JUICE

INTERVIEW WHERE DURANGO TALK TO BEST MAN ABOUT BRIAN HOLLYWOOD

THANK YOU FOR READ

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DURANGO: OH HELLO, THIS DURANGO AND TODAY ME INTERVIEW MIKE BEST ABOUT MATCH HE HAVE WITH BRIAN HOLLYWOOD. BRIAN NEW FACE TO HOW, ME NEVER HEAR ABOUT HIM BEFORE. WHAT SON OF GOD KNOW ABOUT NEW HIRE? WHAT HIM RESUME LIKE?

Mike Best: Actually, buddy, Brian Hollywood has been here a long time. Like, almost as long as I have. I think he started back in like 2012. 

DURANGO: HIM ALREADY WORK HERE? DURANGO CONFUSED. ME NOT FIND HIM DOING RESEARCH. ME MOSTLY LOOK AT FIRST PAGE OF RANKINGS THOUGH. 

Mike Best: I wouldn’t say he worked here. What he’s done here never really worked. But he’s definitely been here, that’s true.  

DURANGO: HMMM. WEIRD. THIS PROMO FOUR NOW AND BRIAN HOLLYWOOD NO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. WHY HE NO TALK, BEST MAN? 

Mike Best: Give it time, Durango. It’s really hard to retort when you aren’t funny, don’t make good points, suck at trash talk, and not only blew your whole wad in the first promo but also had it dismantled like a North Korean warhead. 

DURANGO: THEM NEVER HAVE CAPABILITY TO HIT AMERICA,THAT SILLY TALK. 

Mike Best: Well, that’s how it goes, big man. Sometimes third world countries like to pretend they’re first world countries, because their own egos can’t accept that their grocery stores don’t have real food in them.

DURANGO: OH, DURANGO SEE WHAT SON OF GOD SAYING. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD IS POOR. 

Mike Best: Well, maybe. Hard to say. But I really meant that he’s like a small, effeminate dictator desperate to flex on a stronger military force in order to–

DURANGO: DURANGO NO LIKE POORS. DURANGO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH BRITISH MONEY PRINCE TO LIKE POORS. I KNOW DURANGO SAID HE HOPE BRIAN NO DIE, BUT IF HIM POOR, MAYBE BRIAN DIE. 

Mike Best: He’s not poor, Durango. It’s okay. Settle down. He’s spent almost his entire career talking about how much money he has, unless he’s being edgy, and then he pretends that he isn’t basically an elderly influencer who is actually only 35. The only thing poor about Brian Hollywood is his sense of self-awareness. 

DURANGO: TO KNOW THYSELF IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM. SOCRATES. 

Mike Best: What? 

DURANGO: ANYWAY, DURANGO WANT KNOW WHAT SON OF GOD PLAN IS FOR REFUELED. ME THINK PROBABLY KNEE TO FACE. KNEE TO FACE SOUND GOOD TO BEST MAN? SEEMS LIKE SOLID PLAN. SEEMS LIKE IF NO BROKE, NO FIX. 

Mike Best: I mean… maybe? I’ll be honest, man, fuckin’ never feels as good as the very first time you do it raw with a new partner. Like yeah, sex is great, but the more times you fuck someone senseless, the less it feels good. Brian Hollywood has eaten more knees than a cannibalistic midget since the restart– maybe it’s time for something new? 

DURANGO: MAYBE TRY JUST SQUEEZE HEAD UNTIL HEAD GET SOFT. THAT DURANGO FAVORITE WAY SMASH A MAN. JUST SQUEEZE TILL EVERYTHING JUICY. 

Mike Best: Oh my god. No. God no. But that is objectively terrifying, and I’m glad we’re friends. 

DURANGO: THANK YOU FOR SAVE ME FROM SLAVERY, BEST MAN. YOU GOOD EGG. 

Mike Best: You’re welcome, buddy. Please, never, ever juice me. 

DURANGO: OKAY DURANGO PROMISE. SO IF YOU NO WANT USE KNEES AGAINST MAN WHO LOOK LIKE FRONT COVER OF LADYPORN BOOK, WHAT YOU DO? 

Mike Best: I mean, the cage is my playground. I’m a prizefighter. This is what I fucking do. That’s what these guys don’t understand, right? I can knock you out with the knee, and it’s fun for me, but once you’re in that cage, I’m just gonna have my way with you. Maybe I’ll choke you out. Maybe I’ll grab a hold and break your goddamned shoulder. I’m a lot more than knees– as long as Hollywood ends up unconscious, I don’t care if it happens by tap out, pass out, or knock out. 

DURANGO: NIGHT NIGHT BRIAN, TIME GO SLEEP NOW. SHHHH. 

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OKAY THANK YOU FOR READING DURANGO INTERVIEW WITH BEST MAN. DURANGO TRY BE OBJECTIVE, BUT THIS LOOK BAD BRIAN. THIS LOOK REAL BAD. IT NOT TOO LATE CALL IN SICK. IT NOT TOO LATE TO PRETEND YOU NOT REALIZE IT DEADLINE DAY. IT NOT TOO LATE RETIRE AND GO SELL USED CAR. IF YOU NEED TALK, KNOW DURANGO DOOR ALWAYS OPEN. 

ANYWAY PLEASE SHARE LIKE SUBSCRIBE AND NO FORGOT HIT BELL FOR NOTIFICATION. THIS DURANGO FROM WHATCULTURE.COM