How did you get this number?!

How did you get this number?!

Posted on May 1, 2024 at 5:05 pm by Bobbinette Carey

October 20th 2024

Mauritania, Africa


The garden of the palace was, lush filled with Baobob trees, Ackee trees, date trees, and many other fruit trees indigenous to the area. As we wonder through the garden we find a gazebo with guards and maids and footmen standing on the sidelines. There is a table set up in the center with two occupants. The king and his guest of sorts Bobbinette Carey. They have books in front of them as the two of them. Note pads are around them as it seems the two were in heated debate. Bobbinette is wearing a teal dress the color the king had suggested on their first meeting though not the head dress. The king sat in a large white throne with the green and red and gold of it’s flag adoring it. Bobbinette set in a chair nowhere near as lavished as the king. The chair wasn’t a high back chair or even had padding. This was a different dynamic than she was used to. Though the conversations seemed quite enthralling.


“There is a theory within Neuroscience that there are two consciousnesses in a body. But only one has the access to speach.” The king hands over the thesis papers to her as she shakes her head dismissively. “A trait you have exemplified and shown how can you argue it when you’ve lived it.” He points to the paperwork and back at her.


“I have lived something…” she mumbled under her breath looking over the papers. “Theory, not fact… I’m not about to let someone test theories out on me.” She says pushing the papers away. She grabs a book to the side looking at him. “But this Kingdom. The history…. A little too anti white people. Some may say racist…” she mumbled the last word. The king slams the book closed abruptly as she jumps.


“That is your western brain. Half of you would think that while. Just like white Jesus.” He says rolling his eyes. “Egypt is in Africa yet the depiction of Jesus…a white man with straight hair in order to further have submissive slaves of course that’s what they needed to depict him has. The true depiction of Jesus is a man with melanin in his skin.” You said with a smile as he looked over her as she was looking through different books and reading different lines. “The King James bible, is a colonizer bible. It was changed by the king of England so people would be more submissive. The Bible’s predating that actually a far more fascinating.” The king brought out an older book that looked close to being ancient obviously an antique hundreds of years old she looked over the book and squinted at the words it’s in Latin. Originally only people of the word priests were allowed to read these words. 


She knows if she continues to listen on flipping through the pages delicately seeing artwork that had been lost to the modern world she marveled in awe


“This history lesson that I’ve sat through for the past few weeks is this my punishment?” She asked with the laugh the king raise to curious brow smiling back at her. 


“Punishment? Being put into the palace and treated as one of my guests and some of the finest clothes that Africa has to offer is hardly a punishment. Is my company that awful?” He asked although this time there was a different look on the king’s face that she had not seen before he appeared to be nervous of all things. She shook her head no with a smile as her hand softly touched his. 


“No, I’ve actually enjoyed this immensely. This education, this hospitality you’ve shown me your highness I’ve taken up far too much of your time with you providing me so much knowledge and education that I couldn’t have gotten anywhere else and I am truly grateful for.” Her words were genuine and sincere as she noticed her hand was touching his and the King’s eyes looked down at their hands she slowly removed her hands realizing her inappropriateness. The king grabbed her hand back before she could pull it back fully. He looked into her eyes and smiled. 


“It has been my pleasure to be able to host such a beautiful and enchanting woman. Both sides of your lion seem to be at peace here” He said as she they continued their study.




Chicago IL 

Mauritania embassy 


The morning after chaos Bobbinette woke up alone in the bed. Bobbinette’s hair is wrapped up into a purple silk bonnet. She has on a purple kaftan with a modest v neck. Her hand reached out for someone as she squinted through her tiredness she sighed and reached across the bed at her cellphone on the pillow next to her. She read a message signing loudly. Dialing a contact in her phone she put the phone to her ear.


Bobbinette: husband….


Her voice is groggy and sleepy sounding.


The king: this is not a call I was expecting, wife. What delays my queens return home?


She hears his tone over the phone and wrinkles her nose.


Bobbinette: I’ll be home soon…ish… it’s just…. I have another chaos match. I’m teamed with a man who takes “eat me” literally and not in the fun “the safe word is pineapple” way.


She jokes, smiling.


The king: That is not our safe word.


Bobbinettes eyes widen as she blushes.


Bobbinette: My king, I have cameras following me and ears everywhere. I don’t need people knowing that word


She teased…


Bobbinette: Besides I guess it’s a good thing that I’m not there you would be a distraction, granted a welcomed one but now I have to focus on the klu Klux kens….


The king laughs approvingly.


The king: None of these dandruff people can be trusted. 


The king reminds her head in agreement and verbalizes it. 


Bobbinette: Well Sektor is English so he’s all about colonizing. His people practically invented stealing from others…he shoved down everyone’s throat. Fake gold… the type that leaves green rings around the skin after it’s worn too long.


Bobbinette rolls her eyes.


Bobbinette: But here We Go again. Thankfully he and Solex beat the hell out of each other last week. Ugh Solex…


The King: That chalk ape is a nuisance…


She shrugs her shoulders as she puts the phone on speakerphone. 


Bobbinette: Then Mr Love it or leave it himself. Yeah I didn’t love the country that’s why I left and went to Africa.


The king: That is an altered memory of what your journey was but maybe why you stayed a little.


The king suggests. She narrows her eyes at the phone as she swings her legs over the side of the bed and puts on her slippers.


Bobbinette: I wonder if I killed him I could get away with it and just claim diplomatic immunity? Can I get exonerated and brought back home if I was to do something ridiculous? 


Bobbinette stands up stretching, fully extending her arms and on her tiptoes.


The king: I think our people would hail you as a true hero to get rid of someone that is so toxic. A wax paper skinned man that is in love with the nation and country that is built on the facts of all of your ancestors. Someone who is so obsessed about a country that was never great to begin with, without the help of black people and people of color. You would be the most beloved queen of all time my dear wife if you were to do that. However I don’t know what the extradition laws are in America though I’m sure we could find a way to get you out of it of course..


The king says not sounding like he’s trying to dissuade her from her plan.


Bobbinette: I mean it’s just a suggestion…I don’t think I’d make it out of the best arena much less the country if I were to do something like that I was speaking hypothetically of course. 


She walks away from the phone to a wardrobe and opens it looking at the bountiful aray of colors in front of her. She grabs a purple outfit and head scarf from the wodrobe and sets it on the bed looking down at it. She leaves the phone on the bed listening to the king as she sits down in front of a vanity.


The king: Of course my queen you would never actually commit such an atrocity on American soil, however if they ever came here to our homeland…that would be a different situation entirely. A man who thinks that his Liberty as an American is a badge of honor instead of a The Scarlet letter. It truly is no one would blame you…him and his Mayo militia can plan all they want to make up for their lacking. 


Bobbinette works on her morning skin care routine. She at this point is putting on primer.


Bobbinette: I honestly think the whole reason you had me come back was just so that I could hurt and destroy the white men of this company. 


The King: They wouldn’t get the jokes either way the milk monkeys they are…. Some superior race they are, the sun burns them you know you’re inferior when the sky even hates you.


Bobbinette: Husband, you realize I am half white. 


She reminds the king he scoffs at this statement.


The king: Yes because the Polish and Irish side are what they see when you get pulled over. Polish and Irish are what they see when they look at your hair and your natural tan (that does not fade away in the winter.) You and I both know you are not looked at as Polish nor are you looked at as Irish though you tout your mother’s pride. They see nothing more than a black person when they look at you. For all the raising your mother did it taught you to have shame and guilt in your black blood.,we’ve been over this wife. 


Bobbinette pauses her make up looking at her reflection feeling uncomfortable in her position; she squirms a little at the topic. 


Bobbinette: I’m proud of everything I am. You have shown me the way of embracing my blackness and being proud not just for one month but all year long of the true African queen that I am! You helped me find her husband and for that I will be eternally grateful. 


She has a smile with devout conviction. The smile fades a little.


Bobbinette: However the insults to the vanilla colonizing people…we might want to hold back on slightly. Just ever so slightly… I know not to trust them. I’m aware of who every single one of the people are in this match and that the odds are terribly against me. 


A call beeps in alerting her attention. She rises from the vanity and rushes to see who it is. She noticed that It has a weird area code.


Bobbinette: Husband, I’m getting another call. With love my king we will talk later.


She presses the button seeing your number she does not recognize 


Bobbinette: Hello? 


Voice: Hey, Nettie? I’ve been trying to speak with you.


Bobbinette: This isn’t Nettie.


Voice: Oh? I thought this was her number.


Bobbinette: Nettie isn’t here!


She says with a glare.


Voice: Well, I’ll hold, if you can put her on…


Bobbinette: Who is this anyway?


 She seems offended at the voice. 


Ward: I tapped that ass last week and you forgot already? I’m hurt!


Her face Burns Red with anger. 


Bobbinette: Excuse me? Wait.. Ward? How did you get this number? I’m unlisted why are you bothering me 


Ward: Whoa hey come on buddy we need to make sure we’re on the same page, dude. 


Her fingers go to the temples of her head massaging it shaking her head in disbelief 


Ward: So listen Nettie I had a few ideas for the upcoming show. 


Bobbinette: How did you get this number?


She demands again with anger rising in her voice 


Ward: Let’s just say HOW’s HR department is going to get whacked with a whopper of a fine for failure to comply with data privacy regulations. But that’s not the point! The point, Nettie, the point is we need to work together!


She shakes her head in disbelief.


Bobbinette: You bit me last show!


Ward: And you kicked me in the dick. Honestly if you like being bitten we could have saved that for-


Bobbinette: That’s enough! 


Ward: Too right it’s enough, my little Wards couldn’t take another pounding like that. So, Nettie, my pal, my partner in crime, my tastiest of meat, let’s put all this ugliness behind us. We connected so well on Chaos last week, let’s connect that well again, but this time we’ll connect together against the Merc and the Stach’s nutsacks.  Let’s leave them all Swole down there, if you catch my drift.


Bobbinette closes her eyes and attempts to take deep breaths to calm her anger.


Bobbinette: Yes, Ward, I catch-


Ward: I mean their bollocks.


Bobbinette: I understoo-


Ward: They’ll be Swole from us kicking them.


Bobbinette: You don’t need to mansplain!


Ward: Like you did to mine last-


Bobbinette hangs up the phone. That phone call made her want to punch something. She lets out a high pitched scream throwing the phone on the bed and storming out of the room. She walks back in and grabs her clothing before storming out again leaving her phone behind.




You know some men will live on to their Glory Days holding on to it with their last dying breaths. You know, the grandfather who said “I almost caught that big fish the one time” the Al Bundy Polk high vibes… Some men will hold on to the past, desperate to remember what it felt like to be important. Solex talks about how he beat me and congrats I beat you as well. You didn’t do it a bunch of times so let’s not act like you’re anything. I’m not still holding on to the fact that scooter and I beat you and Mike best and awarded ourselves tag champions am i? No, because it’s in the past. So is your toxic cis white male! alpha male bullcrap. If you were a true alpha, true alphas bring snacks! Not going “ooo Look at my guns!” Seriously Sol, Who gives a damn! “I served in the army or something…” and? Congrats you served our country. That was your choice, it’s not like you were drafted, it’s not like you had to survive Auschwitz or were a prisoner of war! you did what thousands of men and women do all the time! Please quit acting like you’re special cause I’m overhearing about it. 


Sektor Jesus fucking Christ…you were here when I first came to h o w you have floated in and out of here over the past two decades and I keep asking myself but why? I mean I know why I come back because I am truly one of a kind. You however are one British guy who can wrestle isn’t Ward also? You’re really not that special, there’s nothing unique about you. Take away the accent and you’re as interchangeable as Brian Hollywood or Scott Steven. Yes you’ve won titles and what? the best alliance? Maybe alliance adjacent? Let’s be real, I know what will happen soon. We all know what happens, you get bored and then you decide to go off to Mexico or fuck off to wherever you want to go and we don’t see you for like three more years. Can you do that again? I know I asked that last time but you know this time I’m asking for a friend….


You two beat the hell out of each other and now you’re bro skis! Give me a break. Because Lee hand picked you as the prized one for some reason I don’t get why I don’t see anything worth writing home about. Sektor are you really Mount Rushmore Worth? 


Now me? How many other women have been in HOW from start to now? Less than a dozen? How many other black women have been in HOW? None, just me. How many other women are in the Hall of fame? None! Also just me. I really am one of a kind Sektor. But you…. you are so disposable. Lee prizes you I don’t get the appeal I never have. But I don’t need to get the appeal, I just need to humble you. It’s been so long since you’ve actually legitimately been humbled to silence. Ward was your wake up call? I’m your final notice.


The swole standard? What in the toy story buzz and woody shit is that? Keep up the energy you old geezers, maybe it just might make you relevant again. If not… there’s always Miami… right?