God damn, you actually are a special kind of fuckin’ stupid. There’s this thing that involves maps Mike, it’s called geography. I can’t believe I have ta explain this ta an actual fuckin’ adult.
Mike, Texas is big.
It’s so big, that Plainview, where I’m from, and Houston where Dan’s from are entirely different fuckin’ cultures. It takes the same amount of time ta drive from Chicago… that’s where ya live incase ya forgot, ta Memphis. Do ya think people in Memphis talk like the people in Chicago Mike? How do ya have enough brain cells ta walk ta the cage? Did you pass the 4th grade? Did you eat paint chips? Did you just put enough Colombian marching powder up yer nose that ya don’t know what a map is? Or when I dropped ya on yer head did I cause somethin’ permanent?
The reason I asked all them questions? So I could figure out why yer such an idiot.
Mike, beatin’ the cold dog shit out of ya in that cage is gonna make me smile. I mean it, I’m gonna be grinnin’ from ear ta fuckin’ ear when I knock yer ass out. Was that statement vague enough for ya, or do I need ta go inta a lil more detail here? I’m sorry, if earlier ya didn’t understand what I meant when I said turn ya inta paste, or put ya out of yer misery. I wasn’t tryin’ ta be convoluted there Mike, really I thought I had made my physical threats pretty fuckin’ clear. Do ya need a picture book? I’m sure someone at the office can get somethin’ put together for ya.
Hold on, hold on, maybe yer one a them Science kids, that don’t do too well with all the social studies and readin’. What’s goin’ ta happen, I’m gonna generate enough kinetic energy with a lariat ta shake yer brain ‘round real nice so it bashes off yer skull causin’ ya ta enter an unconscious state. Mike there’s formulas fer this out there, I’m sure ya can message someone and find a good tutor to help.
Mike ya talkin’ ‘bout what the group of fellers ya surround yerself with are sayin’ is hysterical. Do ya think I give a fuck? Do ya think I care at all ‘bout the lip service their payin’ ya? They say it ta make ya feel better Mike. They say it ta make ya feel important, so ya don’t feel small. Yer two days away from makin’ yerself a footnote on my biography. ‘Beat Mike Best to become’ will be right beside ‘greatest HOFC champion of all time.’ Cause when I’m done erasin’ ya Mike them fellers are gonna be next.
How are the boys doin’ anyway? When they’re takin’ turns for their strokes on yer turtle dick do they look ya in the eye and tell you nice things ‘bout yersef? Are they gonna stroke yer hair, feed ya a warm glass of milk and tell ya it’s all gonna be okay after I’m done beatin’ the ever livin’ fuck out of you at Refueled in Manhattan? Mike that’s in New York in case ya were confused. Don’t want ya ta forget how big New York is and miss yer ass kickin’.
Ya think Lee’s worried about me bein’ ‘round? The man is makin’ plans fer life post Mike Best. He moved the fuckin’ venue fer HOFC fer a reason. He knows a new face of the division is comin’, one that can put actual asses in seats instead of fightin’ on a fuckin’ boat out in the ocean. Lee even made it so that this time when yer doin yer best Screech impression ‘round the cage ya can’t be saved by the bell. Instead yer glassy eyed ass is gonna have ta turn and get laid the fuck out in the middle of that arena.
Cause Mike while it is yer division now, when ya wake up on the 27th that’s no longer gonna be the case. It’s goin’ ta be mine, and I’m gonna rule over it with an iron fuckin’ fist. And I’m goin’ ta fight the best we have, I’m gonna beat the fuck out of Dan Ryan. I’m not gonna stand back and claim ta be a prize fighter while avoidin’ Farthington faster than Clinton dodgin’ a draft.
All the bullshit ends at Refueled Mike, watchin’ yer lazy, entitled, egotistical ass come ta terms with that? That’ll be absolutely fuckin’ perfect.