Christopher America: Oh, Joey.
It may not be the National Speech and Debate Association, but you definitely got taken to school. And now, when I put my hand to my ear, I hear nothing coming out of your mouth about professional wrestling versus sports entertainment. It’s almost like you realize you done fucked up and don’t want to go down that road again. Probably because you’re afraid I’d bring up that little matter in MVW when sports entertainment was allowed to occur on Ray McAvay’s watch, like when Clay Byrd helped the Highwaymen for a tag team victory. But you don’t want to talk about that, do you? That’d fly in the face of everything you’ve been preaching.
As for me not being able to win a match unless it’s tilted in my favor? What happened on July 4th under the watchful gaze of Lady Liberty? What happened at Dead or Alive in Steve Solex’s own match? What happened at Rumble at the Rock under Harrison’s own match? What happened against Conor Fuse? What happened at Lethal Lottery against an unknown opponent? What happened against Jatt Starr?
You don’t want to talk about that either, do you? Nah, you don’t want to talk about those Christopher America victories because they’re an inconvenient truth for you, aren’t they? They, too, fly in the face of everything you’ve been preaching. In fact, Joey, how many of my victories have been due to “outside interference” since I came back. Now count how many of my victories didn’t have “outside interference.” Go ahead. I’ll wait.
You know what else is an inconvenient truth? That you’re just flat out incapable of surviving in HOW. You’ve been babbling on and on about how YOU KNOW that Lee Best is going to screw you over and about how YOU KNOW that he’ll do everything he can to protect me and this championship and how YOU KNOW that my opponents will never get a fair shake.
It’s weird, to be honest.
You “know” all these things and yet, you can’t survive in HOW? You can’t gameplan around that? Conor Fuse seems to have no problem thriving and surviving in HOW knowing the exact same shit that you do. Clay Byrd the same. JPD is STILL LSD Champion despite all of that. They, unfortunately, find ways to persevere. But Joe Bergman, he isn’t in the same class as those people. Oh sure, he wants to be. See, and that’s the sports entertainer side of him showing. He wants to hang with the big dogs. He wants the opportunity to hold the HOW World Championship aloft once more.
But he can’t.
As a professional wrestler only, you can’t.
Not on your best day.
And you’re right, you weren’t asked to be on PWA 1 because NO ONE fucking wanted you there. You could’ve done something about that though. You could’ve sucked Ray McAvay’s dick and had him authorize a match, but you didn’t. You could’ve demanded one from Lee Best. But you didn’t. You could’ve used your boy Adam Ellis to get into Melvin Beauregard’s ear. BUT YOU DIDN’T.
Instead, you sat on your ass and accepted the first “no” you got.
Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.
Now, am I going to fight you at PWA 2?
Christopher America bursts into a fit of laughter and wipes away a fake tear from the corner of his eye.
Christopher America: Fuck no!
One, I’m going to be too busy watching what happens during the Steve Solex vs. Lindsay Troy flag match.
Second, I want new challenges. Not fucking rehashes.
Third, I’m not going to be responsible for getting you on to PWA 2. You don’t get to use my name to do that. Figure out a way yourself off of your own fucking name.
Plus, Joey, I’m a sports entertainer, remember? You want to fight only professional wrestlers. Wouldn’t want you to give up your heartfelt, steadfast morals and beliefs for a “sports entertainer.”
Besides, I’m going to be too busy celebrating my War Games victory with my HOW World Championship.
Oh, and speaking of which, can you stop fantasizing about what you think I do to this championship? The fact that you continue to think about me being naked, having sex, or spooging on everything is a little discomforting. I mean, I rarely give any thought to the number of times you’ve had to comfort yourself using your right hand. Or, on those special occasions, like your birthday, your left hand. Nor do I give much thought to the line of men that queue up nightly to plow Laura.
As for War Games, it’s whatever at this point, Joey. Show up. Don’t. I don’t really care anymore. You can show up and be the hypocrite we all know that you are by participating in a sports entertainment event. Or you can uphold your morals and ethics, not show up, and screw your team over.
Either way, you’re still the bad guy.