No AA Meetings for Me

No AA Meetings for Me

Posted on July 5, 2024 at 7:16 pm by Scott Stevens

Location: Chicago, Illinois: Radio Station

Date: July 5, 2024

The scene opens up to inside of a radio station where the walls are littered with graffiti of sports team logos of Chicago teams, signatures in various different colors of guests that have appeared and posters of local events happening throughout the week. A giant “FTR” neon sign floods the room with light that you’ll need sunglasses to help you from going blind. As we look around the room, we see one person behind a wall of glass with some headphones on, the producer of the show more than likely, while another, sits behind a wooden desk with a laptop and a large microphone next to him, the host of the show. The man behind the glass is a black male who appears to be in his mid to late twenties while the host is a bald white man with a salt and pepper beard that is tightly trimmed around his oval face. Both individuals are wearing jeans and a camo styled Polo shirts with looks to be military ranks on their colors. The man behind the glass knocks on it drawing the of the host as he holds up the number five with his fingers and the host nods as he puts on his headphones and adjusts his microphone when a familiar face enters the room.

Host: Welcome Mr. Stevens.

The host greets the Texan as he makes his way to a black colored rolling chair as the host makes sure the microphone and headphones work before handing it to him. Scott takes the headphones and places them on his head and over his ear and adjusts his microphone closer to him and he gives the host and producer a thumbs up.

Producer: Thirty seconds before we go live.

The producer informs everyone as the host takes a seat and puts on his headphones. The producer begins to countdown from ten.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

There is a brief pause as the “On-Air” sign goes red and the producer points to the host.

Host: AAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNND! WELCOME BACK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

The host roars into the microphone.

Major Shocker: It is I, Major Shocker……

A sound clip of electricity is heard before the host continues.

Major Shocker: The host with most, the GOD of the airwaves on Full Throttle Radio, and as always, the man with the plan, the brains of the operation, Private Johnson.

Another audio clip is heard this time of a zipper being undone and then a woman in a sultry voice says.

V/O: Oh my, I like your Johnson.

Major Shocker: I know most of you are experiencing AFTERSHOCKS from celebrating Independence Day yesterday and what has transpired from the local wrestling scene, but our guest this afternoon will definitely send you into an epileptic seizure of fun and excitement as he challenges for the LSD championship on Chaos this Sunday.

A snippet of “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica is heard to introduce Scott Stevens before an audio clip of clapping is heard as well.

Major Shocker: Welcome to the show Scott.

Scott clicks the on button on his microphone and begins to talk.

Scott Stevens: Thanks, pleasure to be here.

Major Shocker: How was your Fourth of July? Do anything exciting?

The host asks and the Texan nods.

Scott Stevens: The family and I went to the beach to celebrate the independence of 97 Red from the monarchy known as the Best family on Christopher America’s birthday.

The host lets out a chuckle.

Major Shocker: What beach did you go to? What did you eat? What fun did you get into?

Scott Stevens: Unfortunately, we had to settle on Galveston.

Major Shocker: Why’s that?

Scott Stevens: We wanted to go to South Padre Island, but there were multiple shark sightings in the area and luckily when didn’t go because we may have been one of the swimmers that were attacked by the shark.

Major Shocker: Oh my!

The host says in a shocked tone.

Major Shocker: Do they know what type of shark it was?

Scott Stevens: They haven’t said, but it’s more than likely a bull shark since they are known to frequent the Gulf of Mexico and thrive in the warm waters and July in Texas is like a feeding ground for them.

Major Shocker: Christmas in July for the sharks.

Scott Stevens: Exactly.

Major Shocker: Well, we at Full Throttle Radio send our prayers and wishes to the people affected by the shark attacks.

Scott Stevens: Luckily there were no fatalities.

Major Shocker: That’s good.

The tone of the conversation turns sorrow, but Scott tries to get it back to a lively subject.

Scott Stevens: Not as good as the food I ate!

Major Shocker: What you have?

Scott Stevens: Burgers, hot dogs, and endless amounts of alcohol!

Scott says with a heartly laugh.

Major Shocker: Sounds like you had an exciting time.

Scott Stevens: Absolutely!

Scott informs as he hits the desk with fist causing his microphone to move some.

Scott Stevens: Sorry about that.

Major Shocker: Don’t worry about it.

Shocker waves it off before replying.

Scott Stevens: It was a great time to spend with the entire family after the last two weeks we have experienced.

Major Shocker: Yes, sorry about your loss and my condolences to your family.

Scott looks at the host confused.

Scott Stevens: Condolences?

Major Shocker: Didn’t your brother or cousin die at War Games?

Major asks as he looks over his notes and Scott blurts out laughing.

Scott Stevens: Look, my brother ISN”T dead. Is he hurt? Yes, but dead? No.

Scott reaffirms this.

Scott Stevens: He has a neck injury after being dropkicked off by Shane Reynolds and Warrick Hill, but he isn’t dead.

Scott pulls out his phone and shows it to the host.

Scott Stevens: See.

Scott begins to swipe of the beach pictures showing the ultra-pale skinned younger brother of Scott Stevens in a bathing suit and soft neck brace.

Scott Stevens: If he was dead, would he have been at the beach yesterday?

Scott asks as he puts the phone back into his pocket.

Major Shocker: Maybe if his name was Bernie and it was the weekend.

Scott lets out a chuckle.

Scott Stevens: Great movie.

Major Shocker: Indeed.

Scott Stevens: However, yesterday was a much-needed day to relax and have some fun in the sun with the people that matter the most because Sunday is back to the grind as we march towards In GOD’s House.

Major Shocker: Yeah, the last two weeks haven’t been favorable to you or your family and I’m sure you are a little disappointed about it.

Scott Stevens: Disappointed?

Stevens shoots the host a look.

Major Shocker: Yes?

He replies in a questionable tone.

Scott Stevens: Disappointment doesn’t describe it. I’m pissed the fuck off about what happened at War Games and Wrestling Night in America.

Major Shocker: Rightfully so.

Scott Stevens: Damn right!

Scott yells hitting the table once again with his fist.

Scott Stevens: You see, my family has a reputation for kicking ass and taking names and that’s what we had been doing leading up to our respective pay-per-views. I was winning matches and taking out people left and right to send a message that I was the top threat in War Games while my family was beating people senseless in MVW. Then War Games happens, and we are turned into a five-minute joke!

The Texan growls as he begins to get flustered as his face turns red with anger.

Major Shocker: It can’t be that bad.

Scott Stevens: We were all eliminated at the same time without ever throwing a single fucking punch. Evan Ward takes out my brother and cousin who were the MVW tag team champions at the time and my father with a single crossbody from the top rope and they are laid out for the entire match. Then my brother is knocked off the top of cage like he’s nothing and I get taken out by Christopher America. Five people that were eliminated to be fed to Mike Best and Christopher America for the sole purpose of padding their elimination record against each other!

The hatred that spews from Scott’s lips would make Palpatine blush.

Scott Stevens: I had people tell me that we deserved better and you fucking better believe it when I say the STEVENS DYNASTY DESERVED BETTER!

Stevens takes a minute to collect himself.

Scott Stevens: I’m not saying I would’ve won, but I should’ve made it to the end after the clown show put on by people like Zach Kostoff, Scottywood, and Omar fucking Rasheem!

Stevens growls but continues.

Scott Stevens: Jesus fucking Christ, the crowd was happier to see the fucking camel than the former Hall of Famer, but yet somehow, I don’t make it to the final people. Hell, I’m so bad I lasted as long as Brian Bare and Blaire Moise.

Scott doesn’t hide his disgust in his statement.

Scott Stevens: Point is man, if I had gone out like Evan Ward or other people to Christopher America I wouldn’t have had a problem, but we were treated like second rate pieces of shit and went out as a fucking unit crying like little bitches from Ricky’s injury.

Scott shakes his head in anger.

Scott Stevens: However, I digress, as we were not pleased with our performance at War Games, we took it out on our opponents, No Quarter, at MVW’s event and because of our overzealousness, we lost the tag titles by disqualification.

Major Shocker: Wow…. that’s a bummer.

Scott Stevens: Tell me about it.

Major Shocker: You normally don’t lose a championship that way.

Scott Stevens: Well, when you’re the team that’s been beating the fuck out of everyone since February and not caring about wins and losses, the owners of the company put in that stipulation to try and control us and we sent the message that we don’t give a fuck about you or your rules and unfortunately it cost us. Now, just because No Quarter is wearing our belts doesn’t mean they are the legitimate tag champions of MVW.

Stevens shakes his head no.

Scott Stevens: They didn’t pin or submit my brother or cousin. They won on a fucking technicality put in by Ray McAvay because he is jealous of us!

Stevens shouts as he points to himself.

Major Shocker: No Quarter is the equivalent of the guy who won the hot dog eating contest with Joey Chestnut getting banned.

Scott Stevens: Exactly!

Stevens quickly replies with a snap of his fingers.

Major Shocker: Did you watch it?

Scott Stevens: Fuck no!

Major Shocker: Why not?

Scott Stevens: Why would I want to watch a fucking watered down version of it when the true champion isn’t even there?

Scott asks before shrugging his shoulders.

Scott Stevens: I’m looking forward to the Netflix special of Chestnut taking on Kobayashi.

Major Shocker: Same here, that should we a thriller.

Scott Stevens: I did see highlights of the event though and it was won by some pussy ass looking mother fucker named, “Deep Dish.” What’s even more pathetic, is that he won by eating fifty-eight hotdogs in ten minutes.

Major Shocker: Why’s that pathetic? Sounds like a reasonable victory.

Scott chuckles.

Scott Stevens: It’s pathetic when the true champion that was banned and was out raising money for our veterans and active troops ate that same amount in half the time. Hell, even the defending women’s champion ate fifty-one.

Major Shocker: Not a very impressive performance by Deep Dish.

Scott Stevens: He was more like a Big Bitch!

Scott cracks a smirk from his own remark.

Scott Stevens: However, Deep Dish and my opponent this Sunday have one thing in common.

Major Shocker: What’s that?

Scott Stevens: They are both participation trophy winners. Deep Dish could never have won until Joey Chestnut was banned, and Evan Ward couldn’t win the world title so he’s given the LSD championship by coming in second.

Major Shocker: Make sense.

Scott Stevens: I don’t know if Ward has contracted some sort of neurological disease from all the human flesh he has been consuming as of late or he is clinically stupid.

Scott shrugs after his statement.

Scott Stevens: He put out all long rambling almost incoherent promo about how he was the star of War Games, but he lost.

Major Shocker: Can’t be the star if he lost.

Scott Stevens: Exactly. No one cares who you pinned or what highlight reel you were put on because at the end of the day all they care about is did you walk out with the world title and the answer is no.

Scott bluntly states and Major nods.

Major Shocker: Very true.

Scott Stevens: Then he goes on some tangent about taking me to the wardshed in our on Mini-Ward Games match.

Stevens says in a confused tone as he throws up his hands.

Major Shocker: So, you’re going to face him in a cage match?

Scott shakes his head.

Scott Stevens: Nope. I’ll be facing him in a one on one, singles match for the title.

Major Shocker: Huh?!?!?!?

Major blurts out confused and Scott nods.

Scott Stevens: I know, Evan wasn’t very clear when he made the statement and I’ve tried reaching out to HOW contacts and even putting out the challenge of a Cell match with the only way to win is to toss your opponent off since he wants to keep rubbing my brother’s injury in my face.

Scott’s tone turns hateful.

Scott Stevens: But, there has been no response because he’s all fucking bark and not bite!

Major Shocker: So you haven’t heard back from anyone about the possible stipulation answer from Ward?

Scott Stevens: Nope.

Scott quickly replies.

Scott Stevens: In fact, I got a text message from one of the agents, Jack Dawson, informing me that Evan Ward left to go back to his home country of Wales.

Major Shocker: Guess he didn’t want to be here for the Fourth when America defeated his home country.

Major replies and Scott shrugs.

Scott Stevens: It’s possible, but I don’t see what is so great about the United Kingdom? If it was worth a fuck we would’ve invaded and taken it over years ago, but I we don’t to send them a reminder that they will always be second best.

Major Shocker: Kind of like what Christopher America did to him at War Games.

The comment causes the Texan to laugh.

Scott Stevens: Fucking right!

Major turns to his laptop and brings up something.

Major Shocker: I was just sent this by one of our listeners on X and it shows what Evan Ward has been doing.

Major shows the video to Scott who explains to the listeners what is happening.

Major Shocker: This video clip comes from @TrentsBong, and it is a video showing of Evan Ward at an AA meeting, but the acronym stands for Assholes Anonymous and the people in the circle are singing songs. The only thing missing is smores and a camp fire.

The video comes to an end and the Texan slides his tongue over his teeth.

Scott Stevens: No wonder your family is disappointed with you. You say you are going to seek help and it looks like all you’re doing is singing and playing circle jerk with some new friends. You are a fucking embarrassment do your family legacy. If I was your wife, I would draw a nice, warm bath. Get inside and reach for a shiny, unused razor and proceed to slice both wrists across and downwards and wade in the water until it turns the color of strawberry jam.

Major Shocker: Whoa. Dark much?

Scott shoots Major a look.

Scott Stevens: I don’t give a fuck. I want to restore a certain level of a respect to a championship that has been devalued in recent years because it hasn’t been defended on the core principles it was founded on. Our founding fathers birthed a new nation yesterday, but the LSD championship that was birthed on destruction and chaos is being defended in a regular match this Sunday. Fucking pathetic.

The disgust in Scott’s tone fills the room.

Scott Stevens: What’s even more pathetic is a champion who threatens a cage match, but doesn’t have the fucking balls to deliver on his own stipulation because he’s too busy trying to audition for Masked Singer or American Idol!

Scott shouts showing his disappointment in Ward.

Scott Stevens: This Sunday after I’m done with Evan Ward, the only thing that will be spoken is, “You killed Evan! You asshole!”

Major nods.

Scott Stevens: Because unlike Evan, I don’t play pretend when it comes to being an asshole it’s just natural and while he is nervous as a virgin on Prom Night playing the character I won’t be playing because I’ll be winning.

Major Shocker: And that’s all the time we have with our guest this afternoon. Make sure you tune into Sunday Night Chaos on the HOTv network and watch to see Scott Stevens and Evan Ward battle it out for the LSD championship. Thanks for stopping by.

Scott Stevens: Anytime.

Scott and Major converse at the show goes to commercial and the scene fades to black.