- Event: Chaos 016
Steve let you both off easy.
I love Steve, he’s a great friend. A fantastic partner. Understands the ring better than anyone this side of Joe Bergman. The man is incredibly adept at tag team wrestling. You know that better than anyone, Steve carried your ass in tag matches for months for The Best Alliance. He knows when to strike like the best of them, he sees the advantage, and he takes it.
Steve’s probably smarter than I am.
He gets in, gets out, makes sure he gets his arm raised and is in the back drinking beers with the boys like it’s Tuesday night at a strip club. The man is incredible, a legend of the sport. If you lined up the entire HOW roster, and asked someone to pick the best partner to go win the tag titles with, you’d best believe that Steve Harrison’s name would be at the top of the list for most of the competitors. Even with the disagreements that he and Conor Fuse have had, I think even Conor would pick The Miracle Man to work a miracle and get some gold back around his waist.
But I still think he let you off too easily.
I wasn’t done with you two chuckle fucks, you see, I was just really getting started. I had been in the ring what? Two, maybe three minutes for the entire match? Doozer waltzed out there, fell over, got kneed in the back of the skull a bunch and took a nap. I mean it was after 8pm on a Sunday, so I know asking him to show up into a wrestling ring in that scenario is a lot to ask.
But I wanted to tear you apart. I wanted to rip you limb from fucking limb. I wanted there to be no questions, I wanted there to be no easy answers, ways to weasel your way out. I wanted you to be beaten unconscious in that ring. I wanted your brains scrambled, not over easy, Jiles. And I think even the old man could see that. The blind fuck up there, he knew when I tackled you that I wasn’t done beating the living piss out of you in there. He knew I wanted to send you back to your Mom in a body bag. And you know what? He figured why the fuck not.
Because deep down, he fucking hates you too.
He always has, he always will. When you joined The Best Alliance last year? It was a necessity to make sure the dip shits didn’t have the gold going into War Games. This comeback at Lee’s behest? I don’t know what the fuck he was thinking. But the writing is on the wall, the man is aborting that mission before it even gets started. Putting you in the ring with me twice in two weeks?
Yeah, we’re right back to normal.
The Bandits bringing up the rear.
I’ll admit, you’ve done things I haven’t done Jiles. You managed to capture #97RED, you were the best wrestler in the world, you were the creme de la creme. But instead, now, you’re just what you are. A good for nothing, waste of space, that doesn’t matter. The money he’s paying you is better spent on K-mart stock options and helping Elon Musk out with twitter. He’s more likely to get quality ring time out of Lester Moregrimes and that Frank guy I beat the fuck out of at the last Pay-Per-View.
I mean, you guys did outlast him in the death pool. So that’s always something.
And yeah sure, it’s always great to sign your competition’s top talent, but when it comes out in High Octane and looks like it should be on a lost episode of bum fights… You got to cut the fat, just like all those tech companies are doing. You have to send people away because your company is more profitable without them in it.
So what better way to send the leader of the bandits off, than that blind old fuck having Redrum tell him how I ripped you limb from fucking limb. How I stomped all over you. How I ripped your fucking head off and shit down your neck. What better way to fire a Bandit then to have some big giant fucker murder you.
And even though I don’t agree with Lee, I don’t like 97% of what he does. This… this I agree with. The Bandits are a fucking stain on the legacy of High Octane Wrestling. There’s no way to wash them out, there’s no way to get rid of them. They are there forever. But I’ll put some bleach on it, I’ll make sure it’s not as noticeable. I’ll make sure we do the laundry, take out the trash. I’ll do my fucking job like always, I’ll clean this fucking place up just like I always fucking do. I’ll handle Lee Best’s fucking garbage, make sure it gets out to the curb in a nice orderly, smashed, and fucked up fashion.
You lazy fucks, you’re an embarrassment of a roster space, and a waste of my fucking time.
Fuck You.