A mirror surrounded by lights. In the center stands Hollywood’s biggest celebrity professional wrestling actor under the age of 34.
Mikey Unlikely Obvs!
We see he’s in a white button up shirt.
It’s at least four days since the last time I saw him sneak a drink… modest success, but success nonetheless.
He wraps a long black tie around his neck and begins to knot it.
I’ve thrown out all the hidden bottles, I had to hire a fuckin P.I. to get them all. Dammit if Kendrix isn’t sly as hell… of course he is, that’s why you’re tag partners!
He goes with the Balthus knot. Classic.
We’ve cleaned out the flat, we’ve cleaned out the cars, we’ve let every Strippee Club in LA and Chicago know… ‘don’t serve JFK unless he’s with Mikey Unlikely’.
I’m not trying to kill the guy, I don’t want him to be Sober forever, but he just needs to get a grip on himself and understand where the line is.
He picks up the suit jacket and looks at it. Not his favorite color but he’s being paid to be here so who cares.
We’re professionals. We’ve got a very limited window of opportunity. In this sport we put our bodies on the line and you always end up worse than you came in. We have about 10 money making years left… after that it’s autograph signings, conventions, and acting for me… but what about JFK. If I let him spiral he’s going to waste HALF of those years if not more.
He slips the jacket on and pulls it tight against his back. Perfect fit.
I have other options after wrestling… but Jesse… I have to help him get everything he can now. Who knows what he’s going to get into after Wrestling, but if I help him get set up now… then I’ve done my Bruverly duty. The first step in that… is waking him up.
Mikey thinks back to Refeuled when they beat GoD Tag team, Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan. He cracks a smile.
I will admit, the improvement is already obvious. We looked good…
A voice calls from outside the room.
OSV: Yo Mikey, you’re on!
….More than you know Bruv…
We open to a classic image of the sun, shining bright in the sky on a perfectly clear day. The camera pans downward through the blue sky towards the desert below. The shot pans along a couple miles of sand, hills and cacti here and there. Even a lizard can be seen wiggling through the sand. What a nerd, he doesn’t even have a segway.
The train whistle pierces the scene and the camera turns 180 degrees.
The train races down a set of tracks. Black smoke pouring from the engine. Suddenly the camera is much closer, the roar of the train pushing along the tracks with the click-click-click-click of a passing train.
Once again the whistle goes off.
Cut to inside of the train, Mikey Unlikely sits in a passenger seat (In first class of course). He’s drinking a delicious frapp beverage and relaxing. Wearing a business suit and signature sunglasses, he reads a newspaper.
From the front of the car the door opens revealing the conductor. A chubby old man with white hair. He’s frantic, sweating and covered in oil and grime. He makes an announcement to the passengers.
“THE TRAIN IS OUT OF CONTROL! EVERYBODY HANG ON!”
Mikey Unlikely throws down the paper in an instant and charges past the conductor. He moves through two more cars with the camera following him all the way. As he opens the front door and moves towards the locomotive, the rush of wind blows papers and common items everywhere. Yet Mikey pushes forward.
Up ahead we see that the train is headed for a giant wooden bridge… AND THE BRIDGE IS OUT!
Why are so many wooden bridges out in America? This is out of hand, you see it all the time. You would think there would be some kind of group or union who would take care of and repair all of these bridges. Nonetheless the people are in trouble!
Mikey goes to step over to the locomotive but a floor panel falls out. Unlikely is able to grab a railing just in time to stop from being pulled all the way under the train and crushed by the giant steel trucks that glide it across the track. He moves back to the panel he was on and sizes up the jump. Sweat drips off his forehead. He takes two steps and…
The director ends the scene just before Mikey makes the jump from one car to the next. He suddenly appears frustrated.
Mikey Unlikely: TOO CLOSE CLAUDE! That one was too close! Why do you put me in harm’s way like that!?
The director rolls his eyes from the chair and doesn’t even attempt to console the star of the commercial. He’s clearly heard it all before. Mikey Unlikely grabs a bottle of water from a nearby table.
Mikey Unlikely: …And someone get me a new Frapp, that one is totally melted! I don’t drink chocolate bean water.
Various people move about frantically, the majority of them in order to prepare Mikey’s frapp. A man dressed exactly like Mikey but slightly smaller steps into the scene where Mikey was. Before they can start the scene back up, Unlikely has some thoughts.
Mikey Unlikely: Where do you get these guys Claude? THIS is my stunt double? His arms aren’t as big as mine, he doesn’t walk with half as much swagger as I do, and his glasses aren’t half as reflective as mine! Have you ever even SEEN a reflection Claude?
Before Mikey’s stunt double can psych himself up for the huge stunt jump he’s about to pull off, he is greeted with an almighty bruv hug by none other than Jesse Fredericks Kendrix.
Kendrix: Good luck, Bruv. Even though you look like you’ve lost some height this past week, I have total faith that you can make this ridiculously impossible looking jump. Gluefist for good luck?
The stunt double looks upon the Hollywood Bruv without a clue of what he’s talking about. Jesse holds his fist out at the stunt double but the double grabs Jesse’s fist out of politeness. Unfortunately for the double, this is a huge sign of disrespect in the wonderful world of the Hollywood Bruvs.
Kendrix: Listen, yeah? Who are you and what have you done with the real Mikey Unlikely!
Over off the set Mikey shakes his head in disbelief before hollering to his Bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: Oi Oi! Bruv, I’m over here!
Kendrix looks over at Mikey and then back at the stunt double, blinking his eyes in disbelief at the fact that there are two almost identical looking manly men in the same room. He drags his fist away from the stunt double and looks down at him in disgust.
Kendrix: You’re nothing but an imposter! Get out of here!
Now it’s the double who shakes his head in disbelief. He looks over to the director for guidance, JFK walks off set over to where Mikey is and looks through the drink options available.
No beer? What the fuck?
Mikey Unlikely: Don’t even bother, Frapp quality is like a 2 out of 12. Would not frapp again!
The Englishman forgets his thirst for a moment and pulls out the ol’ celly telly from his pocket. Mikey blots the sweat off his head with a nearby napkin and watches what’s happening on set before looking at his own arm and flexing a bit. He’s still comparing his stunt double to himself.
Kendrix: Bruv, your stunt double looks EXACTLY like you. He’s even got the same size arms as you. Where did you find this guy? The resemblance is uncanny!
Mikey Unlikely: WHAT!? He’s hideous, bruv. Smaller jaw…smaller arms…smaller everything I’m sure!
JFK looks back at the double then to Mikey. He nods.
Kendrix: Just like I said Bruv, NOTHING like you! He’s horrible. Where did they find this guy! I’ve always said that!
Mikey Unlikely: Yea but I said it first! Like… two minutes ago!
Mikey Unlikely: Totally Obvs!
Now they gluefist… the right way… with no imposters!
Kendrix: Bruv, I checked out the High Octane Wrestling Website on the phone, did you know we have ANOTHER match this week? The Bruvs are back in action! High Octane Wrestling just can’t seem to get enough of us!
A confident nod of the head from his Bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: I didn’t know, but I’m not surprised. After that big win last week against Daniel Ryan and Lindsay Troy the people demand a sequel! It makes sense, a redemption story always gets the fans talking.
Jesse hangs his head and holds out his arms, looking at himself.
Kendrix: I’m still slightly confused about that to be honest. Not that we beat the living hell out of Troy and Ryan and won our match against them…but more about the fact that we faced two Group of Death members and we didn’t die.
Unlikely looks himself over, feels his own body up and down.
Mikey Unlikely: Let’s see… I got two arms.
Mikey Unlikely: I’ve got two legs…
Mikey Unlikely: No ninja stars in my body, and I’ve got my head on my shoulders…
Mikey Unlikely: …And my ego is not feeling too busted this week! IN FACT! It’s bigger and harder than ever! What about you Bruv?
Jesse positions his index finger to his lips in thought about this interesting situation.
Kendrix: I mean, everything is working fine. You can ask Chastity down at the strippees, she’ll tell ya, if you don’t believe me.
The American Bruv cups his hands around his mouth and shouts. Interrupting the stunt scene.
Mikey Unlikely: HEYOOOOOOOOOOOOO There he is!
JFK throws a cheeky wink before scratching the back of his head.
Kendrix: But you know, I expected to die or at least age a hundred years to be as old as Dan Ryan after facing those two dorks last week…regardless of the result…yet here we are alive and well. They should be called the Group Of Life After You Beat Them Clean In The Middle Of The Ring…or GOLAYBTCITMOTR….that has a good ring to it.
They can agree on that.
Mikey Unlikely: The best ring! Bruv, remember that time we attacked them, and that time we beat them in the gauntlet, and that time we beat them two on two, and the single worst thing they’ve done to 24K is spill our Frapps!
Jesse’s face turns red with rage.
Kendrix: I’ve never been so mad in my life. Who in the hell spills Frapps on purpose? What a bunch of animals.
Mikey Unlikely: Honestly If we hadn’t had two UberEats orders on the way with four Frapps each, we would have been in deep trouble.
He opens the UberEats app on his phone to check on his current order. ABF- Always Be Frapping.
Mikey Unlikely: Just two more legends the Hollywood Bruvs can cross off the ol’ checklist.
Jesse, removes a notepad from his jacket pocket and strikes it with a check. He double tapps his pen against the pad.
Kendrix: Done and done. Speaking of legends though, The Hollywood Bruvs are up against Alex Redding and Teddy Palmer in a War Games Qualifier. Red and Ted! Both of whom had legendary runs in the Lee Best Invitational this year.
The hollywood actor seems a bit confused. Not just because he’s drinking a bottle of water, but because of what JFK just said.
Mikey Unlikely: Now I’m lost… I must have heard you wrong… I thought you said legends for a minute there, Bruv. Threw me off. Red and Ted are new to me! Not only that but whatsa War Games? Is that like guns and stuff!? I heard HOW was like that a long time ago!
JFK Shakes his head.
Kendrix: Mikey, you’ve done a War Games before, we both did remember? Big cage, team vs team. People enter in timed increments. It’s kind of like the situation with the Group of Death I think. Just like we BEAT actual death and will live to tell the tale forever or at least until Dan Ryan dies…
Mikey Unlikely: So we will be able to tell the story for another 20 years, he’s 60 right?
Jesse nods in agreement.
Kendrix: Something like that. But, just like we defied actual Death, we will be able to qualify for the opportunity to participate in and WIN an actual game of war!
Circle meets the Square.
Mikey Unlikely: INCREDIBLE! That makes more sense. If I remember correctly, we won that match! Pretty handedly! Not only do we have a super long, super successful run as a tag team that’s basically unmatched by anyone today, but when it comes to War Games we’ve been there too! It’s really not fair for Red and Ted!
Jesse shrugs his shoulders.
Kendrix: Who cares about fair? Red and Ted have scratched and clawed to make a name for themselves in this business. We’ve done the exact opposite. We worked smartly to strategically put ourselves into positions to get ahead in this game and to get to the level where the Hollywood Bruvs are known throughout the world. That’s why we’ve got so much experience for such young and sexy looking manly men such as ourselves.
Unlikely thinks on that for a bit.
Mikey Unlikely: I guess they would know above all else what’s not fair. I mean imagine being in a tag team where you were absolutely outshined by your partner! Thankfully the Bruvs don’t have that problem. We’re both flashy!
As if on queue, Jesse unzips his jacket to show a brand new Hollywood Bruvs 24K t-shirt with Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy’s faces are accompanied by the words “BEAT THEM CLEAN” surrounded by flashing gold lights.
Kendrix: We are flashy but in a very subtle way. So actually, if you think about it, we’re really humble.
Mikey scratches his chin to indeed think about it.
Kendrix: Which is why the Bruvs know that at Refuelled 25, we have one hell of a battle ahead of us in the form of Red and Ted. Both these guys had the entire world talking during an unbelievable run during the LBI Tournament. Teddy Palmer? Well he not only became the winner of the LBI but he ended up with a shot at Cecilworth Farthington’s High Octane World Championship. Alex Redding didn’t do so badly either, he ended up with a shot at Max Kael’s LSD Championship.
Unlikely looks back at his Bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: Then what happened?
He shrugs already knowing the answer.
Mikey Unlikely: They both fell juuuuuuust short!
Jesse nods with a wry smile etched across his face.
Kendrix: They certainly did. All that hard work, all that grit and determination they both showed throughout the LBI…all came to absolutely nothing.
Mikey Unlikely: That’s a tough pill to swallow. They haven’t even had a tag team match in 2020!? How are they supposed to be a cohesive tag team when they never even do it? That’s all I heard about when we got here was how good this new tag team is, Red and Ted… I haven’t even seen them tag!
Kendrix: It’s tough, bruv. Think about it. If we ever lost a singles title match, we’d be embarrassed, right? Now imagine we both lost singles title matches on the same night, the biggest night of the year, no less. We would run and hide for over a month just like Red and Ted did.
Unlikely holds his heart.
Mikey Unlikely: That would hurt! Honestly I would be mortified!
Kendrix: I mean, obvs that’s never happened to us, we’ve both taken our chances to become singles champions in our careers because, you know, we’re not scared of the spotlight. It can be too much for people to handle. There’s a lot of pressure involved. Seems that poor Red and Ted couldn’t handle the pressure that comes with the world watching.
Unlikely tosses the Water Bottle for the trash can. It misses by a mile.
Mikey Unlikely: KOBE! I love the spotlight! I look so good in it! I know what you mean though, there is a lot of pressure. Especially for ole Red! Ted got the spotlight, Ted got the big opportunity, Ted outshined Red for quite some time. I mean they both lost, but it’s like being the BETTER loser!
Kendrix: Ugh, it’s pathetic. Celebrating mediocrity. It’s like the fat kid at school finishing last in a race with his school pals and the teacher saying you tried really hard to not die from cholesterol and start the race in the first place so here’s a lollipop you fat piece of shit. Now go get showered, everyone else is already changed and back at their desk!
Mikey is getting his cue from the director that his next scene is coming up. He ignores it.
Mikey Unlikely: I remember that kid! What a loser! Imagine being Ted and having the biggest night of your life, lose, and do basically nothing since then. That’s a hell of a fall from grace…One minute he’s inches, moments, seconds away from becoming champion. The next, he’s nowhere to be seen. He missed the biggest opportunity of his lifetime, that doesn’t come around often in this sport. It’s very hard to bounce back from that soul crushing feeling.
Kendrix: Next he has to pick himself up and go again…but does he have it in him, is it even possible to get anywhere near the level he was at again? Same for Redding. Sure he had it tougher than Palmer, he had three guys to contend with in his match. But opportunities in this game are scarce, when it comes, you’ve got to take them. And that’s what the Hollywood Bruvs have always done and will continue to do at Refuelled 25 when we qualify for the opportunity to join our brother Perf, and be picked for War Games!
With the stunt scene having finished it’s fourth take they once again call Mikey back to the set. He sighs and nods to the Bruv.
Mikey Unlikely: Alright, time to make the Mikey Money!
He walks back onto the set. As he passes by the stunt double, Mikey puts his hand over the guys head to emphasise just how short he really is.
Mikey Unlikely: CLAUDE ARE YOU SEEING THIS!
He looks around.
Mikey Unlikely: WHERE THE FUCK DID CLAUDE GO!?
The scene fades as Mikey climbs onto the Locomotive to get ready for his shot.