offers you something?
Mikey Unlikely: Take it and laugh in their face?
He nods approvingly.
Kendrix: You got it! Ok proceed…
Mikey pulls on his collar, lets out a deep breath.
Mikey Unlikely: I was once offered a spot on the eGG Bandits!
JFK’s eyes go wide as the Limo pulls into the Starry B parking lot. No not from the frothy frapp greatness that’s about to be bestowed upon them, but because Mikey might just be the enemy! To think the eGG Bandits have infiltrated the Bruvs!
Mikey Unlikely: … but I didn’t accept!
A loud breath of relief comes from the English Bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: First off… they didn’t even have a plan for coffee breaks. It was madness, chaos. They just take off and go get what they want when they want it. No one does it for them.
The horror that crosses Kendrix’s face is evident.
Mikey Unlikely: They have no cool special handshake like the Gluefist, in fact they were jealous of it when they saw us do it!
Kendrix: I would be too!
Mikey Unlikely: Worstly… they just wanted me to replace Cancer Jiles, and be the cool guy with sunglasses of the group. Now don’t get me wrong I can act like no one knows! I’m the best actor this side of deep dish pizza. The issue lies with the fact that I’m not a poser like those scam artists. I would actually be TOO COOL for the job. The fans would see right through it!
JFK considers this and twists the hairs on his chinny chin chin.
Kendrix: You made the right choice! I can’t be mad at a Bruv for a pre-bruv move! That wouldn’t be very bruverly at all!
Mikey Unlikely: What matters now is that we are the High Octane Tag Team Champions. When we’re done with No Remorse, we’re going to STILL be the Tag Team Champions. The eGG Bandits won’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to getting another shot at those extremely prestigious championships, and we’ll be rolling down high street with nobody in the rear view bruv! Once we beat Dooze and Cancer, we’ll have owned the entire Tag Division here in HOW. It’s going to be UHMAYZING!
The limo pulls forward so that the Barista can hand Mikey the drinks through the back window. He scane his phone at their register and takes the drinks. Handing one off to JFK. The pair cheers the Frapps and foam goes everywhere.
The lads bask in the frothy greatness.