Reminiscing about old birthdays?
Teary graveyard scenes?
Yes, you knowingly brought a fucking spy into your life and was dumb enough to think that my son… my fucking son wouldn’t tell me everything that you’re fucking doing. I know you don’t understand how a son could love their parents… but come the fuck on Bob. This is why I was always the fucking brains of our partnership… and you were the eye candy. Not because you are a woman… get your sexist mind out of the suffragette gutter. It’s because you have an aurora that draws the attention of anyone around. The flashy piece to distract people from the barbed wire hockey stick that was about to smash them in the fucking face.
There is your one fucking compliment of the night… enjoy it now, cause this shit is gonna get real before I finish this… before I finish Bobbinette Carey.
Fifteen years… you’re right… and it was all thrown away. We’ve beaten the horse into fucking oblivian arguing over who started it. But in the end… it’s over and we both did shit that caused the divide. I know it’s hard for you to ever admit a fault, the epic Bobbinette Carey always has to be perfect. She can’t ever let anyone see a crack in the fucking magenta colored armour. “Women have to be perfect to even have a chance to compete with men” blah, blah, blah. You know how fucking hard it was to listen to that shit every day… the excuses every fucking day. That’s what they are. Fucking excuses. They are true… don’t get me fucking wrong, but they are a crutch, a fucking crutch that you don’t fucking need.
I’ve said this from the start, you are in over your head. Yes, you are a far better WRESTLER than I am… but you agreed to a two out of three falls match where TWO of them are HARDCORE based. I know even you can do that math Bob. I’ve taken all the questions out of this match, it’s not a matter of if I win… it’s just a matter of how much hell I put you through before I take your fucking eye.
Holiday Inn Express Banquet Hall
Opening in a room that is full of magenta balloons, a cake sits on a table with the face of Bobbinette Carey on it as we see the camera pan over to of course Scottywood who has a shit eating grin on his face and a Revolution Anti-Hero IPA in his hand.
“Oh hey Bob, I wanna welcome you to your birthday party! Now I know you aren’t here, I think the invitation got lost in the mail. Those mailmen probably heard ya bitching about males… and thought you were talking about them.” Smirks Scotty as he looks around for a laugh, but remembers that Frankie isn’t there.
“But don’t worry, plenty of your friends showed up to wish you a happy… fuck… how old is she now? 62? That makes sense. Since this is could really double as your retirement party also. I mean this will be your last match Bob. Because after I pick your body apart, piece by piece and then take your eye, you’ll never be in any condition to wrestle again.”
“So let me introduce to you the guests who showed up just for you Bobbinette. First, you’ve gotten to know these two guys very well in the past few months here in HOW, your favorite two new recruits, men even you have to admit are model gentlemen, Chet and Tanner.”
“You said there were gonna be snipes here bro.” States Chet as he takes a drink of his Molson Canadian.
“Yeah, I don’t see any snipes at all. Like nothing to even throw some charity hip for a warm up before hitting the big city slams.” Adds Tanner as he raises his Molson Canadian and cheers it to Chet.
“You’re here for Bobbinette, not for snipes.” Explains Scotty in a tone that tries to remind Chet and Tanner what they discussed earlier.
“Well no shit if we’re here for her.” Chimes back Chet as he knocks back the remainder of his beer.
“She’s a snap… like she’d snap your dick off. Can’t be breaking and twigs out there on the ice bro.” Adds Tanner as Chet nods back in agreement with his bro.
“Moving on… I found some very important in your HOW past Bob, someone you helped bring into HOW for his very… um… forgettable five month run in the company. HR could barely even find me any reliable contact info for him, but I made it happen Bobbinette, I found a man that HOW hasn’t seen since two thousand and eight…. Arc Angel!” Exclaims Scotty as he points to his left as the camera pans over.
But it’s certainly not Arc Angel… it’s not even a person. It’s actually a Virgin Mary statue that is in a half of a bathtub that has been turned on its side. Scotty fist bumps the statue and cheers his beer off the face of the Virgin Mary as he takes a drink of his beer as if this is all totally normal.
“Thanks so much for joining us Arc, I know you have washed your hands in that tub of Bobbinette and HOW, especially after she pretty much abandoned you once she got to the top of HOW as World Champion. She claimed you used to be her best friend… then she bashed your skull in the door of an oven at Alcatraz before pinning you for a victory. Some kind of fucking friend… some kind of friend.” Suggests Scotty as he just shakes his head at how horrible Bobbinette is to everyone in her life.
“How about we combine the next two together Bob… they are pretty much the same. They are two men that you used to love. That you pledged your life to. No, not Mario… I don’t need his fucking ass to show up here after mocking him and trying to shake my hand. No, these are two OTHER men you married, Shane Richards and Jason Sandman.”
The camera continues to pan over as we see that Chet and Tanner have now put on some very cheap wigs and are wearing t-shirts that say Shane Richards and Jason Sandman on them.
“Who haven’t you fucking married in the wrestling world Bob? I swear, if you bring Frankie back and he has a ring on his finger from some drunken Vegas drive thru wedding, I’ll be pissed. Though that would make me your father-in-law… which would be pretty fucking funny.” Chuckles Scotty as he can imagine grounding Bobbinette for just being… Bobbinette. A horrible fucking cunt.
“Pretty hot too, always finding step family porn on The Hub.” Admits Tanner as Scotty just shakes his head as he tries to move on and forget what he just heard before that mental image burrows into his head forever.
“You’d think with how much your mouth is open Bob, you’d be able to keep a man happy and around… but it seems you have enough ex husbands to start your own fucking stable with. Could call it some shitty like… The Knights of Epicness… oh wait… fuck.” Laughs Scotty at the fact Bobbinette actually did name their stable that in the past.
“How about your new tag team partner? Another long time friend and fellow Hall of Famer, Darkwing!” Exclaims Scotty as he starts to shake his head no at the camera.
“Duck wanted nothing to do with you anymore Bob, he’s focused on Jatt Starr and getting a match that would have maybe been entertaining even if they were both past their prime ten years ago. No, instead I was able to find someone even cooler than Duck, his old buddy Rufus The Pimp.” Introduces Scotty as the camera pans over to a white man in his mid forties dressed like he bought a “pimp” costume from the fucking Party City.
“You looking for a hook up tonight?” Asks the pimp as Scotty just shakes his head, but before he can respond, Chet and Tanner quickly chime in.
“What ya got in the snipe department? Scotty paid us in cash for tonight’s appearance… do you accept Canadian dollars?” Questions Chet wide eyes wide open
“I don’t take Monopoly money, only dollar, dollar bills. Fifty for ten minutes. Also where is my money for showing up here?” Asks the pimp as Scotty just motions the camera away from this train wreck.
“Ok, they can’t all be winners, but the final Bob… this one you’ll really appreciate it. It took me a while to DIG this one up. I mean he only appeared on one HOW show before you BURIED his career after he lost his only match in under four minutes. To someone else who only appeared in two HOW shows! Fuck you really know how to pick losers to bring into HOW.” Accuses Scotty hoping no one remembers Juvian Ramorez, John Hitchin, Damien Ryann and I’m sure a few others that not even we can remember.
“Dan Manhiem… it certainly was an emotional bit Bob. It actually made me think for a moment that you actually give a fuck about anyone other than yourself. But come on, you’re really more pissed about the fact that your birthday was ruined by the inconvenience of his death than actually losing him. Yeah, I told you this was gonna get a lot tougher before we ended Bob, because I know the fucking truths about you. I know you are a ruthless cunt who will do whatever possible to get yourself on the top. So without further ado Bob, let me reintroduce you to your so-called friend… Dan Manhiem….” Announces Scotty as everyone is a bit on edge as the camera pans over to what is a skeleton hanging on some metal hanger.
Scotty nearly falls over laughing as Chet has to grab his beer so none of it spills onto the floor. He somehow is able to regain his composure as he gets back up to his feet and grabs his beer back from Chet.
“Are the extreme measures people have to take to get away from you Bob? No, I’m not gonna take it fucking easy and be respectful of those that have pasted. You’re the one that brought him into this. You’re the one playing the fucking sympathy card to try and distract people from how much of a horrible cunt you have been since returning to HOW. You’ve had solid points… but you went about them all in the worst fucking way that one could. Only you Bobbinette could be the bad guy when trying to defend woman’s rights in the fucking Me Too era. How the fuck is that even possible?!?” Asks Scotty in the most rhetorical way possible as he finishes the rest of his beer before tossing it to the side and catching a fresh one from Tanner.
“You thought talking about your dead friend is something I wouldn’t touch on? Fuck, I’ve called Mike Best out on how scared he was to have Gino invoke Rob’s name in an attempt to gain an upper hand on me. So Dan Manhiem? Someone who had one fucking match in HOW and certainly doesn’t have a fucking tournament named after him? Yeah… you ain’t getting a free fucking pass on that.” Rips Scotty as he shakes his fucking head and cracks open his fresh beer.
“Yeah, I also brought up Mike Best… the man you accused me of being obsessed with. Of being more focused on then our friendship. No fucking shit Bob! Ugh… Like I said, we’ve beaten the shit out of this topic. I’m fucking done explaining why I am pissed at you. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you never will. I’m going to stab you in the fucking eye at March to Glory and there is nothing you can say or do that will change that… other than run away into exile and hide from me for the rest of your life.” Smiles Scotty as he can imagine Bobbinette hiding in some fucking shake in Central America, praying everyday that Scottywood won’t find her and take the eye that he rightfully is owed.
“The fact is anyone around you fucking bails… cause they can’t fucking stand you. They either fall into the ether where no one can find them like Arc Angel… want nothing to do with you like your son… or they leave the whole fucking world like Dan Manheim. Shit, even Darkwing couldn’t take a couple weeks with you and I think has gone MIA again. Maybe this is why Mario is such a fucking flake… cause he can’t stand being aroun Bobbinette Carey. We don’t have enough evidence to know for sure. But the cycle will finally see an end Bob… finally everyone that you have put through hell for the past twenty something years of your wrestling career… and forty-two of your life will be able to rest easy. The end of Bobbinette Carey is near and holy fuck the world will be such a better place for it.” Promises Scotty as he chugs the rest of his nearly full beer before crushing the can in his hand and throwing it to the ground.
“I don’t really know how to end this CAREY… it’s been fifteen years we’ve know each other. From our late night convos on Skype with Static, Carmen, Cyanide and others… to us both getting married and then divorced. Some of us more than others. To me bring you back into wrestling and revitalizing the career of a woman who would become one of the biggest cunts in the world. I mean not even you can crack the top five… but anyone even close to Marjorie Taylor Green is still really fucking shitty. Oh let’s not be surprised the king of fucking lesbians hates that bitch too.” Rants Scotty as he can feel the RNDC already tweeting something stupid like Scottywood can’t define Bobbinette Carey as a woman.
Hey… Scotty is no biologist either… and he has luckily never seen Bobbinette’s vagina. I know, something rare in the wrestling world, but it is the truth.
“I’ll see you at March to Glory Carey. Where we will put this behind us, one way or another., and someone loses an eye. Good luck Carey… it won’t help you win, but figure I give you something better than God to pray to in what is already a set in stone outcome. That Scottywood always has been… and will always continue to be… better than Bobbinette Carey.” Finishes Scotty as he turns back to the table that is set up with the cake of Bobbinette Carey’s face.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a candle that doesn’t have an age… but just says the word “old”. He takes the candle and jams it straight into the right eye of cake Bobbinette as he smiles and starts to sing Happy Birthday before the camera feed cuts out.