Home Front Part III

These last few weeks have been challenging keeping everything together.  But it’s well worth the risk for the endgame I see for myself.  I’ve been on the road to my endgame for a long time now…both in my wrestling career and in my personal life.  The two are starting to merge ever so closer together and it’s been hard to keep them separate.  I know what I signed up for.  I have my own supporters…even though I’ve just about alienated everyone else around me including some of my closest and personal friends.  I have become almost like a ghost in the night.  When my name is mentioned, even in most casual circles or slight conversations, it’s of a man who doesn’t seem to exist anymore.  Maybe that’s of my own afflictions.  It certainly isn’t by the hand of anyone else I’m associated with in my HOW or personal life.  I show up long enough to get my business done in the ring and then I’m gone faster than I was ever around.  Sure, I own that.  But everyone has their own personal demons or ghosts in the closet.  Mine just so happened to bleed into my anything but cozy situation in HOW.  I’m fighting a war of attrition and it’s been a war I’ve had to fight by myself.  I don’t owe anyone an explanation for that…nor do I expect anyone’s help in fighting my own battles.  But I was close…I was close god damn it…for solving my own problems and the ghosts in my closet that have taken almost all of my attention for as long as I could remember.  Even in my own memoirs, I sound like a desperate man willing to turn to even the extremist of measures..I mean…everyone saw just how close to the chest I played things at Hollywood Enterprises…a place that became just another ghost in the closet of a man who’s own identity was being erased in order to seek out the only truth he cared about…and if he was willing to continue to compromise his integrity for a lifelong answer to a question he’s always wanted to know, than just how much further would he actually push the envelop to a truth that could destroy anything and everything to his name that gave him his identity to begin with as the conclusion of this longstanding chapter reached ever so closer to it’s ending…

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THE LIGHTS OF HOLLYWOOD BECOME DIM BUT NOT OUT

 

I was clinging on by a thread.  I knew that.  My HOW career was literally a thread dangling in the most vulnerable way.  I knew I was on thin ice.  I mean, after all, I was suffering loss after loss and the worst part about all of those losses was that I literally didn’t give a fuck.  I didn’t have any support from the HOW roster or even its management.  I mean, with how careless I was, it didn’t seem to matter to the HOW brass, or Lee Best himself, if I was sticking needles in my veins trying to maintain a high that I couldn’t get anywhere else.  What if I was?  I mean, I know I wasn’t, but who was to say anyone in HOW or even HOW management didn’t know if that were the case?  Do you think anyone in the upper brass really gave a fuck about Brian Hollywood?

 

I would be reminiscent if I really gave a fuck if they did or not.  As weeks and months passed in High Octane for Brian Hollywood, time went on and on and little by little, there was a piece of Brian Hollywood that was dying or seized to exist.  We all hit rock bottom.  That is just the natural way of things when it comes to wrestling.  We’ve all been there and it happens to everyone…even the very best in the history of High Octane Wrestling.  In the curious case of where Brian Hollywood was concerned, nobody gave a fuck…

 

I know I’ve sunk to a whole new level of low, but where was everyone when this was happening.  I’ve always been very protective of my image in HOW, hell, my entire professional wrestling life.  Money and power will buy you everything…but those two things can also buy you a very lonesome and isolated lifestyle.  I used to be someone in HOW..but eventually, things changed and I suffered a cave in on my whole career and I’d be lying if I said I was struggling to emerge from the aftermath of that rubble.

 

But here I stand, covered in bruises and scrapes and barely recognizable.  Hell, I look into the mirror and I barely even struggle to see what Brian Hollywood looks like anymore.  I’ll be honest, at one point, I really did wonder why no one cared anymore.  The things I did for this fucking company…I had the whole company on my back at one point when all these HOW hall of famers and legends who are here today, didn’t give a fuck anymore and left without a care in the world anymore.  Did I get a pat on the back for literally keeping this company afloat all by myself?  No.  In fact, everyone around today will tell you that history didn’t even happen and it seemed to be retconned.  But I didn’t forget because contrary to popular belief…that reality happened and I won’t apologize to anyone about it.

 

Am I angry about it?  You bet your fucking ass I am!  But you know what?  My performance as late…I can’t be angry about that anymore.  I mean, everyone around has had something to say about Brian fucking Hollywood.  And you know what?  Everyone of them is fucking right!

 

Never in a million years did I ever think I would agree with the popular feel around the HOW locker room.  But maybe even I arrived at a moment where I really stopped giving a fuck too and you know what?  That honestly scares me to the point where somewhere deep inside my very being, I had to be reminded about that fact.  Regardless of what history was recorded or what I’m going through right now, the fact that I’m viewed as a man who simply shouldn’t be around anymore sickens me.  It wasn’t until my match with Darin Zion of all people actually woke me up to that fact.  I may have won that match…but it didn’t feel like a victory to me.  Why, you ask?

 

Maybe…just maybe…somewhere along the way I really did lose my way.  I had become so wrapped up in my personal issues and what I have going on in my life that I forgot what it meant to be a HOW wrestler.  And that is a hard reality to bring ones self to.  It’s because for so long, I cared more for the well being of this company than the well being of my own.  I put my own shit aside because I was blinded to work unquestionably to the machine that is HOW.  I loved it and you’ll find it hard to find someone more than me who actually gave a fuck.  But there comes a time where one has to step aside to deal with ones own issues to really take a step back and assess everything.  But I have two personal issues I’ve put more time into more than anything to solve to help understand myself a bit more and to wrestle with my own demons and my own ghosts in my closet and it really needs to be addressed.  I never in a million years expected to be in this position where I was so compromised as a wrestler.  I really was.

 

Darin Zion may be my best friend, and he had some pretty deep wounded words to say.  You know what?  He was right.  I’ve been a shell of my former self.  Maybe the entire roster who has drawn my number had the same to say but they didn’t know me like Darin knew me and maybe that’s why the words coming from Darin scarred me more than anyone else on the HOW roster.  For the first time in awhile, I actually focused myself in HOW.  I was looking to beat Zion for what he had said…but he was right…even if it took me after the match and the initial victory for me to see it.  I guess you could really call it tough love because that’s what it was and I understood where he was coming from.  I don’t know if he really was intended to beat me…but I took that as a fucking wake up call and the result spoke for itself.

 

Now I prepare for a fight against Evan Ward…a man I’ve been meaning to get revenge on ever since his time in the Final Alliance and what he did to me.  I would have gotten revenge for what he did to me for the world to see.  But I didn’t care because I was so caught up in my own war in my personal life I just didn’t fucking care.

 

Well…now I do fucking care, Ward!  I fucking care enough to get my revenge on a man that has fallen from grace so much since War Games.  So what if you were chair bound…you brought those own afflictions onto yourself.  I would say that some part of me gives a shit…but I’d be lying if that really were the case.  Look at you now.  You’re a broken man in more ways than one.  Hell, I won’t even hesitate in going as far as to say you’re even more broken than I am these days.  The mighty Evan Ward..a man who at one point in his entire career never let corruption fuel and take his soul.  So how about a history lesson Ward.  I, too, once believed that I wouldn’t let corruption consume me.  But when you have money, you have the ability to buy yourself power and you know what they say…power corrupts absolutely.  I didn’t wanna believe it then but where I’m at now, I sure as fuck believe in it now.

 

You may not want to admit what you’re going through is what I’ve had to go through and still dealing with the repercussions of.  When you have all the power, you cannot be touched.  Money was never an objective issue for me…but after everything that has happened to me and even after the well eventually dried up, I had to take a hard look at myself in the mirror.  I didn’t like the man staring back at me in the fucking mirror.  We all have our own visions of power and corruption and where they lead to, but it all ends the same way.  It’s all the same, Evan, no matter how much you want to argue the contrary.

 

Part of me actually pity’s you.  Only for but a minute.  We actually had something in our days in Ground Zero, and normally I wouldn’t bring up the past like that.  But you went a different path when you returned to HOW and I saw you in the position I was right before HOW closed its doors in 2016.  I know you won’t compare it to the man you ended up becoming and like everyone else on this roster, didn’t wanna see the potential I had in High Octane Wrestling.  But I fell so hard and so far, that the man I am now is not the man that once stood on top of the HOW mountain.  I was angry and frustrated that I had fallen so hard I didn’t wanna acknowledge it or even give the time of the day to the reason why.  I loved being on top of the HOW mountain, but somewhere between my time in 2016 and even where we are now, that I had completely lost my way.  That ate away at me for a very long time…long enough to make everyone in HOW today question if that Hollywood even existed.

 

I knew what I had and I blew it.  Plain and simple.  So much that I’m barely even viewed as much as an afterthought in this company.

 

But look where you are at now, Evan.  Look at where I’m at now.  At one point every single member of Ground Zero were successful on their own and had their own glory and shot at being a HOW World Champion.  Very few factions in HOW history can ever say that every single member of their faction once held the prestigious HOW World Championship in HOW.  But it did happen and that’s an accomplishment few others can say and I am at least happy about that fact.  But today?  At least I know where I stand in HOW.

 

I have work to do in order to get myself back to that same level and caliber I was ever at.  So you’re gonna cry about having a broken fucking leg?  That your fortunes changed so drastically since you came back?  You and I are not so different, Evan, even if you believe so differently.  When I came back when HOW reopened its doors, I viewed myself as the biggest threat and felt like I hadn’t lost a step.  But in the HOW World Championship Finals, I found out first hand just how wrong I was.  My life spiraled out of control and I barely even found footing to get it back and to stop myself from disappearing completely.

 

I feel like you’re in the position I was in those years ago, Evan.  It’s almost dejavu for me it’s scary to see how similar our paths were so identical.  But after my win against Darin Zion, I realized that I still had something locked away within me to care enough to where everything mattered again.  Yes, I still have some personal issues to work out for myself, even to get myself balanced out.  But that win reminded me how much winning and mattering actually meant to me.  I had to dig deep within myself to unlock a part of myself that I should have never locked away.

 

To be SOMETHING and to be SOMEONE in HOW of someone who shouldn’t have even given the idea of how great I could be again, up, and be a sellout of my former self has sickened me so much that I even became someone I didn’t recognized and allowed to exist for as long as I have.

 

I’m still figuring everything out, Evan, and I’m not afraid to admit that to myself, even if my old self would deny that to the very core.  Why?  It’s because we’re all afraid to admit our own weaknesses.  Even today in how great HOW is from top to bottom of the roster, this company boasts the very best roster than any other company out there today.  It’s acknowledging that the fact that anyone can be on top of their game or have a rough night can be on any given night of any HOW show.  It’s truly a wonder to see what HOW has become ever since it reopened those doors.

 

So I have taken it upon myself to start caring more than I have as of late.  I realize I’m lucky to be here doing what I love to do at this stage in my wrestling career.  I’ve taken it for granted for so fucking long and I won’t take it for granted any longer.  I recognize that I still have things to figure out in my personal life, but I know my window is closing to do something great here still, and I won’t waste the time I have left in putting meaning and stock back on the name of Brian Fucking Hollywood again.  I may be in the minority in thinking that I still have value here in HOW, but make no mistake, I don’t care if everyone in this company is against Brian Hollywood and its me against the rest of HOW.

 

You’ll find that when my back is against the wall and when I’m outmatched and outgunned that I fight harder and that I give myself more ammunition to take the fight to whoever I have to.  You’ll find that it doesn’t matter who I’m pitted against, I’ve never let that bother me in trying to find a way to pull out the win no matter how far or how extreme I have to get in order to get that win.  Even now in what is probably my final days as a HOW wrestler or wrestler in general, I don’t care how far I have to go in order to get the job done…I’m at the point in my career where I have nothing left to lose and there’s nothing more dangerous than a man who feels like he has nothing left to lose anymore.  I’m going to give you the fight you clearly aren’t expecting, Evan, and broken leg or not, you better be willing to break that other leg of yours if you want to put me down for the count…because I promise you, Evan, you have no idea the man you’re about to go up against this weekend on Chaos…

 

Because that man will have no problem risking breaking his own bones in going as far to show you that he isn’t afraid of putting his own HOW career on the line if it means getting another win that will go a long way in showing everyone here in HOW that Brian Fucking Hollywood is far from finished and that his story still has chapters left to tell….but even importantly, that I still have what it takes to stand toe to toe with the very best this company has to fucking offer.

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HOME FRONT PART III

 

Los Angeles, California

 

The Chair: “So are we being pursued right now?”

 

Both Hollywood and Niles Omega look behind them as they see nothing.  There is no pursuit and no sign of flashing lights as the two of them turn back around and relax as they appear to be in the clear.

 

Brian Hollywood: “What, is someone actually genuinely worried for a change?  That would be something of a rare spectacle!”

 

The Chair: “I may be a very careful man, but I’m a cautious man and I always take precautions in order to keep my safety the highest of concerns!”

 

Brian Hollywood: “So I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

 

Hollywood actually lets out a solemn laugh much to the chagrin of The Chair who isn’t fucking amused.  Hollywood then turns his attention to Niles.  He knows the recent history between the two has become sour, especially what happened to Hollywood Enterprises.

 

Brian Hollywood: “So Niles, how ya been?”

 

Niles was taken aback by Hollywood’s question.  The two have clearly been out of contact ever since he betrayed Hollywood after working with Darin Zion in blowing up Hollywood Enterprises.  Even still, he was surprised that he was brought back into Hollywood’s graces.

 

Niles Omega: “Under the circumstances, I’ve been alright.  Look, I know you and I haven’t had much time to really catch up and set the record straight so let me start by saying–“

 

Hollywood holds his hand up and interrupts Niles.

 

Brian Hollywood: “Apologies can wait, Niles…and if I’m being honest, that is all water under the bridge right now.”

 

Niles was surprised by Hollywood’s cool and calm demeanor.  It had been a good couple years since the two of them even associated with each other.  Niles was always and understandably one of Hollywood’s best friends.  Even after his betrayal, he had found Hollywood to be a different man than he was a couple years ago.

 

Niles Omega: “Well it takes a big man to admit that…I knew how much that company meant to you, Brian.  But I did what I did and the reasons for it were justified.”

 

The Chair: “Oh look at you two. So fucking cute!”

 

Hollywood and Niles both give The Chair a look of displease as The Chair just shrugs his shoulders not really caring about the two reconciling.

 

Niles Omega: “Never in a million fucking years did I ever see myself on the side of you, Chair!”

 

The Chair: “Oh believe me, I’m flattered!  But let’s all just agree to disagree about what we are doing here.  Hollywood told me why he contacted you and I gotta say, as desperate as he’s been to bring Roberto to justice, along with myself, I’ve found it actually quite intriguing in Hollywood’s forgiving nature.  I mean, when it comes to forgiving, him and I share in the same sentiment of forgiveness…we both hate being betrayed and we’re both very forceful in getting revenge so you better count your fucking luck and stars that you’ve found a way to deserve your alignment with the two of us right now Mr. Omega.”

 

Niles looks at both Hollywood and The Chair as Niles found it hard how aligned Hollywood and The Chair were that Hollywood wasn’t even blinking with concern at The Chair’s statement towards Niles.  This really made Niles wonder just how close the two of them had come and wondered just how long they were working together.  It was definitely concerning to him, like the rest of Hollywood’s friends just how close Hollywood and The Chair were working together.  Niles couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something curious about their working relationship that he couldn’t shake.  Hollywood’s life was all about secrets and no one knew that better than Niles which proved to be just as concerning.  Regardless, Niles didn’t think much more to it at the time as Hollywood addresses him.

 

Brian Hollywood: “So, did you get it Niles?”

 

Niles nods his head as he tosses him a file folder to of which both Hollywood and The Chair opened and studied in detail.

 

Niles Omega: “You obviously know I had to go to great lengths of getting this information.  I literally put my life on the line in order to obtain this information and quite frankly, it makes me question just how connected everything is in your hunt for Roberto Ramirez.  This man isn’t just connected to the cartel, but he’s got strings of connections with the Italian mafia as well.”

 

Both Hollywood and The Chair look up with the same looks on their faces.  They were surprised to hear the connections he had with the Italian Mafia.  It was definitely concerning seeing that Hollywood had recently found he had a long buried connection with the Italian Mafia that he hadn’t really took the time to explore with how much time he was putting in finding Roberto Ramirez as well as locating his long lost brother.  It kept Hollywood busy but yet the feeling couldn’t be shaken anymore in yet another disturbing connection to Hollywood and The Chair that the two of them shared.

 

The Chair: “Interesting…so is this where he will be according to this information?”

 

Niles reluctantly nods his head.

 

Brian Hollywood: “Interesting indeed.  We’ll worry about the Italian Mafia connection later…but according to this information, this gives us just exactly the whereabouts and when Roberto Ramirez will be.”

 

Hollywood and The Chair both see just where he will be and when.

 

INDIANAPOLIS INDIANA

 

Brian Hollywood: “We’ll get into how you got this information in due time, Niles, but in the meantime, we finally can pinpoint where this fucker will be and do what we should have been able to do a long time ago!”

 

There is a silence that comes over the scene as Hollywood and The Chair finally get to a point where they can come face to face to Roberto and what their plans will be for him as the scene slowly fades to black.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…