So you lose your number one contenders match for the Tag Team Titles and you get rewarded with a shot at the HOTv Title? How does that shit work out? How did you score that instead of Carey? Which by the way, did you even get her out of the water?
First off, you don’t start this shit off. I’m in control here, not you…
Sure, if you wanna believe that.
Fuck off! I am! Second, I’m the fifth ranked wrestler in HOW right now, I deserve this shot at the HOTv Title. Especially after some of the others that have gotten title shots seemingly out of nowhere. As for Carey, I learned my lesson from Rumble at the Rock.
That doesn’t answer my question about Carey.
For fuck sakes! I tossed her shit into the water, she didn’t drown, what more do you want from me? Maybe if she was a bit more concerned about the match and less about drowning, we could be number one contenders for the Tag Team Titles. But no, after all these months of on and off again teaming, what did we win? What did we achieve? She’s alive, plus she’s all concerned with Stronk and making sure he knows some fucking horse head was from her. I honestly don’t know where the fuck her head is right now, but she needs to remember it’s in HOW… before Stronk becomes the next Mario Maurako.
Mario is not like Stronk… Carey thinks she can manipulate Stronk.
I honestly don’t fucking care. It’s another male relationship that is going to end fucking shambles. Nothing good will come from this, especially if she thinks she is going to “work” Stronk.
Well, ok then. Safe to say that the days of EpicWood are done?
Listen… I’m fucking harsh on her, but she is still probably the best friend I got in HOW. As a tag team though… I think we’re done for now. I need to focus on Scottywood and accomplishing a few final things here in HOW while I still can.
Like winning the HOTv Title?
Yes, exactly, like beating that wannabe poser redneck and securing the only title left in HOW I haven’t won. Which when… WHEN I fucking do, I will be the only person in HOW history to have won every title available since the second era of HOW started. No one… not any of the other fuckers on the roster past or present can claim that. Not even Mike Best.
Do you really have to poke at Mike Best? He’ll just just send Gino 2.0 after next week to take that title off you if you win it.
WHEN I FUCKING WIN IT! I already shattered that Clay pigeon once before.
You hit him with your barbed wire hockey stick and got disqualified. This isn’t a hardcore match either, so don’t see how any of that matters.
He didn’t beat me. He won the match, but he didn’t beat me. That match was about making a point before War Games… and before you say a fucking word, my team won! It doesn’t matter where I finished, my team won War Games. I proved that his so called tough redneck skin was soft as shit, easy to poke many holes in. Oh the beautiful blood pouring down his face as the other Highway Men had to run down and protect poor little Clay.
You had a barbed wire hockey stick and the match was over. Why shouldn’t they come out to help their boy?
He is supposed to be some rough and tough cowboy! I never saw Clint Eastwood being a little bitch like that. I mean probably cause his shit was scripted… and this is all one hundred percent real, but how about Teddy Roosevelt? Mister Rough Rider… now that man was actually fucking tough. Or Steve Solex, he’s fucking tough. The only member of the Highwaymen not playing dress up for a game of Cowboys and… Native Americans. Like he’ll make you shit your pants and run back to your parents basement over just trying to cut him in line kind of tough.
I agree he’s actually tough… but cutting in…
Clay is more like I wanna laugh at him silly because he is trying too hard to look like he’s a badass in The Walking Dead… when instead he might die walking. Solex is like ten year aged beef jerky kind of tough… while Clay is like a prime cut of chicken whose yellow belly is terrified to take another shot from my barbed wire hockey stick.
You… the self admitted, so called functioning, alcoholic, is gonna rip on other people’s cardio?
Do you know how fucking far I’d walk for a good brewery?
I don’t think that is a positive thing really.
Whatever, do you really think I care about your shitty fucking opinions? Plus what the fuck is that image on his HOW bio page? Like holy luchador titties on that fucker. Booyaka Booyka Six-Titty-Nine. I know, it’s not Clay Byrd… It’s Mister Texas! I think he might need to deport himself now. How did he get past THE WALL? I doubt he broke through it… though those titties would also prevent his skinny ass from sliding between it.
What the fuck are you even talking about… I think someone needs to cut you…
OFF? No! That is what the beer is for, to drown your buzz killing shit out. Plus this shit is fucking hilarious, like did someone actually pay a photographer to take these pictures? Fucking eh, I could take better pictures while drunk off my ass. Someone give that fucker a one star review on Yelp.
Whatever you wanna say about him, he did something maybe no one else has done in HOW… and that is pin STRONK at War Games to capture that HOTv Title.
Yeah, STRONK defended that title for nearly a month every week in one on one matches… and Clay fucking steals it from in the multi-man shit show that is War Games. Then he beats David Noble… big fucking challenge when even Noble didn’t think he was ging to win. HOW in the fuck do you go into a match in HOW with that sad fucking level of confidence in yourself. It’s not arrogance to say you are going to win, it’s putting you in the mindset you need to be in to win.
I’m not a near unbeatable caveman who has been worn down by the most sadistic match in all of wrestling… I’m not some push over unconfident wannabe king. I’m an HOW Hall of Famer… I got a koozie on my beer that says so… and I guess a ring too. I’m HOW’s ultimate underdog who despite all the shit dumped on me, steps up when needed and does what is needed to get the job done.
You might just have to puke and rally during it all.
Shut the fuck up! Why are you such a fucking asshole to me? What have I ever done to deserve this kind of treatment from you?
I don’t know, be an asshole for years… drink me into blacked out stupors where you’re puking like a bitch all over the place… I could go on and on about the things that have led me to be a shitty voice in the back of your head. Getting louder and louder until…
ENOUGH! The “What If” or “Shitty Side Voices” are not facing Clay this week. He is facing me, The Hardcore Artist, who is going to claim the HOTv Title once and for all and complete my Inifity Gauntlet of titles belts here in HOW. Then not in a snap of my fingers, but in a count of three, I will become the greatest title collector in HOW history.
Ok Mister Marvel Rip-off Artist. Do you have a Matthew The Duck in a glass case? Pretty sure his whole collection gets blown the fuck up by Thanos or someone too.
No, you’re not gonna ruin this. I am going to be the first to hold all the titles in HOW. This is going to happen and no one is going to stop me! This is your fate Clay. To deliver me the HOTv Title. Thank you for your service sir… you are a true American hero.
I can hear Solex screaming at you from here…
All the Highwaymen HATE me already… do you really think I care?
After what you said about Solex earlier… yes?
I’m not a line jumper… I’ll fuck Solex and his other shits who are cosplaying to be like him. If Clay thinks he needs three others to take me down… then I’d like to see them all try. I’m not gonna back down. The end of the day Clay, I’m taking that HOTv Title home with me, because we all know you can’t keep going at this pace to hold that title. Says the man who is forty-four years old. So let’s fucking go… let’s bring the HOTv Title home to the man who IS HOTv.
The Hardcore Artist sits at the bar with a pint glass of Anti-Hero IPA… next to his is his legal grandson, Ben Reeves… who to the utter disappointment of his legal grandfather, has a water.
“You sure you don’t want a beer, I’ll pay for it… I’ll pay for an uber back to your apartment… you want me to get you a liquid IV tomorrow? Those seem to do wonders for some of my friends who apparently get hangovers.” Offers Scotty as Ben turns to him and just shakes his head.
“Unlike you who lives in a perpetual state of drunkenness? I’ve already seen you some mornings after a heavy bender. You got your sunglasses on, leaning against a wall with another drink in your hand trying to chase off that feeling of utter death. No… I don’t need to do that. Thanks… sorta for the offer.” He tosses back at Scotty as he takes a drink from his water to drive his point home.
“Well then, if you’re not gonna learn how to drink from me, then you are gonna have to learn about the darker side of the business.” States Scotty as Ben sorta raises an eyebrow back.
“Why can’t you just teach me how to wrestle… oh wait, cause all you know how to do is brawl like a drunken asshole and hit people with weapons.” Snaps Ben as Scotty is a bit stunned, but just nods his head back at Ben for a moment.
“If you could even accomplish a quarter of what I have in HOW, you would happily accept that and call it a great career. I might not be a technical master inside that ring, but I win matches, I win titles. So go ahead, shit on how I conduct my business in that ring, but accept that it fucking works.” Scotty snarls back at Ben who begrudgingly can’t argue back. Results are results, no matter how you accomplish them.
“Fine then, what do you want me to learn then? How to wrap barbed wire around a hockey stick? That shit seems pretty dang simple.” Jabs Ben as Scotty just shakes his head back at him.
“No… you see there is an event coming up for HOW. It’s called Dead or Alive. I have a long standing feud that I need evening up before I retire and I need you to try and call in a favor for me to try and make that happen.” Explains Scotty as he takes a long drink from his glass, nearly finishing the beer as he motions to the bartender for a refill.
“Ok… who do I need to contact?” Asks Ben, not a big fan of the drawn out theatrics that Scotty is putting on for the camera that his father, Frankie is holding.
“Mike Best.” Sharply answers Scotty as Ben’s face goes a bit white.
“You are going to try and even a feud with him? How many matches are you going to have to win to do that? Can you even accomplish that before the end of the year if you fight him every show and win them all?” Asks Ben as Scotty is unsurprisingly not amused one bit by the jokes… which still hold a shit ton of truth.
“No, you just need to contact Mike Best. He has something that I want… that I need. I helped his team win War Games… now I need something from him. I need him to give me, Scott Stevens Junior.” Smiles Scotty as Ben just looks back at him with a bewildered look on his face.
“Not Scott Stevens, the multi time disgraced wrestler who only got brought back and put on a War Games teams because of…” Tries to understand Ben but Scotty cuts him off before he can go too far down the shitty rabbit hole.
“That is who I want to get even with… but I want his son. He was dumb enough to put him up in a match against Mike Best… and of course Mike won and took custody of the child. I want Mike to hand him over to me. The fucker has nothing to do with him and is more focused on his real son. WOuldn’t be surprised if Mike forgot about him in some shitty hotel room while on the road and he is now being taken care of by a rotating staff of maids at a Motel 6 in Kansas somewhere. Oh what a horrible fate, to live in Kansas.” Imagines Scotty, cause he would never on purpose talk to someone from that corn-bred shit state to actually find out.
“Shouldn’t you be focusing on Clay Byrd this week? Instead of trying to abduct someone’s child from another wrestler?” Ask Ben as Scotty just smiles and taps his finger back on Ben’s chest.
“That is why I have you. You are going to be my muscle on this so I can focus on my match with Clay. Once I win the HOTv Title, you can bring be Scott Stevens Junior. Then The real fun begins for us all.” Explains Scotty more as Ben can just shake hs head more, barely understand what Scotty is eryin to get at.
“Whatever man, if it helps me get you to crack me into this business. I’ll play along with this game.” Snaps Ben back at Scotty as even he doesn’t understand what he is getting himself into as Scotty smiles and takes another long drink of his beer, finishing it up as the bartender in perfecting timing nakes hia way over for a fresh one for The Hardcore Artist.