EEEEYYYYYOOOOO OCTANE FREAKS!!!
Been a long time, my dudes. Lotta y’all don’t even remember the CHOO CHOO motherfuckin’ G-Train, cuz last time I walked these halls it was a whole different time in history and that’s for real. Fortunately for all’a yous who never had the privilegucation of seeing Jacked & Tan in action, there’s a little bald bitch named Scottywood who needs a reminder, and I got 750 reasons to give him one.
My name is Gino Giordano.
Everyone remembers me as some big fuckin’ joke cuz my claim to fame has always been the sweetest abs in pro wrestling and the guy who made Scottywood so big mad that he forfeited a match against a fuckin’ interviewer on live television. I’m a one-time HOFC Champion, and the way I embarrassed that pepperoni nipple bitch rocked his crybaby man-titties so hard that Mikey’s dad literally shut down the whole division, and THAT’S for real, too. But see, my dude Scotty spent two whole sentences saying he shoulda known better, so I bet he thinks we’re done talking about what a little crybaby cunt he is, know what I mean?
Two sentences don’t negate the fact that some punk-ass j-brone threw a toddler tantrum inside a cage, my dude. I fuckin’ beat you. You lost to Brian Bare with sick abs, bro. I stepped into the ring with a HARDCORE ARTIST and found out he was paintin’ by fuckin’ numbers. Bro you tried fuckin’ haaaaard. You were tryin’ to smash like it was last call, and I was In Your Head like Jason Derulo. Facing me was a joke? Only ever meant to embarrass you? My dude, you made a joke out of your own division by dropping the title on a fuckin’ civilian on PURPOSE. You embarrassed yourself, bro. You killed a whole division because the only thing more fragile than your jaw is your fuckin’ ego. My dude, you’re the only motherfucker on the planet that’s ever taken you too seriously.
But see that was then and this is now, and now it’s time to fight.
I am gonna turn that chrome dome into a soup bowl and then imma use it to eat your fuckin’ lunch. Ain’t no amount of crying about injustice gonna help you. Ain’t no amount of gay jokes gonna save you. By the way, you know I fuckin’ like dick, right? Like it ain’t even subtle my dude— I was less believable as a straight dude than you were as a World Champion, so I don’t know why you keep making these weak ass references to my sexuality like sucking dick is more embarrassing than sucking at cutting trash talk promos. I’ll swallow a load and use it to Hulk Up like Popeye the Gaylor Man and I’ll stay strong to the finish. WHY THE FUCK YOU THINK I GOT “TRAIN” IN MY NAME? You think I just really like that song Drops of Jupiter?
Yo for real that song slaps tho.
So yeah I’m a big gay butt puppet from Jersey, my dude. Congrats. Glad we got that all in the open, cause I’m gay as fuck but I ain’t been dying my hair Wendy’s red in a sink for fifteen years and thinking I looked cool. The fuck does my sexuality have to do with my ability to beat the fuck out of you, Scotty? Thought you might have something new, but nah, same weak ass fisting jokes you made when I dunked on you in your match against my boy Mikey. Fuckin’ predictable. How’d that match turn out for you, bro?
Let me make something real clear to you, Scotty.
This match ain’t a joke.
I have waited for this moment for nine years– you think I didn’t want this match? I fucking ASKED FOR IT, my dude. I begged for it. i trained for it every day until my legs were weak and my fists were a bloody fuckin’ mess. I drilled, over and over again, to master my craft. I went from interviewer to student to fucking teacher, and I am gonna beat the shit out of you at Refueled. I want you alone in that cage more than I want anything in the world, and I don’t give a fuck how many more weak ass jokes you got lined up for me.
Look at me.
I ain’t Mike Best, bitch.
I don’t punch lines, I punch faces.