LOSER

Hold the fuck up, are you a nerd or not? In one breath you mocked me for calling you one and then you said Sykrim…fuckin’ NERD. What the fuck is a Skyrim? 

Is that when you do a headstand and your boyfriend gives you a rim job after he snorts fentanyl off your taint?

That’s a serious question…you have more way more experience in that realm than I do.

Don’t try to loop Conor Fuse into your bullshit for clout like y’all are buddies or some shit. He’s the World Champion…I’m sure he doesn’t even know who he fuck you are, let alone want to be associated with someone that has a win-loss record like yours

Holy shit, you fuckin’ suck, dude.

You are so fuckin’ lame, Joe Biden looks at you and wonders why you’re so boring and intellectually handicapped. Jesus, you’re a fuckin’ dork. Go watch some Matlock and eat a thousand dicks before you come back at me with your tired bullshit.

Am I afraid to retire? Yes, I really am. But not because I’m actually afraid, you brainless twit. If you’d have listened the first time around, it’s because I’m afraid soft bitches like you are going to be what’s headlining TV from there on out. I’m afraid that guys like you are what kids are going to start to think are examples of what a man actually looks like, when nothing could be further from the truth. 

Am I a stereotype? Really? What the fuck are you even talking about? Clearly, my marching orders in HOW are completely lost on you, but that’s a forgivable offense. Not because it’s actually forgivable, but only because you’d have to be in the main event picture to truly grasp the ongoings of the top people in the company. And frankly, I don’t think there’s one fucking person in this company that’s further away from the main event than you. And this is a wrestling company with Darin Zion and Scott Stevens in it…I’m just sayin’.

Sucks to suck, don’t it?

While you were losing to the lower half of the roster, I was training STRONK to be World Champion.

While you were bottom feeding with the Zach Kostoffs of the world, I was the #1 ranked wrestler in all of the world.

Let’s be real, what the fuck do you do around here, anyway? I mean, other than losing to every single person on the roster.

I’ll wait…

You got nothin’.

You’re our resident Barry Horowitz and you don’t even realize it. 

Someone give this guy a pat on the back and send him to PRIME already.

On the way out, grab a box of Kleenex, you sensitive bitch cause it sounds like the soft jokes are starting to get to you. Makes perfect sense…it’s because you are. I’m sure you had a good cry into your pillow just thinking about those jokes, didn’t you?

Here’s a few more to get you over the finish line tonight:

You’re so soft, you make Charmin look like 10 grit sandpaper.

You’re so soft, I’ll bet you use a ruler to measure your emotions.

You’re so soft, marshmallows look at you and are jealous of your comfort level.

You’re so soft, you log lifting the TV remote into your fitbit.

You think I don’t know you? You think I can’t spot a fuckin’ poser from 20 miles away?

You’re a fake. A fuckin’ phoney. You haven’t earned the right to step into the ring with me, let alone the cage. Clinging to the one victory you have over me two and a half years ago says more about you than you’ll ever fucking know.

I’ll give you this though, you are right about your persistence. You are persistent as a motherfucker. You are the most persistent fucking loser I’ve ever seen in my life. No matter how many times you’re embarrassed, you come back for more.

Every single time I think we’ve gotten rid of you, you come back for more.

Just so I’m being perfectly clear, I’ll say it again: you’re a fucking loser.

The fact that you’re at the bottom of the rankings isn’t some odd occurrence and it’s definitely not a mistake, Xander. That’s who you are. That’s your fucking life. Your entire earthly existence is based around the fact that you suck at wrestling and you suck at life.

Find a tree and find a rope, don’t make me do the dirty work…you won’t like the result.