I Watch The Show, Jiles

I Watch The Show, Jiles

Posted on August 11, 2021 at 11:04 pm by Cecilworth Farthington

When you don’t have record setting, Hall of Fame level accomplishments, you must make do with the dregs that you can suck up.

Makes sense you’re always puckering.

Must do a real number to your cheeks though.

First off, I hate to ruin your entire narrative, really I do, you worked so hard at it. I can see you really wanted to spit shine the tragedy and boy, that turd was lacquered real nice. Not really polished though.

Fun fact…

I’ve beaten Mike.

In a singles match.


I think there’s always been this mistaken line of thinking between the more dullard members of the High Octane roster that I’ve been afraid of fighting Mike. Why didn’t we fight this era? What fucking reason did we have to do so? Me, Mike and Max controlled all the gold, controlled the High Octane Table, controlled the company. We’re businessmen, not performing seals. There was no emotional, physical or financial incentive to fight over the past two years. Now? Now there’s a moolah making opportunity. It makes sense. It’s the economy, stupid.

I know nuance is often missed by the JPDs and Mitchell Q. Sanctuses of the world but I didn’t previously consider you part of their ranks. I guess the egg wasn’t the only thing that cracked over the past year.

As an aside – I don’t think me and Mike ever went on a cruise together. Sounds like a fun idea though, I will need to schedule that as an apology for winning the HOFC belt at Rumble at the Rock. I should make that booking soon, now that I think of it, you normally get early bird specials. Thanks for looking out for us Jiles! It’s appreciated.

Oh sorry, you probably think that I’m looking past you already, that’s rude of me. I’d say that I’m more looking through you. You’re a non-entity, like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense when it turned out he was that child’s imaginary friend all along and was also Hitler.

Wait, I think I’m getting my movies mixed up.

You captained a War Games match? That’s nice, what title do you leave with?



Congrats on the pyrrhic victory I guess, relying on a non-Best Alliance team member to win the match for you. I can truly see the great visionary Captain you must have been. Certainly it wasn’t a label you done fuck all with while you let Leecifer vacuumed up your heat so much I’d have been able to use you to store my ice pops.

But hey, you were the captain, that’s exciting. Maybe I’ll buy you a nice hat as an apology for what I’m about to do to you in that cage.

I am confused though Jiles, you seem to be trying to inform me that being a member of the Best Alliance and aligning with the owner of the world’s premiere Shitty Deathmatch Company is to be celebrated. That your career was so aimless, so directionless, so pathetic AS WORLD CHAMPION that you needed to suckle on the teat of He With Eyes of Scabs.

Maybe if this was a match against one of the HOW glory hogs who want big returns but barely follow the product, you’d be able to sneak your pathetic argument past the goalie. You forget, I actually pay attention.

Winning championships is lovely, a great moment for any talent. Holding them is the challenge. All these grand accomplishments of the last year, how long did they last Jiles? How were you able to etch out yourself as a legend?

From my vantage point as a viewer of High Octane Wrestling, you spent months playing second fiddle to Lee Best, allowed him to berate and undermine you and every opportunity, lose in a THREE ON ONE HANDICAP MATCH against Darin fucking Zion and then farted your way out of War Games in the middle of the pack.

That’s the bit of all this that angers me the most, you thought THAT was a good idea. “Jiles joined Lee”, you think that is something worth celebrating. Worth recognising as a good idea. My punchin’ arm gets real tight even thinking about how insane a point that is.

I just hope your skull is more durable than my apartment wall, I don’t want to be liable for the extensive brain surgery when they try to work out whether they should carry you out of the 2300 Arena on a stretcher or in a coffin.