I Know A Guy!

I Know A Guy!

Posted on February 27, 2020 at 4:59 pm by Jesse Kendrix

The scene fades open to reveal the prestigious entrance of the Lincoln Park Zoo, Chicago, Illinois. Usually this particular Zoo is a hotbed of noise and laughter from delirious, sugar filled children excited to see both their small and large heroes such as the mongoose and the Dinosaurs, the fluffy and not so fluffy cuddle villains such as the Baby Albatross and the Hedgehog. However, today the Zoo is vacant and quiet. Such a Zoo is unloved and unwanted by all. Well, that is until;


The silence is broken, the Zoo is alive and well with the bestest kind of heroes and huggable manly men known to man and even Alien kind…oh no, we’ve said too much, scratch that, just mankind. A downing of their early morning Oreo Frappes sees the Hollywood Bruvs themselves save the noisey reputation of this fine Chicago establishment, for today at least.

Kendrix: Listen yeah?! Why’s it so quiet at the Zoo? I know I just woke up but it’s 2pm, right Bruv?

Mikey, looking mighty dapper and fresh as always, even for the Zoo, removes his cell phone from his suit jacket and throws his pajama wearing bruv his cheeky wink. As he dials, our human heroes are approached by the Zoo Keeper, the guardian of this particular animal kingdom.

Zoo Keeper: Sorry Boys, no animals in the Zoo today.

Kendrix doubles back at this, quite frankly, staggering and awful news. He looks over at Mikey, who is in deep conversation on his cell, before looking back at the Zoo Keeper with what can only be described as utter contempt.

Kendrix: You what, bruv?! No animals in the Zoo?! How does that even work?

Zoo Keeper: It’s their day off.

Jesse’s eyes open wide at this news.

Kendrix: Animals don’t have days off. How can they all have days off at the same time? This isn’t how a global corporation like the Zoo operates. What about the seals?

Zoo Keeper: Oh, the seals are obviously still here working. 

Jesse’s eyes relax and then get confused.

Kendrix: Totally Obviously?

Now it’s the Zoo Keeper’s turn to be lost in this riveting conversation. However, he gestures for Jesse to join him over at the kiosk where he is shown the news of the Zoo closure and pricing structure available to all.

Kendrix: Special Seal Only Day price of $200?! Well, I’d hate for the seals to be working and nobody to visit them…

As Jesse naively begins to remove his wallet from his official Jesse Kendrix HOW pajama wear, Mikey steps in holding two gym bags.

Mikey Unlikely: Bruv, what are you doing? We don’t have time to see the seals today, no matter how fairly priced the Seal Day is. The Hollywood Bruvs are facing Scott Stevens and Black Mamba in a few days and we are still in our prep zone, my friend.

Jesse, hangs his head back, exhausted at the thought of more prep zone work.

Kendrix: Mikey, we’ve been working out and training for weeks now. Our bodies are in their physically prime wrestling entertainment condition right now. Stevens and Mamba won’t know what’s hit them on February 29th. Can’t we just have one day where we…and by we I mean us and the strippees waiting in the car, chill out and watch the seals earn their keep on Seal Day of all days?!

Mikey looks at Kendrix, then at the Zoo Keeper, and then over their shoulder at the Seals who are sitting on a rock in the background. Finally he concedes. 

Mikey Unlikely: ONE SEAL SHOW! Then it’s back to the grind! You know why we’re here, I understand we need a little professional break now and again, but after this we’re going where we need to be! 

An elated Kendrix hands his money over to the Zoo Keeper as Mikey also reaches for his wallet to secure his own $200 reasonable entrance fee. The scene fades as JFK asks about a Seal Hat that he sees on display.

Fade Out



When we fade back in, Mikey and JFK are leaving the Seal Enclosure. Mikey looks perturbed while Kendrix keeps flipping through the Seal pamphlet in his hand. 

Kendrix: Seals can live up to 30 years! That’s pretty wild Bruv! Oh…. Seals can hold their breath for two hours! That’s a record in the animal world! I mean…. I could probably beat it, but it’s cool that Animals have their own records they keep! 

Kendrix notices Mikey isn’t wearing the “SEAL of APPROVAL” Skull cap he bought him. Jesse pulls it out of Mikey’s back pocket and places it over his head. 

Kendrix: It’s a little chilly bruv, you might wanna wear this… Remember we don’t have fur and blubber like the seal to keep us warm! And our Seal noses are so cool! 

JFK pulls out a Seal nose with whiskers and a string and pulls it around his face. 

Kendrix: I don’t think anyone can even tell I’m not really a seal! 

Mikey stops in his tracks, turns around and rips the nose off his best bruv. 

Mikey Unlikely: GET IT TOGETHER JESSE! I said one seal show! The show is over and now it’s time to get back to work! We’re not Mike Best, we can’t sit through donkey show after donkey show! In fact, now I’m pretty sure that Zoo Keeper wasn’t even a Zoo Keeper and we just paid $400 for a free show!

Jesse sullenly removes his “SEAL of APPROVAL” Skull cap and places it in his gym bag. He bites his lip and refocuses his game face back on because letting down a Bruv is against the Hollywood Bruv code. He nods at Mikey, no apologies necessary, the Bruvs both know. It’s what years of working in tandem does to a tag team. That understanding, cohesiveness and most importantly, that chemistry…is what sets them apart from the competition and has taken them to the top of the mountain in every company they’ve wrestled for. They both have each other’s backs, be it as a team or in singles competition. 

Jesse receives a backhand slap on the chest from Mikey, but it’s just to alert his attention.

Mikey Unlikely: Here they are! Heyooooooooo! Jesse, I’d like you to meet Harry Hornchurch the handy Herpetologist and Barry Buzwald the busy beekeeper. These were the guys I was telling you about!

Unsure of himself, Kendrix shakes the hand of Hornchurch and Buzwald.

Kendrix: Nice to meet you guys. Just give me and Mikey a moment would ya?

Jesse takes Mikey a few steps out of earshot from his acquaintances and whispers worriedly into his ear.

Kendrix: Mikey, I know the Hollywood Bruvs need to make a statement in a few days time and I know we obvs do what it takes to win a wrestling match, you know…low blows, eye rakes and other similar technical moves…but I’m not sure I want to go as far as contracting herpes. I mean, how does that even help us win a wrestling match? I told you to put not contracting any STD’s into our HOW contracts, remember?

Kendrix looks over at the Herpetologist, smiling and waving to give the impression that the Bruvs aren’t talking about him giving them herpes.

Mikey Unikely: No, Bruv. He’s a Herpetologist, he works with reptiles!

JFK looks back at the snake guy and then back to Mikey.

Kendrix: So he doesn’t have the Herp-A-Derp? 

Mikey shakes his head and ushers Kendrix back over with him towards, Harry and Barry

Mikey Unlikely: These are the men who are gonna help us get inside the head of Black Mamba and Scott Stevens. Black Mamba is a snake, and Scott Stevens uses the Toxic Sting. These guys should help! 

Fade Out

A montage is shown up next.

  • Mikey and JFK talking to the snake guy. 
  • The Herpetologist shows them various reptiles, mostly snakes. 
  • Mikey lets a very large snake onto his shoulder. Mikey slaps Kendrix with its tail, and the snake immediately coils around Mikey’s neck. JFK and the Herpetologist have to fight with it to release as Mikey’s eyes roll into the back of his head. 
  • Next scene, Mikey’s fine. Now JFK is holding a large iguana. Petting it’s scales. 
  • Mikey turns around from talking to the Herpetologist to find JFK putting his Seal nose back on. Mikey tosses it to the ground. 


  • Now they’ve moved onto the Beekeeper! 
  • They show the man showing a powerpoint presentation to the Bruvs. Mikey is trying not to fall asleep during it. Kendrix slaps him round the head to keep him awake.
  • Next we see the man showing the bruvs a closed bee enclosure and where the queen bee’s chamber is. 
  • The next scene we see Kendrix opening up the bee enclosure in the room alone. The Beekeeper and Hollywood’s favorite C Lister are watching on from a window. Kendrix bumps the bee enclosure by accident. Dozens of bees fly out angrily. Kendrix bolts for the door but Mikey grabs it and won’t let Kendrix out. “WE GOTTA TRAIN BRUV!, TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!” 
  • Kendrix is receiving medical attention from a nurse while he eats from a fresh jar of honey. When he tries to look down her blouse she slaps him right on the bee sting eliciting a loud shout from The Future of the Biz.

Once the montage ends we find the Hollywood Bruvs, now outside the Lincoln Park Zoo. The entranceway is behind them. The Bruvs stand as a news van has pulled up and it appears an interview with the local top news station is about to begin. The cameraman is getting set up. 

Mikey Unlikely: So you guys are the top news in Chicago huh? 

The newswoman looks surprised. 

Stephanie Valdez: Number one news? We’re definitely number one in Rockford! We’re number six in downtown Chicago though. 

Mikey chokes on his own spit loudly. 

Mikey Unlikely: SIXTH!? WE BUZZED ALL THE NEWS STATIONS! You’re the only one to show up!? 

She looks around the empty parking lot, then looks back at Mikey and shrugs. 

Mikey Unlikely: Whatever, let’s just do this. 

Stephanie Valdez and her team rush into position around the Bruvs who flank either side of  the interviewer.

Stephanie Valdez: Hey Stacey! Thank you for that great introduction. I’m over at the Lincoln Park Zoo, here in Northern Chicago, and I’m joined by actor and professional wrestler Mikey Unlikely, and his tag team partner Jesse Fredricks Kendrix! 

Mikey, Jesse, The Hollywood Bruvs, two days from now you walk into High Octane Wrestling for the first time as competitors. First why don’t you tell us why you decided to come to Chicago and be a part of High Octane?

Mikey nods along with the line of questioning, but JFK takes the lead. 

Kendrix: Listen yeah, Sugar?! It’s like this! The Hollywood Bruvs are the greatest tag team to ever tag team. We’ve been kicking arse… shit! Can I say arse?

He shrugs, not really caring about the answer that he cuts off from it’s imminent arrival from Stephanie.

Kendrix: We’ve been kicking arse for almost 5 years now. We’ve gone through every wrestling promotion worth a damn, and won solid gold bay bay! High Octane is known for two things… 

JFK holds up two fingers. 

Kendrix: Some of the best wrestling in America and some of the biggest SHIT TALKERS in the industry. Guys who make a lot of noise and attract a lot of attention. If there’s one thing in the world the Hollywood Bruvs love…. It’s attention! 

Mikey mouths the words “Bruv Love” 

Mikey Unlikely: That’s right Stephanie, it’s really simple. We’re the single most entertaining tag team in the world. Quite possibly the universe. When it comes down to it, we’re fairly certain we’ll never be beaten again! You got your tag champs in the eMpire who love to yap it up and drum up controversy. Mike Best…

Kendrix: Hall of Famer!

Mikey Unlikely: …would trip your grandma and then run to twitter to tell the world how he “Best’d Ya!”. 

Mikey feigns typing on an invisible cell phone. 

Mikey Unlikely: The thing with this group is, they’re currently distracted. The Lee Best Invitational is taking place. Max Kael is still in the tournament! It’s a really weird dynamic Steph. If he wins out, then he faces his own stablemate for the H.O.W. World Championship! That’s gotta be stressful! Lose and you suck, win and you have to face your buddy! That’s tough! Then you have Cecilworth Farthington! 

Stephanie Valdez: You mean the current High Octane Wrestling World Champion as well as Tag Team champion? 

Unlikely loses his temper. 

Mikey Unlikely: Who are you here to promote? US OR THEM!? LISTEN! Cecilworth is a hell of a wrestler. Very accomplished! Holding multiple championships! That’s fantastic, but that was all before the four greatest wrestlers in the galaxy got to High Octane. He hasn’t defended against Mikey Unlikely, Or Kendrix, or Perfection, or Andy Murray! I’ve made commercials longer than his title reigns! 

Jesse puts an arm around Stephanie, much to her visible annoyance, luring that mic his way.

Kendrix: Look, Stephie. The eMpire, The Industry…they’ve been the top dogs in H.O.W. for quite some time now, but none of those 24K wannabes are ready for the Gold Standard that this business has to offer. Not only do we represent the best tag team… Obvs. 

Mikey Unlikely: TOTALLY OBVS! 

Kendrix: But we also have one of the top singles stars of the last twenty years in Andy Murray! The big Scot himself! A man well traveled and well versed in beating up smarmy little shit talkers! 

Unlikely chuckles. 

Kendrix: Plus the mastermind behind all of this, the mastermind behind Dynasty, The mastermind behind 24K! PERFECTION! We’ve got it all bay bay! 

The reporter tries to take back control of the interview and get away from JFK at the same time. 

Stephanie Valdez: What else you have, is a debut match against local legends Scott Stevens and Black Mamba!  How excited are you about your upcoming match?

Unlikely holds out a hand, letting his Bruv know he’s got this one. 

Mikey Unlikely: How do we feel? We feel great. We’ve met with a Snake expert… otherwise known as a herpie-ologist. A Bee Expert, and a local barista. 

The reporter gets confused, so Mikey clarifies. 

Mikey Unlikely: We can’t hit any major city without knowing where the Frapp Attack is taking place! 

He rolls his eyes before continuing. 

Mikey Unlikely: Scott Stevens is a man we’ve both faced before. He’s a man who’s both an enemy as well as a respected wrestler in the business. He’s beaten me, I’ve beaten him, but he’s never beaten the Bruvs! Yes we have our history, but that’s ancient. Let’s not talk about the past Steph…. Let’s talk about the future. The future is that 24K! is taking over High Octane. The Truth is this weekend we’re going to be going 2 on 2 with some of the LONGEST TENURED WRESTLERS High Octane has ever had! 

Mamba, he’s a legend. He’s had a rough patch, but the man is a warrior. He’s gone rounds with the biggest names in High Octane history and has made the record books for it! Luckily for him he now gets to go up against the two NEWEST big names in H.O.W.

Stephanie Valdez: So you’re not taking these opponents lightly despite the jokes? 

Mikey and JFK look at each other confused. Jokes? 

Kendrix: Listen, Yeah!? It’s like this. We know every single time we get in the ring nothing is going to be easy! We didn’t come to High Octane because the roster was terrible. We came here to prove what everybody out there already knows…and that is that the Hollywood Bruvs OWN Tag Team Wrestling. We’ll go anywhere to prove it… from Chicago, Cairo, Tokyo, or Cleveland-O! 

Stephanie’s face can’t hide JFKs mistake. 

Stephanie Valdez: It’s just Cleveland. 

The utter shock that crosses their faces is obvious. 

Mikey Unlikely: HEY YOU DON’T SAY THAT! If JFK thinks it’s Cleveland-O then I say we change the name of the city! It’s got a certain ring to it. 

JFK continues before he was rudely interrupted. 

Kendrix: We’re here to give the Tag Team division in H.O.W. the kick up the arse it so desperately has been crying out for. Heck, we’re here to finally make that division! I even sent a text to Lee Best, asking if he wanted to change the name of the fed to Hollywood Octane Wrestling… I think he’s receptive! 

Mikey Unlikely: I did notice no tag team matches recently, as soon as the Bruvs show up…. MULTIPLE in one night! We’ve already helped the tag division immensely Stephanie. That’s why The GOD of HOW signed us up!

She tries to correct them, as if you could correct the Bruvs. 

Stephanie Valdez: Well isn’t that simply because of the LBI Tou….

She’s cut off. 

Mikey Unlikely: LBI, TMI, UTI, it doesn’t matter, sweetness! We’re just here to win! Win we shall! Scott Stevens, Black Mamba, We respect you, Stevens is one of the reasons we’re here. He’s put a bug in my ear about High Octane for YEARS. Unfortunately for him that won’t stop us from setting an example out there. That won’t stop us from being the more entertaining tag team and more importantly it won’t stop us from beating you and putting our GOLD mark on H.O.W. …. Thanks for the interview. 

Stephanie turns back to the cameraman.

Stephanie Valdez: For W.A.C.K. Television, I’m Stephanie Valdez, reminding all of you to check out High Octane Wrestling this Saturday night as The Hollywood Bruvs take on Scott Stevens and Black Mamba on High Octane TV! 

The scene fades out as the Bruvs pose together.