This time isn’t going to be like last time.
You think you have me all figured out, do ya?
You think I can’t handle the pressure of HOFC?
You’re out of your fuckin’ mind, dude.
The moment that the referee calls for the bell, all hell is going to break loose. I’m going to take out every frustration I have in this world on you. Every blue haired fuck that has pissed me off these past three years will be flashing through my brain as I punish you with countless punches and kicks. When I choke you until your lips turn purple, I won’t show you any grace. I will choke you until you pass the fuck out.
And remember where we’ll be.
I’ve got home field advantage here.
This is GOD’s House and I’m a permanent resident. You’re nothing but a bitch ass peasant that we’re letting inside for a few moments.
This is going to be much, much more than a simple cage fight. This is going to be a battle of wills. You won’t just be fighting for a win; you’ll be fighting for your life. You have no idea what that feels like, do you? I’ve been there, I’ve fuckin’ done that. I’ve taken naps in the dirt of Iraq and Afghanistan while bullets flew over my head and my heart rate never got above 60. You think getting in the cage with you is going to get to me? Think again, dork.
You’re not the man you were at the DeNucci cup, that much is for sure. Mike Best, Christopher America, me…hell, EVERYONE on the goddamn roster has beaten you into the sorry excuse for a pro athlete you are today.
You’re a shell of what you were.
When I look at you, I don’t see the fighter you were two and a half years ago. I see wasted potential. You had my respect at one point, I’m not gonna lie. But now?
You potential has turned to shit, the hunger you once had is gone and your fire has all but burnt the fuck out. You’re soft, weak and complacent…just like the rest of the world. You’ve forgotten what it means to struggle, to fight, to bleed.
Your life is a cozy little bubble where you stare at your Chinese made iPhone and sip on your Pumpkin Spice Latte made by some commie-owned corporation as you ride in the back of an Uber XL down Pacific Coast Highway.
You do all of this and all the while you claim to be a fighter. It’s time you wake the fuck up from your sanitized and pillow-lined world of participation trophies and TikTok dopamine hits. Stepping in the cage with me is a step in that direction.
When you and I finally come face to face in the cage, you’re going to be reminded that life just isn’t fair and that it sure as fuck ain’t easy.
There are two things in this life that you can count on, Xander. Taxes and Steve Solex putting his foot so far up your ass that you could clip my big toenail with your two front teeth.
If I’m being honest, I don’t really want to do this.
This is really inconvenient for me, especially right now.
I’m busy doing what the rest of the world seems to be refusing to do, I’m raising a tribe of Alphas through childhood. I have to take time away from my kids to be here and talk this shit, do these media obligations and then to ultimately beat the shit out of you in front of millions of people live on pay per view. See the sacrifices I have to make? I’m missing first games, first dates and quality family time.
Ahh, shit…my bad.
That’s really inconsiderate of me, isn’t it? I didn’t even think of all the commie-nerd dick that you were supposed to suck and had to walk away from.
Cue the sacrifice music and video montage.
Don’t worry though, San Francisco will be waiting for you with open arms when you’re ready to get back to normal life and take a shot in the mouth. You dirty slut.
As much as you like to run around here pretending that you are the real World Champion, let me remind you: This is not a fuckin’ game. When that cage door locks behind you, there is no escape. I will show no mercy. And you will fucking die in GOD’s House.