Look at Dan Ryan act like the pathetic piss baby loser he is. He couldn’t lace Mike Best’s boots, but he sure didn’t hesitate reusing sloppy seconds. I could tell when I heard those rejected Family Guy jokes come flying my way. It’s funny to watch a former ICON Champion cling to the so-called emotional support win Mama Troy bought him. But I don’t blame him.
Nostalgia obviously sells these days. It’s all the rage. I’m sure Danny Boy is sitting on his couch throwing a temper tantrum watching Cobra Kai making him think his old shit is still cool. He’s got his chest all pumped up like Mike Barnes throwing empty threats out into the void, but be careful what you wish for Dan Ryan. I’m the Daniel LaRusso in this fight and I’ll crane kick your wannabe Terminator ass Back To the Future.
You think the shit in your life’s bad now, Danny Tanner; just wait until you get your ass beaten by the man your momma handpicked to heal your butt hurt. I damn well know you and everyone here think I’m a joke. They’re all placing their bets on you. But instead of you smashing my face in with your foot; I’m going to cram that Texas sized boot down your throat and make you choke on it like a two-dollar hooker would.
Laugh all you want at the recycled bullshit Twitter gives you; cling to all of that like your security blanket; but you won’t be able to call LT Wentworth at 877-CASH-HOR when we step into the octagon and face off.
You’re not facing off against the wrap sheets Diet Jay Leno keeps handing you, Danny Boy. I’d advise you to put those down and start looking at my resume.
Have you ever won a championship in War Games?
Have you ever WON a War Games match?
Have you pinned Mike Best’s shoulders to the match to secure victory?
Of course, you haven’t! You haven’t done half the shit I’ve done since I first stepped into an HOW ring seven years ago. Talk your tough shit talk, but you know when you lose to me; you’re joining Bill O’Brien, the Houston Texans, and Scott Stevens on the Houston Choker Express first class.
See our matchup is a golden opportunity for me. I have the chance to beat the shit out of one of HOW’s roughest, toughest competitors in the tournament. I have the chance to knock off the one of the most promising competitors in the DeNucci Cup. You’ve written your legend, Ryan. You’ve won 2 ICON Championship, 1 HOW Tag Team Championship, and main evented ICONIC. In all rights, you’re a favorite to win the damn thing.
Yet you tell me I should fear the ass whopping you’ve got planned for me. You tell me I should run away pissing my pants. You’d like that. But the truth is, Danny Boy, I don’t fear this match at all. I cherish it. If anyone should fear it; it’s you!
Go ahead, tell me I smell burnt toast. But deep down in that cold hardened heart; you know it’s true. You know the moment I knock your ass out with the Discuss Clothesline and win this match; all that shit you tried to smear on my name sticks right back on yours. All your credibility is gone! Everyone gets to point and laugh at your ass for a change because you choked twice in a row. It’ll prove you can’t handle the pressure of being a Top Guy in HOW.
Go ahead, let LT Wentworth distract you from the problem at hand. Keep clinging to that emotional support blanket, Linus Ryan. You can threaten to bash my skull in all you like, but deep down inside; we all know you’re in your safe space.
I promise you, Danny Boy, I’m about to kick the door down to that safe space of yours and knock your ass out of the DeNucci Cup. I’m going to kick your rejected 80’s villain ass back where it belongs. When I’m done with you, you’ll be lucky to even hold Dolph Lungren’s jock strap. I’m going to expose your weakness to the world. The man who pinned Mike Best will win this first round match up.
And we all know it’s not you.
AND PS: FUCK YOUR MOTHER, FUCK YOUR FATHER, AND FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING BLOODLINE YOU CUNT!”