Paradise is Kaeling

Paradise is Kaeling

Posted on March 12, 2020 at 11:56 pm by The Minister

It had been a whirlwind last few days for the LSD Champion, Maximillian Wilhelm Kael, Lord Supreme Dictator of High Octane Wrestling and supposedly the odds on favorite to win the Lee Best Invitational, if you listen to what Lee Best says.


But winning the Lee Best Invitational wasn’t as simple as Lee Best says so, it was going to take considerably more effort than that.


The first obstacle in Max’s path was his own team member, Lindsay Troy, who had apparently been groomed to join the Group of Death for months now. He had, up until a few minutes prior, hated Lindsay Troy as he unfairly associated her, and all Lindsays for that matter, with the death of his childhood dog, Charlotte. 


Like so much in Max’s past, however, his memories of the event had been misleading or in some cases absolutely wrong. 


There had been on Lindsay that killed his dog, no terrible, wretched tramp ruining one of Max’s pure moments. Why had he thought that it was a woman named Lindsay when in truth it had been a cruel drunkard named Will who had apparently been sent in by his Uncle, Wilhelm Kael.


No not uncle anymore.




According to Lincka O’lee, his old babysitter and next door neighbor who apparently was also in the pocket of Wilhelm Kael. 


Was everything he knew about himself a lie? Was his life even his to control in the first place? 


There was one silver lining in all of this, probably the thing that would appease his brother, ICON Champion Michael Lee Best. He’d be overjoyed to learn that Max had ended most of his hostilities aimed at the so called Mother of GOD, Lindsay Troy. 


Of course that didn’t mean that he was going to take it easy on her come Refueled, he still intended to keep his promise to his good friend and brother, Cecilworth Farthington, by winning the Lee Best Invitational and facing him at March to Glory. However his hostility would be saved for someone more worthy of it should he defeat Troy.


Alex Redding or Teddy Palmer, one of the two men who had put Cecilworth and Max through hell in defending their Tag Team Title Belts two week ago. Had it not been for Max’s clever thinking as well as his lawyer’s procuring of the stair truck it’s very possible he wouldn’t still be a Double Champion. 


That did not bode especially well for Max heading into Refueled, having to prepare for Lindsay Troy and either other man. But.. he had an idea. 


One he felt would help both Lindsay, himself.. And his dear brother Michael Lee Best.



“There is no way Wilhelm Kael could possibly be my father, he couldn’t have children!”


Max was seated in the back of his uber, his eye focused on a small metal box sitting in his lap with the North Kaelrean flag on it. He had been outside his pressurized room for far to long, the mask did not help to heal his lungs, it only assisted him outside of the room for so long and it required regular charges of a chemical mixture designed specifically for him.


The pain was slowly returning to his chest and neck, he understood he would need to recharge the mask soon. He had been breathing too much, speaking too much, using up his mask’s precious charge. 


“He had low potential to have children.” 


The soft voice of Lincka O’ell chimed into the conversation from next to the Lord Supreme Dictator to look up from the box.


“He would have been in his, what? Fifties? Nearly sixties?! That’s ridiculous, how the fuck do you know all this, old lady?” Max snarled back at her, his hands tightening on the box in his hand. 


Lincka’s mouth opened then closed again, as if the woman had something to say but stopped, thinking better of it. Max’s eye became visually outraged as he snapped his head back forward, glaring out the front window. 


“Fine, keep your precious little secrets, I don’t need them anyway.. I’ll get to the bottom of this when I find Elenore.” Max snapped, his voice harsher due to his mask’s raspy speaker. 


“Is everything okay back there?” Joe, the uber driver who likely fell into the ordinary man category asked. This was not to be confused with ordinary Joe Bergman, this was imply ANOTHER ordinary Joe, living up to the title I suppose. 


“It’s FINE!” Max snapped at the driver. “Just take me to the location I have requested and do not speak to me or her again!” 


The driver held his hand up defensively and continued to drive, the car entering another void of silence. Their destination was still ten minutes away and Max could do nothing but sit and stew about what he had learned. All this drama in his life currently and he still had Red and Ted to worry about. And Lindsay Troy. And the Lee Best Invitational and the Group of Death.


“Are you kidnapping me?” the woman to his side said with just a touch of sarcasm. 


“Do you think you’re being kidnapped?” Max muttered back as he turned his head to stare out the side window. The world raced by outside and in his mind Max imagined a little man running and hopping along the buildings that passed beyond. 


“If you are you’re doing a terrible job of it. A single witness driving us somewhere, your phone app indicating you have a passenger linked to you. If I end up going missing you know you’re going to be at the top of the suspect list?” Lincka mused aloud as he turned to look at Max. The sound of Max’s teeth grinding together beneath his mask seemed to give the old woman the answer she was looking for. “You could have asked me anything you wanted back at my house, why drag me.. Wherever we are going?”


“We’re going to the house or residents.. Or gym or something, belonging to an associate of mine, Lindsay Troy.” the LSD Champion grunted.


“Is she a wrestler like you?”


“There are no wrestlers like me.” Max said in possibly the most dramatic way possible. “But she is a wrestler, yes.”


“Is she the reason you decided to come find me to ask me about your Lindsay issue?” 


There was another comfortable silence between all the people in the car before Max turned, his blue eye staring down at the small woman once again, searching her brown eyes. 


“Yes. I’ve had this intense hatred for people named Lindsay for years and I’ve recently learned, apparently, that there is no reason I should have had it for her, I should have really hated some douche named Will that I can barely remember and my family is all fucked up because of it. So really, I went and I pulled on a cord, like I always do, and learned way too much and now.. And now..”  Max spoke with his hands gesticulating in the air as they left the box in his lap. “ I’ve got to go make it up to Lindsay.. And Michael.”


“Well that’s nice of you. Why are you dragging me along?” The older woman asked bluntly.


If Max’s frown could be seen it would be quite a frown. Instead the corners of his eye wrinkle as the blue orb fills with malice. 


“Because you still have to answer a few questions while I go on this little errand. You’re the only other person I know, outside of my cousin Elenore, who seems to know anything about what is actually going on in the background of my life. I’ve got enough shit going on in High Octane Wrestling right now to be worried about Wilhelm Kael reaching back into my life again now that I know my childhood was a huge lie he helped to create.. Oh and the man I hate more than anything in the world is also my dad!.. And I may or may not be responsible for his death!”

“Excuse me, w-”




The car jolts to a stop causing Max’s head snaps toward the driver once again, hate in his eye. 


“Hey, asshole, we’re here! Get the fuck out of my car!” 


The Lord Supreme Dictator and his hostage exit the car, Max slamming it behind him before the uber drive flips him the bird, the sound of tires screeching fills the air as the car peels off. Glaring at the retreating car Max seems oblivious to the smoke swirling around him until he hears the dry coughs of the elderly woman at his side. 


Immediately and, for some inexplicable reason, Max removes his mask and quickly places it up against Lincka’s mouth, the fresh air mixed with a strange chemical compound helping to cook her lungs and flush out the smoke. Max’s ruined lower face seems to have finally started to move past the scab phase, new skin growing in, pale scars like a roadmap of violence scrawled across his face. 


“There you are..” Max said quietly, his voice normal, at least as normal as it is for Max. Lincka’s eyes flicker up to Max as she nods her head, taking several more deep breaths. Finally she pulled the mask away and nodded up at him.


“Thank you, I have a congenital lung disease so smoke really isn’t my friend.” She whispered, still attempting to wrestle control of her breathing back. 


Max slipped the mask into his pocket as he looked toward the house in front of them. 


“Here, you wait here, I’ll go deal with this. Shouldn’t be too long, just here to give Troy a few pointers about wrestling Red and Ted.” Max said, pulling a small canister out of the metal box with the North Kaelrean flag on it. He held it out for Lincka to take before he eyed her carefully one last time. “You’ve still got answers to a few questions..”


She nodded and pulled the box up to her chest. 





Max felt Lindsay’s jaw buckle beneath the top of his head as he drove it up into her. He had lured her into a false sense of security and rattled her. It was a tactic that worked against most opponents, he certainly planned to use it against Red or Ted depending on which he was going to have to face. A grin slithered beneath his mask as he pulled himself up to his feet.


You took that like a champ..Max thought in his head as he charged forward catching Troy across the chest with a short clothesline that took her down hard. Was he hitting hard for a sparring match? 




Did he care?


Absolutely not. 


You’re a great kid but you’re not on my level yet.  Max’s words swam through his brain as his breath quicked. He reached down and grabbed her by the hair, dragging her up. The jolt of a fresh charge had made him more dangerous, more aggressive, helped him feel less pain. In this state he felt he could defeat anyone, take on any challenge. It was like that first Cocaine High, so intense.. So powerful.. So..




His thoughts vanished and everything turned into a bright, white hot light that blinded him. Pain, a pain that he had felt many times and yet it always felt as painful as the first time. Troy’s knee connected with his dick and testicals lifting Max up off the ground, falling backward as he clutched his crown jewels. 


He always meant to wear a cup.


He never remembers too. 


Sneaky bitch.. It’s what I do.. He thought to himself as he watched her stumble back and fall, still suffering the effects of his jawbreaker. It gave him a chance, an opening, a respite from another ball attack. Reaching over he grabbed the nearby rope and used it to steady himself as he climbed back up to his feet, his balls already starting to swell.


“Okay.. okay.. Let’s try that again..” Max sputtered, his mind focused on Troy as she also got up to her feet. She was resilient. Strong. Not afraid to get done what needed to get done… if she defeated him.. He had faith she could take either Alex Redding or Teddy Palmer. 


“This your way of building bridges? Because I can think of a less painful way to do it.” Troy replied, her posture changing as she prepared to engage Max once again.




With a low roar Max turned and prepared to attack once again.


If you beat me. Max’s mind turned with all the possibilities… then this will allow me to take credit. Way to go Max.. 


Always thinking like a Champion.


That’s right baby.. You’re Maximillian Wilhelm Kael..


First of your Name..


Long May I Maim.