Pitchfork HATE

Pitchfork HATE

Posted on April 16, 2020 at 11:57 pm by Scottywood

Did you know that Chicago has places to visit that aren’t breweries and that don’t serve alcohol?

Who would have fuckin known?

To stem the tides of temptation, Damien decided to get HATE some culture today while they met up with their old friend.  The Art Institute of Chicago has one of the best collections of art around by some of the most famous artists ever like Vincent van Gogh, Jackson Pollock, Georges Seurat and so many others that I could bore you for ten minutes listing their names.  For now Woodson and Ryan are checking out a classic painting, American Gothic by Grant Wood. It’s the one with the old man with a pitch fork standing next to his alleged wife in front of their house… if you don’t know it… then you’re likely just forgetting it.  You’ve seen it.

“I bet you he stabbed her with that pitch fork and buried her in the backyard after this.” Theorizes Woodson as Ryan holds back a bit of a chuckle and shakes his head.

“Right… So who on the HOW roster would you most like to stab with a pitch fork?” Questions Damien as he figured to keep head down the morbid road that Woodson has decided to already take us down.

“At one point in career I woulda said Mike Best without a doubt… but now… Max Kael has easily stolen that crown.  His constant reminders that he is the number one ranked wrestler. The fact you welcome a title challenge from me because as you claim… me, a former 5 time LSD champion and fellow Hall of Famer would be an easy addition to your title defense number.”

“He knows Lee will never allow that to be booked.  Plus who is gonna argue with him? He’s ranked number one and I am ranked like twenty-first.  But what if the Lethal Lottery gifted me such a chance… what if I shocked the world and pulled an upset over mister number one ranked wrestler Max Kael and took that LSD back from him.  I think it’d break HOW… I think it would break Twitter… I think it would break Max Kael into a million little pieces and just leave that damn eye patch behind.” Dreams Woodson as the mental images brings The Corporate Artist a glimmer of happiness.

“Mike woulda been a solid choice though still.  Plus Easter is over and done with so he’d have to wait a whole year to resurrect himself this time.” Chuckles Woodson as he rubs his still taped palms and imagines crucifying Mike Best and seeing if ChristPlow is the real fucking deal.

“Ya, but that fifty-one percent really changed him.  Except for a few rants… like that big one when he was unleashed again and a few others… he’s been calmer… more subdued even.  I mean believe me, I’d still love to get my hands on him. Just imagine Scott Woodson versus Mike Best this weekend for the ICON Title.  A rubber match if you would… since we are tied one and one in ICON Title matches against each other… right? Hold on.” Pauses Woodson as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his iPhone 11 Pro Max.

“Siri… Check Stevenspedia for Scottywood’s record against Mike Best in ICON Title matches.” Asks Scotty as we can see Siri thinking a second  before spitting out her answer.

“Stevenspedia says that Scottywood and Mike Best are both one and one in ICON Title matches against each other.”

“See, I can beat Mike Best for titles.  I can even beat Max Kael for titles. It has happened before and I didn’t even have the surprise factor of it being a Lethal Lottery match.  But I need the odds to smile down on me for that to happen… and I certainly haven’t been having much luck these days in HOW.” Admits Woodson as he shakes his head in disappointment.

“What happened at March to Glory has nothing to do with luck.  It has to do with numbers and that is what we are going to start fixing today.” Tries to reassure Ryan who knows that March to Glory sucked… but it wasn’t their fault.  They didn’t fail… they got screwed.

“Something I’ve learned over the past twelve years here in HOW… is that there are very few people that you can trust.  That though is the nature of this business. I mean at the end of the day there can only be one World Champion… so it’s really every wrestler for themselves.  Yet with that being the truth, I’ve been a part of countless groups while here. The Best Alliance, The Knights of Epicness, Ascension and of course The Order.  None of those have worked out too well for me.” Chuckles Woodson as he just shakes his head and leaves it at that.

“So when there is no one in HOW that you can trust… when there is nothing but HATE from everyone on the roster… you have to start looking back at your HATE.  Are you following me? I need someone I have battled with and against for way longer than I have wanted to stab Max Kael in his ugly, twisted face for. He is…

“I swear Scotty, no matter how long you stare at that fucking paint, they aren’t going to serve you a fucking beer.” Shouts a voice from across the gallery which with it’s relative silence gets more than a few dirty looks from the other patrons.

“Ladies and gentlemen… former wrestler for HATE… and former HOW Tag Team champion… John Hitchin.” Finishes Woodson with less enthusiasm then he had as his whole big build up is ruined.

“This is how you introduce me to HOW?  In a fucking art gallery with maybe twenty people present?  Geez Woodson, I guess you need me more than ever to save what little of a wrestling mind you had to begin with.” Snipes Hitchin as he “jokingly” punches Woodson on the shoulder.

“This is sorta anti-climactic, unlike my debut in HATE when I laid out Frankie with a solid right and caused Dallas Reeves to get eliminated from that Royal Rumble.  Then a few weeks later I came back and caused hell at the end of the Battle Dome match. Got a few good shots in on you there if ya remember.” Smirks Hitchin while

“That really wasn’t a debut… more like an invasion where you went all rogue there and did whatever the hell you wanted.” Corrects Woodson thinking he has enough to shut Hitchin up for a second.

“Which is why it was so good… you didn’t have any say in what happened.” Smiles Hitchin as Wodoson just shakes his head and looks over at Ryan who is enjoying a good ole Hitchin verbal beatdown.

“Tell me again why I thought it was a good idea to bring Hitchin here again?” Ask Woodson to Ryan… but of course gets an answer from Hitchin instead.

“Because you’re soft as shit and need someone with edge to toughen you the fuck up.  I mean look at you… dreadlocks pulled back like some fool, going to museums, using your full name.  I almost didn’t get in here because I haven’t called you Woodson ever and like an idiot that is the name you left it for me under.”

“I’m the COO of HOW… forty-nine percent owner.  I’m trying for once to act like an adult, instead of a kid stuck in the nineties.” Tries to explain Woodson as he reaches back and tightens his dreadlocks in the elastic band holding them back.

“Ya… now you look like an adult stuck in the nineties.  Which you wanna be? Mister businessman… or bad ass fucking wrestler?  You still got those dreads and instead of cutting them off like a businessman should, you pull them back in case you wanna bring that Hardcore Artist back.  You’re still decked out in anarchy symbols and for fuck sakes still have lip piercings in. I mean you can try to be both, corporate bigwig… and all-star wrestler… but you’re gonna suck at both.  This isn’t NGW where you can do it all.” Slams Hitchin as the barbs of honesty stab deep into the chest of Woodson.

“Hey, I’m undefeated in twenty-twenty, so I don’t think I’m doing all that bad.” Scotty quickly fires back… though he rapidly realizes that may not have been the best counter.

“You beat a whack job who thought he was a fucking time traveler.  That doesn’t count for shit.” Laughs Hitchin as he shakes his head at Woodson who just snarls back.

“Hey, he nearly beat Max Kael a couple times for the LSD title… so the kid had some potential.” Damien lobs in there as both Woodson and Hitchin turn towards their friend with an odd look before going back to each other.

“Well then I’m glad we got you on the team, to help me focus on…”

“Whoa… I haven’t agreed to shit yet Woodson.  We’re just talking and I ain’t seen any contract yet.  I did agree to let you fly me out here from Vancouver… but like you said, you are the COO, so I wanna see some zeros before I officially agree to anything.” Halts Hitchin as Scotty nods his head and smirks.

“I may not have majority ownership… but I can definitely bury that contract in so much paperwork that Lee would never find it.  Let’s head over to the arena and take care of some business.”

“The arena?  I fly all the way over here from Vancouver and you’re not gonna take me to a brewery for one of these so called awesome Chicago beers you were always talking about?” Questions Hitchin with quite the puzzled look on his face.

“You missed the Scottywood bender this past weekend John… he’s back on the wagon now.” Informs Damien as Hitchin shakes his head furiously to try and make sure he wasn’t just hallucinating.

“On the fucking wagon?  Fuck sakes Scotty… you weren’t fucking kidding when you said you need my help.”

“Hitchin…. If you had seen him Monday morning you’d understand that this is a good thing.” Tries to explain Damien as Hitchin just stares back at Ryan… not buying it.

“We’ll see about that… but let’s ditch this nerd zone and get that contract signed.  Then we can see what we can do to get you ready for Kael. I remember him my days here… and he was one nasty bastard.” Reminisces Hitchin who even in his short run in HOW remembers Max Kael.  I mean how could anyone forget that walking nightmare.

Don’t you lie to me and try to say you have never had a nightmare that has ended with Max Kael just about to kill you before you wake up in a cold sweat.

“Or it could be Mike Best…” Interjects Damien making sure Hitchin and Woodson don’t get tunnel vision on Max… on a match that Woodson will likely not even get.

“Yes, or the Golden Shower Bros… or anyone else.  I know how the Lethal Lottery works. But if he can prep for Max Kael… then he’ll be prepared for anyone.” Explains Hitchin as Damien nods his head giving it to Hitchin who starts to make his way out of the museum in hopes that Ryan and Woodson will follow him.

“Let the HATE run wild in HOW.  Time to give them all a real reason to HATE HATE.” Half jokes Woodson as takes one more look at American Gothic before making his exit.

“Open up your HATE and let it flow into me!” Nearly sings Damien as he also starts to follow Hitchin and Woodson out of the gallery.

“Easy on the HATE puns there too.” Warns Hitchin as he shakes his head knowing that this isn’t going to be as easy as last time when he was handed the HOW Tag Team Title upon joining Woodson’s tag team.

“Come on John… be a HATEr.” Smiles Woodson as he holds back some laughter.

“Fuck you Scotty!  Don’t you ever call me that again.  That will not… NOT be our nickname. You’re gonna put that in the fucking contract now.”  Add Hitchin as Scotty rolls his eyes and nods his head with a smirk.

Now that one set of odds are closer to even… we’re just left in the hands of the Lethal Lottery ones.  Will the GOD of HOW smile down upon Scotty… or will Lee Best once again take a giant shit on Scott Woodson.  Time will tell… but one thing that is for sure… is someone is going to HATE to see Scott Woodson across the ring from them come Saturday.